Alexei has a new comrade with Dayan Viciedo being called up by the White Sox. He’s the Latin 20, Cuban defector that has 240 pounds of baby fat, if, in fact, he is a baby. As I said back last November, “What I’d really like to see is a major leaguer go to Cuba to play. Kevin Youkilis grows out his beard another five inches, jumps in a raft and paddles to Havana. He tears up the Cuban Leagues on a steady diet of fastballs and plantains.” Wait, that quote had nothing to do with Dayan. Oh, here’s the quote, “In his first year of the minors at Double-A, he had a .317 OBP with 89 Ks to 23 walks. He can probably have success with this approach, because he do what he do. His line drive percentages went up in the 2nd half of the year, showing he was making better contact.” And that’s me quoting me! This year in Triple-A, he made progress. In 238 ABs, 30/14/34/.290/1. His Ks are still out of control with 52 in 62 games. Because of his position eligibility (3rd base, Serch), I grabbed him in a few leagues. I’d expect decent power (15 homers) and a mediocre average (.250) with little to no speed. On rookie 3rd basemen pickups, he’s below Pedro Alvarez for right now. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
John Ely – 4 2/3 IP, 7 ER, 11 baserunners, 3 Ks as he was pitchslapped by Bronson Arroyo. Wait, wasn’t Torre supposed to skip Ely for two weeks? You’re the Hall of Fame manager, Torre? Don’t listen to me telling you to start him! Well, you and Ely had a good run. You can put your photos in a scrapbook and drop him to waivers now.
Joey Votto – 2-for-4 with his 14th home run and he’s Canadian so you know he can quote Bob and Doug McKenzie.
Bronson Arroyo – 7 IP, 1 ER, 11 baserunners, 1 K. He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell. But don’t just go to the homepage, staring at it while you wait for the new post. You’ll end up looking like our 7th Vice President, John C. Calhoun.
Ryan Spilborghs – Hit his 7th homer as he got the start vs. a lefty, but homered off a righty. Weird! Spilborghs is a decent enough pickup in deep leagues while he’s hitting, but you need to be able to sit him when he’s not playing.
Ubaldo Jimenez – 8 IP, 1 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks. Ubaldo never sleeps, better slip him an Ambien.
Ian Stewart – Trouble in the Mini Mini Donkey stable. Mora’s started for two straight days. Well, that’s actually the good news because Mora’s crizzap. I’m hoping Stewart gets things started again in the upcoming homestand, if not then I’m the Native American watching someone litter. Or a Na’vi. What an allegory!
Adam Dunn – Speaking of Donkeys, Big Donkey just hit his 16th homer and he’s hitting .288. Aren’t you glad you avoided him because of the whole average drain thing? Donkeys have a word for people like you, “Human.”
Randy Wells – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks. This comes after the Cubs tried to change his pregame routine. Guess the whole chanting, “I suck,” followed by ramming his head into the locker wasn’t working. I love Wells long time, but this is only one start in a slew of crapfests. Would like to see one more before giving him another chance.
Jeremy Bonderman – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks. I’d look about a dozen places before picking up Bonderman, but he does get the Mets in Metco next, so there’s that.
Chipper Jones – Announced he might retire after this season. Is he beta-trialing an osteoporosis drug?
Tim Hudson – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks. In 92 1/3 IP, he has 41 Ks and 34 BBs. If he keeps this up, the Fangraphs database is going to commit hari-kari.
James Shields – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks with a 4.55 ERA on the year. Nice to see he’s completely unownable like I thought he would be in the preseason. As the German rappers say, schadenfreude, snitches!
Aaron Heilman – 1 IP, 2 ER. Maybe we should just start blaming the Diamondbacks closer spot.
Marco Scutaro – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs. Now batting near .450 over the last week. If you need average or Runs, MARCO… Scutaro…
Neil Walker – 2-for-4 with his second homer. He’s batting .289 and has 2 steals. In mixed leagues, that’s pretty yawnstipating. In NL-Only leagues, that’s fire.
R.A. Dickey – 6 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks. Doesn’t he sound like a place where you’d buy mittens? Come down to R.A. Dickey’s and with every purchase we’ll throw in a free pair of mittens! *in a fast voice* Free mittens are subject to individual R.A. Dickey store policy. Dickey’s a 35-year-old knuckler. You think he’d find someone to do that for him. Sure, 35 is only 23 in knuckleballer years, but you have to be real desperate to pickup a knuckleballer. The pitch is too unpredictable for even the pitcher. At any moment, he can blow up your ratios. As they told you in parochial school, keep your hands off that Dickey.
Jason Bay – Out of the starting lineup with a charley horse. What’s a charley horse with only 4 homers? A Jackass.