If you search for fantasy baseball, the first result is Yahoo Fantasy Baseball. (We’re first for fantasy baseball blog. Natch! Or natchurally, if you’re long-winded.) But this isn’t about Yahoo fantasy baseball. (Is Yahoo always with an exclamation mark? Yahoo has a volume problem, huh?) When people find us, they are not searching for Yahoo fantasy baseball, but what are they searching for when they find us? Since it’s a holiday, I decided to break away from the normal schedule of 2011 fantasy baseball rookies and look at exactly what people do search for when they find us. Last year, we had our biggest year. Over 5 million people found us. (I think about 4.9 million found us with the search query “What is SAGNOF?” Neverthehoo…) That’s a big Thanksgiving to you from all of us here at Razzball. Now here are 20 actual searches for people who found Razzball and my answers to their searches:
1. Pro baseball’s biggest bust? — Billy Butler at a double D.
2. Troy Tulowitzki Polish? — If a name ends in a vowel, it’s Italian unless it ends in a zki. Or ski. Or Lee.
3. Advanced Quantum Fantasy Baseball Theory? — A complicated way to play fantasy baseball and get even fewer girls.
4. I need a funny fantasy baseball team name — Try our fantasy baseball team name generator or just go with an obscure, overweight player “Ate My Baby.” For instance, Rich Garces Ate My Baby.
5. Fantasy Baseball on Twitter? — I answer questions in the comments here and don’t do much on our Twitter feed other than link to the site, but you can try Eric Karabell’s Twitter feed.
6. Ron Howard looks like a baseball — I can’t argue that.
7. You got Rick Schroder rolled! — You just did again.
8. Jose Bautista leads the league in what? — Homers and under the lip Hitler staches.
9. Mackey Sasser works as a Benihana chef? — Yes, and he missed his hat three times in a row with a shrimp tail.
10. Joaquin Benoit girlfriend — Lisa Loeb
11. Halladay Cole Oswalt — Not the kid from The Sixth Sense, but does see dead hitters.
12. Into the two hole vs. Fister — Um… Well… Moving on…
13. Was Priscilla Barmes in Short Circuit? — Nope.
14. Eric Stultz for my fantasy team — Who searched for this, Jennifer Jason Leigh?
15. Anime is understood by? — The stoned or schizophrenic.
16. Who’s Matthew I’m-Kinda-Gay? — Matthew McConaughey.
17. What major operation did Trevor Hoffman have when he was six weeks old? — He had a Siamese twin brother removed who is now the saves leader in — where else? — Siam.
18. How do you pronounce Pedroia? — I’ll let Poppa Pedroia answer. Poppa Pedroia, “My boy’s-a-four-feet-three. I just want to raise him to run pizzeria, but he gets wild ideas! And why am I talking like I’m Italian? We’re Portuguese!” Well, that wasn’t that helpful. Sorry.
19. If you can’t lie to yourself, who can you lie to? — Your probation officer.
20. How does Grey keep his mustache so full? — That I can’t share with you. Now go spend time with your family! Happy Thanksgiving!