Unlike McCarthy-era Hollywood, the Diamondbacks seem to put everyone on their blacklist except Trumbo (see Bauer, Scherzer, Eaton, Skaggs, Upton).Â Remember when they traded Reynolds and J-Up because they hated being the Diamondhacks?Â It’s back (sad Trumbo).Â BTW, Scherzer, Bauer and Skaggs:Â the hypothetical law firm where Alan Dershowitz would feel least comfortable.Â Then again, he represented thatÂ Claus Von Bulow guy.Â Â I wonder if Kevin Towers would’ve been torn if Mark Trumbo had the name Mark Trumboschnitzel.Â Probably.Â I’m not sure what Kevin Towers hates more, Krauts or pitching prospects.Â I think it’s still too early to evaluate the Didi Gregorious-Trevor Bauer trade and a year has past since then, so it’s way too early to dissect the Trumbo, Skaggs and Eaton dealings for real baseball, which is fine since we only care about fantasy implications.Â Mark Trumbo in Arizona is a plus for him.Â In the city of Los Angeles That’s Not Really Los Angeles of Anaheim, the Sciosciapath would bench Trumbo if he farted in the wrong direction.Â “Did you just fart north by northeast?Â Hit the pine, meat!”Â That’s the Sciosciapath.Â Also, Trumbo moves to a better park.Â He’s still never going to win a batting title, but Michael Cuddyer won last year’s NL batting title and no one even cared, so do we care?Â No, no we don’t.Â Trumbo goes to a relatively similar lineup, perhaps a tad lighter, but not enough to factor in.Â Trumbo would be a thirty homer guy in Petco, and in Arizona he could reach 35+ homers.Â For 2014, I’ll give him the line of 74/33/89/.244/5.Â Anyway, here’s some more offseason moves and what they mean for 2014 fantasy baseball:
Tyler Skaggs – Going to the Angels and likely right into the rotation.Â Skaggs doesn’t have Cy Young upside, but he won’t play second fiddle to anyone, not even Steve Miller.Â Now that Skaggs has a big ol’ jet airliner taking him to a more pitcher-friendly park there’s a chance for some upside here.Â His fastball is only 89+ MPH, so thereâ€™s no expectation that heâ€™ll be a 9+ K guy.Â He reminds me of another Diamondback prospect that also is no longer in the Diamondbacks organization — Jarrod Parker.Â Parker is three years older than Skaggs, so the comparison isnâ€™t quite there. Â Then again, Parker was in the ALâ€¦Then again again, the Aâ€™s play in a pitchersâ€™ park and the Diamondbacks donâ€™t. Â Then again again again, Skaggs is moving to an AL pitchers’ park. Â Then again again again again Parker only had a 3.97 ERA last year. Â Then again agaâ€“ Well, Skaggs will probably be around a 4.00 ERA guy with slightly above-average Ks. Â Thatâ€™s solid for an AL-Only pitcher, but just a flyer for most mixed leagues.Â For 2014, I’ll give him the line of 9-7/4.05/1.34/142.
Hector Santiago – Also going to the Angels and into the rotation.Â I nearly wrote a sleeper post about him, but this will give me an opportunity to talk on him and maybe later in the spring I’ll highlight him again.Â Now how backpack rap is that?Â No idea, but that song is up to about 175 on my iTunes play count.Â Santiago’s walks are too out of control (literally) for him to really make a huge impact in mixed leagues.Â Hector usually can’t come within 10,000 square meters of the strike zone.Â Last year, his K-rate was 8.28 with a 4.35 walk rate.Â If only Skaggs had his fastball and Santiago had his control…Â *wavy lines signifying a dream sequence*Â Hector Santiago and Tyler Skaggs were one and two for the Cy Young and my Cougar said we should ask Jessica Alba if she wants to join us for a threesome.Â *wavy lines ending my dream sequence*Â Whoa, that was amazing.Â For 2014, I’ll give Santiago the line of 11-10/3.92/1.38/158.Â Will also be more of a flyer for mixed leagues, but has better upside than Skaggs, but a lot more downside too.
Adam Eaton – The final piece of the trade goes to the White Sox.Â Eaton gets a nice boost in value too as he becomes the White Sox’s centerfielder and De Aza and Viciedo fall into a platoon, which sucks for them.Â Too bad, so sad.Â One of the surplus outfielders might still be traded.Â Why’d the White Sox trade for a guy that will only hopefully give them what De Aza was already doing?Â I don’t have a clue.Â Maybe they wanted to mix it up.Â It’s like when I’m enjoying my peach-flavored Sodastream seltzer and then I decide to drip some of my peach-flavored nicotine juice that’s meant for my vaporizer into my seltzer and I feel like I’m gonna get a heart attack from the overload of wonderful.Â That’s probably why.Â Or they’re just stupid.Â For 2014, I’ll give Eaton the line of 78/8/59/.268/21.
Brett Anderson – Headed to the Rockies for Drew Pomeranz and Chris Jensen.Â Pomeranz was hit so hard in Colorado, multiple times PETA was called in.Â Do we care about Pomeranz?Â Maybe if you’re related to him.Â Hey, Stew Pomeranz, thanks for reading!Â We don’t really care about Brett Anderson either now that he’s going to be floating to the park in the thin air of Colorado.Â I wonder if there’s fewer hernias in Colorado because of the thin air.Â I mean, how many times have you heard of someone getting a hernia on the moon?Â Zero times, right?Â See?