Apparently Blake Snell was moving some granite hoozawhatsit in his bathroom and dropped it on his toe. We’ve all been there — our partners buy some unnecessary piece of furniture and we’re tasked with building it, moving it around to and fro and end up being the ones sweaty and frustrated. And don’t get me started on throw pillows — their purpose is in their name — throw them on the floor before you go to sleep…please don’t share this with my wife. Anyway — reports are that Snell will only miss one start. Granted, it’s his own report, but still it’s only his little ring toe. Fill In: If you need one start, give good ol’ C.C. Sabathia (10.8%) a shot. His next start comes at home against the Royals who are 17th in OPS vs lefties. Sabathia looked sharp as heck in his first start against the White Sox (5 IP, 1 base runner, 3 Ks.)

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Saint Nicholas, the inspiration for Santa Claus, was a pious and kind man who gave away all his wealth to help the poor and the sick. Nick Pivetta, on the other hand, has been kind…to opposing batters and made those who invested draft capital in him vomit-inducing sick. As a result, his ownership in ESPN leagues has decreased 11.1% to 61.7% owned. Trash or treasure?

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Greetings! Tis I, the original Night King, only dragon glass cannot harm me, my friends, oh no. Only the rejection from the one I love can defeat me, and sadly, that seems to be happening as I type this miserable column.  Look how much Euron had to go through just to smash an already pregnant, on-the-way-out Queen. May the Seven have mercy, holy mother of Albright! I suppose I can’t criticize the situation too harshly, for I find myself in a similar predicament at the time of this writing; sending poetry, gifts, showing public displays of affection via instagram, seemingly all for naught. Euron really went full on Fred Durst and did it all for the Nookie, for he must know Cersei’s chances of keeping control of the iron throne are about as slim as George R.R. Martin finishing the Winds of Winter before ole boy kicks the bucket. You’ve got to be realistic about these things. Shoot, and his manipulation even paid off, whereas my situation is true love and I just don’t have what it takes to win her over. Maybe I lost my touch, or maybe I need to go back to the old me. Either way, Euron opened my eyes like I was the Three-Eyed Raven on molly this Sunday eve, and I sense some changes in my life will occur by the time your Sunday Funday given bloodshot eyes read this.

Below, I’ll touch on parts of the season premiere that stood out to me and also talk some of what we’ve seen so far in the first couple weeks of fantasy baseball. Both happen to be some of my absolute favorite things and I believe I was the FIRST fantasy writer to ever combine the two subjects, but who’s really keeping track……..I hate everyone. Let’s do this!

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Move it! Step aside! Get out of the way! All hands on deck. Get the chief surgeon and have him immediately prep for surgery. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Dup-dup…..dup-dup…..dup-dup……

BT is 98.6 degrees. BP is 110/70. HR is 87 bpm. RR is 16 bpm. Patient is stable now. As the doctor snapped on his latex gloves, he asked to no one in particular, “What the hell happened here?”

At the exact same moment, in an apartment 15 minutes from Fenway Park, an eight-year boy donning a Red Sox cap looked up at his daddy and asked, “Is he dead?”

Eduardo Rodriguez has pitched 8 innings so far in 2019. He’s walked 6 batters, given up 2 home runs, and allowed 11 earned runs. As a result, he’s been one of the most dropped players in ESPN leagues over the past week (71.5% owned – decrease of 18%). Is there hope?

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I was low on David Dahl going into the season for just this very reason. Here’s what I wrote in the comment section on why I had Dahl ranked as my 90th ranked keeper:

“2015: Spleen, knee
2017: Ribs, back
2018: Foot

The injuries are just stacking up with this guy unfortunately. He’s like Eugene from Hey Arnold!

Even if he is claiming he’s 100% I worry about any adjustments/over-compensations he might do to avoid getting hurt again. Some players are just injury-prone unfortunately regardless of how skilled they are.”

Early reports from the Dahl household are that he’s only going to miss the 10-day minimum with this abdomen injury, but he’ll likely get hurt again.. Pick Up: Kevin Kiermaier (20.5%.) Replace one power/speed oft-injured outfielder with another? 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Two of the most added players in ESPN leagues over the past week were Dodgers….or how us Angelenos like to call them, Los Doyers. Enrique Hernandez saw a 50.3% increase in ownership from 16.1%, while Joc Pederson saw a 44.3% increase in ownership from 33%. Joc is owned in 77.3% of leagues, while Kike is at 66.4%? Maybe I’m not so cuckoo after all.

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Seven games into the season and we’ve already got some season altering injuries. A lot of injured players that are out there have been injured for a while like Salvador Perez, Michael Fulmer, Alex Wood etc. They’ve been injured for a long time so you had a plan to replace them — or not draft them at all so I won’t be talking about them.

Below are some recent injury updates that are affecting your teams. Every week I’ll be posting injury updates and my thoughts on what you should do with that player and if there are any sneaky replacements who are owned in less than 35% of leagues or so on the waivers you can pick up in their place. Often I won’t just name that player’s replacement that’s on his team. That’s lazy journalism.

However, every league is different so treat this column like a mailbag — if you suffered an injury and don’t know who to replace them with — just drop a comment with some of the best available options in your league and I’ll give you my advice!

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When someone sneezes, people have become accustomed to saying “bless you” or “gesundheit” after they hear an ahchoo. The origination of the tradition began back in the sixth century, when Pope Gregory the Great uttered the phrase “God bless you” during the bubonci plague epidemic. Gesundheit means health in German. So, it only makes sense that we utter the same phrases for Shin-Soo Choo, who is 36 years old and playing in his 15th major league season. I noticed that he was dropped in 4.7% of ESPN leagues over the last seven days. Trash or treasure?

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Matt Olson left Thursday’s game after fouling a pitch off his right hand. While we will have to wait until the Athletics return back home from Japan for a diagnosis, there’s been some speculation that the injury could be of the hamate bone variety, which would force Olson to miss months. Mark Canha was his immediate replacement during the game, so is he worth a pickup if Olson does indeed miss significant time?

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FML can mean many things, usually of the negative variety. Here at Razzball, though, we turn those frowns upside down and spew nothing but positivity, unless you submit rankings at you know where by you know whom. FML at Razzball is short for Fantasy Master Lothario, which is another name for the man, the myth, the legend, Grey Albright, our fearless leader. Too many acronyms and commas are making my head spin. Anyways, we are now branching out in the FML game: Frankie Montas Love.

Please, blog, may I have some more?