Yesterday, Cliff Lee¬†gave the line 8 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 10 Ks to move his record to 6-7 in 190 innings. ¬†That’s to go with a 3.27 ERA and a 1.13 WHIP. ¬†If you had 7 wins as his over/under for the year with a full season of starts and without him being traded midseason to the Astros, you might win yourself a lot of money. ¬†If you doubled down with the bet, Roy Halladay’s ERA would be above 4. ¬†You’re buying drinks for him and Norm. ¬†This year, Lee’s Ks are a little off, but still well above 8 per nine and his xFIP is near 3. ¬†The only thing he’s missing this year is just the slightest bit of luck with wins and his ratios. ¬†For next year, he’s probably going to be drafted lower because of the lack of wins, but he’s every bit the fantasy ace. ¬†So I’m Cliff cravin’? ¬†Yes, and it’s a little known fact that the normal human height a thousand years ago was five-foot two and the most popular name on the planet was Bob. ¬†Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Domonic Brown¬†– 2-for-4 with his 4th homer. ¬†Quick, Phils, bench him, trade for a veteran, do something! ¬†You have to stunt his growth! ¬†If they don’t figure out a way to get him out of the lineup, he does have two homers in the last four games and 3 in the last ten.
Evan Longoria – Sat out yesterday to rest because his legs felt heavy. ¬†I just had an idea. ¬†What’s the most helium a person can suck in? ¬†I bet Victoria Jackson knows.
Alex Cobb – 6 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks vs. the Po’ Sawx. ¬†He was undone by an error, his bullpen and actually pitching to one of only two hitters in the Sawx lineup. ¬†C’mon, man, pitch around Pedroia and Ellsbury! ¬†Am I being obtuse?
Aaron Cook – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 1 K. ¬†In 87 2/3 IP, guess how many Ks Cook has? ¬†If you get it within 10 Ks, I’d be impressed. ¬†C’mon, anyone can look it up. ¬†Seriously, guess. ¬†Okay, take that number and divide it in half. ¬†Okay, take that number and subtract 30. ¬†Now take that number and subtract the number of siblings you have. ¬†Now take the number of candles that were on your birthday cake when you turned 19 years old and subtract the one for good luck. ¬†He has 19 strikeouts! ¬†Wow, that’s egregious.
Doug Fister – 4 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 2 Ks. ¬†Better get your stuff together, Fister, otherwise when you join Charlie Furbush and Rusty Kuntz¬†for dinner, they’re gonna have no respectable name to give to the hostess.
Delmon Young – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs. ¬†He has 17 homers and a .273 average with zero steals. ¬†For his career, he’s averaging 56/13/67/.285/4 a season. ¬†That is the definition of yawnstipating. ¬†Will be fun when the Red Sox sign him this offseason and people get Sons of Sam Hornswoggled into excitement.
Dewayne Wise – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs. ¬†Hey, you don’t have to finish last Wise guys! ¬†For some reason, that was in my head in Annoying Orange’s voice.
Wade LeBlanc – 4 IP, 6 ER vs. Atlanta. ¬†TBS had scheduled Friends repeats during this game. ¬†Kill two birds, I guess.
Giancarlo Stanton – He might miss a few days due to soreness in his side. ¬†Side? ¬†Can’t you be more specific? ¬†Sounds pretty oblique. ¬†It’s all a little strange because this weekend when I was dressed as shrubbery and flanking Giancarlo from exactly 150 feet away, he looked fine.
Gorkys Hernandez – 3-for-5 with an RBI. ¬†Too bad he’s hitting .178 and he hasn’t stolen a base since mid-August. ¬†Will have to wait for next year for the release of Gorky’s Revenge!
Rob Brantly – 3-for-4, run and RBI and now has an 8-game hitting streak and is batting .343 in his 21 games played. ¬†Fresh out of the microwave, a catcher hot schmotato.
Tim Hudson – 5 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 0 Ks and the conshellation prize. ¬†Here’s a real baseball question for you, Tim Hudson — Hall of Famer? ¬†He’ll finish his career with 200+ wins and probably has a “This guy has more wins during this very limited timeframe” case to be made. ¬†Now he just needs to throw a 10-inning shutout this postseason.
Dan Uggla – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 19th homer. ¬†He’s certainly going to come at a discount next year. ¬†Or¬†soitenly if Curly’s reading. ¬†The catch will be whether we can expect a bounce back. ¬†Looking at his stats, I’d say 27 homers is doable again, but I’m not sure if he’s ever going to hit .220.
Brian McCann¬†– Out a few more days with tendinitis in his hamstring. ¬†Yesterday, Cortisone held a surprise retirement press conference. ¬†Cortisone said, “I’ve managed to fix everyone, even Ryan Zimmerman, but McCann… Well, I’ve decided to hang ’em up.”
Marco Scutaro – 2-for-4. ¬†ESPN had this player news for Scutaro, “He is absolutely unconscious right now.” ¬†Sweet, my middle infield slot is filled, but I have one slot for a somnambulist. ¬†He is hitting over .340 on the Giants and near .450 in the last week.
Sergio Romo – Got the one out save after Bochy pitched three relievers in the 9th inning. ¬†Okay, so Bochy is pitching every game like it’s the All-Star Game or a Little League game where everyone has to get in. ¬†Romo’s mom obviously complains more than the other moms about how many saves he gets.
Matt Capps – Will begin to face hitters and could be ready to return for the Twins final series. ¬†Whether the Twins lose 97 or 98 games this year is resting on your shoulders, Capps! ¬†Don’t let the good fans of Minneapolis down! ¬†Or the fans in its sister city, Eldoret, Kenya. ¬†BTW, there should be a sister city exchange program where all the residents of a city are switched into their sister city. ¬†I’m not exactly sure yet how to accomplish this, but it’s my offseason project. ¬†That and watching Breaking Bad.
Danny Espinosa – Getting an MRI on his shoulder and we won’t know the results until today. ¬†I was just thinking, they should give MRI results on the back of a Eric Stoltz headshot and call them the re-Stoltz. ¬†Just a thought.
Michael Saunders – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer in the last 4 games. ¬†Eh, the M’s are also home until next week. ¬†You can probably do better. ¬†Look at me having faith in you!
Clayton Kershaw – On Tuesday, we find out if Kershaw needs hip surgery. ¬†If he does require the surgery, he won’t be back until mid-May of next year. ¬†All of the people that own Kershaw in keeper leagues will be meeting in the gymnasium. ¬†Coffee and cigarettes will be provided.
Chris Tillman – 6 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 4 Ks. ¬†Hello, two start pitcher loveliness. ¬†Now take it to the Po’ Sox on Sunday and me love you long time.
Nate McLouth – 3-for-5, 2 runs and a solo homer. ¬†He now has 2 homers in the last three games. ¬†Nate The (kinda in the last three games) Great!
Matt Wieters – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his third homer in two games, now has his average up to .252 and 22 homers. ¬†That thing flying out your window is Ven’s Project Runway dress that looked like a used maxi pad. ¬†The thing in front of it was Wieters’s 2013 draft value that you can no longer afford.
Carlos Gonzalez – Didn’t start yesterday due to a sore left hamstring. ¬†Supposedly, the Rockies aren’t too concerned. ¬†I wouldn’t either if my other star just missed five months. ¬†What’s the worst that happens to CarGo? ¬†Two weeks missed? ¬†Big whoop.
Jorge de la Rosa – In what should’ve been a 12 to 14 month recovery from Tommy John surgery, dlR will return on Thursday more than 15 months later after dealing with forearm tightness in his rehab. ¬†A pitch count will limit his start and fantasy value. ¬†In keepers, you gotta weigh the pros and cons with dlR. ¬†A big pro is a plus-sized girl at a brothel. ¬†A big pro for Rosa is he strikes out a lot of guys. ¬†A big con is this stupid 4-man rotation the Rockies said they might even use next year.
Jhoulys Chacin – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 2 Ks. ¬†On a serious note, no matter who’s pitching for the Rockies, they’re gonna be unownable next year if they’re limiting everyone to 75 pitches. ¬†I like Chacin, not when the Rockies are 5 inning chasin’… I sang that on The Voice and Blake turned around his chair. ¬†Oh, and you gotta love a guy that’s like “I want to break away from this stupid line dance song that I’m famous for so I’m gonna sing that same stupid line dance song.” ¬†I wish when the judges told him to sing something else, he sang The Hokey Pokey.
Yunel Escobar – Being investigated by the commissioner’s office for writing “You Are A Faggot”¬†in eye black under his eyes. ¬†Either he’s shamelessly prejudiced or he needs to find someone else to apply his eye makeup.