For owners bemoaning Al-Ram’s bad start, it could be worse. You could have Whore-Ram (Horacio Ramirez). (BTW, only fantasy baseball could convince a straight man that a Man-Ram is more preferable to a Whore-Ram. BTW II, How do you go from a Whore-Ram to a Man-Ram? An Ass-Cab (Asdrubal Cabrera).) Or you could have Ram-Ram. (Boston’s Ramon Ramirez who, actually, is 1-0 with 8 scoreless innings…damn Ram-Ram!) The one good thing you can say about Our Comrad Alexei’s start so far is at least he’s in the bottom of the order so he’s not getting as many at-bats. There hasn’t been a disaster this bad since Cuba’s Ministry of Age Obfuscation (MAO) was hacked into by a 9 year-old Miami boy and revealed Orlando Hernandez was a veteran of the Spanish-American War. Batting .125, hacking at everything, not one steal attempt, not one extra base hit…. Willie Bloomquist looks like a worthy replacement. Shoot, I’d take William Rehnquist at this point. Give me liberty, just don’t give me Alexei Ramirez. Right? Wrong. There’s few players that are more of a Buy right now.
Alexei Ramirez is a free swinger like that guy down the hall from you with the S & M ball gag. He doesn’t see many pitches he doesn’t like, which makes him susceptible to slumps. You know when else he was in a slump? Last April he hit .138 with no steals or home runs. Looks like someone likes the heat. So you drafted a guy in the 4th round this year who had a miserable April last year and you want to get rid of him when he goes out and does the same thing? Shame on you. Alexei – We raise our glass of Vodka (with crushed mint leaves and fresh lemon juice) and have faith you will make us proud.