This feels more like of a functional rookie post vs. a drool worthy one. Which is odd, because I don’t know if Jorge Alfaro is a rookie. I looked into it, and, from what I can tell, Alfaro still has his rookie eligibility. But if he doesn’t, look at this as the first sleeper post that’s boring vs. the last rookie post that’s boring. Man, I am selling the shizz out of this. Any hoo! Jorge Alfaro. Confession Alert! I ask Prospector Ralph for about ten names of rookies that will impact this year and then go off that list for these rookie posts. I mean, who better to ask than the guy that knows more about prospects than anyone else? Well, at least more about prospects than anyone I know, which, in my myopic world, is the same thing. Any hoo, Part 2: Return To Hoosville, Ralph didn’t give me Jorge Alfaro as a name to cover. I don’t think he likes him, y’all! I can understand his trepidation. Alfaro’s a catcher, that’s kinda boring. For fantasy, however, a catcher that has an everyday job and won’t be drafted until late in redraft leagues has value, especially one with huge raw power. So, what can we expect from Jorge Alfaro for 2018 fantasy baseball?Please, blog, may I have some more?
I nearly didn’t write this post. Wasn’t that I didn’t have love for Gleyber Torres. Though, my love for Gleyber is admittedly less coalesced into an actual thing than you’re gonna find from just about any Yankees fan. “Ya godda be fahkin jokin wit me right here, kid. Gleyber Torres is gonna be the greatest of all-time, son. All. Time. I wanna coalesce my fist into ya fahkin head with your sissy-boy words. Why don’t ya use a word like fuhgeddaboudit? Scared of being too real? Before you answer, I need to go with my mom to have her mustache waxed.” That’s your run-of-the-mill Yankees fan. See, Gleyber is already being fitted for Monument Park in Yankee Stadium before he even plays a game. By the way, fitting someone for Monument Park is like how Jabba the Hutt fit Han Solo for carbon. Little known fact, Monument Park in Yankee Stadium is the only place in the MLB where players are immortalized by being buried there. Kidding…or am I?! You need to Google it to verify the answer, don’t lie. Any hoo! Brian Cashman said the other day Gleyber Torres would get every opportunity to win the 3rd base job in Spring Training. Chase Headley said, “I have a love letter from a Padres fan named, Jay Wrong, that says I should be playing 162 games a year. On the reg.” So, what can we expect from Gleyber Torres for 2018 fantasy baseball?Please, blog, may I have some more?
In his brief cup of coffee last year, Harrison Bader hit three homers, stole two bases in only 85 ABs. Mr. Prorater says, “He’s a 20 homer, 15 steal guy in a full season of at-bats. Also, if I saved a dollar a day my whole life, I wouldn’t be in hock up to my eyeballs. Prorating sucks!” Damn, Mr. Prorater, so happy and sad — sappy? Nah, prolly not. A 20-homer, 15-steal guy is nothing like what he is though, right? In Triple-A in 431 ABs, he hit 20 homers and stole 15 bags. Okay, that’s spooky like your grandma’s linen closet. “I don’t seem so dumb now, do I? By the way, my mortgage is $3200 a month, so if you hang out for an hour, I’m gonna have to charge you $4.44, based on a 30-day month.” Okay, Mr. Prorater is now getting annoying. Prospector Ralph placed Harrison Bader 29th overall on his top 50 prospects for 2018 fantasy baseball. There, he said, “More than likely Bader will surpass his rookie limits in the first half of next year. My hope is the Cardinals do Bader a solid and trade him to a place he can start opening day. Because, make no mistake, he is ready. Bader’s fatal flaw is his lack of power vs. right-handers, which could see him on the weak side of the platoon early in his career. Grey’s fatal flaw is his hairlip.” Ouch! Totally unnecessary. So, what can we expect from Harrison Bader for 2018 fantasy baseball?Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Phils have Cesar Hernandez and Freddy Galvis, who was played for 162 games last year, something I still cannot get over. Imagine a team playing Freddy Galvis 162 games. I can’t and it happened! Any hoo! Both of these guys are arbitration eligible which could make them attractive in a trade to a smaller market team. As if you can’t imagine Cesar Hernandez or Galvis playing for the A’s next year. Plus, the Phils just hired “Hottie With His Shirt Off” Gabe Kapler. The Jacked Jew! By the way, if you would tell anyone who doesn’t know better that there’s a Jewish manager for the Phils named Gabe and he’s sexy AF, they’d tell you that you are absolutely bonkers. There hasn’t been a handsome Gabe since the 1979 Battle of the Network Stars when Isaac from The Love Boat sprayed water in Gable Kaplan’s face. Gabe Kapler is like the visual representation of a John Legend song. Okay, enough homoerotic fantasy baseball. Scott Kingery! That’s who we’re for. I mention Cesar Hernandez and Galvis because they could be standing in the way of Kingery’s playing time. Kingery plays predominantly 2nd base, which means Cesar would have to move, but Hernandez could play short, which works if Galvis moves. So, what can we expect from Scott Kingery for 2018 fantasy baseball?Please, blog, may I have some more?
After 25 minutes of intense Google searching, I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt Willy Adames is not William Adama. Though, 24 of those 25 minutes involved me removing a Firefox toolbar add-on that identified Cylons from humans. Meanwhile, searching Willy Adames on Razzball, reveals a flurry of results that tells me he has fallen dramatically in Prospector Ralph’s eyes. He was a top 25 prospect for 2017 fantasy baseball, where PR seemed to be self-soothing, saying things like, “Not the best start to his Triple-A career,” but “…lots of young players take a month to settle into a new level.” Apparently, less players take two years to settle in, because PR dropped Willy Adames all the way to 57th overall on his top 100 prospects for 2018 fantasy baseball. There, he seemed to still be excited about Adames, while couching his comments with much more room for disappointment, mentioning how others now think he’s overrated. Underrated, overrated or simply rated that is the question, after “To be or not to be,” “How do I get my hand unstuck from a Pringles can?” and “Am I the only one that calls diarrhea, ‘The Squirt Locker?'” Anyway, what can we expect from Willy Adames for 2018 fantasy baseball?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Can’t stop, won’t stop, making these bad boys all about fantasy baseball rookie hitters, but every once in a while you need to remove the blinders and look at a pitcher. This doesn’t mean get totally enamored by pitchers. Like Teddy KGB would say in a terrible Russian accent, “Nyet, nyet, nyet! You sons of beeeeech, you tricked me, nyet!” We must focus on hitters, but sometimes a great pitcher comes along, and we have to take a peeksie-poo. Brent Honeywell is one such pitcher. Three quick GIFs, from me to you.
I have a big takeaway from these GIFs. Honeywell looks pretty low energy like Jeb! Whether it’s the fastball in the first two GIFs or the bye-bye junk in the third GIF. You gotta feel bad for the hitter when he gets to the third drop-off-the-table-snap-don’t-need-no-police-just-stay-off-my-back-or-I-will-attack-with-an-offspeed-pitch-that-you-won’t-smack pitch. That’s only two pitches of his possible six pitches. The last one, which I can’t stop watching, is just unhittable. Looks like a circle change to me, but he’s got so many pitches in his repertoire — change, curve, fastball, screwball, cutter, knuckle-curve — who knows what he’s throwing, the hitters definitely don’t. So, what can we expect from Brent Honeywell for 2018 fantasy baseball?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Austin Hays‘ rebellion against minor league pitching was so alarming this past year that Jon Jay began arguing for a stronger centralized league office to ratify the MLB Constitution, and guarantee no prospect could take down the major leagues through sheer moxie. “Your moxie is manifest, and we call on Washington to leave his family home in Mount Vernon and return to public life.” That’s Jon Jay arguing to team representatives about UL Washington, who was minding his own business in Virginia. “Say what now?” That’s UL Washington as he sips sweet tea. Then again, it might be because I went to see Hamilton this past weekend. Of course, this rebellion I’m speaking of — the Hays’ Rebellion — thrust Austin Hays from also-ran minor leaguer to full-blown Trey Mancini clone. I will call him Robotcini. So, what can we expect from Austin Hays for 2018 fantasy baseball?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Zack Cozart is likely out the door this offseason with Eugenio Suarez moving to shortstop while Jose Peraza goes super-utility, and, after his previous season, that might be the only time ‘super’ is used in regards to Peraza. That’s my best guess for Nick Senzel getting into the Reds’ lineup as the starting 3rd baseman. If Cozart is re-signed, or the Reds want Suarez and Peraza both in the lineup or the Reds sign someone else, it throws this post into question. To this point, my only questionable life decision was frosting my hair in the 90’s, so I’m fine with writing this post as questionable decision number two in my life. Even in a best case scenario, Senzel will likely start the year in the minors until June, with Suarez not moving to short until then. So, if Peraza and Suarez have a huge first two months, then Senzel might get delayed, even though it will appear in March like it’s a matter of time, so, yeah, this will be iffy on playing time. What else is iffy about him? Not much, which is why there’s even a Nick Senzel 2018 fantasy outlook post. So, what can we expect from Nick Senzel for 2018 fantasy baseball?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Well, they’re not all going to be positive. That’s starting out a post on the right foot about as well as Daniel Day-Lewis in My Left Foot. Before Ryan McMahon talk, let’s talk about the Rockies in general. This is a team that screwed me (this time it’s personal!) with Raimel Tapia, David Dahl and Tom Murphy, and that’s only from this past year! In the past, they’ve refused to play Eric Young, Ian Stewart, Charlie Blackmon (for 3 years!) while opting at times for Clint Barmes, Seth Smith, and Ty Wigginton. I know, those first names don’t jump out as amazing, aside from Chazz Noir, but we’ll never know because they just weren’t played. In five years, we may say Raimel Tapia isn’t good either if he gets at-bats like Eric Young, which was rare to never. First base is especially littered with vets who the Rockies chose to go with over rookies: Helton (four to five years too long), Justin Morneau, Giambi and Mark Reynolds. Not saying these were all bad, okay, they were mostly bad, but Mile High makes mountains out of molehills. If the Rockies gave, say, Ben Paulsen a real chance at 1st base, maybe he would’ve done better. Which brings us back to Ryan McMahon, who the Rockies moved to first because The Torenado’s got 3rd on lock, and he’s a star. 3rd lock from the sun? So, what can we expect from Ryan McMahon for 2018 fantasy baseball?Please, blog, may I have some more?
How much does the Rangers giving up Yu Darvish for Willie Calhoun play into their wont to play Calhoun? Bigly, not bigly yet, bigly soon, or, like a chicken piccata’s side, big leek. Therein lies the sun, moon, and stars of Willie Calhoun’s value for 2018 fantasy baseball. My thoughts on this is you don’t trade a guy that is the face of your franchise like Yu for a guy who’s not going to play, but — and this is a Kardashian-sized but — Darvish was due to be a free agent, so maybe it doesn’t matter. How’s that for landing on one side or the other? Honestly, I don’t know, but the Rangers need to move towards the future and their outfield has room for Calhoun. Why does any of this matter? Cause Calhoun’s so butter I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter can’t tell the difference between him and butter, and I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter’s “butter or not butter” radar is as fine-tuned as you’re going to find. So, let’s speak on him as if playing time is all but assured. So, what can we expect from Willie Calhoun for 2018 fantasy baseball?Please, blog, may I have some more?