Mike Carp is hitting .350 since July 1st. ¬†(Thereabouts, I did the math in my head. ¬†At least I think it was my head. ¬†Hmm…) ¬†Carp only has 4 homers, but now has two homers in the last 4 games. ¬†He’s also hit in 11 straight games. ¬†Finally… There’s no finally, isn’t the first three positives enough? ¬†Mama mia, I don’t love Mariner hitters in Safeco. ¬†It’s smothering! ¬†In the minor leagues, he was great but it was in the PCL so divide his power by three and add a negative two. ¬†But while Carp’s hitting, he’s worth an add across most leagues, and not just for pescetarians. ¬†Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Melky Cabrera – 2-for-3, 5 RBIs and his 14th homer. ¬†Playing centerfield, but his season is totally out of left field.
Johnny Giavotella – 2-for-4, hitting .318 in his short time in the majors. ¬†Now we just need his cheering section to skip the wave and do the Fist Pump.
Arodys Vizcaino¬†– On Tuesday, the lead was Hommy Tanson, yesterday it was Jason Heyward, so I just couldn’t highlight Vizcaino. ¬†I like sweet tea and talking garbled as much as the next guy, but Northerners would’ve started wondering where my allegiances lie. ¬†While Arodys looks like an IM acronym for Red Sox fans, “A-Rod, You Sahck,” he’s a big-time pitching prospect for the Braves. ¬†He breezed through the minor leagues pushing a K-rate over 9, and can be an Aroldis Chapman-type out of the bullpen, but he is crazy young. ¬†With Vizcaino, the Braves now have two minors on the pitching staff. ¬†In all non-keepers, I’d ignore Arodys for now. ¬†His innings are a bit high and the Braves will probably limit him this year. ¬†In dynasty and deep keeper leagues, grab him; he could be special.
Tommy Hanson¬†– Tests show his shoulder is healthy enough for his next start. ¬†His last month of starts show the tests are wrong.
Dan Uggla¬†– 3-for-5, 2 RBIs as he pushed his hitting streak to 31 games. ¬†Or the same number of double takes someone who just woke from a coma would have if they saw he was hitting .224 with a 31 game hitting streak.
Jason Heyward – 0-for-5 with the start as Jose Constanza went 3-for-4 with a steal. ¬†That’ll make things better.
Curtis Granderson – 2-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 30th and 31st homer. ¬†A Curtis hasn’t hit such high notes since Booger Presley played the mean guitar.
Ivan Nova – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 0 Ks. ¬†Solid start, but how do you not strike out anyone? ¬†That’s like a champale supernova.
J.J. Hardy – 4-for-5 with his 21st homer. ¬†Sweet King Martin, Sweet Queen Coretta, Sweet Brother Hardy… Sweet Baby Jesus…
Adam Dunn – 0-for-4 with 3 Ks. ¬†His average is down to .163. ¬†He’s hitting half his weight!
Jason Kipnis – 5-for-5, 4 runs, 3 RBIs and his 6th homer. ¬†Here’s a good rule of thumb, if I mention a guy in a positive way more than twice in a week, add him. ¬†Kipnis has been mentioned about five times in the last week.
Brett Lawrie – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 2nd homer in his last three games. ¬†Definitely earning his Twitter hashtags.
Josh Willingham – 2-for-5 and his 3rd homer in 3 games. ¬†Ended up on the A’s just because Jonah Hill likes pork, but it’s turning out okay. ¬†While he’s hot, Willingham should be owned everywhere.
Jonathan Sanchez – 4 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks. ¬†Filthy Sanchez is looking a lot more like Port-A-Jon Sanchez.
Anibal Sanchez¬†– 1 2/3 IP, 5 ER. ¬†Should I Put A Diaper On My Fantasy Team Or Are You Done¬†Defecating¬†Sanchez?
Hanley Ramirez – Placed on the DL. ¬†I’m sure he’ll do everything in his power to hurry back. ¬†/sarcasm
Andrew McCutchen – 1-for-1, 4 runs and the delicious slam & legs. ¬†Rudy hit me up on IM surprised to see The Dread Pirate only had 19 steals on the year. ¬†I hit him back that I was surprised A-Gon only had 18 homers. ¬†See, everything said in our IM chats isn’t really that interesting.
Jeff Karstens – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 9 Ks. ¬†His last start (3 1/3 IP, 9 ER) left the cow pie on the window sill too long so the stench probably scared most off from this start.
Derrek Lee – Scratched with a sore hand. ¬†Well, stop scratching with it!
Vance Worley– 4 IP, 6 ER. ¬†A Worley hasn’t been hit so hard since his grandmother Jo Anne got smacked in the face by an errant window on the set of Laugh-In.
Brennan Boesch – Left yesterday’s game with a thumb injury. ¬†So where is thumbkin? ¬†At the hospital getting an MRI.
Alex Cobb – Having season-ending surgery to clear blockage by his rib cage. ¬†Operating on him is a specialist by the name of Eve.
Brandon Phillips – Will miss at least five days as he tweeted yesterday that his elbow looked like a balloon. ¬†Then some clown turned his elbow into a giraffe.
Jay Bruce – 2-for-3 with his 2nd homer in three games. ¬†Prediction: ¬†His end of the year stats will look solid and everyone will forgot that he couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn for two months.
Kevin Millwood – 7 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks. ¬†Less than average starter who will pitch his home games in Coors. ¬†Burp.
Jesus Guzman – 2-for-4, 2 steals. ¬†So what’s your excuse for not picking him up? ¬†You a non-believer?
Chad Billingsley – 4 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners and three unearned runs for the always agita inducing ticker shock.
Dee Gordon – To the DL with a bruised shoulder, which isn’t nearly as tasty as a braised shoulder.
Juan Rivera – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 2nd homer on the Dodgers. ¬†That makes him Dos Rivera.
Matt Kemp – 4-for-5 and his 30th steal. ¬†He could be at 30/30 by the end of August. ¬†He makes me feel like the only girl (in the world). ¬†I’m pretty sure I grasp the use of parentheses as a way to modify, so what’s Only Girl (In the World) without the¬†parentheses? ¬†Only Girl? ¬†“I wanna hear Only Girl!” ¬†No, that makes no sense. ¬†It should stand alone without the¬†parentheses. ¬†You can¬†Bang a Gong or you can Bang a Gong (Get It On). ¬†You’re forwarding your gong banging. ¬†You are upping your excitement on the gong. ¬†The Reaper is good, (Don’t Fear) The Reaper is adding something. ¬†“Hey, (Don’t Fear) The Reaper.” ¬†Now I’m at ease. ¬†Only Girl means nothing! ¬†You come for fantasy baseball advice, you stay for Rihanna rants.