Yu Darvish was outstanding last night, pitching 8.2 innings and allowing just one hit and two walks while striking out 12 Red Sox. Darvish brought his filthiest stuff to the park last night. No, not his magazine collection. Yu’s pitches were overpowering the Sawx and the movement on his slider made him practically unhittable. Yu retired the first 20 batters he faced before David Ortiz reached on an error in the fifth inning, breaking up the perfect game. Regardless, Darvish dominated. He struck out six in a row at one point, which is like Craig Kimbrel getting a double save. Yu was one strike away from his first no-hitter, but David Ortiz pulled through again with a ground ball through the shift. D’ohvish. Damn you, Big Papi! Yu do not “Luv Ya Papi”, but you’re better off with J.Lo anyway, David. Poor Darvish suffered the same fate in his debut last April versus Houston, striking out 14 Astros through 8.2 innings before losing the perfect game with one out to go. So what does all this mean for your fantasy team? Not a whole lot, except if you own Darvish you’re as happy as Pharrell in a new, big hat. Despite his bad luck, Darvish currently sports a lovely 10.49 K/9 to go along with his 1.08 WHIP, and it’s those stats that will help your fantasy team a lot more than any perfect game will. But don’t worry, Yu will get there some day.
Here’s what else happened in fantasy baseball Friday night:
Troy Tulowitzki – 1-for-4, 10th HR. Tulorrific! I’ve started using the word “Tulo” to describe things that are just too good for words. Like, man, what do you think is more Tulo, his .769 SLG% or his 1.273 OPS? They are tulodiculous. Or, that bacon double chee’ was TU-LO! Hey bro, check out my new Tulo kicks, they’re the Jordan LXI’s (they’re orthopedic just like the real Jordan’s, good for the knees, yo!) How about Tulo’s .402 batting average? Isn’t that Tulo cray, or maybe this word is just Tulo dumb. What? You don’t think it’s Tuloarious? Stop trying to make Tulo happen. It’s not going to happen.
Nolan Arenado – 0-for-3, run. The hitting streak finally ends. But I’m sure we’ll see another one from Nolan Sharkenado soon enough. Quick, it’s your buy-low window! Yeah, it’s a small window. Probably for elves or hobbits.
Johnny Cueto – 8.0 IP, 5 hits, 2 ER, 8 K. Johnny continues his best Clayton Kershaw impression, and he has been simply incredible to date. It is completely dumb luck that I own him anywhere, *Fantasy Pro Tip:* be dumb! Cueto hasn’t allowed more than two ER in a start all year, and has gone at least 8.0 innings in five of his eight outings (he pitched 7.0 innings in the other three), including two complete games. He leads the league with a ridiculous 0.73 WHIP, and the 2.66 xFIP is as elite as it gets. The Reds o-fence is providing an average of just 2.75 runs of support per start, so Johnny has been even better than his 3-2 record shows. If that’s not Tulo, I don’t know what is. What I’m saying is we should be fawning over Cueto a lot more than we are already, I’m guessing we’re all just afraid he’s going to get hurt again.
Joey Votto – 1-for-4, and his 5th HR. Back in the clean up spot, JoVo hit a walk-off home run to claim this one for Canada, guy. Hey, I’m not your guy, budday!
Ernesto Frieri – 1.0 IP, 2 K, 4th SV. Looks like Ernesto is back to being the closer. Well, that didn’t take very long. Frieri just took a brief break while he was “rolling out! Looking for America’s best diners, drive-ins and dives!”
Garrett Richards – 7.0 IP, 5 hits, 2 ER, 6 K. People seem to ask me a lot, “Hey you! Who should I trade this shcmohawk for?” Well, that depends on your team needs and the stupidity level of your trading partner, but Richards might be a guy I’d target. He’s young, pitches for a good team, and has struck out five or more in every one of his starts this season with a 9.20 K/9. Yes, please! The 3.1% HR/FB and 2.72 FIP are real purdy to look at, too. Still, I think the best is yet to come from Richards this season and if I can buy him now for relatively cheap, I’d go for it.
Clay Buchholz – 4.1 IP, 10 hits, 6 ER, 2 BB, 3 K. Well, if that outing doesn’t make you want to start him the next week I don’t know what will. Do you want him to make fun of your mom or something, too? Happy Mother’s Day, Moms! If you’re reading this you may be taking way too much interest in your son’s hobbies.
Elvis Andrus – 4-for-5, 2 runs. Does anyone else think Andrus’s beard makes him look like an evil villain? I was half expecting a cackle after his fourth hit last night. Mwa-ha-ha! Elvis’ nefarious henchman, Leonys Martin, was 2-for-4 with a 2-run HR, and after the game he and Elvis went for ice cream sundaes. Mwa-ha-ha!
Manny Machado – 1-for-4, HR. Need a little excitement? Manny, get them some slim jims. Macho Manny Machado with his signature move, the flying baseball jack. Oh yeah!
Mike Trout – 1-for-5, 7th HR. His royal Troutness. The evil advertising execs that secretly run Razzball insist on me mentioning Mike Trout in every other post. Also, while we’re at it: puppies, Taylor Swift, twerking, yolo and Bryce Harper.
Neil Walker – 3-for-4, 3-run HR, 4 RBI. I used up all my pirate puns last week, but hey, nice game, Neil!
Ike Davis – 2-for-4, 2 RBI. As Razzball’s resident Ike Davis supporter, although not exactly by choice, I feel obligated to point out Ike has three straight multi-hit games. That is all.
Jhonny Peralta – 2-for-4, 8th HR. How is Jhonny not owned everywhere by now? Is it the placement of the H? Eight home runs!? How did that happen? He’s got a seven game hitting streak with two homers in that span. Shortstop is the word this year! Amiright!?
Phil Hughes – 7.0 IP, 8 hits, 0 ER, 3 K and his 4th win. Well, color me impressed. Against the ferocious Tigers no less, Phil notches his fourth win in a row. Feeling the rush post game, Phil went driving around 8 Mile looking to start some freestyle battles. Even if he can take down B. Rabbit, I wouldn’t touch Hughes for his start next week versus Boston.
Justin Verlander – 7.0 IP, 9 base runners, 2 ER, 5 K. JV was the hard luck loser last night, but doode is winning at life if he’s still dating Kate Upton. And for that, sir, we salute you. We hate you, but we salute you.
Brandon McCarthy – 3.1 IP, 9 hits, 7 ER, 5 K. If he was as consistent a pitcher as he was a Twitterer he would be worth owning everywhere. But he’s not. So whenever you need your Brandon McCarthy fix of his trademark brand of off beat humor and daily life insight, just follow him on twitter instead. And yes, he paid me to plug his account.
Jose Abreu – 3-for-4, HR, 2 RBI. He is good at hitting baseballs far. He is Tulo good at it.
Alexei Ramirez – 2-for-4, grand slamy (5th HR). Grey told you to SELL Tulowitzki this week, and although I don’t think I’d be able to trade him right now because of my weak will and all, I do agree that now is a good time to sell. Shortstop is crazy deep this year and Alexei has been the perfect example of that. You can probably get just about anything you want for Tulo right now. *Cough Stanton Cough*. Ahem, I’m sorry, I accidentally typed the word cough twice. Anyway, explore your options. The ChiSox scored 9 runs off 15 hits including three hits from Alejandro de Aza and a home run from Tyler Flowers.
Julio Teheran – 8.0 IP, 1 hits, 1 ER, 2 BB, 9 K. His only blip was a solo homer to Mike Olt (who has now homered in three straight games). Julio’s been every bit the fantasy ace we all drafted him to be, in fact he’s been more of an ace for my teams than any of the aces I drafted as aces. Wait now I’m confused. I’ll make it easy for you, Julio’s got a 1.71 ERA, and 0.81 WHIP through eight starts. That’s pretty ace-some.
Alex Wood – 1.0 IP, 1 hit, 2 K and his third win. Craig Kimbrel blew the save (1.0 IP, 2 hits, 1 BB, 1 ER), but Alex Wood felt for his fantasy owners after losing his spot in the rotation to Gavin Floyd and he offered up the vulture win out of the pen as some sort of consolation.
Michael Brantley – 1-for-5, 7th HR. Dude is so hot, he’s making Kevin Durant look ice cold. Has someone been lacing the peace pipe with PEDs? Or maybe its in the wampum. Whatever gets me fantasy points. Keep on smoke um what you’re smoke um-ing, Brantley.
Asdrubal Cabrera – 3-for-4, 6th HR. It must be that new autographed Browns Johnny Manziel jersey he was secretly wearing under his uniform. Not sure if Johnny told you, but him and Asdrubal are boyz 4 lyfe.
Corey Kluber – 6.2 IP, 9 hits, 2 ER, 9 K. Grey told you to BUY him and I totally agree. He’s been way more gooder than badder-er? Sure, the the 1.35 WHIP isn’t doing you any favors but the Klub’s has a sick 9.93 K/9 and a 25.5 K% and has only given up more than 3 ER in a start twice this year.
John Axford – 0.2 IP, 2 hits, 1 ER, 2 BB, 2 K. Axford entered with a four run lead, but after giving up a run and putting tying runs on base Cody Allen (0.1 IP, 1st save) was called upon to bail him out. Axford has been terrible lately, and the 4.91 ERA and 1.77 WHIP is inspiring no one. It remains unclear if he’ll lose closing duties to the more worthy Allen, but Cody is worth a speculative add in most leagues just in case.
Jake Odorizzi – 5.0 IP, 5 hits, 0 ER, 2 BB, 11 K. Is that Odorizzi I smell unscented? Because it doesn’t smell half bad. Mmmm, absense of scent…Certainly better than before. Jake has an ugly 5.79 ERA on the year and normally I wouldn’t advise going near him but he gets the Mariners in Seattle next week and I’ve learned never to doubt the Rays and Joe Maddon’s sorcery.
Yovani Gallardo – 5.2 IP, 5 hits, 4 ER, 3 BB, 7 K. You need to sell this guy while his ERA is still under three.
Yangervis Solarte – 1-for-4, 3-run HR, his 2nd. Tanaka must be the Ying to Solarte’s Yangervis.
Brandon Maurer – 7.1 IP, 14 hits, 4 ER, 0 K. Ugh-face. Gave up 14 singles. *Fantasy Pro Tip*: That won’t help your fantasy team, but if you own him already you are probably beyond help. I’m just using Mauer’s blurb as a convenient way to tell you that Eric Hosmer, Salvador Perez and Alex Gordon all had three hits a piece! Royals! It do run in their blood!
Jason Vargas – 7.0 IP, 3 hits, 0 ER, 6 K. That kind of luxe just ain’t for Var-gas. Let him be your ruler. You can call him King V. And baby he’ll rule, he’ll rule, he’ll rule… Let him live that fantasy. At least until his next start vs. Baltimore.
Madison Bumgarner – 8.0 IP, 4 hits, 1 ER, 8 K. I haven’t seen a bum that mad since I stole a panhandler’s change to pay for parking. But after Yasiel Puig hit his 5th HR and flipped his bat Bum looked mighty Mad indeed, mean-mugging Puig as he rounded the bases. Really, MadBum? Really? Puig could press you like a panini and serve you with roasted pork and pickles. I am liking the confidence though.
Brandon Belt – Headed to the DL with a broken thumb after being hit by a pitch. It’s a big blow for owners who have enjoyed Belt’s 9 HR, 18 RBI and 3 SB. He is expected to miss about a month and a half. More importantly, now that the Belt is gone, let’s just hope Pablo Sandoval can keep his pants from falling down.
Tommy Milone – 8.0 IP, 2 hits, 0 ER, 3 BB, 7 K and his first win. Holy schnikes, Tommy boy! Way to pull off the Herbie Hancock. I guess this is why Dan Strailly lost his rotation spot before Milone. It’s a nice start, but I’d like to see a little more before recommending him.
Doug Fister – 4.1, 9 hits, 5 ER, 2 K. Gave up homers to John Jaso, Brandon Moss and Yoenis Cespedes. Owners weren’t diggin’ this first start back from Doug, but he should rebound next week in Arizona.
Tyson Ross – 7.0 IP, 4 hits, 1 ER, 8 K. Ty is a true Hodgepadre through and through. Let’s look at the splits, over the internet friends. Ross has three wins with a 1.59 ERA, 36 Ks and opponents are batting just .210 against him home at PetCo. Meanwhile, his ERA is 5.94 away, with opponents hitting .333 with 4 HRs off him in just 16.2 IP. He gets the Reds in Cincinnati next week and I would avoid.
Jose Fernandez – 5.0 IP, 6 hits, 5 ER, 5 K. Is this because I made you be blood brothers with me? I should have warned you my blood may or may not be loaded with trace amounts of THC and opiates. It’s tainted blood, and you may be feeling the after effects of our friendship pact. The horror, fantasy owners! Just when you think it’s safe to start the best pitcher in baseball against the worst offense in baseball in the most pitcher friendly park…in the world. Stephen King presents: PetCo Sematary.
Jedd Gyorko – 3-for-4, 2 HR including a grand salami, 6 RBI. How was this for a Tulo performance? So yeah, of course he waits until over half his owners drop him before busting out a two home run game on us. Such a Gyorko move. I’d still grab this big Gyorko wherever he’s still available. But don’t be coming back ’round here no more now, Jedd, me and Brian Dozier have been very happy building a fantasy life together, and now that you’re back, it’s got me questioning our whole relationship.
Please leave it in the comments below, or you can get at me on twitter @dandemanco. Join us next Saturday for another Friday recap as fantasy baseball continues next week, all week long!