On the podcast coming later today, I felt a reverb. Luckily, I do everything while standing in a doorway because who has time to run to a doorway in the event of a earthquake? This reverb wasn’t God practicing his spinning of tectonic plates. Oh no. This reverb wasn’t Dr. Dre messing with Technics either. No siree, Bob. This was the Padres trading Brandon Maurer and Trevor Cahill to the Royals for Matt Strahm, Travis Wood and Esteury Ruiz. Damn, San Diego, save some of the trading deadline hype for other people. Okay, I’m laying it on too thick. This trade is okay for both teams. Royals appear to have playoff aspirations, and get bullpen depth that they should never use in Maurer and Cahill, who has some of the most extreme splits I’ve ever seen. In Petco: 0.72 ERA; elsewhere: 5.75 ERA. Goodbye, my old friend! Of course, this means Brad Hand officially officially becomes the closer. Wouldn’t totally shock me to see Hand dealt — to who? Phil Ivey? — and Maton become the closer, but that’s more for NL-Only. Matt Strahm is an interesting name for NL-Only leagues for next year. As of now, he’s out after knee surgery, and he’s from the crazy Ks and crazy walks variety show, Krazy BBs. By the way, I believe Esteury Ruiz is Rio Ruiz with a badly thought out new name in the Witness Protection Program. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Player projections for each of the next 7 days. A kick-ass DFS lineup optimizer and projections for DraftKings, FanDuel, and Yahoo!.
Yesterday, Rafael Devers was called up by the Red Sox. Meh, if he’s anything like Danvers, Mass., I’m good. Somewhere, Prospector Ralph just Hulk-smashed his computer. Say something bad about Rafael Devers and Prospector Ralph goes full Clubber Lang at the Rocky statue. “You want a real man to play third base with your wife?” Devers’ minor league numbers (20 HRs, near-.310 across two levels this year in 85 games) look like yet another Benintendi, but with more power. The Sons of Sam Horn will go legit Sophie’s Choice if you try to get them to choose between Benintendi and Devers. “I’d prefer to eat at a Wahlburgers every day for the rest of my life than choose between those two. Oh, and Yankees suck!” After owning Benintendi for the past four months, I think I might prefer Devers next year, if he’s all that he’s cracked up to be. Not to get too crazy, but can anyone say a lefty Miggy? If you can’t say it, you might need to see a speech therapist. Devers is absolutely a grab in all leagues to see how looks. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Since I haven’t touted my wares in a minute, I wrote a Jake Lamb sleeper post last December. Going back to read that now, and, I don’t often laugh at my own stuff, but the opening paragraph is funny. Not unintentionally either, like I called Aaron Judge a preseason bust (I actually liked Judge a lot in the preseason, and own him; something I also don’t tout often — the hype’s strong enough, isn’t it?). Then, into the 2nd paragraph, I drop more gems, but they’re useful vs. haha. One gem that particularly stands out to me as I reread it, Jake Lamb hates the summer. He might also dislike girls that wear Abercrombie & Fitch. Before yesterday’s 2-for-5, 6 RBIs, two-homer game, Lamb had a .150 average in July with no homers. Last year, as I point out in that post, he was just as bad — 9 HRs, .197 in the 2nd half. Last year, there was a wrist problem — That’s what she said! What? — so maybe his splits aren’t as obvious as a banana gymnast. Here’s hoping he makes last year an outlier and not the beginning of male pattern badness. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I have Michael Jackson’s autograph from his three distinct artistic periods — Jackson 5, breakout solo artist, fondler — and while they are priceless, I’m going to put them by this open window–NOOOOO!!! Torenado!!! I been pouring out some liquor for the fact that Arenado’s homers are gone, gone, gone. And trying to help fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term!) if their Correa is gone. And since Arenado starting to bubble like a tub full of Calgon. Guess it’s only right that I should help you with how much Nolan Arenado hits are gone. Sorry, that song was on my iTunes, and felt appropriate. If my baby boo bae, Giancarlo, wasn’t metaphorically already all over my bedsheets, Arenado would be right there. Yesterday, he went 5-for-6, 4 runs, 7 RBIs with three homers (19, 20, 21), and the summer is here in Coors. Yippee, you mothertruckers! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, J.D. Martinez was traded to the Diamondbacks for Dawel Lugo, Sergio Alcantara and Jose King, a package that has been described by me as a .280, 40-homer hitter for Okay, Who Cares and So What. My visions of Yasmany Tomas returning and helping my NL-Only team went from “Hello, what’s your name, Pamela Sue?” to “No, my name is Pamela and I’m suing you for sexual harassment.” The ol’ 180 in the pants. Well, I’ll save the rest of my moans and/or groans for my shrink, since this is great news for Just Dong. That should be a 90 degree turn in the pants for Just Dong owners. Has he ever hit in Chase Field? Doesn’t matter, he’s about to love it. Outside of Coors and Miller, there’s no place I’d rather my player move for hitting and between-inning dips in a hot tub. (The Coors and Miller hot tubs are gnarly, by the way. “Did you say swell?” “No, I said swill.”) For FAAB, I’d go aggressively after Just Dong like he was the last guy to move to the NL, even if he might not be. He’s a 35-homer guy in Comerica. In Chase, he could be the equivalent to a 45-homer guy over the final ten weeks. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hehe, I’m such a jerk. I finally dedicate a lede to Jason Vargas and it’s to point out how bad he was last night — 2 2/3 IP, 6 ER, ERA up to 3.06. Well, look at it this way. If he wasn’t good for so long, him being bad wouldn’t matter. For unstints, my friend texted me yesterday, “R. Kelly’s being accused of holding girls against their will in his cult.” I texted back, “That’s one cult where you really don’t want to drink the Kool-Aid.” It was the least surprising news yesterday. 2nd least surprising is the Vargas regression. What happens with regression, stays in Vargas. He’s not done regressing either, if his peripherals hold. He has a 6.8 K/9, 2.4 BB/9 and 4.87 xFIP, i.e., A lost Vargas is not just a Wynn, but one of those sure-cuts, sure-cuts. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Matt Grace picked up his 2nd save in as many games on Saturday for the Nationals, and Ben Zobrist’s wife started to work on a song titled, “Saving Grace,” and requested Ben’s trade to Washington. Then, first thing on Sunday, the Nats traded for Ryan Madson and Sean Doolittle, and Saving Grace became a B-side for “Halleberrylujah, A Catwoman Licks Herself (Rated PG).” When asked if the trade makes his team better, the Nats’ GM said, “That’s right,” and, “I’m Mike Rizzo.” Picture this: Dusty and Rizzo looking at a book called, “Baseball Strategy.” Rizzo looks at Dusty, and Dusty says, “I got the baseball part,” and Rizzo nods his head. Finally, Rizzo chimes in, “I don’t know the 2nd word and I don’t think it’s worth investigating.” Dusty agrees, and that’s the Nationals. So, who will close between Madson and Doolittle? Your guess = my guess. I’d want to say Madson, but it could be either, both or neither as they trade for David Robertson or someone else. By the time the calendar turns to August, the Nationals might have five closers from teams not in the pennant chase. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Called upon in the ninth inning to protect a one run lead Aroldis Chapman blew his third save of the season Friday night surrendering two hits and two walks and allowing two earned runs. After giving up an infield single to Mookie Betts to start the inning, Didi Gregorius mishandled a Dustin Pedroia single that could have been a double play ball to put two men on and the Yankees unraveled from there. The blown save was not entirely Chapman’s fault here as the Yankees defense botched two straight double play balls, and then a double steal really flustered Chapman leading him to walk the next two batters including the game winning run. The loss highlights a Yankee bullpen that has been god awful lately with set up man Dellin Betances rocking an 8.68 ERA and 2.14 WHIP over the past month and Chapman sporting a 8.10 ERA in July with a .412 BAA. Talk about a bullpen in La La Land! Speaking of Award snubs and perfect segues, the fans have spoken, the emails have continued rolling in (seriously guys, get a life!) and the suspicious packages have arrived on my doorstep. Back by popular demand I return to bring you the fourth annual 2017 mid-season fantasy all-star awards. *And the crowd goes wild!* I don’t want to pile on Chapman here with a Razzie award but he did walk in the winning run so I’m going to give an award to Andrew Benintendi for easiest game winning RBI ever. To be honest, I just really wanted to give Beni Baseball an award.
Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:Please, blog, may I have some more?
This is an excerpt of a phone call Razzball intercepted during Sunday’s afternoon games. Since every state involved is a two-party consent for recording, we cannot reveal who recorded the call, but it rhymes with Trudy Gramble. Here, let’s listen in: “Hello, this is the CEO of Super Ball, the world’s hardest, bounciest, craziest, shouldn’t-be-used-as-a-baseballiest ball. Who is this calling?” Our Commissioner Rob Manfred disguises his voice so he sounds raspy, “I’m Kathleen Turner. I was wondering if you would sell me 70,000 Super Balls to not be used for baseball purposes.” “Body Heat Kathleen Turner? Not to get all James Lipton, but I am a huge fan of your–” “Okay, toots…” Manfred lowers the phone receiver, to his secretary, “Toots?” Back into the phone, “Um, so don’t make me kill you and blame a different femme fatale. I need those Super Balls.” So, yesterday was bonkers for homers, yet again. I will now list the home runs by guys in just the Astros game: Yulieski Gurriel (2-for-5, 2 runs) hit his 11th; Jose Altuve (3-for-4, 4 runs, 3 RBIs, hitting .347) hit his 13th; Evan Gattis (2-for-5, 2 runs, 4 RBIs) hit his 8th and Carlos Correa (4-for-5, 5 RBIs) and two homers, his 19th and 20th. Holy Salami Tom, there’s a crapton of home runs this year. I have two mixed leagues where I feel like if I’m not getting at least five homers per day, I’m falling behind. Also, on a pitching front, if I can just maintain a 3.50 ERA, I could come in first for ERA. By the way, I hope we’re not sued by Our Commissioner Rob Manfred, but something must be done. Get the Super Balls out of baseball! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Here’s what else I saw in fantasy baseball Friday night:Please, blog, may I have some more?