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If you search for fantasy baseball, the first result is Yahoo Fantasy Baseball.  (We’re first for fantasy baseball blog.  Natch!  Or natchurally, if you’re long-winded.)  But this isn’t about Yahoo fantasy baseball.  (Is Yahoo always with an exclamation mark?  Yahoo has a volume problem, huh?)  When people find us, they are not searching for Yahoo fantasy baseball, but what are they searching for when they find us?  Since it’s a holiday, I decided to break away from the normal schedule of 2011 fantasy baseball rookies and look at exactly what people do search for when they find us.  Last year, we had our biggest year.  Over 5 million people found us.  (I think about 4.9 million found us with the search query “What is SAGNOF?”  Neverthehoo…)  That’s a big Thanksgiving to you from all of us here at Razzball.  Now here are 20 actual searches for people who found Razzball and my answers to their searches:

1. Pro baseball’s biggest bust? — Billy Butler at a double D.
2. Troy Tulowitzki Polish? — If a name ends in a vowel, it’s Italian unless it ends in a zki.  Or ski.  Or Lee.
3. Advanced Quantum Fantasy Baseball Theory? — A complicated way to play fantasy baseball and get even fewer girls.
4. I need a funny fantasy baseball team name — Try our fantasy baseball team name generator or just go with an obscure, overweight player “Ate My Baby.”  For instance, Rich Garces Ate My Baby.
5. Fantasy Baseball on Twitter? — I answer questions in the comments here and don’t do much on our Twitter feed other than link to the site, but you can try Eric Karabell’s Twitter feed.
6. Ron Howard looks like a baseball — I can’t argue that.
7. You got Rick Schroder rolled! — You just did again.
8. Jose Bautista leads the league in what? –  Homers and under the lip Hitler staches.
9. Mackey Sasser works as a Benihana chef? — Yes, and he missed his hat three times in a row with a shrimp tail.
10. Joaquin Benoit girlfriend — Lisa Loeb
11. Halladay Cole Oswalt — Not the kid from The Sixth Sense, but does see dead hitters.
12. Into the two hole vs. Fister — Um… Well…  Moving on…
13. Was Priscilla Barmes in Short Circuit? — Nope.
14. Eric Stultz for my fantasy team — Who searched for this, Jennifer Jason Leigh?
15. Anime is understood by? — The stoned or schizophrenic.
16. Who’s Matthew I’m-Kinda-Gay? — Matthew McConaughey.
17. What major operation did Trevor Hoffman have when he was six weeks old? — He had a Siamese twin brother removed who is now the saves leader in  — where else? — Siam.
18. How do you pronounce Pedroia? — I’ll let Poppa Pedroia answer.  Poppa Pedroia, “My boy’s-a-four-feet-three.  I just want to raise him to run pizzeria, but he gets wild ideas!  And why am I talking like I’m Italian?  We’re Portuguese!”  Well, that wasn’t that helpful.  Sorry.
19. If you can’t lie to yourself, who can you lie to? — Your probation officer.
20. How does Grey keep his mustache so full? — That I can’t share with you.  Now go spend time with your family!  Happy Thanksgiving!

50 Responses

  1. emceeperiod says:
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    Whattup Grey! Appreciate the advice all season. Got caught up in football so quickly after baseball I forgot to hook you up. So have a Thanksgiving daquiri pn me and thanks again for all the help last season! (sorry I don’t buy daquiris anonymously…what u think I’m altruistic or something?!??)

  2. emceeperiod says:
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    *on

  3. Greg Gallagher says:
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    Love it, Grey!

    Happy Thanksgiving!

  4. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Happy Thanksgiving there, young fella.

  5. Elijah says:
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    I forget how I found this place, think I was searching for guys with 70′s porn star ‘staches.

  6. Paulie Allnuts

    Paulie Allnuts says:
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    Five Million hits! Maybe next year you can somehow add “wardrobe malfunction” to the Razzball Glossary and double your action.

    Hope you, Rudy and your families had a Happy Thanksgiving.

  7. GopherDay says:
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    @Grey: This guy in my dynasty league is trying to trade for Pujols and Bryce Harper from me. I’m not to keen on trading them, but if I get a really good return I wouldn’t mind.

    It’s a 5X5 ROTO league with minor league rosters.

    He offered A-Gonz and Chapman for Pujols and Harper, which I politely declined.

    Is asking for J-Up, Kershaw, and A-Gonz too much?

    Here’s my roster:

    C: Buster Posey
    1B: Albert Pujols
    2B: Brandon Phillips
    3B: Michael Cuddyer
    SS: Ian Desmond
    IF: Chris Carter
    OF: Shane Victorino
    OF: Chris Young
    OF: Delmon Young
    Util: Manny Ramírez
    BN: Ryan Kalish
    BN: Michael Saunders
    BN: Michael Taylor
    BN: Eric Young

    SP: Yovani Gallardo
    SP: Shaun Marcum
    RP: Michael Wuertz
    RP: Brandon Lyon
    P: Luke Gregerson
    P: Hisanori Takahashi
    P: Mike Minor
    BN: Homer Bailey
    BN: A.J. Burnett
    BN: Jorge De La Rosa
    BN: Ian Kennedy
    BN: Clayton Richard
    BN: Javier Vázquez

    My minor league roster has lots of pitchers and not many hitters.

  8. mr baseball says:
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    The Return of Mr Baseball – Mr Baseball who had been missing in the South Pacific for 50 days and presumed dead have been found alive.

    Derrick Jeter is an A-HOLE – nothing personal

    How much more money does he want to fans to pay for a Yankee Ticket – Good-By – I can root for another 270 hitter at shortstop

    I am not paying the Yankee ransom prices at the moment and surly have no plans to pay the new ramsome prices when they waste their money on a declining ball player

    other things to consider – parking – food – at stadium – my advice for better entertainment go to taco bell spend $5 and you will get all the entertainment you could ask for on the bowl

    Jeter, Yanks are ‘at least’ $80 million apart

    Bill Madden of the New York Daily News reports that Derek Jeter and the Yankees are “at least $80 million apart” in negotiations.

    Yikes. Madden says that Jeter’s initial contract request called for six years and $150 million.

  9. mr baseball says:
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    Mr Baseball Believe it or not

    9. Mackey Sasser works as a Benihana chef?

    Mackey Sasser is the only autograph I ever got from a baseball player

    Its true and wierd – I bought a pack of baseball cards and I got his card in the pack – I was ready to rip it up and out of nowhere I ran into Mackey Sasser

  10. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Paulie Allnuts: Ha… Right back at cha!

    @GopherDay: It’s not asking for too much if you can get it. I doubt you do though. What he was offering was way too little. I would take J-Up and A-Gonz by themselves.

    @mr baseball: Ha! Glad they found you in the South Pacific. At least $80 million apart is insane unless the Yankees offered one dollar initially. Funny Sasser story.

  11. DanDanthePoorMetFan says:
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    @mr baseball
    What are the odds that two baseball fans only autograph is Mackey Sasser. I was in Montreal to watch les Expos de Montreal vs the Mets.
    in 1990 or 1989(cant remember)

    I waited patiently for Frank Viola’s autograph while he warmed up in the bullpen, I got his attention after his session was done and got him to come over to the side and sign my baseball and he said for me to wait till he got back from the clubhouse. I waited and waited then came over this Sasser guy and he signed it. Almost stopped being a Mets Fan becuase Viola shafted me and sent Sasser over. Looking back I wish I did, would have saved my self alot of himuliation

  12. GopherDay says:
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    @Grey: Thanks Grey, I sent him the offer with Kershaw. I’ll fall back on the other one. Nothing like off-season trading!
    @mr baseball: @Grey: What I don’t get is where Jeter is coming from…I mean no one (and I mean NO ONE) is going to give him anywhere near the money the Yankees will, so what leverage does he have? I get where the Yankees are coming from. They’re saying “Look, no one is going to give you anywhere near the money or years we are. Don’t believe us? Go call some other teams, then come back when you’re ready to make a deal.”

  13. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @DanDanthePoorMetFan: I didn’t think it’s possible that there’s one of person in the world with only one autograph and it’s Sasser’s, let alone two.

    @GopherDay: It’s all posturing really. He’ll sign for a healthy chunk of change with the Yanks in a few days/weeks.

    EDIT: Grammar and shizz. Stupid iPhone.

  14. mr baseball says:
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    Garland says good-by to Petco Park signs with Brooklyn Dodgers

  15. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @mr baseball: Not much value change, he’s still not really worthwhile in fantasy.

  16. mr baseball says:
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    @DanDanthePoorMetFan Says:

    What are the odds that two baseball fans only autograph is Mackey Sasser. I was in Montreal to watch les Expos de Montreal vs the Mets.
    in 1990 or 1989(cant remember)- last time I win in Montreal was for Expo 67 Montreal – I only had mine for 2 days I gave it away to a Met Fan

    I think Grey has his autographs too – he got it when he was at HA! Comedy Club NYC -:)

  17. GopherDay says:
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    @Grey: I asked you something about this like a month ago, but I’m joining a league where you pick a division (AL East or NL WEST, etc.) and compete against the other teams which also have a division. Two teams per division, so 12 total teams.

    The two AL East teams were obviously taken first, but there is a slot available in all of the other divisions. Which division would you suggest taking? NL East, NL Central, NL West, AL Central, or AL West?

  18. Elijah says:
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    @Grey:

    Dbacks grabbed Zach Duke. Not exactly thrilling but I always felt he had more upside than his #’s showed in Pitt. If nothing else hes a viable end of the rotation guy who sounded happy to be off the Pirates. Whatcha think?

  19. Elijah says:
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    Fangraphs seems to agree with me.

  20. big o says:
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    the negotiations with jeter must be killing the yankees’ chances
    of signing cliff lee .

  21. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @GopherDay: So you can take the Rockies hitters and the Padres pitchers? Do that, if you can.

    @Elijah: He’s pretty bleh. His K-rate is under 5 on his career and his ERA is north of 4.50. Could surprise, I suppose, but he’s not going to be worth drafting out of the gate in fantasy.

  22. GopherDay says:
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    @Grey: Something like that…There are two teams per division, and we’ll take turns picking a player from each team. So if I chose the NL West for instance and got first pick, I’d take Tulowitski, the other guy would choose two guys, say CarGo and Kemp, then I’d pick say Adrian Gonzalez or something like that. But if a player get’s traded mid-season to a different division then you lose all rights to the player. So A-Gonz loses value since he might get traded.

  23. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @GopherDay: Rockies, Dodgers and D-Backs have good hitters. Giants, Dodgers, D-Backs, Padres and Rockies have good pitchers. I say go there. Just make sure you go hitters heavy cause there’s lots of pitchers there.

  24. GopherDay says:
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    @Grey: Alright I signed up for the NL West. The more I think about it, the more I like it. Though the only good 1B in the NL West is A-Gonz, and he could be headed out…The other guy who chose the NL West is a huge Giants fan.

  25. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @GopherDay: Worst case scenario, you take a flier on Brandon Allen.

  26. GopherDay says:
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    @Grey: Okay, with the trade situation above, would you trade Pujols for A-Gonz and Montero? I could probably flip Montero or Posey for a SS or 3B upgrade.

  27. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @GopherDay: I wouldn’t trade Pujols for those guys.

  28. GopherDay says:
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    @Grey: I offered him Pujols and Harper for A-Gonz and Felix. He countered with Pujols and Harper for A-Gonz and Kershaw. Yes, no, need a little more?

    Other players of interest from his team:
    Soo-Choo
    Adam Jones
    Logan Morrison
    Billy Butler
    Chapman
    Jurrjens
    Morrow
    Nathan
    Wandy
    Venters

  29. Elijah says:
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    @Grey:

    Wasn’t really referring to fantasy, that’s not my type of draftee anyays, I draft strikeout pitchers mainly, I meant more in a general baseball sense, if that’s a topic around here.

  30. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @GopherDay: I’d take A-Gon and Kershaw.

    @Elijah: Sorry, get caught up only seeing from fantasy perspective. It’s fine from a real baseball perspective. Worst case scenario, he’s a fifth starter who eats innings, best case is he’s a borderline fourth starter.

  31. GopherDay says:
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    @Grey: Thanks Grey. I took the deal.

  32. big o says:
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    i’ve got the pirates finishing ahead of the astros in the nl central division .

  33. big o says:
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    and the city of pittsburgh rejoices !!

    (because they finish ahead of the cubbies , also)

  34. big o says:
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    ok , then .
    how about this ? ==> you can pencil in grady sizemore for 31 home runs .

  35. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @GopherDay: Nice….

    @big o: Sounds promising for the Pirates and Grady.

  36. big o says:
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    @Grey:

    i’m bored

  37. Steve says:
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    Marlins get Vasquez.

  38. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: Thanks for the heads up!

  39. Elijah says:
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    @Grey:

    Yeah that’s what I thought too per Duke, especially only giving up a meh-level prospect in return. In fantasy I usually follow your lead going after K-oriented guys tho I did take a chance on Tim Hudson last year that worked out great.

  40. Steve says:
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    @Grey: I know you’re still digesting the Thanksgiving turkey, but any early thoughts on JV for next year?

    Getting out of the AL East and being able to do his thing in relative anonymity has to help, no? Certainly didn’t hurt him in ’09…

  41. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Elijah: Gotcha…

    @Steve: Definitely like him again for next year. Have post coming tomorrow on his signing.

  42. GopherDay says:
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    @Grey: Picked him up the last day of the season in my dynasty league when he was dropped. I had the ultimate Yankee Duo of Vazquez and Burnett.

  43. Elijah says:
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    @Grey:

    Yeah I was just saying to one of my fantasy buddies he could easily be their #2 starter.

  44. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @GopherDay: Nice grab.

    @Steve: That looks wonderful. Have you been before? Looks on the pricey side.

    @Elijah: Totally…

  45. Steve says:
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    @Grey: No – first time, though I have been to its previous incarnation. T’was very good.

    $49 set menu equates to $36 your money. Is that a lot? Doesn’t help that the US dollar is going south…

  46. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: Forgot about the conversion. That’s not too bad. I can probably get out of a good sushi meal for about $30. So it’s close.

  47. Simply Fred

    simply fred says:
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    Vazquez gave up one earned in 13 IP vs. Mets last year. Won’t hurt to get a steady helping of them.

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