The year was 2005 and my buddy kept talking about his fantasy baseball team. I had no idea what he was saying most the time, because I had never played the game before. Actually I had barely watched any baseball at all. I was a jaded strike fan who was as casual as they come with my knowledge of the game. I knew a little about the local teams and that was about it. Any the hoo, he kept going on and on about this Ryan Howard kid until that name was stuck in my head. Fast forward to March of 2006, he talked me into playing with him and “his” friends for fun… and money. I get to the 10th round of the draft and I need a 1B, so I remember the kid that got drilled into my head the year before and I take Ryan Howard with the pick. That year he put up a 104/58/149/0/.313 line and I won that league. Actually I won for lots of reason, I rosterbated before I knew what that was and I streamed like a mofo. I also never gave him a dime, he took my entry out of my winnings, kept some of it for the next season and I played with them for free for the next five seasons. I hearted Howard like Grey hearts Giancarlo. He was my savior that year. I think I drafted Gagne in the 5th and Fatolo in the 4th… I had no idea what I was doing. But I learned the game by doing and picked it up pretty fast, and now you get to see me at least twice a week. If this angers you, then blame occasional commenter the Birdman for me being here. It’s all his fault.Please, blog, may I have some more?
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What are you all doing here today? It’s Mother’s Day… shouldn’t you be getting out of the basement and going to pick up the pizza for her for once! Go put on your fancy sweatpants, you know, the ones without the hot pocket stains, and put on actual shoes. Slippers or flip flops are not okay today. Seriously, try and do something! Did you remember to write her a Dear Mama letter? What about being mothers little helper and taking out the trash or refilling her bourbon? There are lots of things you can do to help out your Mother. I know they like telling you what to do or what not to do, but sometimes that’s just the way it goes. At least you know mama tried and wasn’t just standing in the shadows… I hope. Let’s be nice to her and just lay off the yo mama jokes for the day? Cool. Oh, that’s right, you are here for fantasy baseball and not just songs and jokes. Yeah I got jokes.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’ll be honest, picking a creeper early in the year is not an easy task. We have small sample sizes to work with, players under performing and pitchers very hard to predict. I ask myself every week as I prepare these: what angle can I find to make a call? What is a constant that doesn’t change? Where are my pants? Well, the third question is nearly impossible to answer because it’s like trying to figure out where Jimmy Hoffa is buried. The other two are things we always look for, regardless of what point of the season we are at, are park factors, lefty/righty match-ups, Schmotatoness, and batter vs. pitcher history. For example, this week, Brad Miller plays six games and for five of them, he faces right-handers. On the year, he bats .348 against RHP (good thing), but among the five he faces this week, he bats .191 against (not so good), and Hitter-Tron (-$2.5) says he won’t be any good. I’ll pass too. That’s a little snapshot into my process. This week, I’m going for Schomtatoness and park factors to make my call. Would you like to hear more? Oh c’mon, I’ll give you some Arby’s coupons? Dairy Queen? Fine, then skip to the top 100 and we can fight about that in the comments instead.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Never once did I think I would be writing about a creeper older than I am, and yet here I am, talking about Torii Hunter. Being the ageless wonder (or is it the wonder of agelessness, I’m not really sure), he still suits up every day and goes out and plays. I was racking my brain for some kind of analogy for the creeper and I found my inspiration from the Paleolithic 80’s flick Quest for Fire, for like this movie, we are just a bunch of uncivilized men searching for a player to catch fire. So why not a Hunter? Haha…get it? Okay, I’ll stop with the bad jokes. Hey, at least I didn’t do Caveman with Ringo Starr. Come to think of it, Hunter could be considered the Twins Ringo. Doesn’t really matter if he’s there or not. Oh well, the moment has passed and now we move on to why we are here…Please, blog, may I have some more?
This week I’m making a little one-week tweak to the Creeper of the Week and going with Creepers because we have something that doesn’t always happen. What is that Big J? Well eager reader, it’s a seven-game Monday-through-Sunday home series for the Rockies. By my count, this will only happen three times this season. The hard part was finding an under-owned player not taken on the Rockies playing everyday, and it’s so barren right now that even the French DJ is over-owned to qualify for this post. Hey there French DJ can you drop me a cut for this creeper post? Very nice, old school, but isn’t that a little too obvious? I get it, you are on the 1’s and 2’s, so the choice is yours. Can I at least get one cut with a baseball name in the title? What’s that? You don’t do requests? Sheesh, that Charlie Blackmon ego is rubbing off on your euro sensibilities. Forget about it, let’s move on to the reason we are here.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The title of this post is more indicative of what the fantasy baseball season does to us than to what this player will do for you. How nutty was week 1? I’m loving drafting Adrian Gonzalez in the 4th round of the Razzball Pert’s league, and pissed at myself for not drafting J.D. Martinez anywhere. I really liked J.D. coming into the year and yet got sniped on him every time I was ready to draft him. Same goes for Matt Harvey. I heart you two and will look to trade for you at premium prices if I must. Wait! What? No I won’t. Yes you will. Okay, maybe I will, but sometimes you have to pay a price to get the toys you want. The bills on my Impala can attest to that. Before I move into this week’s creeper, I want to thank all the commenters that came out for the Easter Creeper. What a great kick off to the MLB season…thanks guys. It was a great opener for the baseball season.Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s really hard to pick a Creeper for Week 1. I asked myself, do you suggest a player the Razz army all drafted but is undervalued everywhere else? Is telling them to drop a player they drafted for my one week call a good idea? Why does Sky wear running shorts in the shower? How do I know what he wears in the shower? The latter is because I shared a hotel with him during Spring Training (insert winking emoji) and the former is why we are here. Welcome back to Sundays everyone, no not you troll…okay, you can come on over and troll. I don’t mind. Everth Cabrera is a recipient of opportunity this week and like we say around here SAGNOF! Why not start now? Unlike a diet in January this is a regiment that needs to be stuck to for the next six months. Yes we play for six months here. I don’t want any of that, I’m out of it in June B.S. from any of you. You might be surprised what can happen if you stick it out. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The end is here, and the needs of the few take precedence over the many. If you’re playing for the championship in your H2H league, then you need this. If you are in the hunt for your roto title, then this is for you. If you’re playing for fifth place, well… then better luck next year. Your title may come down to one stolen base, one home run or a few extra RBI’s to edge out your opponent. A batty call today is gone tomorrow, and a new one comes in and takes the others place. I’m still going to keep the % owned low, but be aware of who has been dropped as other owners become desperate and have to drop a “stud” who has been cold to the free agent pool. Either way I’m throwing my Creepers out there like the Amigos threw the villagers at El Guapo’s gang at the end of the Three Amigos. I like the music for more dramatic effect.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m jumping out of the program this week and making this a mash up creeper post. Juan Uribe and Scott Van Slyke have got my mojo at full attention with their road trips to Colorado and Chicago this week, and I want to combine them into one monster. Now why not just choose one? Good point. I don’t want to choose. With the Dodgers September call-ups, the outfield has got mucky, but one thing I know is Don likes to play Scott when a lefty is on the hill, and the Dodgers face five of them this week. I’m not saying that he will play all five games, but I think he has a good chance to get in the line-up a few of those days and you should have him stashed in daily changes leagues. We cool with that? Good!Please, blog, may I have some more?
The ghost of Mac Dre has been blowing up my dream phone and telling me that Jonathan Schoop is a MI Sleeper for January-Grey. He is reminding me of another MI who had a great finish last season and has been a breakout this year. (It’s Brian Dozier if you’re not following me.) I’m taking a scarcity position schmotato this week as I try to reinforce the dropping of dead wright and the addition of hot bats. You might think it’s blasphemy to drop a David Wright type player to improve your chances, but sometime you gotta sin to win. Don’t worry, fantasy Jesus understands. Hey dummy, what’s with the title? Oh that, I pronounce Schoop’s name Shoop, because I have no idea how it’s pronounced. The only Shoop I could think of is Mark Harmon’s Mr. Shoop character from the 80’s classic Summer School. Hey, I’m a sucker for former UCLA quarterback’s. I’ve probably seen that flick more times than I would like to admit, but it was a cable staple for years on end. Speaking of staples, frequent commenter Nick the Dick is taking over my hip-hop Sunday today with a few select tracks for you. I respect that he threw me some west coast and some new takes with the old school. By making himself rough and rugged, he has shown how he proceeds to his roots. I can’t help my mellow self today, like 1982 me, who was a lot more kick back than the grouch I am today.Please, blog, may I have some more?