I’ve always enjoyed good knock offs. Are those Mikes or Nikes? Why does the horse logo on your Polo shirt only have three legs? Some of my favorite were Dolce & Banana, Johnnie Worker Red Labial, Adidos, and Skerpie. In the baseball world, knock offs are prevalent as well. Sometimes intentional, as younger players try to pattern their games after another, but more often than not, players just end up profiling very similarly. Yulieski Gurriel (57.9% owned – increase of 12.7%) has always reminded me of Martin Prado – high batting average, high contact, limited power, and low strikeout hitter from the right side of the plate. For his career, Prado has a .290 batting average, 11.2% strikeout rate, 6.7% walk rate, and .129 ISO. Gurriel has a career .296 batting average, 10.6% strikeout rate, 3.9% walk rate, and .162 ISO. Yes, Yuli has slightly more power, but that’s not saying much. So, why is Yuli one of the highest-added players in ESPN leagues over the past week? Since July 1st, he has a seven-game hitting streak and is batting .367/.444/.667 with 2 home runs. The ISO is .300 and strikeout rate is at 13.9%. Yuli has value, as he will hit for a high average. Just like Mikes can allow you to walk around, but try playing in a tournament with those bad boys and…..TRASH

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Billy Hamilton of the Cincinnati Reds is in fact Billy R. Hamilton. I’m going to assume the R stands for Ray, as my internet sleuthing skills could not uncover this greatest of mysteries. Billy Ray Valentine is one of my favorite characters from one of my favorite movies: Trading Places. The similarities between the two Billy Rays are obvious. There was a time when both could not walk. Getting to third base? Couldn’t even get to first. Both are quick….witted for Valentine and twitched for Hamilton. Finally, luck has played a big part for both. Valentine got picked for the “experiment” while Hamilton is so fast that people just see a blur when looking at his batting stats. Since the beginning of July, though, Hamilton is batting .409, has stolen 6 bases, and has a 11.5% strikeout rate in 26 plate appearances. Will we get another Billy Ray happy ending?

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For the longest time, I thought Jonathan Schoop (59.3% owned – decrease of 8%) was pronounced like Salt N’ Pepa’s Shoop. It worked well when the home run numbers went from 15 in 2015…to 25 in 2016…and 32 in 2017. Jubilee from 1993. But then my world came crashing down when I discovered that it’s actually pronounced like Scope the mouthwash. If you ever come to LA, go eat at King Taco and use the red sauce. Then pour yourself a cup of Scope. Swish it around. Gargle it. Welcome to my world. Then 2018 Schoop appeared with the .198/.242/.344 slash. The only reasons I care about Schoop are because he had an ADP of 60.6 and he’s on my NFBC team, where I can’t drop his ass! Since I’m here, I might as well take a deeper dive. The walk and strikeout rates are normal. The ISO of .146 is well below his career average of .183. The BABIP is only .221, so regression should be in the works. Unfortunately, the line drive rate is way down, ground ball rate is up, and hard hit percentage is at a career-low 24.1%. He’s always had awful plate disciple, so those numbers remain terrible. The number that stands out to me, though, is the 4% barrel rate. Since 2015, Schoop had rates of 8.7, 6.7, and 7. I hate Schoop because he’s been terrible and his name is pronounced Scope, but I do think he gets hot at some point. That’s who he is as a player. He’s going to get his timing back, which will result in more barrels. He’s going to get more BABIP luck. He’s going to hit home runs. Most of the projection systems have him down for 13 home runs the rest of the season. I hate that I had to write those past sentences, but I endured swishing Scope in my mouth after an evening of King Taco. TREASURE

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I first went to a sauna almost 20 years ago. And boy….what a first experience it was, as I got high as a kite. All those years smoking the wacky tabacky probably had something to do it. Anyways, my favorite thing to do at the sauna is to go in the super hot steam room, get baked for a while, then jump into the ice cold pool. Nothing cleanses the mind, body, and soul better. While I enjoy the Korean spas, nothing beats the Russian saunas, or banyas. You want heat? The Russkies definitely bring it…and them some. Which brings me to Jose Peraza. While he is not a Russkie (Peraza is Venezuelan), he has been as hot as a Russian banya over the past week: .324/.361/.735 with 3 home runs, 8 runs, 8 RBI, and 1 stolen base. Do we need to jump into the ice cold pool to cleanse our minds of him? Or can we continue to experience the heat?

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Life was good for Derek. Retired from the Yankees in 2014 at the age of 40. On top of the world. The King of New York. Started up ThePlayersTribune.com. Opened restaurants. Partnered on multiple business deals. Even got married in 2016! Was able to join Bruce Sherman’s consortium in purchasing the Marlins. Life was indeed good. Then the Marlins lost seven of their first ten games. Jeter knew it’d be bad, but he didn’t know it’d be this bad. The competitive juices began bubbling in his body. Then the Marlins lost eight of the next ten games. Steam began venting through his ears. Jeter stormed into Sherman’s office. “Bruce! I can’t take this shit anymore. I gave you my Black Book for this? You’re a gazillionaire. Do something.” KAPOW! Bruce b-slapped Derek with the Black Book…knocking him out. Little did Derek know, but underneath Marlins Park, a group of scientists had been working feverishly after getting the order earlier in the year. “I’ve been watching Westworld. I’m a gazillionaire. Do something.” When Derek woke up, he felt woozy. “Mirror. I need a mirror.” Ahhhhhhhhh. After the doctors had explained what they had done, Derek got up. Legs felt spry. Arms felt strong. Let’s do this. It was tough sledding in the beginning. From April 22nd to the end of the month, a span of eight games, Derek “Dietrich” (36% owned – increase of 15.4%) hit .179 with one home run and a 42.9% strikeout rate. Once the month of May hit, though, Derek got his groove back. 8 home runs, 25 runs scored, 21 RBI, .348 batting average and a 23.4% strikeout rate. Now, the BABIP has been .426. That’s obviously going to come down, but….Derek is batting lead off against righties and fifth against lefties. While he strikes out more against lefties, he’s more than held his own against them and actually has a higher ISO (.211 vs .182). Playing for the Marlins stinks and regression will kick in, but the 2B/3B/OF eligibility is nice and there’s a chance it really could be Jeter. No? Show me evidence to the contrary. TREASURE

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As a Korean-American, I’ve been sad lately. The World Cup soccer team is getting spanked and my boy in name only, Son Heung-Min, has not had a great tournament. In addition, the POTUS is doing things that bring tears to my eyes and enjoys hobknobbing with the nutcase in North Korea. When I try and console myself by thinking about Koreans in MLB, my brain instantly loops into the nightmare of Chan Ho Park serving up two grand slams to Fernando Tatis….IN THE SAME FREAKING INNING!!!! Arrrggghhhhhh!!!! Thank goodness for Shin-Soo Choo. Over the last week, he has a triple slash of .321/.441/.643 with 2 home runs and 1 stolen base. For the season, he’s batting .280 with 14 home runs, 48 runs scored, 36 RBI, and 3 stolen bases. Can the 35-year-old outfielder for the Texas Rangers keep chugging along?

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I went to a museum many of years ago and saw a 5′ x 5′ white canvas with a 2″ black line running down the middle of it. I looked left and saw a couple on the brink of orgasm looking at it. To my right was a man with glasses that looked as if the Riddler had hypnotized him. What was I missing? Shrooms, perhaps? I’m no connoisseur of art by any means, but this Son has a little culture running through his veins, so I do appreciate art. Much of it makes no sense to me, which I guess makes me a simpleton. Michelangelo’s statue of David, though? I get. The detail. The craftsmanship. I can see it. The only questions would be: Was it cold in there? and Was David Asian? Anyways, there’s no denying what David Peralta (77.1% owned – increase of 11.1%) has been doing on the baseball field. In 285 plate appearances, David has clubbed 14 home runs with 39 RBI and 2 stolen bases. The triple slash has been .277/.337/.500. He bats cleanup, strikes out only 22.1% of the time, and has a robust 48.7% hard contact rate. What about that humidor thing? Humidor Schumidor. David has a higher walk rate, lower strikeout rate, and higher ISO at home than on the road. Now, he does struggle against left-handed pitching (29.9% strikeout rate and .228 batting average), but he has hit 3 home runs off them and still bats fifth in the lineup. On the Razzball Player Rater, David is the 28th outfielder. TREASURE

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SAGNOF – Saves Ain’t Got NO Face. We all know the mantra. For those of you new to Razzball, the pursuit of saves is a fickle battle. There’s more turnover than at IHOP on free pancake day. Pitchers get hot, then not. Some need a break, while others just break. Many just plain suck. And then we have managers like The Sciosciapath. No further explanation needed. Although, even if I tried, I probably wouldn’t be able to explain his madness anyways. Whatever the case may be, saves appear out of thin air every season. Did you know that Phil Maton got a save last season? Exactly. In fact, a total of 162 pitchers got at least one save last year. Why am I driveling about saves? Because I want to write about Wade Davis today. I usually don’t write about closers because Smokey takes care of that, but I just got that itch after perusing Fangraphs. Yes, some scroll through Pornhub and Redtube. Pssst….I still do sometimes as well….But most of the time it’s scrolling and clicking on the various tabs on player pages at Fangraphs. SAGNOF. Son Ain’t Give NO F***s. So, what stood out about Wade Davis?

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The first Martin that popped into my head was Martin Lawrence. Bad boys, bad boys. What you gonna do? What you gonna do when they come for you? To be honest, I never really liked Lawrence the movie star. Stand up comedian Martin? Wasn’t the best, but that always got a chuckle from me. After doing extensive due diligence…..typing Martin into Google….I’m truly ashamed of myself. How could I forget the good reverend, Dr. Martin Luther King? He’s my favorite Martin for sure, but you are here to read about baseball. Since catchers are…..my momma said to STFU if you ain’t got nothing nice to say about someone, so I’ll talk about Leonys Martin (32.4% owned – increase of 15.2%). I definitely have a type, as I pimp Brett Gardner too much for anyone’s liking. Anyways, Martin won’t bat for a high average, think .255 range, but he will hit some home runs and steal some bases. The projection systems have him ending with 18 home runs and 18 stolen bases. Not bad. Last season, 24 players in all of baseball went at least 15/15. He’s not a prodigious walker (currently 8.9% but career rate of 6.6%), but the strikeout rate is a manageable 20.3% and the hard hit rate is a robust 38.6%. His position atop the Tigers lineup is favorable. Now, he’s turrable against left-handed pitching, and correspondingly moves down to 6th or 7th against them in the batting order, but he plays and that’s half the battle. Will Martin be a league winner? Naw, but there’s a place for players like him. TREASURE

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Last season, Gary Sanchez clubbed 33 home runs with a .278/.345/.531 slash. As a result, fantasy players were drafting Sanchez with the 34th pick on average. Cue the Grey cackle. What What???!!! When our mustached leader descended from the peak of Mt. Tout, he read these words from the tablet that was being carried in the hand that wasn’t holding his boba drink: Thou shall not draft catchers early. Now, I know there are sinners among you. It’s ok. We are not perfect beings and many of us succumb to temptations. What’s done is done. That’s right. Not only did you sin, but you’ve been experiencing a Dirty Sanchez up to this point, as Gary is batting .190/.291/.430. What to do? What to do?

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