I didn’t think I was going to be needed to write this overrated post. I figured Troy Tulowitzki is who he is at this point. Everyone knew who they were getting. Nothing new here to see. Old hat as milliners say. Then a weird thing happened. I started looking at where Tulowitzki was being ranked, and drafted. That’s when the “what the effs” started to set in. Was Tulo suddenly reborn a Canadian superhero by the name of Mooseknuckles in his new home in Toronto? Was there something that uber-handsome, but slightly stupid, Fantasy Master Lothario, Grey Albright, was missing? Could I come up with one more question for the Rule of Three? These questions all ran through my mind. Granted, while Tulo was running through my mind, he nearly pulled his hamstring making this whole argument moot, but he was still there at the end of my soul searching. Standing metaphorically on the tip of medulla oblongata about to take a step into my subconscious. Was this Tulo or the blue Janeane Garofalo-looking girl in Inside/Out? Or is that Janeane Garofalo in a blue sweater in front of me in line at a Pressed Juicery? Should I ask her why she doesn’t gain weight again so she can regain her funny? So many questions, so little time. Tulo was about to bat in one of the most potent lineups, and, for now, had two working hamstrings, why can’t I get on board? My existential crisis reached such a fever pitch my eyes started to move in opposite directions like Jean-Paul Sartre. Anyway, why is Troy Tulowitzski overrated for 2016 fantasy baseball?Please, blog, may I have some more?
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This happened during the holiday season in my house: Me, “Do you know what not winning the Cy Young did to your mother? I don’t care, personally, if you throw your life away being an ace while never bringing home the postseason hardware, but your mother, she told all of her friends at her Wally Lamb book club for three straight months that you were going to win the Cy Young. She even made me go to Costco, on a Sunday during their busiest time, and buy burgers and buns for a Sonny Gray Cy Young party. Then you only receive one 2nd place vote and no first place votes. I’m disappointed, and you giving your mother and I Billy Butler BBQ sauce for Christmas doesn’t really make up for it.” Sonny, “Sorry, Pops.” “Did you even buy this or did you get it free?” I then threw Billy Butler’s BBQ into the fireplace and screamed, “Did you?!” It was an ugly scene. He’s my boy, Sonny Gray, and I love him very much, but it’s time we look at him through a non-familial gaze. Last year, he had a 2.73 ERA and 1.08 WHIP in 208 IP while breaking out as a number one fantasy starter. Or did he?! Ah, Reversal Question, you are quick…Or are you?! I am!…Or am I?! Anyway, what can we expect from Sonny Gray for 2016 fantasy baseball and what makes him overrated?Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m Buzzkill Aldrin this preseason, huh? Just call me Killjoy McAvoy! Don’t hate the player, hate the game, or in this case, watch as I hate players that play the game. First, I call Miguel Sano overrated, and now the other supremely hyped 2nd year guy, Kyle Schwarber. I may as well just say Carlos Correa has gout and call it a day. You know, not a lot of ‘perts would call Sano and Schwarber overrated, so if nothing else I’m getting an A in Balls. Potentially, an F in Smarts. But maybe I’ll get a C in Being Aware of My Lack of Smarts, which gives me a C overall and passes me through to the next grade. I’m not getting placed in any AP classes next year though. I’m hanging out the window with my grade A Balls and letting everyone know that I have a problem where everyone else has none. At first, I was shocked that so many people were on board with Sano and Schwarber, but, once I saw everyone was on board, it was only natural that every everyone was on board. I mean, what is fantasy prognosticating without repeating back to you exactly what everyone else is saying, right? This is one of ESPN’s rare qualities. Everyone says Kyle Schwarber is good? Great, he’s good; now, let’s move on so we can get out of here by lunch. Member that time they did a video of their rankings summit? Ten minutes of Cockcroft rolling his eyes, five minutes of Karabell getting his makeup touched up, fifteen minutes of Berry hitting on Karabell, thinking he was a girl. Good times! I understand the urge to be positive on Schwarber. He hits the ball a long way. He is exciting. But, alas…. Anyway, what makes Kyle Schwarber overrated for 2016 fantasy baseball?Please, blog, may I have some more?
If it’s sexy to talk about Miguel Sano, and it is, then there’s one way to make it unsexy like Ruffles you find in your butt crack the next day and become the lone dissenting voice in the sea of fantasy baseball ‘perts. That is coming out against drafting him. I feel like the guy that opts for sorbet at the ice cream place because dairy upsets his tummy, then holds up the line asking why they don’t make any dairy-free flavors using coconut milk. I’m that guy! I wouldn’t be surprised if saying Miguel Sano is overrated gets me stoned, and not the good stoned like Coco Crisp looks before every game. It is a really unpopular opinion. I can understand it. Sano hits bombs. Like unprecedented, roof-shattering bombs. His bombs are adjective-inducing and his strikeouts are agita-inducing. Which one will win out? That’s all this post comes down to. Here’s what I said in the top 5 Designated Hitters, “For each blurb, I zero in one stat. Sometimes I balloon out to other stats if it’s needed. For Sano, I went straight to his 35.5% strikeout percentage. Since 2000, only one player had a 35.5% or higher strikeout percentage over a full season, Chris Carter in 2013 who hit .223 that year. Sesame Street breakdown: When you’re striking out more than a third of the time, you can’t hit for a good average. This was brought to you by the letter K. Last year, Sano hit .269. Do you know how Sano hit for such a high average? He had a .396 BABIP. For those that don’t understand or care to know BABIP, I’ll make it simple. Everything Sano hit last year found a hole or a bleacher seat. A high BABIP either means a hitter was lucky, they’re fast or hit the ball hard. Sano is not fast, he was lucky and hit the ball hard. Since he hits the ball so hard, he could have a higher than average BABIP, but .396 isn’t higher than average, it’s obscene. He could’ve easily hit .190 last year. No one seems to be talking about this. I Googled “Sano strikeout percentage” and found a Bleacher Report article titled, Miguel Sano is Great and Here’s a Slideshow to Prove It. I then Googled “Miguel Sano” “Strikeout Percentage,” and I found two articles and one was written by me in 2014. Not even joking. Then, I opened up my search to “Sano strikeouts” and I found lots of results. I don’t mention this because it’s my only Google history I can talk about. I’m talking about it because no one else is. Sano is a bad luck streak away from hitting .175 in the majors. Sano connected with only 33.8% of pitches outside of the strike zone. One player in the last 15 years has been that bad, Wily Mo Pena. Last year, Melvin Upton connected with 41.2%. Previously, Upton connected with 55.3% of pitches outside the zone in his career. Sano makes Melvin Upton’s wild swing look like he studied under Charley Lau. Sano isn’t just bad with pitches outside the strike zone. He’s historically bad. It took me five minutes to figure this out. How long do you think it’s going to take major league pitchers and Sano never sees another strike? Say Opening Day? I’m not sure how Steamer is projecting Sano for a .255 average. Sano hit .236 in Double-A!” And that’s me quoting me! Anyway, what can we expect from Miguel Sano for 2016 fantasy baseball and what makes him overrated?Please, blog, may I have some more?
How many Pollocks does it take to hit 20 homers, steal 39 bases and bat .315? 200 billion Pollocks. One, A.J. Pollock, to hit, and 199,999,999,999 Pollocks to run real fast to make the earth spin. Pollock’s year in fifteen-after-twenty couldn’t have went any better. On our Player Rater, he was the 2nd best outfielder behind Bryce Harper and in front of Mike Trout. Yes, that Mike Trout. The fish oiliest of them all. If you owned Pollock last year, you are a Serbian who purchased a Polish person at a flea market or you are a fantasy baseballer that enjoyed one of the best seasons of recent memory. Either way, you’d be more than happy with the Pollock’s output. Value-wise, things couldn’t have been much better. When I called him a sleeper last year, I foresaw great things, but even I couldn’t have imagined greatness that hadn’t been achieved by a Pollock since Ivan Putski. That’s why it’s real sucky that we’re not all drafting for 2015 again. Think of the advantage we’d have knowing what players would do! (Sadly, if we got together today and drafted a 12-team league for last year, eleven of us would still lose. Talk about depressing. Even more depressing, all twelve people drafting would think they’d win easily.) This is one of the biggest mistakes people make each year. Forget Aaron Hicks or Adam Eaton, let’s all draft guys that were good last year. I mean, how wrong can we go with that? Honestly, you won’t go that wrong, but you won’t go that right either. It’s a good way to find yourself right to the middle of your league with Malcolm and Monie Love. Anyway, what can we expect from A.J. Pollock for 2016 fantasy baseball and what makes him overrated?Please, blog, may I have some more?