Don't be shellfish...Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+

Sean Connery enjoyed the landing of B-Weezy.

So it’s official. Just in time for your playoffs or late-season run for a title, Matt Cain has joined Jason Heyward and Rafael Betancourt, all recent casualties, on the DL. Even though the X-ray’s came back negative after Cain got hit by a line-drive on Thursday, Bruce Bochy said it was too soon to say whether or not he would make his next start. A mere seven hours later, which I guess was not too soon anymore, it was decided that Cain would not only miss his next start, but at least three. You’d figure with such a big head, Bochy would have a better grasp of time. And, you know, bullpen usage. Granted, this season wasn’t shaping up to be Cain’s finest and was pretty up-and-down (more down) in general. But his second-half ERA of 2.84 and improved walk rate were representing an expected regression. So the timing couldn’t be worse, especially since the Giants are not postseason bound and really have no reason to rush a recovery. Relevant. Here’s what else I noticed yesterday…

Adrian Beltre — 1-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI, and his 27th homer. I’ll stop drafting when you stop hitting.

Brandon Beachy — Also joining the above mentioned triumvirate on the DL with right elbow inflammation. Did you know that he pitches an average of 66 innings a year? Son-of-a-Beachy is right.

Emilio Bonifacio – 0-for-3, 1 SB. Bonifacio drew two walks. What’s next, stigmata?

Jhoulys Chacin — 7.0 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks. I recently spotlighted him here, much to my Chacin. Yes, that’s twice now I’ve used it, but it’s just so darn clever. This is me patting myself on the back.

Bruce Chen — 3.2 IP, 7 ER, 11 baserunners, 2 Ks. C’mon, you didn’t think his 2.20 ERA was serious, did you? Did you? “Fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.” Yeah, whatever he said. I think.

Coco Crisp — 4-for-5, 3 runs, 1 RBI, and his 12th homer. I prefer Cocoa Puffs. Actually, I prefer Berry Crunch. Why? Cause ef the roof of my mouth, that’s why.

Khris Davis — 2-for-3, 2 runs, 4 RBIs, and his 7th and 8th homer. I believe he is actually Chris Davis. To get to the bottom of this, I’ve requested his long-form birth certificate.

David DeJesus — 1-for-3, 1 run. Traded to his 80th team in the last two hours. Guess everyone ef’s with this DeJesus.

Edwin Encarnacion — 1-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI, and his 32nd homer. His early-season funk seems so long ago. If only there was someone who told you that everything was going to be okay, that everything was going to work out. Wait a sec

Freddy Garcia — The Atlanta Braves acquired him from the Orioles for cold-hard cash. With Tim Hudson out and Beachy being his usual self, there’s certainly a need. He didn’t exactly impress over in the AL with a 5.77 ERA in 53 innings, but those numbers could calm down a bit in the NL. Desperate owners only need apply.

Brett Gardner — 2-for-2, 2 run, SB. Old English surname rules dictate that Gardner would also be great at growing azaleas. Which I guess means that his teammate, Robinson Cano, is good at, um, being a lightweight narrow boat?

Jedd Gyorko — 3-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs, and his 15th and 16th homers. Even if I weren’t such an unabashed Padres lover, I would still be high on Gyorko. Who doesn’t like 20-homer power at the MI? I’m looking directly at you, Dan Uggla owner. Trust me, it doesn’t have to be such an Uggla affair any longer.

Scooter Gennett — 3-for-4, 2 runs, 1 RBI, and his 5th homer. The scouting reports have never been strong, but he’s hit everywhere and is certainly continuing the trend. I still see bench guy with some pop, but I’m willing to keep an open mind. Were you expecting a Scooter pun? I do have standards… but not really.

Gio Gonzalez – 3.1 IP, 7 ER, 12 baserunners, 1 K. Well, this is who he is. A valuable number two starter who, every couple of weeks, takes the time to personally drive over to your house and punch you in the crotch.

Robbie Grossman — 2-for-4, 1 run, 4 RBIs, and his 4th homer. I think he should consider making his middle name ‘that’s’. I mean, how many people do you know with a name that can also be a standalone sentence? I rest my case.

Bryce Harper — 1-for-3, 1 run, 3 RBIs, 1 SB. The lesson here is to not use your knee to break open walls. I wonder, what type of season this could have been without all the nagging injuries and Hotlanta going angry-mob on the guy? But, yeah, you’re right, clown question, bro.

Felix Hernandez — 6 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 10 Ks. Good thing he’s not a king on Game of Thrones. Because he would either end up dead or become a character that we all love to hate. And, on that note, it’s even better that he’s not a Stark. They suck at this game.

This.

I could watch this for hours.

L.J. Hoes — 2-for-3, 3 runs, 1 SB. Still on fire. At this point, I wish I had more Hoes in different area codes. Stay classy, me.

Eric Hosmer — 3-for-3, 3 runs, 3 RBIs, and his 15th homer. I’d like to point out that I told you buy at the all-star break, which I’m sure was helpful. I’d like to also point out that I told you to buy at the beginning of the season, which was probably not as helpful. Consider myself cancelled out.

Ubaldo Jimenez — 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 10 Ks. If I hadn’t met sour, I’d never know sweet. If you were wondering, Ubaldo is the sour. Like, really sour bro. I can’t even swallow.

Ian Kinsler — 2-for-5, 1 run, 2 RBIs, and his 11th homer. What’s this? Production? Imagine that. Sarcasm Alert: Red.

Hiroki Kuroda — 6 IP, 7 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks. The good? He lasted six innings. The bad? Err, everything else.

John Lackey — 8 IP, 2 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks. I have surmised John Lackey’s entire season in one word: WUT?

Jose Lobaton — 2-for-3, 1 run, 4 RBIs. He must lob-a-ton, amiright? You know, lobbing stuff. A bunch, like a ton. I love it when a plan comes together.

Ryan Ludwick — 2-for-3, 1 run. You could pick him up hoping for help. You could also take a tire iron to your own head. I’m not sure if there’s much of a difference.

Yadier Molina — 3-for-4, 2 runs. Clearly, he sets the bar for the 65 other Molina brothers currently playing in the Major Leagues. And the 12 over in Japan.

Kris Medlen — 6 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks. This start represents Medlen in a nutshell. Hopefully not Pistachios. I like them. Medlen’s? Not so much.

Bud Norris — 4.2 IP, 7 ER, 12 baserunners, 7 Ks. If Norris would have told me that for every strikeout he got, he’d give up an earned run, I would have told him he’s doing it wrong.

Tanner Roark — 4.2 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 2 Ks. Normally, I would be writing about Roark in my Deep Impact series, but since I’ve been temporarily transferred to Daily Notes, you get to read about him here. He certainly did an admirable job cleaning up Gio Gonzalez‘s mess. There’s not much of a ceiling here, but the floor is ready, if you like interior design metaphors. Roark will most likely end up a back-end starter or in long relief when all is said and done, but with Taylor Jordan‘s inning-cap, there’s a chance for some starts. And if he starts, maybe there’s something like Brandon McCarthy here. Small chance, granted. But stranger things have happened. Yuniesky Betancourt is a baseball player. Just think about that for a second.

Brian Roberts — 1-for-3, 1 run, 4 RBIs, 1 SB and his 3rd homer. Don’t bother, as soon as you add him, his wrist will explode. And just in case that isn’t enough, his left hamstring will collapse into a wormhole that leads straight to the space station DL-9. (Nine standing for the ninety-billionty times he’s been there.)

Chris Sale — 7 IP, 8 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks. Here I am, still waiting for his arm to explode. Granted, something exploded in this game, but you know what I mean. I’ve been spouting about this soon-to-be injury for two seasons now, and I still can’t bring myself to trust him. Look, I don’t wish injury on anybody, but c’mon. Joel Peralta once injured a neck muscle jumping out of a car in pursuit of sammiches. SAMMICHES! God does have a sense of humor.

Kurt Suzuki — The Athletics have re-acquired Suzuki with John Jaso still suffering from concussion symptoms and Derek Norris still having issues with his toe. He is now Aloha, personified. And if he wasn’t Hawaiian, I’d probably do a Beatles reference here. Win-win.

Will Venable — 3-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs, and his 18th homer. I will keep talking about this guy until he gets drafted around the same place as Desmond Jennings. Which means I’ll never stop talking about him. Brace yourselves.

Adam Wainwright — 9 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners (no walks), 9 Ks. Interesting fact: Wain means ‘Wagon’. That’s it, that’s all I got. The stats pretty much speak for themselves.

Jayson Werth — 1-for-5, 1 run, 2 RBIs, and his 19th homer. My name is Jason, but, as you might have noticed, most of everyone just calls me Jay. Werth has figured out how to combine the awesome. Fascinating.

Jake Westbrook — Yet another 15-day DL stint, but this one ends on a happy note. That note? Carlos Martinez is back and ready to resume stater duties. Heh. Doodies.

Ben Zobrist — 1-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI, and his 10th homer. Based on evidence found here, I’m entering into public record that the Zorilla monster is coming back next year to terrorize and maim. So, you know, if your name is Mothra, you better check yourself before you wreck yourself. Um, yeah. It sounded better in my head.

Jaywrong is a 30-year old Korish writer who finds solace using Makers Mark as a vehicle to impress women, and also has an affinity for making Jennifer Lawrence GIFs. You can follow him @jaywrong, read his blog Desultory Thoughts of a Longfellow, or, you can find his GIFs at his tumblr, named Siuijeonseo.

  1. The Thumb says:
    (link)

    Xander Bogaerts sitting again today, against a lefty, while Stephen Drew who’s hitting 182 in the last week and 213 in the last 2 weeks.

    They say to never wish injury on someone but he’s making it kind of hard…

    • The Thumb says:
      (link)

      @The Thumb: drop him for Scooter?

      • Jay

        jaywrong says:
        (link)

        @The Thumb: at this point, yeah, go with the hot hand.

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:
      (link)

      @The Thumb: Playoff runs and veterans go together like this. (I’m crossing my fingers)

  2. Jack Full O' Hate says:
    (link)

    Love the Game of Thrones GIF…… 10 minutes in and I just can’t look away

      • Jack Full O' Hate says:
        (link)

        @jaywrong: If I could use GIF’s as my avatar it would be that

  3. The Thumb says:
    (link)

    Also, I understand the Venable love, he just has this problem where in the middle of a hot streak, I add him and he goes 0 for 7 over two days only for me to drop him thus allowing him to continue on his torrid rampage.

    Sorry for the rant.

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:
      (link)

      @The Thumb: sounds like your problem. Haha. But yeah, streaky players can be frustrating. Especially in H2H.

  4. Eric S. says:
    (link)

    I just happen to drop Coco after riding him out all season and he repays me by hitting 2 tater tots this week putting up some decent #’s the past few games. Then I ate Captain Crunch for breakfast for the first time in years and the roof of my mouth is killing me.

    Need some news on Tijuan Walker or any other potential September call ups that could provide my team a boost. I’m right on the brink of the playoff picture and with the impending shut down of players like Jose Fernandez and the too good to be true stories like Bruce Chen, I could sure use some added fire power to get me over the top in case I make it. Fill me in…

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:
      (link)

      @Eric S.: Walker feels like a guy who will get a cup of coffee, tea, or whatever next season.

      I would actually look into Carlos Martinez, maybe a Todd Redmond in a crunch. Albers if you’re desperate. It’s dangerous, but Peacock has looked good the last 21 innings or so.

  5. Eric S. says:
    (link)

    Already worked with Albers till his return to normalcy the last few starts. Peacock and Redmond are spoken for even though I’m not sure I’d want to pick them up anyway. And I just picked up Martinez yesterday with the intention to keep an eye on him till he proves worthy. I streamed him his last few starts and wasn’t rewarded. Thought I’d leave him on my bench for a few starts until he either looks good enough to start or continues to get shelled.

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:
      (link)

      @Eric S.: I hear ya. That’s about all that’s out there for the moment. Besides Roark.

  6. Seph Meier says:
    (link)

    Need help for closing stretch; in deep keeper hovering 1st and holding 2nd. Thinking I need to boost my SB stats.

    Who do you like ROS (would probably bench Willingham or Brantley at #5 OF):
    Rajai Davis, Leonys Martin, EY2

    Also who do you like at SS ROS:
    Crawford, Didi, Isglesias, Aviles, Alcides

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:
      (link)

      @Seph Meier: Martin and Crawford.

      • seph meier says:
        (link)

        @jaywrong:

        Much appreciated!

        • Jay

          jaywrong says:
          (link)

          @seph meier: Sure thing.

  7. Nomad pantaloons says:
    (link)

    Hey, I got offered victorino and lee for Ortiz and alex Wood, what do you think..here’s my rankings if it matters: http://t.co/WkCCD2y7zW

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:
      (link)

      @Nomad pantaloons: I would do that. Close though.

  8. matt says:
    (link)

    So spot on with Gio..I kicked him in the balls and decided I’m streaming his spot. He’s pretty much worthless for me right now honestly. I need W’s and they pulled him at 83 pitches when he would have gotten the win…..maybe? Haha See so he’s worthless

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:
      (link)

      @matt: heh, yeah, except when he isn’t. He’s frustrating, no doubt.

  9. Simply Fred

    simply fred says:
    (link)

    Roark: 4Ws in last 13 days–in relief.

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:
      (link)

      @simply fred: Yup. I’m a fan.

  10. Adam Jonesin says:
    (link)

    Hey Jay, should I drop any of these guys for C-Mart?
    Samardzija, Porcello, J Parker
    Thanks.

  11. MB says:
    (link)

    Hoes or eaton in obp? lost marte

    Thank you

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:
      (link)

      @MB: gonna go with Hoes right now.

  12. Larry says:
    (link)

    Nunez over Alcides?

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:
      (link)

      @Larry: meh. Escobar.

      • Larry says:
        (link)

        @jaywrong: Gracias

        • Jay

          jaywrong says:
          (link)

          @Larry: No problem. Honestly, it’s a flip of the coin, but I’m not too confidant in Nunez to do much here.

  13. Ro_Bauti says:
    (link)

    To pick up C-Mart, would you drop any of the following? Sabathia, Dickey, Jimenez, Gee, Nolasco or Gee.

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:
      (link)

      @Ro_Bauti: I think Jimenez is expendable. That’s probably because I just don’t trust him.

  14. TarmanGotHim says:
    (link)

    So I am in 1st place in the league where I own Cain by 8 games and am pretty much a lock for it. There is 2 weeks left plus I should get a bye. I just lost Cingrani too but am sure his injury isn’t major. If my semifinals begin in 3 weeks from Monday, you think I should be good in this league? That’s like 4 or so starts per pitcher.

    Kinda stressing to be honest, but the byes help.

    In 4 12 team h2h leagues I currently sit in 3 firsts and a second. I may be in first by Monday in all four.

    The majority of my players have been healthy so this would not be good for a playoff run. W cause aside from Cain and Cingrani, I own J Fer who won’t be avaible, Bumgarnder, Archer, Kershaw, Peavy and Medlen.

    Pretty strong. But will need Cain and Cingrani. Even without Cain, if I be 2 starts from Kershaw and Bun it’s be content to stream.

    Finally, thank you!!

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:
      (link)

      @TarmanGotHim: I would be a bit nervous too. But you should have enough guys to push through. Kershaw cures a lot of ills.

  15. ryanjoe13 says:
    (link)

    Lake over Lowrie ROS in OPS league?

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:
      (link)

      @ryanjoe13: I’m not sold on Lake. I would hold.

  16. Frank White says:
    (link)

    Sup Bro… Have you heard anything about C-Mart pitching tomorrow?? The stream o nator doesn’t have him listed and I already grabbed him.

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:
      (link)

      @Frank White: last I heard, it wasn’t official, but likely that he starts Monday.

      • Aubrey Plaza's Pillow says:
        (link)

        @jaywrong: lyons has that mon start. it was blurbed about 1.5 days back. as far as later in week no word yet. if you got room still pick up carmart. Here’s hoping the Milone shituation gets resolved soon so i can grab roark/carmart with his roster spot.

  17. JoeMorgan'sMustache says:
    (link)

    Lomo or Larcoche ROS? 16 teams…OPS added cat. Thanks!

  18. Steve Stevenson says:
    (link)

    Think Ortiz sits tonight @ LAD (Capuano)? It’s vs a lefty, but also a high-profile game, and he sat yesterday. Need to make lineup decision before the afternoon games.

    • Jay

      jaywrong says:
      (link)

      @Steve Stevenson: tough one. I think he starts.

  19. Dave says:
    (link)

    so do you like venable over Jay, ruf or dominguez in ops league?

Comments are closed.