I got the sense from comments and other non-scientific criteria that people were looking to get a feel for Trevor Bauer. Or at least get their grubby little hands on him. I did say to buy him back in April and again in May, but who can remember that far; I can barely remember how this sentence started. With a preposition? I don’t know, let’s forget the whole thing and have a pina colada! What, you don’t like coladas? How about dancing in the rain? Not into YoGa? Yeah, his ERA is shizz. Let’s see what Scott, our prospect writer (his actual last name), said in the past about Bauer, “Bauer profiles as a top-of-the-rotation starter with an upper 90s fastball and a devastating curve. But all I keep thinking about is what Grey would taste like slathered in teriyaki sauce.” Huh? Not sure how that slipped through my strict editorial process. In the past, I said about Trevor, “Bauer & Skaggs opened for Big & Rich.” Well, that wasn’t the best quote from me. Shoot me! Now, you just shot your computer screen. You’re silly! On our preseason top 25 fantasy baseball prospect post, the only pitchers above him were Moore and Darvish. Okay, Moore’s had some struggles, but those two names give you an idea of how valuable Bauer could be. He’s blown through the minors about as good as anyone. Right now, he’s sporting a 11+ K-rate and a low-2 ERA between Double and Triple-A. The only concern for him is his walk rate (over 4), but he has the Ks to make up for it. He looks like the pitching version of the hitters the Diamondhacks are famous for. High Ks, crazy upside, might call crap on a table a Pu-Pu platter. In 2012, I’ll give him the line of 7-5/3.60/1.30/100 in 90 innings, but there’s obviously room for huge upside (and risk of some downside (though the Ks will be good (how many parentheses am I inside of here (Anyone? A little help getting out? Okay, here goes nothing.)))). I’d pick him up in all leagues right now. Did I stutter? Now! Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
PSYCHE! Before we hit the ol’ Buy column, this is your last reminder to enter the contest to win the free TV. Honestly, I’m kinda surprised how many times I gotta mention it. What, you people don’t want wonderful? Anyway II, here’s the players to Buy or Sell:
Ryan Theriot – There’s a riot going on. The smallest kind of riot. Like a world championship celebration in Lichtenstein.
Andrelton Simmons – His name seems like a poor compromise between his parents. “I want Andre!” “You pushed him in, I’m pushing him out and I want Carlton!” There’s nothing that says he should perform well enough to be owned in mixed leagues. He’s raw. Has gap power. Solid speed. Enjoys staccato sentences. If you need to take a flyer for upside because some other guys aren’t working or no one you put at shortstop is working, then grab him.
Steve Lombardozzi – Someone elsewhere on the Razzball campus — specifically in our fantasy baseball forums — asked what Lombardozzi’s season numbers would look like. I said 7-10 homers and 17 steals. They said it sounds like what Miggy’s non-alcoholic brother, Melky, has left. I said, yeah. Riveting convo, huh? Kinda like when your girlfriend texts you to bring home cereal and you say yeah, then purposely drive your car into a tree. Lombardozzi is a solid middle infidel as long as he’s leading off every game.
Salvador Perez – The Royals have played sans Salvador for over two months. He’s not going to be anyone’s ‘Holy Saviour,’ but if you got a hole in your deep league and are a saveur for sleeper catchers, I’d take a flyer, especially if there were coupons for fro-yo on the other side of the flyer.
Hank Conger – I figured out a great mnemonic for remembering this guy. Hank Moody is a character by David Duchovny and he likes to have sex like a monkey and monkeys are found in the Congo. Or you could just remember Hank Conger, it’s only three syllables. Outside of 2 catcher leagues, I’d stay away from the Congo. I mean, I’d stay away from Duchovny. No, that’s not right either. You know who I mean!
Ty Wigginton – He feels like the deputy that Clapton couldn’t shoot. I think when Wiggy retires we’re gonna have to retire the Buy/Sell column. Or maybe just call it something else. How’s Buy/Bye? Too confusing?
Jordan Pacheco – All he does is get hits! Seriously, that’s it. No power, no speed. Hits. Boom. Bit.
Lonnie Chisenhall – He has power to get to 20 homers over the whole season with some real light speed. So prorate that to 15 long balls, which sounds like Lance Armstrong standing with 7 elderly men.
David Cooper – He’s been hitting the cover off the ball, which is different than George “The Animal” Steele chewing the cover off the ball. Cooper’s got solid power, but he looks like a short-term play while Vlad the Impala gets his wheels right.
Michael Saunders – A buncha these doodes are week or two adds. Saunders is on pace for a 18/25 season while batting in the .270’s. Let’s see who he’s better than on the ol’ Fantasy Baseball Player Rater — Shin-Soo Choo, Alex Rios, Justin Upton, Ichiro, Did I say Justin Upton? Yes, I did., Luke Scott, Howie Kendrick, Colby Rasmus… Basically, anyone not named… Okay, there’s about 130 names before him still, but he’s been valuable.
Elian Herrera – Right now, I’m picturing Rudy in a white sports jacket, singing “Easy Lover” while a big-haired 80’s runway model shines his patent leather shoe. He’s only wearing one shoe because this is a weird 80’s music video that doesn’t make any sense. Suddenly, coming outta of his mouth is an animated boat where he’s the captain and he’s reading the newspaper, smoking a pipe. What’s he reading about? The next players to pick up. He’s reading it two days before you. He owns just about all of these Buy guys before they’re blipping on the radar. Elian is mostly a steals guy, but he’s been playing and hitting.
Norichika Aoki – The Brewers leadoff man is a light-hitting, hustle machine. Coincidentally, Norichika is the Japanese version of boom chicka boom. If you’re ever by yourself in a karaoke bar late at night in Tokyo and you hear Norichika, there’s a good chance you’re on the set of a porn movie and that’s not a microphone.
Drew Hutchison – Has managed to maintain higher than replacement value so far – an achievement since he skipped AAA. His K/9 (~7) and BB/9 (~3) are solid if not spectacular – his minor league stats don’t hint at much more upside at least for this year. Solid for deep league – consider for shallow leagues if he’s got an advantageous matchup. Hopefully, he stays in MLB versus hopping over to the NFL like Chad Hutchison and Drew Henson. That said, I’d much rather have Bo Sanders on my roster.
Alexi Ogando – Scroll down to the last post for all your Ogando moving into the rotation news. You’ll be saying, Domo Arigato, Mr. Ogando.
Trevor Cahill – Like Marvin in Pulp Fiction, it kinda blew my mind when I saw Cahill was only owned in 16% of ESPN leagues. He has a 3.45 ERA and a 1.28 WHIP. To compare him to another pitcher who won’t illicit any groans, look at Mat Latos.
Brandon Beachy – He’s number one in the major leagues in ERA by a sizable margin. This is with him losing more than three Ks per nine inning. I just did a double take that caused my swivel chair to spin around and now I’m typing this with my back to the computer. If dropping 3 Ks per nine and having the lowest ERA in the majors sounds kosher to you, I got matzoh-breaded pork for you to eat. His fastball speed is down, he’s throwing it more and he’s not fooling anywhere near the same amount of hitters. So how’s he doing it? A BABIP that looks abnormal like those cylinder hamburgers that rotate at 7-11. To nerdify Shakira, BABIPs don’t lie, and right now his BABIP has his ERA and WHIP at a subterranean level. Once his luck reverts, the tide will rise and in will come the runs polluting Beachy like at the Jersey shore. I wouldn’t trade him for a box of Triscuits but I’d explore options.