Francisco Rodriguez was arrested for assaulting his father-in-law. That’s going to make for awkward holidays. Or maybe they’ll skip Christmas and celebrate Boxing Day. Fred Wilpon needs to put some rubber bands in his beard and get K-Rod and Tony “Shirtless” Bernazard into the squared circle. During the fight, Johan was seen comforting K-Rod’s wife. Johan, “She was looking for the changeup, and I went with the heater.” K-Rod will probably miss a few games while he responds to attorney emails. Oddly enough, K-Rod isn’t the easiest guy to handcuff. His backups in no particular order: Bobby Parnell, who I believe is the little black kid from Role Models, isn’t very good, Manny Acosta isn’t much better, Elmer Dessens is the guy who sells fresh corn on the side of the road when you’re driving through a rural town and Pedro Feliciano is related to Pedro Feliz, I think. Frankly, I’d avoid the whole Mets mess. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Miguel Montero – Was a part of a back-to-back-to-back-to-back homer job with Adam LaRoche, Mini Donkey and Stephen Drew as they did work on Bush. Hey, Googlers of back-to-back + Bush. Betcha this isn’t the kind of fantasy site you were looking for, was it? And for those that found us by Googling Donkey + Bush –> I’m kinda skeeved.
Daniel Hudson – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 9 Ks. I picked him up when he was traded into the NL with the expectation that I’d only own him for one start, but I haven’t seen one red flag yet.
Pat Burrell – 2-for-4 with his 2nd homer in ten games as he bats .357 this month. It’s Pat the Bat and he’s swinging, ladies.
Andres Torres – 2-for-3 with two steals and has 4 steals in the last week. He stops hitting homers; he starts stealing bases. What’s not to love?
Cliff Lee – 6 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 11 Ks. The Adverb now has 137 Ks and 9 BBs on the year. Incredible Lee.
Brandon Lyon – 1 1/3 IP, 5 ER. Why is God punishing me? Was it the cat I kicked in college? I was on shrooms and Mr. Wigglenose said, “Freakin’ furball,” but I thought I heard, “I’m a free kickball.” After the cat landed, we laughed about the confusion. Mr. Wigglenose forgave me, why want you?! Why?!
Matt Lindstrom – Will be out for a few days with a sore back, which could turn into a longer absence. Well, maybe Lyon’s not so bad. Oh my God, I have a sickness for vulture saves.
Mike Stanton – 5-for-5, 2 Runs, 4 RBIs and his 11th homer. Next year, you’re not going to be able to get anywhere near Stanton for a reasonable price so enjoy him now while you can.
Logan Morrison – 3-for-4 with 3 Runs. Hitting .283 and zero homers in his first two weeks in the majors. It’s okay; there’s time. Power will come and, unlike Stanton, the average will be fine.
Ian Desmond – 2-for-5 with 2 homers. Now has 9 homers and 12 steals on the year. He’s going to end the year around 12 homers and 15 steals and suck me right back in again next year.
Ryan Raburn – 2-for-4 with his 2nd homer this week. Ryan Raburn is soooo valuable– Wait, that’s Gene Raburn. Raburn’s playing every day, has pop and he should have 2nd base eligibility in your league. If he doesn’t, fire your commissioner.
Tommy Hanson – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks vs. the Wandwagon (7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks) as it was Throwback To 2009 Day at The Juice Box. Hanson hasn’t had a terrible game since June, so it might be a little late for this, but hopefully Hanson drops a few turds the rest of the way so he’s undervalued in 2011 drafts. Could Hanson be better than Lincecum in 2011? Discuss amongst yourselves.
Jerry Hairston Jr. – 2-for-4 and his 3rd homer in the last four games. These guys don’t stay hot forever, but he’s hot right now. Hairston was also my pickup for today’s short schedule.
Chris Denorfia – 2-for-3 with a steal. Now batting .455 over the last week. Another guy that could go cold any day now, but is hot right now.
Jhoulys Chacin – Potential to start on August 20th, depending on how well Esmil Rogers looks in his next start. Esmil Rogers said, “Holy chicken mole, this is a lot of pressure.”
Carlos Quentin – 2-for-2 with a homer in his 2nd straight game. Please stay hot and avoid injury. That is all.
Brad Bergesen – 9 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks vs. the Indians. He strikes out less than 4 batters per 9 innings and he’s on a terrible team in a bad division. In the offseason, Bergesen was hurt while filming a commercial. See, he’s not good at pitching, in every sense of the word.
Brian Roberts – 3-for-4 with his 2nd homer in the last three games. May be a surprising contributor for your H2H playoffs.
Adam Wainwright – 7 IP, 0 ER, 2 baserunners, 4 Ks. Right now, his line is 17-6/1.99/0.97/158. Spectacular, even if Larry King and I both want to call him, Adam Wainwright III.
Colby Rasmus – 2-for-5 with a grand slam. He’s more or less taken a dump since I put him in my Sell column about two months, but Colby’s a Survivor. I’m going to be pushing hard to own Colby next year, but will have to see where he’s going to be drafted. Right now, I’d say he’ll be drafted as a 3rd outfielder, but with a hot finish or a crazy Spring Training he could get drafted as a 2nd outfielder and become a bit too expensive. Though a 30/15 year in 2011 doesn’t seem too far of a stretch.
Chris Carter – 0 for his first 9 in the bigs. It’s tempting to say screw it and drop him, but I’d give him a week in redraft leagues.
Jon Niese – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks. I thought he was hitting a wall, but now I think he might’ve just been showing a blip on the radar. Definitely worth owning again.
Jered Weaver – 8 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 11 Ks to extend his major league lead in Ks to 182 (in only 163 IP). All of this while resembling the female gym teacher in your high school.
Clay Buchholz – 8 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks, a 2.49 ERA and a Cainian ERA to xFIP difference.
Bill Hall – 3-for-5, 4 RBIs with 2 homers. Guess how many homers he has on the year. Go ahead, I’ll wait. *taps finger, scratches head, swigs from a bottle of Night Train* 15 homers! What? Is that only insane to me?
Mike Lowell – 3-for-4, a day after hitting a homer. He’s in a good position to succeed for about a month if his body holds up.
Ross Gload – To the DL with a right groin strain. Until Howard returns, the area around 1st base will be Sweeney *pinkie to mouth* sod.
Chad Billingsley – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks vs. Roy Oswalt who went 7 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks as I got the dreaded double sonavabench!
Matt Kemp – Didn’t start again in one of the easiest parks to hit in. Does Torre think he’s Steve Kemp? Did Kemp make fun of Torre for picking his nose? Does Torre keep playing Gibbons as an homage to Jane Goodall?