Justin Upton heads to the DL with an oblique injury. For those reading, who just got out of a time machine from the 80s, no one has any idea what an oblique is. And stop wearing Cavariccis. Upton will probably be out more than the required 15 days, because these oblique injuries that no one has ever heard of are tricky. With the Baby Backs out of every race outside of The Greatest 3rd Baseman To Ever Grace the Human Race Race, they’re not going to rush Upton. Does this hurt you to hear? It’s not my intention. But just don’t expect anything until September from Upton. On the bright side, now you have room for Will Venable. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Mark Reynolds – HR yesterday then he was removed with a sore thumb. It doesn’t seem to be anything to worry about. Mini-donkeys get sore thumbs apparently.
Trent Oeltjen – 2-for-6, as he hit his first major league homer yesterday and got two steals for the depleted ‘Backs outfield. He’s from Australia. So I guess that makes him a *pinkie to mouth* Outback. He’s a bit old for a prospect, but he has some mild pop and speed. Think David Murphy as the best case scenario. And, to impress your friends, Oeltjen is pronounced like Meltjen but with an O.
Alex Romero – 4-for-7, steal, 3 RBIs and batted 2nd. He reminds me of Crapolanco. Not a compliment. He has a yawnstipating power and speed and a good average.
Lastings Milledge – 2-for-5, and a steal. He’s worth a flier. Between him and fellow transgressor, Dukes? I’d take Dukes.
Billy Butler – Back-to-back games with homers. Worth a look in 10 team leagues for your corner spot.
Adrian Beltre – 4-for-4, maybe it’s the start of something, but he hasn’t put together a decent month since 2007. Not a crack, he really hasn’t.
Franklin Gutierrez – 1-for-4, and .260 over the last 7 games. Think it’s safe to put The Big FraGu back on waivers until next year.
Fausto Carmona – 6 IP, 1 ER, 2 Ks. Let’s see, he finally pitches well and now has a 6.66 ERA. Can someone say Fausto-ian bargain? I wouldn’t pick Carmona in any league, even a Cleveland Indians-Only league. Damn you, damn you and your 6.66 ERA to hell!
Asdrubal Cabrera – 2-for-4, and has been scorching hot over the last week. He’ll also be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell to really drive the hitchhiking point home.
John Baker – HR yesterday. Member when he was all the rage back in May and you understood exactly what I meant when I said punt catchers, then three weeks later you were cursing Baker and wishing you drafted a catcher? Ah, yes. Those were the days…
Hanley Ramirez – 3-for-5 and 2 steals, batting .344 on the year with 16 homers and 18 steals. I don’t mention the top players too much unless there’s something wrong. And that’s not with Hanley… Well, not directly, but, man, the Marlins have really put the brakes on his running game. He doesn’t have more than 5 steals in any month. 25/25 from your shortstop is great, don’t get me wrong. But you want more from Hanley, don’t you?
Vladimir Guerrero – Hit his 5th homer yesterday. It’s a limb, but I think when you drafted Vlad you were counting on more than 10 homers.
J.A. Happ – The Phils say he will stay in the rotation. Basically, take everything I say about Happ and inverse it. He’s officially confounded me. That could mean Jamie Moyer goes to the bullpen. This makes absolutely no sense to me. Happ has value coming into a close game in the middle innings. I believe Moyer has no value being used that way.
Shane Victorino – 0-for-4, The Flying Hawaiian looks like he’s really struggling with his knee. I’m concerned.
Aaron Cook – 5 IP, 3 ER. Left the game with a sore toe. There goes the Rox pickup soccer game midfielder. Cook’s probably day-to-day.
Elijah Dukes – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs and a HR yesterday. Somewhere Jim Bowden smiles.
Ryan Zimmerman – 4-for-4, and another homer. Mentioned this the other day, but it bears repeating, because, frankly, it’s pretty amazing to me how streaky Zimmerman is. Good to file away in the back of the ol’ medulla oblongata for H2H players.
Casey Kotchman – HR yesterday. Is there anything more satisfying then when you pick up a guy for a short schedule day and then he hits a homer? It’s like picking up a girl anywhere but a bar. (BTW, the girl can still be drunk for this to be satisfying.)
David Ortiz – 0-for-5, batting .222 on the year. I have a sneak peek of his Saturday press conference, “I’m batting .222 on the year. I used to hit 50 homers and bat over .300. Yet, I had no idea what A-Rod’s cousin was shooting me up with.” Borrr-ring.
Frank Francisco – Pitched a scoreless 8th inning. Any day now he should return to the closer’s role or the DL.
Brandon Lyon – Got the save because he entered the game in the 8th in a save situation. No change of the guards here.
Erick Aybar – 3-for-4, HR and a steal yesterday. I literally wrote his name in the Sell section of this afternoon’s post before this game. Guess his blurb will go in the director’s cut.
Tommy Hunter – 7 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners. That’s nice, I wouldn’t pick him up.
Nelson Cruz – Sounds like he’s headed to a DL. Why, you ask. Because he can’t throw a ball or swing a bat. That’ll usually do it.
Rafael Soriano – 3 earned runs, no outs as he blew the save. Could’ve been worse, could’ve set fire to my house.
Chad Gaudin – What happens when a HodgePadre doesn’t pitch well at home? He gets traded. That’ll teach him! Aaron Poreda may get the vacant rotation spot in San Diego, or Geer or Mujica. Poreda would have value, the other two would not.
Clayton Richard – 5 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 5 Ks, 9 baserunners. Wasn’t a brilliant start, but definitely worth holding onto for home games and he gets a bunch of decent matchups for the last 2 months.
Bobby Parnell – Added to the Mets rotation. I believe Bobby Parnell is the little black kid from Role Models. Not positive though.