Andres Torres went 2-for-4 with the delicious slam & legs.  My man has slams and legses for days!  This is his 2nd homer and 2nd steal since he’s returned from his appendectomy.  Somehow he’s a Latin 32, but he played this season like an Asian 52, which isn’t an official Razzball glossary term, but comes from my belief that all Asians look much younger until they hit 53-years-old then they look much older than they are.  For instance, you see an Asian man who’s 52-years-old and you’re like, “Wow, you look like you’re about 32-years-old.”  Then you see an Asian man who is 53-years-old and you’re like, “Wow, you look like you’re 97-years old.”  Pat Morita is a great example of this phenomenon.  At the age of 43, he played Arnold on Happy Days and looked young for his age.  At the age of 54, he played Mr. Miyagi and looked ancient.  I’d grab Torres for the final weekend if you’re desperate, but the Giants may rest him once they clinch.  In 2011, I think Torres might suddenly look 97-years-old.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Pablo Sandoval – 1-for-3 with his 13th homer.  Look at Kung F.U. Panda showing a little taste of his extinct power right after everyone in their right mind has already dropped him.

Madison Bumgarner – 5 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks as he officially crossed the innings threshold making it not completely safe to draft him next year.  The division, the ballpark, the stuff… It’ll be hard to avoid him, but January Grey might have to look into it further (if I bail J.G. out of jail).

Buster Posey – 2-for-4 with his 17th homer as he hits .313.  You’ll excuse me if I don’t pop a blood vessel next year when it comes to getting in early on Posey.

Mark Reynolds – I forget if I read this or heard it (I think it’s the latter, if it matters), but Reynolds is about to accomplish the impossible.  Something that has never been done before in a full season of at-bats.  He’s going to finish with a higher number of Ks than batting average.  Right now, he sits at 208 Ks and a .198 average.  Aren’t you glad I told you to buy into Mini Donkey in 2009 and to avoid him in 2010?

Felix Hernandez – F-her F’d me.  He’s shut down for the year.  Look elsewhere, I’m crying.  Seriously, stop looking at me.  He was my ace!

Carlos Gonzalez – Mr. Slam & Legs sat yesterday and is sitting on Sunday.  Tracy said now that the Chokies are eliminated there’s no reason to play CarGo.  What’s this the last few days of Senior year and he’s already going to his safety school?  Play the games!

Ryan Ludwick – 0-for-4, batting .218 with 5 homers on the Padres in 198 ABs.  Somebody send those stats to Werth before he thinks about signing with the Padres in the offseason.

Jon Garland – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Here’s a great illustration of hodgepadres.  Garland has a 4.34 career ERA in over 2000 innings, so it’s not like it’s fluky.  His home ERA this year is 3.00 in 108 IP.

Drew Stubbs – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 22nd homer.  Power, speed and Ks… I’m getting on board for next year.  That’s the Stubbbub.

Brett Myers – 5 2/3 IP, 8 ER.  Was obviously spooked when the President of NOW threw out the first pitch.

Jon Lester – 4 IP, 8 ER, 14 baserunners, 5 Ks.  The last start of the year should be like a nice cognac.  Not malt liquor sifted through cigarette butts.

Gio Gonzalez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners, 8 Ks and ends the year with an ERA of 3.23, which is below Jon Lester.  Literally.

Cliff Pennington – 1-for-3 with his 6th homer.  I picked him up for yesterday’s game.  Sometimes it’s better to be lucky than good.

Pedro Alvarez – 4-for-5, 5 RBIs and his 4th homer in the last 10 games.  I told you to pick him up 9 games ago.  The preceding was a gentle reminder for you to blame yourself.

Chris Narveson – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks.  Has had a great 2nd half and gets Ks, so you’d think I’d be all over him like something on something for next year.  The issue, loyal Razzball reader, Narveson was good last 2nd half too and that didn’t mean anything in the beginning of this year.

Colby Rasmus – 1-for-3 with his 12th steal.  Guy had a good year, so I don’t want unjolly his socks too much, but how does Pujols have more steals than him?  Pujols runs like the nerdy kid in your 6th grade gym class.  He’s all arms and hips!

Chris Carpenter – 9 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks as Carpenter nailed the door shut.  *knock,knock*  Um, I think you locked me in here.

Cliff Lee – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks.  The Adverb ended the year with 185 Ks to 18 BBs.  Brilliant Lee.

Peter Bourjos – 3-for-4 with his 5th homer.  Also, he has 10 steals.  He looks like a young Drew Stubbs.  I might avoid him for 2011 and come back at him in 2012.  Will need to think on that though(t).

Mike Aviles – 1-for-4 with another steal.  Honestly, I have no idea what’s gotten into him.  In 244 career games, he has 21 steals.  In the last 6 games, he has 5 steals and he tried to steal in the 6th game but was caught.  Did Boras call him up and say I can get you money if you steal bases?  Did Aviles and Butler make a bet and Aviles doesn’t want to lose because then he has to buy dinner?

Jose Bautista – Hit his 53rd and 54th homers.  Imagine the publicity Bautista would’ve got this year if McGwire, Sosa and Bonds didn’t “save” our game.

Travis Snider – 3-for-6, 2 RBIs and guess what he did for the third game in a row.  Go ahead, I’ll wait.  *scratches head, picks something off big toe, burps*  He homered!  C’mon, that was an easy one.

Edwin Encarnacion – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and 2 homers.  If you missed out on the dozen other corner infidels I’ve been touting for the last few days, give Edwin a go.

Justin Smoak – Speaking of touted corner infidels, Smoak stayed hot yesterday going 2-for-2 and is now hitting over .400 in the last week.

Mike Stanton – 3-for-5, 5 RBIs and his 22nd homer in his 97th game.  I hate The Beatles, but when I read Stanton’s line tonight I started humming, “I love you…  Yeah!  Yeah!  Yeah!” BTW, Paul McCartney has a lady face.

Leo Nunez – Recorded his 30th save and should get another opportunity this weekend assuming there is one (an opportunity, not a weekend).  The Marlins said they’re trying to rebuild Nunez’ confidence.  Here’s a secret, if someone knows people are attempting to rebuild their confidence, it makes it so much harder.  Maybe it’s confirmation bias, maybe it’s some other made-up, Psych 101 word.  Okay, I’m letting class out a little early today.  Don’t forget to read Chapter 3, “Your Green Pants Don’t Make You Irish, Drinking Does.”

  1. jsp2014 says:

    Wade Davis is apparently now pitching Sunday instead of Saturday. I was bored and curious how you were doing in yahoo F&F (ok, stalking…) and noticed your max out day is Sunday. I figure this is the one opportunity to give you a tip.

  2. DJSatane says:

    If I was a woman, I be all over sexy Mike Stanton, he is just awesome!

  3. ruah says:

    Ugh, I usually think along the same lines as you for spot starters but yesterday I ignored everything and went with Fister over Volstad and boy did Fister live up to his name. Anyhoo, help me get back on the straight and narrow, it cost me a point in ERA. I have Weaver going but I have room for another spotter, nearly every SP that’s going today is available sans about 5. Here are the ones I’m looking at:

    Romero(@MIN), Wood(MIL), Norris(CHC), Guthrie(DET), Carmona(@CWS)…or anyone else you may like, they’ll most likely be available.

  4. Tony says:

    I snagged up cliff pennington for yesterday too, cheers.

  5. Just an interesting non-baseball comment here, but I’m in Beijing for work and bought an hour Internet time at an wi-fi cafe and decided to check in to see today’s Razzball entry — and it was blocked by the Chinese government! When I tried to load the page a message came up in several languages saying that Razzball is not approved for Chinese viewership “for political or social reasons”!

    Fortunately (for my two fantasy teams), at my international hotel I can still check in.

  6. Wilsonian says:

    Ozzie says he’s shutting down Pierre for the rest of the season. Yahoo says Juan ain’t too happy about that, but he’ll at least be resting for tonight’s game. Hopefully the insanely large Juan can overpower Ozzie and get in the games for the weekend, for my team’s sake at least.

  7. d-rot says:

    Can I start Travis Wood tonight at home against the Brewers or has he hit the rookie wall?
    All my pitching categories are tight- meaning I need ERA, but I also need k’s and wins.


  8. GopherDay says:

    @Enrique: Ha! That’s awesome! Sorry Grey, but you need to become more “politically and socially correct” to tap into the billions of chinese fantasy baseballers out there.

  9. GopherDay says:

    So, @jsp2014 got me curious, so I checked out the Yahoo F&F league. Am I the only one that finds it humorous Evans hasn’t checked his team since August 17th?

  10. @Enrique: Very interesting! Grey screws with Miyagi and see what happens! Careful over there. No casual shin-Soo Choo humor! Hate that Grey is sort of supporting Ozzie Guillen’s moronic Asian players are given privileges in the United States that Latinos are not afforded theory, with his Asian young ’till 52 versus Latin 32 principle; but I can see the validity. Razzball’s gone global!
    Thanks for another terrific season Grey & congrats on the success of this terrific site.

  11. majortommy says:

    Pedro Alvarez may have clinched my roto league for me yesterday. The HR and 5 RBI were nice but his 4 for 5 was critical with 4 teams separated by .002 BA points. Team hit .636 yesterday! Thanks Grey!

  12. Anonymous says:

    Holy shizz…Reynolds is actually batting under the Mendoza Line… No one ever does that…

    @Wilsonian: Thank you for the Pierre tip

  13. Todd says:

    Final three days! I need some pickups to win my fantasy league…

    Looking for Ks (and wins as a secondary category)

    I need to pick two total for friday and saturday:
    romero @ MIN
    Richard @ SF
    Norris @ CHC
    Matuzs vs. DET
    Stauffer @ SF
    Sanabia vs. pit

    And two for sunday:
    Sanchez vs. pit
    volquez vs. mil
    wolf @ cin

    You helped me get this far this year….help me bring it home grey

  14. Matt Crapps says:

    Hey Lou, let’s lay off the Asians.

  15. Dudes says:

    Wait, you hate the Beatles?!

  16. Grey

    Grey says:

    @jsp2014: What do you mean?

    @DJSatane: Ha


    @Tony: Nice

    @Enrique: Are you serious? And it wasn’t blocked before? C’mon, you’re putting me on.

    @Wilsonian: Ha

    @d-rot: I wouldn’t start him.

    @GopherDay: Yeah, should be winning that stupid league which frustrates me.

    @zombie: No problem, and thanks!

    @majortommy: Congrats!

    @Anonymous: He has over 200 Ks and under a .200 average, that’s incredible.

    @Todd: Stauffer, Sanabia… Wolf, Sanchez…

    @Matt Crapps: Nice quote.

    @Dudes: Yeah, not a fan.

  17. Eddy says:

    I think Aviles is the only reason my opponent is beating me in 4/5 offensive categories. So far over the course of the two week championship he has 12 runs, 2 HR, 6 RBI, 5 SB and a .333 AVG.

    Andrus on the other hand has a grand total of 2 runs and 2 RBI with a .133 AVG over these last 11 days.

    Anyways, my matchup is tied 5-5 and it seems that AVG is going to determine the 2010 champ. I slipped last night so I’m down .274 to his .279. I went ahead and benched Andrus for today because I can’t stand him anymore (and he’s 5 for 24 against Weaver). Should I bench Adrian Gonzalez too for the same reasons? Dude has only gotten me two hits in the last 11 days. Remember AVG is the only priority here.

  18. I think Paul McCartney is Asian, because for the first 53 years he looked remarkably young, and then he hit that wall. Now his face resembles Sally Struther’s lady parts.

  19. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Eddy: You don’t need any RBIs or HRs at all? Then, yeah, bench him.

    @ChrisV82: Ha!

  20. Eddy says:

    Not really, I’m down 4 HR and up 8 RBI. My other guys have pretty much done all the work in those categories without his help.

    Thanks Grey.

  21. Back to Minors says:

    how would you feel about Lilly at home vs R Lopez and ARI on Sunday? it’s a late afternoon game, so he’d be a “pitch only if situation is dire”.

  22. ASAOK says:

    Would you pick up Rzepczynski (@ Min), Blackburn (vs. Tor) or O’Sullivan (vs. TB) for Sunday?

  23. @Grey: Re: Beijing. This is my first trip here since becoming a Razzballer last season, so I can only speak based on the last couple of days. But so far, in public, no password wi-fi areas used mostly by Chinese, the site seems to be blocked and replaced with some boilerplate language about political and social mumbo jumbo. But here at the Hilton Hotel, where it’s a closed network, it works fine. Since I wrote earlier, I tied in another public place with the same result.

    I also noticed the peer-to-peer site I use to download The Office on Friday’s is similarly blocked in public, as is my home town Craigslist. But both work fine on the Hilton network as well.

    Has anyone else mentioned anything like that to you? I’m here in part to write about social issues, so I may use Razzball’s being blocked as an example of limited access to information (assuming you don’t mind).

  24. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Enrique: I haven’t heard anything else regarding that, but if it’s blocked the Chinese wouldn’t know any different. Feel free to use Razzball as you wish. To think China may change their policies due to Razzball.

  25. brad says:

    Lester molested me yesterday, I really Weaver to just hold me and make me feel safe and secure. Can I trust him?

  26. Grey

    Grey says:

    @brad: Not entirely, but you may need to try.

  27. royce! says:

    @Grey: Once FBB becomes an olympic sport, I don’t know how the Chinese expect to compete without Razzball.

    You see this mlb video of all of Bautista’s HR in 2 mins? It’s a mesmerizing way to summarize hit pull-happy ways.

  28. Grey

    Grey says:

    @royce!: Expectations are too low for some teams, Padres being one. They need a 7th inning stretch Friar race to get fans excited. I like that Olympic idea. I can be Béla Károlyi and when Big O wins, he can jump into my arms.

  29. Grey

    Grey says:

    @royce!: Ha, I wrote my comment before looking at the article. Nice jersey that fan has.

  30. Lob Ball says:


    Too many choices for a Sunday starter. I can only use one and I need a W in a big way. Is my best bet Sanchez, Wolf, Lilly, or

    This will be my last post of the year and I just want to say you’ve been a terrific help.

  31. Red Panda says:

    Will have some tough decisions to make for 2011’s keepers, so I’d love for feedback to think about during the Winter. Any help would be appreciated. $260 auction money. Price next to each player. Planning on keeping Votto for $17, A-Gon for $19, CarGo for $15 & McCutcheon for $1.

    Pick 2:

    Lester – $6
    Liriano – $1
    Ubaldo – $1
    Braun – $33
    V-Mart – $9
    Stanton – $1

    Appreciate any help!

  32. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Lob Ball: Sanchez who? Anibal? Wolf then. No problem.

    @Red Panda: Ubaldo, tough choice… Lester…

  33. royce! says:

    @Grey: Maybe we can get some Native Americans to stage a battle with the Friar! Teach the kids some history while we’re at it!

    Just realized how funny the Padres playing the Braves or Indians is once you consider the history of the actual missions in San Diego. Manifest Destiny demands the Padres win!!!

  34. Grey

    Grey says:

    @royce!: That’s hilarious. Maybe send the Navy in the break them up.

  35. BookieBob says:

    “BTW, Paul McCartney has a lady face”

    That’s Lady Madonna to you, bub!

  36. littlelarrybird says:

    Would you keep Stanton over J Upton for next season? Only allowed 3 keepers, figured Votto, Longoria, and Upton were definites, but rethinking w/ Stanton’s play. I have 6 months to mull it over, but I need to know now! Pretty sure if I keep Stanton, Upton emerges as a top-5 superstar, whereas if I keep Upton, he has a repeat of 2010 and Stanton blasts 50+ HR.

  37. Jcom says:

    Aviles..hes getting a bit long in tooth but is there talent there? two season ago i predicted a 15/15 can he get to that level for 2011?

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