Now Aroldis Chapman says he wants to be the closer.¬† Hahahahahahaha… Wait, why are you putting me in this room with padded walls?¬† No, the Reds haven’t driven me crazy.¬† I’m wearing a potato sack because the fabric breathes.¬† Dusty’s the crazy one, not me.¬† What is that powdery substance you’re stirring into my Jamba Juice?¬† I saw you…¬† I feel drowsy…¬† Jack, I just want to see what’s in the hatch…¬† ….Whoa, just had the weirdest dream.¬† I dreamt that not only did Dusty say he wanted Aroldis as the closer, but that Aroldis was saying it too.¬† All of that came after they signed Broxton to close games, with Sean Marshall and Jose¬†Arredondo setting him up.¬† Wait, why am I still wearing a potato sack?¬† It’s true?!¬† AAAHHH!¬† I blame Dusty and the toothpick he hasn’t changed since late-1997.¬† He’s got splinters in the brain.¬† The good news (depending on how optimistic you can be) is Aroldis has about the same value and ranking as a closer as he does as a starter.¬† His auction value wouldn’t really change either.¬† If anything, Aroldis is probably a tad higher in rankings if he’s a closer.¬† It’s a role that he’s not only done before, but it’s a role that had him produce a top ten overall fantasy season.¬† The bad news is, you might own a $12 Salad and if you drafted him as an ace, you no longer have a starter, which could change the entire dynamic of your team.¬† This would kill Broxton’s value too.¬† This still isn’t a done deal, Aroldis and Dusty might get overruled by Reds management, who obviously want him as a starter.¬† I ask the Reds, “Is deciding on a role dis hard?”¬† Anyway, here’s what else I saw in Spring Training for 2013 fantasy baseball:
Casey Janssen – May not be ready to go on Opening Day due to his shoulder.¬† In the event that he can’t go, Santos will see saves in the early going.¬† Possible scenario:¬† Santos does well for the first two weeks, Janssen returns but the manager of the Blue Jays — we’ll call him John No-Name — says Santos has been fine so there’s no need to switch them, then Santos stays the closer for three months, then, after back-to-back shoddy outings from Santos, John No-Name says the Jays may go back to Janssen, then people question “go back to” since he’s yet to be the closer except in name only, but John No-Name resents “in name only” because he has no name and the Blue Jays go to City Hall to make John No-Name’s last name officially No-Name so he has a name, then, in an ironic twist, John No-Name goes to a closer by committee unable to choose one name.
Brennan Boesch – Signed with the Yankees.¬† He was only their fourth choice after Derrek Lee, Chipper Jones and The Unknown Comic.¬† To compensate, Boesch will play left field with a paper bag over his head, and Juan Rivera will play 1st base with a Don Mattingly face designed by Rick Baker.¬† This ain’t your slightly younger brother’s Yankees!¬† Boesch is a flyer for your 5th outfielder slot in AL-Only leagues.¬† Not much else.¬† I’ll give him the line of 58/16/60/.252/4 in 500 ABs.¬† It’s not great.
Matt Diaz – Released by the Yankees, which means nothing to most of us, except for us us.¬† Us meaning Rudy and I.¬† I drafted him in our AL-Only CBS leagues (which I still need to post about; as soon as I get a second).¬† I figured with the Damn They’re Old Yankees, Diaz would’ve gotten a chance to platoon.¬† Oh, well, hopefully he lands on a different AL team for us.¬† Still us us, not you us.¬† You Us A!¬† You Us A!¬† Sorry, I’m still drunk from St. Paddy’s Day.
Mark Teixeira – Says he’ll return anywhere from late-May to early-June, which is optimistic with a side of “Yeah, that ain’t happening.”¬† He has the same injury that sent Bautista under the knife last year.¬† Cashman and ‚ÄúQuiz Kid‚ÄĚ Donnie Smith‚Äď I mean, Joe Girardi, said there’s a 70% chance of avoiding surgery.¬† If he can’t avoid it, he’ll miss the whole season.
David Wright – Could start the year on the DL with a moderate intercostal strain.¬† The WBC is putting the hurt on some guys, huh?¬† No, that’s not the Western Balkan Countries or When Bongos Collide.¬† Okay, you suck, Acronym Finder, these acronyms don’t even exist.¬† The World Blogging Classic?¬† Seriously?¬† “All right, nerds who think they have something interesting to say, you have thirty minutes to write a blog post about anything you want.¬† First one that gets 25 comments wins.¬† Ready, set…Blog!”¬† That’s a judge at the World Blogging Classic.¬† So, an intercostal strain is obviously not a great thing, but it’s early enough that he might only miss a couple of weeks.¬† It wouldn’t be surprising to see him have a setback and miss a month.¬† I’m not going to move him down in my rankings, but if you’re looking at Wright or a healthy player in the 3rd round, I could see going with the healthy player.¬† If Wright falls to the 4th or 5th round, then you have to take that gamble, Rudy.
Jordany Valdespin – Now a legit contender for an everyday job in New York.¬† He has great speed and some decent power (15 homers, 33 steals in his last full year in the minors).¬† In just 191 ABs last year with the Mets, he had 8 homers and 10 steals.¬† Strikeouts could cause him to struggle to hit over .250, but I’d absolutely take a late round flyer on him in deeper leagues.¬† I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s in the season’s first Buy/Sell.¬† Plus, his name sounds like it‚Äôs from a Game of Thrones Character Name Generator.
Jackie Bradley – Who was great as the mom in Silver Linings Playbook may get a shot at the Opening Day roster in Boston.¬† Due to Ortiz’s heels not, uh, healing, Gomes could move to DH with Bradley playing outfield.¬† Between High and Double-A last year, Bradley had 9 homers and 24 steals.¬† With only 271 ABs in Double-A, he could be overmatched in the majors once pitchers get a book on him.¬† That book being, “We Can Strike Out Jackie Bradley.”¬† Even if he breaks camp with the club, there’s no guarantee he sticks all year.¬† If he were to get 500 ABs, you’re looking at a guy that could give a seven homer, 20 steal, .250 average year with superb defense, so if your league has a Web Gem category bump him up.¬† To read more, Bradley also made Scott’s top 50 fantasy baseball prospects.
Stephen Drew – Looking unlikely for Opening Day.¬† Ma nishtanah this season for Drew.
Domonic Brown – Charlie Manuel said, “Brown is Smarty Jones or something out front” for the everyday left field job.¬† Then Charlie chewed some grass and pooped as he walked away from the media.
Zack Greinke – Dodgers consider him a longshot to make his first start of the year — or he’s Mine That Bird, if Charlie Manuel’s telling you.¬† But Greinke did throw a pain-free bullpen session yesterday.¬† His first start could be April 13th when the club needs a fifth starter.¬† Staying optimistic, Greinke will face all fifth starters the rest of the year and go 24-5 with a 2.30 ERA.¬† Realistic?¬† Nah.¬† George Steinbrenner voice from Seinfeld, “Realistic is DEPRESSING!¬† Depressing, Costanza!¬† Now tell Greinke to stop kowtowing to his elbow and pitch!”¬† Greinke is in the same sinking ship as Wright.¬† I’m not moving him down in the rankings, but I could see passing him over for a healthy player.¬† Healthy, George!¬† Now bring me my calzone!
Shelby Miller – Hey, wait a second, the Cardinals haven’t settled on Joe Kelly for the 5th starter job yet.¬† They’re giving them both one more audition on Tuesday.¬† If I were to read between the lines with rose-colored glasses, they’re giving them another audition because they want Miller to win the job.¬† Giddy up!¬† (Geez, it’s like this has become a horse racing blog.)
Nolan Arenado – The Rockies are considering Arenado for their 3rd base job.¬† Frankly, they’re idiots for considering him and not just making him their 3rd baseman and don’t call me Frank Lee.¬† Chris Nelson isn’t good defensively or offensively.¬† For fantasy purposes — or porpoises if dolphins are reading, and not plotting our demise; I’m on your side Dolphin King! — Arenado has the hit skill to be the Rookie of the Year.¬† If NL Rookie of the Year is a poor field and Arenado can get 20 homers.¬† If he gets the everyday job, I’ll put him down for 18 homers and a .270 average with no speed.¬† He’s fine for a late flyer in deep leagues, but I wouldn’t count on him to man your 3rd base slot.
Brandon Beachy – Fredi Gonzalez said Beachy is on target to return late-June, then Fredi ordered Venters to throw 600 pitches and returned to reading Joe Torre’s autobiography.
Chris Johnson – Homered yesterday, which means nothing, except he’s still battling Juan Francisco for the 3rd base job.¬† Johnson has a .305 average with 3 homers, Juan-Fran has 4 homers and a .311 average.¬† We got a battle, y’all!
Pablo Sandoval – Scratched yesterday due to a sore elbow.¬† Is there a hamate bone in the elbow?
Jon Garland – Mariners are leaning to Garland and Blake Beavan for the last two rotation spots and not Erasmo Ramirez, who would clearly be better than both.¬† The Mariners are like the girl that can’t ever get love from her father and ends up dating deadbeats.¬† You’re good enough to want better, Mariners!