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My name is Tehol Beddict, I’m a sexaholic (Hi Tehol)
I have a disease and they don’t know what to call it
Better empty out your leaguesafe funds ’cause I’m coming up quick to strip your cash
Joined your fantasy league just to come and whip your ass

Greetings! Welcome to another, hopefully exciting edition of Disgrace/Delight. I’m your host, Tehol B., and I’ll be trying my mightiest to fulfill your fantasies (baseball that is) in mentioning the players I feel have either disgraced themselves, their families, and their organizations or those of whom deserve feet and rings kissed, as well as animal sacrifices done so in their name. I don’t have time to dilly dally, for I have to shoot a commercial Thursday morning and Brother Beddict needs his beauty sleep. For optimum enjoyment (yours and mine), I should probably begin these memorable pieces of literature earlier then the day before they need to be submitted. That way, Beddict can truly be 100 percent balls deep, and that’s really what we all want, right?!  I didn’t choose this lifestyle, the lifestyle chose me. Let this quest beginith.

 

Players Who Delighted: 

Max Scherzer In finally re-harnessing the power of the Elder Gods, Sherz has left opposing hitters with more chocolate stains in their drawls than Paris Hilton the week after she shot this Carls Jr. Ad. Giving up 5 runs total in last 4 starts? Yes sir, may I have another?  Scherzer has re-established the dominant form he displayed last season, the very same one that he was awarded the Cy-Young. Witness!

Trevor Bauer- It seems many of the fantasy “experts” out there view Bauer as more of Jonathan Brandis (RIP) or Devon Sawa type, whereas I view him more in the mold of a Jared Leto. By that I mean he will probably never reach the fame of a Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, or Ray Liotta(JK. Just seeing if you were paying attention), but he should still have a very solid career and possibly win an award along the way( That’s right, I said it). Bauer just dropped 7 innings of solid work in the Yankees grills and thus far has avoided the meltdowns that destroyed him in past seasons. He’s a different man now, a better man. Have faith in this young stallion for I stand before you here and now, proclaiming future greatness for TB (Bauer or Beddict, you ask? BOTH). The Elder Gods promised this while I was hang gliding in Dune Du Pyla, France. To doubt them would be like betting your inheritance on Christian Slater becoming an A-list actor in his 60’s; I.E. not a bright move.

Anthony Rendon- Rendon deserves at least one shout on disgrace/delight, for he’s put up better power numbers thus far than I believed he would all season! His speed has also blown my mind, as AR has swiped 8 bags this season with only 1 steal in 95 games in 2013. Being the 3rd ranked 2B in fantasy, getting Rendon in the last few round of fantasy drafts was full on robbery. Kudos to you if you swooped.

Jay Bruce- 3 homers and 9 RBI in the last week. He’s heating up ya’ll!! I wish there was a way to insert emoji’s on WordPress so that I could insert a bunch of those flames, here. Just pretend, OK?! Expect big things going forward for Jay tha Bruce AKA Moby Dick, the legendary white whale.

Nelson CruzDaddy, make it stop!! With each Cruz homer, my hatred for Mariners management increases. Cruz is the no doubt steal of the draft…..aaaaaand he’s not on a single one of my teams. Woe is me. It’s kind of like not investing in Apple when it was 5 bucks a share, only it may have just cost you a couple hundred and not a few hudred though, wow. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

Jeff Samardzija- At long last, it’s happened!! Smadge is livin’ that NorCal lifestyle and loving it! I was informed that this former Notre Dame legend had to invest in knee pads, for he was spending all his spare time praying to the Elder Gods, asking them what he’d done to deserve such pain, such anguish! The Guru bought stock in a knee pad company, though I believe he needs them for something else…. I’ve been a Samardzija fan now for multiple seasons, and fully expect his success to continue in the AL, albeit with more wins.

Mike ZuninoIf you’re desperate for pop in the same way Nicolas Cage is desperate for work to pay off his massive debt due to purchasing multiple castles in Europe, hundreds of vehicles, rare art, and his insane son’s medical costs, I have the man for you and Nino is his name-o.

 weston_cage_FP_1009119_FP_FULLCAGE_40_120507_535x535_535x535

Manny MachadoMacho Man is hotter than fish grease, laying the wood like yours truly on a Saturday night. A .529 average in July is beginning to make up for the despair he caused his owners early in the season……if they stuck with him, that is. And to think, Baltimore almost sent this beautiful creature down to the minor leagues. Now if only Chris Davis could pick it up. Don’t doubt the demigod, for he will be in this column next week, and that’s a promise.

The Saxon Tales by Bernard Cornwell- Wether you aspire to write for a living (by for a living I mean for free) like your Uncle Beddict, or you just like cool sh*t, reading needs to be implemented into all your lives. If you like great characters, vivid battles, and desire some history lessons while you’re at it, the Saxon Tales is the series for you. There have been seven books published thus far with at least one more on the horizon. If you want that realness, Cornwell is your dude. Reading is cool.

The Last Ship- Like my man Shaq Diesel in his prime, this TNT original series goes extra hard in the paint! Michael Bay is involved, so it had to be epic. In all honesty, I was shocked cuz based on the previews, I was expecting full on gutter trash. Not only was I mistaken about it being a good show or not but I had failed to realize my man, McSteamy was the star of the show! Silver Fox alert! Again, I’m not gonna sit here and get into the story line but as many of you know, when Beddict drops his stamp of approval on something, it’s official like a referee whistle. Get on this.

 

Players Who Disgraced Themselves: 

Justin VerlanderHow frightening is it for Tigers fans that starting in 2015, Verlander will be collecting $28 million PER YEAR, for five years? How disheartening is it for Detroit fans that J.V. has followed up the worst season of his career with an absolutely disgraceful one? A 4.8 ERA and a 1.48 WHIP, REALLY?!?! Some emjoi frowney faces would go really well,right here. Want some more bad news? His K’s per nine are down more than 2-per from last season. This isn’t going to end well. However, he does get to punish Kate Upton in the sack. Maybe money really is everything……..

Justin SmoakStick a fork in his back and dump him in the bayou. This former top prospect is finished. That’s all I have to say about that

Colby RasmusSince his return from injury, Rasmus has been entirely worthless. It saddens me to a witness a player,  whom I once possessed so much hope for, fall off like a bad bag of dope. What really annoys me is that the dude hasn’t stolen a bag in 2 season. What happened? CB had 20-30 steal potential in my opinion. Oh well, some of us never reach our potential. Not everyone can be a hall of fame baseball player or write for Razzball.

Adrian GonzalezAfter a scorching start to the season, A-Gone is now batting a Teixeira-like .251 on the season. I always believed Adrian would excel once he got out of PETCO park, not go all Mark Ruffalo(mediocre) on us. The days on Gonzo parking 40 seem to be long gone as he’s trying to channel James Loney.

Noah- It was only a matter of time before Hollywood began making blockbusters from bible “stories.” The epic fantasy of Noah’s Ark deserved a second chance after Steve Carrell’s disgraceful disaster, Evan Almighty. Unfortunately, Darren Aronofsky, went ultra dark in this version. I had forgotten in the fable of Noah, where huge creatures formed from rock built his ship, so that was kind of cool to see. All and all it was somewhat boring and not as visually stimulating as I would suspect, considering the animals and flooding involved. When’s David Vs. Goliath coming out? Now that, could be epic, possibly even a trilogy. [Jay's Note: Actually, the new Moses looks like Gladiator, but with Batman mixed with Stargate. Ridley Scott... never change.]

That was fun, wasn’t it? No? Shoot!! There’s always next week so I hope you’ll give me another shot. As per usual your comments and questions will be responded to with the utmost quickness for there is nothing I care more about, than your happiness. If you’re not following me on Twitter, I highly recommend you doing so at @Tehol143. It’s been grand. Peace.

  1. Gonzo_The_Great says:
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    This is one of those moments where your dad sits you down and says in a solemn voice, “Son we need to have a talk…”

    Can we talk about Harper? I’m really starting to think there’s not “there” there. He’s got what? 1 hit since he came back? I was shocked to see that Wil Myers, who has been out longer and was having an extremely slow start, has substantially better numbers than his Bryce-ness.

    How long do you keep the faith there?

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Gonzo_The_Great: At this point we got to ride him all the way through, Gonzo. Unless you can receive a solid trade package back for him you must just wait for the explosion , for it’s coming my friend. It shall come

  2. Clint says:
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    What? No word yet on how the elder gods are finally fulfilling your prophecy for the one known as Matt Adams? It’s okay, Tehol, take the credit that’s due for your demigod child, my friend, you deserve it. If he continues on the rip he’s been on, he may get within shouting distance of those 40 HR’s you predicted for me and many other fantasy owners. I just wish they could get rid of that imposter Allen Craig in St Louie so the Wondertwins of Adams & Taveras could finally activate already.

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Clint: Did you listen to me on podcast last week?! we on same page, brotha Clint. Time to clear Craig outta there. should be able to get decent prospect from a contender. mariners might be decent fit for him. Adams hitting 40????? Ummmm, I’ll take 22 at this point. ughhhhhh

      • Clint says:
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        @Tehol Beddict:

        You loved him at the beginning of the season, Tehol. Put my heebie jeebies to rest and convince me to accept the deal I’ve just been offered in my 8 team, 10 keeper, h2h pts league:

        I give up George Springer
        I get Bryce Harper

        That, or tell me I’m right to be nervous that Bryce is never going to achieve the level of hotness we thought he would but Springer will? Should be a slam dunk but I’m wondering about Harper’s hype versus reality going ahead.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Clint: YIKES. If I’m you I’m pulling that trigger mayne. I love Springer tho. just don’t come for my blood if this goes bad LOL

  3. Greyismyhero says:
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    Good stuff once again, and of course I drafted THE GD LOSER known as GYRKOFF instead of Rendon in all my leagues this year……Yeah…….. F STUPID!

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Greyismyhero: Thanks broham! Yea, Rendon has been an absolute stud. I love when dudes actually live up to their lofty draft status(real draft not fantasy). Dude is a legend in the making. Gyorko a fraud

      • james says:
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        @Tehol Beddict:

        Rendon got lucky he was hurt his senior year. As i think the 6th-8th overall pick all eyes were not on him. He was viewed as one of the best college bats at the end of his junior year, and had he not had injuries his last year of college he would have been the frist overall pick.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @james: lucky like he wouldn’t have succeeded as number 1 overall pick?

  4. Eric R. says:
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    In 24 hours I lost 50% of my pitching staff. Tanaka, Cole, Vargas all injured, Walker demoted. That leaves me with Grey, Sanchez, C Young, and J Kelly about to return from DL. My OF is pretty stacked with Jones, Brantley, Bruce, Choo, Hamilton. (only need 3+ Utility). Would you trade Jones for Teheran/Kluber if you were me or just try to fill in with streamers and hope Tanaka, cole come back in a couple weeks? Or look for another trade?

    • Greyismyhero says:
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      @Eric R.: Dang man, that’s some good luck you have going on there.

      • Eric R. says:
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        @Greyismyhero: I’ve clearly angered the fantasy baseball gods. I was significant injury free all year til yesterday. I guess it had to catch up with me eventually.

      • Tehol Beddict

        Tehol Beddict says:
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        @Greyismyhero: it stiiiiings

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Eric R.: I chiwawa(is that how you spell that?)!thats not a terrible trade since ur stacked in the outfield. Would he do Choo straight up for one of those 2 dudes? cole thing shouldn’t be TOO serious but who knows. THose are 2 pretty filthy pitchers so Jones might be worth it if you really lacking there

  5. J-FOH says:
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    Nice Eminem opening

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @J-FOH: I @J-FOH: i thought you’d like that

      • J-FOH says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: I actually have a Jared Leto story. Back in 2000 my buddy was his personal assistant and his cousin was the original bass player in Jared’s band. I used to go hang with them for the parties and the leftover hotties and I have to say Jared is one of the smallest people I have ever met. Dude could be a jockey. Well me being built like a pulling guard was always approached as his body guard. I caught on when people would act like I wasn’t there so i finally asked my buddy and he told me that they all thought I was security. I said for what? The guy that was on My So Called Life? Hollywood people are so friggin small but I got to meet some pretty interesting people at those parties.

        • Tehol Beddict

          Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Grey: @J-FOH: HAHA thats awesome. he seems like the kind of dude who would do mass quantities of blow. Am I right? or was he chill? yea all these dudes are 5’3″

            • Tehol Beddict

              Tehol Beddict says:
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              @J-FOH: he was hot in Dallas Buyers Club

  6. Steve Stevenson says:
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    6×6 (OPS), which 1B/Util do you want short- and long-term? Hosmer, Napoli, Pearce, LaRoche.

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Steve Stevenson: id say Hosmer if I didn’t care at all about Homers. but since I do, I’ll say Naploli or Laroche

  7. Allan says:
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    Tehol, Wheeler, Alvarez, or Lincecum tomorrow?

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Allan: Wheeler. Id say Timmy Jim but D backs own his soul

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Julio White: It huuuuuuuuuuuuuuurts. Grey, come on dog, that ain’t right plaaaaaya. Do i need to create a list of every writers bricks?!?!? Harper was injured. domonic was someone who i felt had major upside in the 8th or 9nth round. n

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        I still love you, TB.

        • Tehol Beddict

          Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Grey: I think I needed this discipline from my idol. It can only help keep me on point. Thank you , Grey. May I have another?

      • J-FOH says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: don’t remind me about Harper. I should of traded him to you in the writers league for Goldy. I could of thrown in Votto and still would of been better off. FMFBBL

        • Tehol Beddict

          Tehol Beddict says:
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          @J-FOH: ughhhhhhhhhh, hes gonna come on strong now. any day now, i can feel it……..

      • Julio White says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: sorry, i forgot to ask my question. whose dick do we have to get you to suck to make alcantara stick with the cubs?

        Epstein maybe?

        DO IT.

        • Tehol Beddict

          Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Julio White: For you, Julio, I’ll consider it.

          • Julio White says:
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            @Tehol Beddict:

            jeeze you work fast!

            Arismendy Alcantara will remain with the Cubs for now.
            The plan had been to send him down prior to Friday’s game when Darwin Barney returned from paternity leave, but Alcantara evidently changed the Cubs’ mind after going 4-for-5 with a triple, a double and three RBI Thursday. The 22-year-old isn’t guaranteed anything going forward, but he should see plenty of playing time while he’s up. Jul 10 – 6:06 PM
            Source: Mark Gonzales on Twitter

            wipe your chin and go take one of yur “crying game” showers. you earned it.

            • Tehol Beddict

              Tehol Beddict says:
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              @Julio White: I do what I can.

  8. Qbert says:
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    Yo tehol. What are your thoughts on k Seager going forward? I was offered my fister for Seager and could probably use the bat. Is it worth the move? Fister is decent but is more or less replaceable, right? ( my league tracks quality starts, not wins)

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Qbert: Yes, FistHer is very replaceable. I’m pumping and dumping him for Seags all day long, Qbert. Keep coming back. #TitleBound

      • Joel says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Would you drop Heyward for in in my points league? He’s a FA over here.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Joel: for who, Seags? oh yea

  9. Shelby Miller is blowing it again tomight. 1 to 8. Arghh! He’s stressing me out man… Should I cut him loose and pick-up Taijuan Walker for the 2nd half? Kevin Gausman. R.A. Dickey. Joe Kelly, Danny Salazar? I’m thinking they might all be better than Miller. Help!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @madden_curser: anyone is better than Miller, bro. I streamed him today and was shocked out how pathetically he performed. total disgrace. I still like walker the best and have high hopes for Salazar. but yea, no problem dropping miller

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @madden_curser: it’s apple sauce to a boss

  10. Joe says:
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    Tehol do you recomend me to trade Adrián González for Yu darvish or David price?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Joe: yes and yes, Josephine. Make it happen iiiiid

      • Joe says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: which pitcher you like better price or darvish?

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Joe: Darvish , tho im a tad worried about him. Price has been phenomenal. less risk with price.

  11. bored says:
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    Add Despaigne 12 team h2h dynasty (QS)

    Drop Harang, Elias, or Chisenhall?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @bored: Id drop either Harang or Elias for him no question. Like now and I mean right now. Don’t have faith in either of them both streamer worthy

      • bored says:
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        @Tehol Beddict:
        What do you think about Volquez? I dropped Elias for Despaigne. Is Volquez better than Harang or still only streamer also?

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @bored: streamer sitch. Play the match ups if your not on transaction limit

  12. Cronos says:
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    Cornwell’s books(all the various series) are amazing-allegedly the BBC America is adapting his Saxon Tales- going to be titled the Last Kingdom-

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Cronos: WHAT!?!?!?! you just made my night, Cronos. Thank you for this incredible news. I have to read his other series next

  13. sange76 says:
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    Collecting opinions on this one….

    12 team head to head points keeper

    My cano, pence, and g. Cole for
    Kipnis, mesoraco, mike minor, and Votto.

    Catcher is Gomes with Mauer in DL
    OF is pence. Brantley, Polanco, a Gordon, Alex rios
    Staff is Hamels, Richards, g cole, Arrieta, Stroman, y Ventura.
    Ss Reyes. Bogaerts. Hardy on the wire.
    3b Alvarez and mcgehee

    Points league. Power, speed, and pitching play well in this one.

    Thanks!

    • sange76 says:
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      oh, and 1B is Belt and McGeHee

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @sange76: yea i’d pull that if I were you. Pull that trigga, son!

  14. bro jackson says:
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    Is any pitcher worth E5? I am in a keeper league and I think I am leaning towards keeping Rizzo over E5. I will trade E5 to rent an elite arm.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @bro jackson: any pitcher? yes, kershaw and Felix. but if not them settle for Darvish / price or strasburg.

  15. bro jackson says:
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    Thanks.

    I am sorry about Dom Brown.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @bro jackson: we shall overcome

  16. pickleball says:
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    when and where is the prayer dodecagon for bryce harper? i’ve benched him the last 5 games and always think “man i’m going to regret this” but then, i never do. i’ve missed out on an 0-13 stretch with 6 strikeouts…. man

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @pickleball: today is his day, bro. Today is his day. Have u ever played pickle ball before? Greatest sport ever created

      • pickleball says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: i’m still benching him, but love the optimism.

        yeah just learned to play it the other weekend and naturally consider myself a staff ace

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @pickleball: it’s the greatest sport ever created. Kudos to you

  17. Bye Felicia says:
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    Post the link for your podcast. I never found it?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Bye Felicia: will do. I’m on today again too

  18. Joe says:
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    Tehol would you trade Adrián González for manny Machado?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Joe: yes. Do u have a 1b in place?

      • Joe says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: i have matt adams and Casey mcgahee

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Joe: boom. Get er done cowboy

          • Joe says:
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            @Tehol Beddict: you like manny Machado better than Adrián González?

            • Tehol Beddict says:
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              @Joe: if you have hole there, then yes since u already have 2 other 1B

  19. Sange76 says:
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    12 team h2h points keeper

    For an updated trade from before

    My pence, cano, g cole, Ventura for
    Holliday, Kipnis, mesoraco, mike minor

    Nice OF already with pence, rios, Polanco, Brantley, a Gordon

    C is Gomes and Mauer DL

    Staff is Hamels, Richards, cole, Ventura, Stroman, wheeler, Arrieta.

    Better move?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Sange76: seems like a little much, mayne

Comments are closed.