When Sveum told Rafael Dolis that they need him to fill in for Carlos Marmol, he took them way too literally. “So you don’t want me to walk everyone while blowing games? Totally mi mal!” That was Rafael Dolis talking through his translator who speaks Spanglish. “Can we get a translator who speaks English and Spanish…Separately!” That’s Sveum losing his shizz. James Russell or Shawn Camp will attempt to do what no other Cub before them has done with already limited opportunities. All Sveum needs to yell “Save um!” is A closer. I grabbed James Russell where he was available, but I’m not speculating on two closers when Marmol is due back and the Cubs are headed for 100 losses. If someone dropped Marmol, I’d grab him since he’ll probably get the job back. I’m sure if you were the one who dropped him, you won’t be rushing to pick him back up, unless you’ve gotten used to the smell in the monkey cage. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Matt Garza – 5 IP, 5 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks. This comes after a poor performance vs. the Astros (3 IP, 7 ER). After his last performance, Sveum said that wasn’t Garza pitching. Well, I’m not sure if he’s still on vacation with a really poor stunt double — “Hey, I’m Luis Guzman. You might remember me from Boogie Nights, Magnolia and filling in for Matt Garza.” — but I think Garza (or his stand-in) was a bit unlucky yesterday. I’d see if I could get him from his owners for a cheap price.
Brandon League – Someone talked in our fantasy baseball forums about how this was a year to pay for saves. Obviously the opposite is true, and not to bust on that person’s opinion, but one of the closers they mention as someone they would’ve happily paid for was Brandon League. This was only two weeks ago. As we know by now, League is out as the closer. You basically didn’t need to draft one closer this year because at least once a week (most times more than that) there’s been a closer change. Five days ago, I lost BB-Rod in Washington. On Saturday, I gained Wilhelmsen, and, on Sunday, I gained Russell. I don’t think Wilhelmsen will be long for the Mariners role, even though he does have the “Ikea furniture-sounding” name that has worked out well this year (Janssen). My guess is League will be saving games again by mid-June.
Roy Halladay – Left yesterday’s game with shoulder soreness. That would explain his human behavior recently, which sounds like a diagnosis by Dr. Zaius.
Adam Wainwright – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 2 Ks vs. Halladay. It was like a wonderfully sad poem having a once great pitcher coming back from injury pitching great again and a great pitcher leaving injured. What, poetry doesn’t always have to rhyme, as the kid kinda says in Moonrise Kingdom. A movie I can’t recommend enough. Saturate me in your goofball art direction, Wes Anderson.
Matt Adams – 2-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI and his 1st home run. Too bad Joe Maddon doesn’t manage the Cards cause then Matt Adams would probably be hitting third, though then Daniel Descalso would be hitting cleanup.
Carlos Beltran – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs (which is thankfully not three Ron Ben-Israels) with his 15th homer. I knew someone from my aging outfielder tier of Torii, Wells and Beltran tier would break out to be this year’s Zombino; I didn’t choose right though on any of my teams. Sad emoticon with a squiggly line for a mustache.
Quintin Berry – 3-for-4, 2 runs with 2 steals as he bats .381. Hey, hey, hey, it’s HeRun!
Denard Span – 2-for-5 with a steal, he’s batting .333 over the last week. This post is overflowing with SAGNOF! It’s like the go-go 80’s when the foul lines were made with cocaine. Ron Washington wistfully, “They don’t make grounders up the line like they used to.”
P.J. Walters – 6 IP, 2 ER, 12 baserunners (5 BBs), 4 Ks, lowering his ERA to 2.96. Pajamas has now strung together four solid starts, but I don’t think it’s going to continue. His K-rate is bleh and his BABIP has been win-any-lottery-outside-of-a-Nigerian-one lucky.
Mat Latos – 7 1/3 IP, 5 ER, and no baserunners, because he only gave up 5 hits and no walks, but all five hits were solo homers as he gave his owners a bad case of xFIPlash. Hey, Latos, I hate to be a noodge, but you think you can give up something other than a solo homer? Like maybe a single? I’d even take the occasional double.
Jay Bruce – 1-for-3 with his 11th homer and a long sigh of relief from his owners after seeing him emerge from a lengthy slump, and that sigh can be expressed as Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuce.
Todd Frazier – 1-for-3 with his 2nd homer in the last five games. Hmm, I own him on a couple of teams and I thought he had more homers in the last ten games (still two). Maybe I’m subconsciously comparing him to Hosmer.
Heath Bell – Blew another save the other day, which only lengthened his leash with Ozzie. *Grey shrugs* It’s a weird, dark place inside Ozzie’s head, don’t try and get in there. If you’re really desperate for saves, I could see grabbing Cishek.
Aramis Ramirez – Hasn’t played since being plunked on Friday. Eric Plunk, “You owe me a nickel for the use of that word.” Between Ryan Zimmerman, Hosmer and Aramis, I should’ve punted corner men in the RCL. Yes, this is all about me!
Erik Bedard – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks. On a real baseball note, it’s sad when the Cubs are taken in three games by the Pirates and it’s not surprising. It’s as if 103 years without a World Series is not enough for Epstein. He wants to turn around a 100 loss/104 years without a World Series next year.
Daniel Hudson – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks. Looked a little rusty, but I’m more concerned about little Krispie. Hoping this isn’t going to be the Krispie we see for the rest of the year just because he was rushed back by a week or so.
Jeff Francoeur – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 1 RBI and his fifth Freedom Fly in what-feels-like the last week. BTW, for all of you in the Kansas City area, on Halloween you should put on a Francoeur jersey and a bottle cap hat and say you’re Frenchy dressing.
Ubaldo Jimenez – 4 IP, 7 ER. Who I really feel sorry for is the Ubaldo babies born in the summer of 2010 to Colorado parents. Think of little Ubaldo Abramowitz!
J.P. Arencibia – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 8th and 9th homers. What’s the J.P. stand for? John Paul? Jazzy Phizzle? Inside out pajamas?
Colby Rasmus – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer in as many games. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you to pick him up, so I’ll tell you not to pick him up and then don’t believe that. Clear? Awesome!
Mike Napoli – 2-for-3, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer, raising his average .239. He’ll probably go on a tear again where he hits 5 homers in the next week, then goes 0 for his following 50.
Alexei Ramirez – 3-for-5, 1 run, 2 RBIs and his 5th steal, and 2-for-4 with a steal the day before. Good to see him finally deciding to start playing baseball. Really, Alexei, don’t be Russian.
Alex Rios – 1-for-4 with a steal and a homer on Saturday. For almost two months, he’s like a Hyundai, then he finally shows who Alex is.
R.A. Dickey – 7 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks. I know, I had hesitation about picking up a knuckleballer too, but you have to give him a shot already. As someone once said, “The difference between try and triumph is just a little umph.”
Carlos Gonzalez – 2 homers yesterday. I’m only mentioning him because someone in the comments will be like, “Grey, love the ‘stache. It’s more masculine than Brut aftershave. But I got a pregunta, why no mention of CarGo?” Guys and four girl readers, I really need to talk about top guys that are doing well? You should be grateful I never mention any of your top players, cause if I’m talking about them, they’re not doing that well. Telling you about guys like Quintin Berry can actually make a difference, yah? Yah.
Sean Rodriguez – 2-for-4 and a homer. I’m watching him closely to see if he takes the step from a one homer a week guy to a hot schmotato. To make said step, he just needs to hit another homer or go 2-for-4 on back-to-back days. Not exactly a Neil Armstrong-type step here.
Adrian Gonzalez – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer. Damn, just as The Boston Globe was typesetting their A-Drain title.
Roy Oswalt – Deals have been slow moving with Oswalt and not just because he’s riding on a tractor as teams follow next to him on golf carts. He supposedly wants “John Deere money” and teams are only offering “Caterpillar backhoe” money.
Melky Cabrera – 4-for-4, 3 runs a slam & legs and, like John Holmes, he had an extra helping of legs. The only way Melky’s season could be going any better is if his last name was Furbush.