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Long, long ago, in a realm us mere mortals would know nothing about, there was a secret assemblage of the Elder Gods, for something of vast importance had come to light. An event of this magnitude is the only thing that can force the congregation of the Elders, for you see, the Elders can’t help but bicker between themselves about who’s power is supreme, whose creations are superior, and who has bagged the hottest chicks. Ammanas, Elder God and ruler of House Shadow, kept receiving visions (not dreams, for the Gods don’t sleep) of a child being born that was so powerful, so talented, and so insanely hung, that ascension to Godhood was a virtual certainty. A boy who’s abilities were so mammoth, they could not be stopped, they could only hope to be contained. That boy’s name would be, Tulo, and Tulo would play a game that would become universally known as… baseball.  Plans for adversity were quickly set in motion for young Tulo, who, with a heart of gold and the grace of a Centaur romping through a tulip field, was well on his way to ascending. You see, the metamorphosis from man to God doesn’t just happen in a fortnight, for even the chosen ones must face and overcome a throng of obstacles if they are to fulfill the Elder’s prophecies.

The Elders plotted amongst themselves, strategically forcing viciously timed injuries upon Tulo, setting forth the type of trials and tribulations only a man who was truly worthy, would have the ability to overcome. The sometimes selfish Gods thought nothing of Tulo’s fantasy baseball owners, for they neither knew nor cared about what they thought at the time was a silly game (they’ve since come to their senses and bought stock in Razzball). In order for the prophecy to be realized, sacrifices would have to be made. Substantial misery and anguish came to those who selected Tulo in the first round of their fantasy drafts, causing disdain and even pure hatred directed at Tulo the innocent.

Then, it finally happened. Tulo finally passed all his tests and the Elders authorized his ascendance to Godhood. The Great and Powerful Ammanas spoke true and powerfully at the most recent convergence of the Gods, saying:

I herby declare that the young and beautiful Tulo has been been awarded ascendancy. A mere mortal would have crumbled in facing one percent of the hardships we’ve thrown in his path. No mortal man could ever hope to return or heal from the severe and sometimes sickening injuries we forced upon him. Let it be stated that in the year of our Gods, 2014, Tulo shall play in a minimum of 150 games, lead the Rockies of Colorado, where weed is legal, to a remarkable playoff bid, and a well deserved MVP award. It shall be done, so says I, Ammanas of House Shadow. Before we depart, I’d like to bring up one more subject; Before this season of Baseball, which I now enjoy thoroughly, began, we urged our favorite son, Brother Tehol Beddict, to advise he and his countless followers, to select Bryce Harper in all fantasy draft formats. Young Brother Beddict has passed all tests thus far with flying colors, but I question whether even he, no matter how magnificent, charming, and handsome he is, can overcome this latest… curveball, if you will. Before we reconvene next year, I’d like for each of you to consider ascendancy for Tehol if he somehow crawls out of this hole we led him into. That is all, now begone!!

And there you have it; The Gods have spoken. Need I say more? I’m sure some of you would hope not, but I’m going to anyway. Welcome to another week of Disgrace/Delight, where, I, Tehol Beddict, comment and predict the futures of players who are either living up to/surpassing my expectations or those of whom are putting me on Sui watch. This is where the magic happens, ya’ll. This is, Disgrace/Delight!

 

MLB Players Who Delighted Me With Their Play This Week

Colby Rasmus- Colbs has been laying the boom-stick as of late, as he’s now batting .231 with 8 bombs. A .231 average doesn’t sound so bad if you recall that Rasmus was batting well below the Mendoza line a mere week and a half ago. His refusal to steal bags dating back to last season is one of this world’s greatest unsolved mysteries. That, and what caused the general public to turn on Pauly Shore, when he seemingly had all of America, most of Canada, and even a few Mexicans eating out his hands. Rasmus looked like a future 20/20 guy a few years back but either way, he’s still wheezing the juice, buuuuuuuuudy.

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Nolan Arenado- Unfortunately for me, I didn’t develop my man crush on Arenado until AFTER all of my fantasy drafts. Talk about a robbery in the mid-to-late rounds. FML! Nado is in the midst of a 26-game hitting streak for a Rockies team that is boasting the best lineup in baseball. Sure, Blackmon and Morneau’s production will likely fall off a cliff, but I expect 25 plus homers for Arenado and a minimum .280 batting average. Think Evan Longoria, only 9 rounds later……. Again, FML!

Carlos Gomez- Like the aforementioned God, Tulo, Car-Go Jr., was placed on many, “players to avoid” draft lists. And just like with Tulo, I’d give my left nut to trade my Bryce Harper pick for him. A .287 average, 8 bombs, and 4 steals don’t seem like the types of numbers I want to be avoiding.

Jose AbreuIs Abreu legit, or does the obvious hole in his swing make him akin to a dime piece you pick up at a rave, take home and give the pound game to, and then see her without her makeup on the next morning and you’re like, “Whhhhhaaaaaaaaaaat, Oh hell nah!” I’ve experienced it on hundreds, maybe thousands of occasions; Somehow, it manages to sting just as deeply the 500th time as it did during the first time I was tricked. I’d consider selling high, depending on what you need of course, but at this point, 40 bombs seems like a virtual lock. Enjoy the ride and stay away from raves, and ecstasy for that matter. Does it really put holes in your brain, or is that just some scare tactic they preach in elementary school? If that’s the case, I’m pretty sure my brain looks like an empty “Connect Four” grid.

Manny Machado- Just happy to see him back playing again. Kind of like when Christian Slater got that new show, Mind Games that recently aired on ABC….. Wait, what? The show was cancelled after 10 episodes? #Disgrace! Let’s hope, for Machado’s owner’s sake, that Macho Man performs at a more respectable level than Slater.

Eric Hosmer- He hit a home run!!! Hooooray!!! I truly have no respect for this man, but kudos on getting your first bomb of the season. It’s May 7th by the way.

Clayton KershawAnother soldier is back on the battlefield that is Major League Baseball, and his owners couldn’t be happier. After dusting off the Nationals, throwing 7 scoreless innings with 9 ks, Kershaw lit up a Cuban, took a marvelous dump, then hit the strip club and made it rain for hours. What a day. What a MFin day.

The Seattle Mariners- Back above .500 and getting in the A’s booty like Zed did Marsellus Wallace in Pulp Fiction. 

The Colorado Rockies- Will having a sub-par pitching staff end up being costly? A virtual certainty. Will Blackmon and Justin Morneau join us back in reality? Most likely. They sure a fun team to watch though, and I for one am enjoying the ride. Rockies fever, catch it!!!!

Non MLB Delights:

The NBA playoffs- That’s right, I’m going to continue jackhammering you, as if  you’r Shyla Stylez, until you begin watching this wondrous action. It’s also giving me a much need break from a stressful season of fantasy baseball.

Assassins Creed IV: Black Flag- Stunning visuals, great story, and awesome gameplay. Best game I’ve played on Xbox One thus far. Check it out. I’m always looking for gaming partners (nerd alert), so tweet me your gamer tag if you wanna get down like Bobby Brown (this may come off sexual but that wasn’t the intent, I promise).

Kevin Durant’s MVP speech- Moving speech.

Razzball’s first ever NFL Mock Draft- Who put this shizz together? ME, that’s who!! The 1st round of the NFL draft is later today, so yours truly decided to put together the first REAL NFL mock draft in our incredible websites history. Witness.

Razzball Radio- My big homey, the ultra-talented and handsome Nick Capozzi, has created the incredible Razzball Radio, which also includes a live video feed for your personal enjoyment. After witnessing the first couple of vids, one of which I was lucky enough to guest star on (oh, you didn’t know it was Beddict week on Razzball?), I have no doubt in my mind Razzball is well on its way to becoming the biggest fantasy conglomerate in the world. Kudos, Nick. Kudos.

 

MLB Players Who Disgraced Themselves With Their Play Last Week

Mike MoustakasThis is more a lifetime achievement award for old Moose here. If the .153 batting average wasn’t pathetic enough, he’s now being benched when facing lefties. I suppose that’s actually preferable for you if he’s, for some reason, still on your roster, you know, since he’s somehow even worse against lefties. Seriously, a .153 average, Moose? Do yourself a favor and drop this disgrace in any and all formats. He’s not even a has-been, he’s a never was.

CC Sabathia- I’m not here to beat a dead horse. I’m here to put the hammer down on an obese cow who desperately needs to be put out to pasture. Thus far this season, Sabathia has been one of the more hittable pitchers I’ve ever witnessed. He simply has nothing left in the tank. I suppose I believed the same to be true about Nick Nolte, but he’s somehow bounced back and received several large roles in major motion pictures. Then again, Nolte looks like he’s one Marlboro Red away from death, so there’s that.

Sergio SantosAs I’m sure I was to my family, Santos has been nothing but a constant disappointment. He certainly has the ability to be a lights out closer but it seems the control and mental part of the game are severely lacking. You won’t be seeing Santos close a game for the rest of the season, and that’s a fact.

Zack Wheeler- “But Tehol, Wheeler just tossed a gem Wednesday! How dare you place him in your disgrace column.” Yea, sorry, not sorry. The only, and I do mean ONLY reason Wheeler wasn’t in last week’s column is because I was highlighting my #1 RCL League team, which he surprisingly is not on. He would have fit in perfectly but, oh well. Before the season I said that I believed Wheeler to be just as talented as Gerrit Cole, and now I stand here corrected. The control issues are even worse than I thought possible and his start in Colorado last week was so revolting, that even Papa Grande was appalled. I’m by no means suggesting that you cut Wheeler. I’m just tampering your expectations a tad, that is, if you for some reason still have them.

George SpringerProspects seem to always disappoint, do they not? We roster these guys for sometimes months in advance of their call up, and 95% of the time, we are let down like I was when I found out Jude Law’s ex boo-thang, Sienna Miller (sorta NSFW), no longer was into dudes. Spring-a-ling went 3/4 Tuesday night so it’s possible he’s about to go on a tear. Can we see Polanco, please!?

Will VenableIs it not truly mystifying how Venable continues to be inserted into the starting lineup nearly every day? He’s hitting below the Mendoza line, has ZERO jacks, and has knocked in a pathetic 4 runs. To top it off, he was caught stealing twice on Tuesday night. The Padres are treating Venable like he’s Ken Griffey Jr. or something. How can you continue to bat this bum at or near the top of the order? Inexcusable.

Domonic BrownI’m done. I’m just done.

Chris ArcherArcher is, and can still be a very good pitcher. He simply isn’t, nor will be a dominant one. It seems I was bit overly excited with his performance last season as it was nothing more than a hot streak. You can use him for spot starts, but I’m no longer rostering him. He’s more Chris O’Donnell than Matt Damon.

Cleveland not bringing up Trevor BauerWhat’s the hold up here, seriously? You own a 14-19 record and have one of the best pitching prospects in baseball ripe and rearing to go at Triple A. Bauer has been nothing short of dominant thus far this season. Now is the time, Cleveland.

Non MLB Disgrace this week:

Roy Hibbert- The 7’2′ Hibbert continued his absolutely disgraceful play in this years playoffs to the tune of 0 points and 0 rebounds in 18 minutes of play. HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE!?!!?? Not ONE rebound!? We are talking about a max-deal player here, a multiple all-star for the Gods’s sake!! Truly Pathetic.

 

Thank you for joining me for another episode of Disgrace/Delight. As per usual your comments and questions will be responded to below as I truly appreciate your input. Don’t forget to check out my NFL mock draft and watch Razzball Radio every single day. If you’re doing yourself the disservice of not interacting with me on twitter, please do so now at @TeholBeddict47Enjoy your weekend and next week we back on that Game of Thrones shizz so get caught up.  Beddict, out.

 

  1. Picard56 says:
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    Is Prince Fielder done? Guy can’t get flyballs anymore, even back to last season.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Picard56: Wow, I really thought he was going to go beast mode in Texas. This is pathetic. He’s going to pick it up. Its a disgrace that man this big, and this much power, can no longer hit 30 bombs. 40 plus seemed like a lock in Texas. Gotta hold strong man. He’ll bounce back

      • Natty Boh says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: You may have just talked me off the ledge.

      • seph meier says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: @Tehol Beddict:

        Before the season started kinsler said he gained weight because it fell off in the Texas heat. Do you think prince took this approach during the off season?

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @seph meier: Prince looks a little smaller to me this season. you know, like 385, instead of his usual 420

  2. 16 team league 5×5 Michael Bourne ended up on the wire. Worth dropping Krispie for him?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Riggs: 16 team league, eh? you don’t have anyone worse to drop? Even so, Id probably rather have Bourne

      • @Tehol Beddict: I have JJ Hardy on my bench with Alcides holding down SS, possibly a better sacrifice?

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Riggs: nah hold him. krispe is streaky but I’m not ready to give up on bourne just yet, specially if you need dat speed homey

  3. RaverJenny says:
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    Are you selling high on Rajai Davis? or is he looking legit in 14!!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @RaverJenny: oh I’m riding it out with him, Jenn Jenn. I know they’ve been sitting him a bit lately but the numbers are staggering. I’m rostering him everywhere daily, or weekly, preferably daily obviously so that you can take him out when they bench him for a day or whatever. Rajai, Rajai, Rajia

  4. AJ says:
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    Start Cueto tomorrow against that Rockies lineup?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @AJ: I’m starting Johnny Be Good against anyone and anything right now. He’s a machine and I expect nothing less than a quality start

  5. Diamond Powered Zeppelins says:
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    So, this hole you speak of in Abreu’s swing, is there some big article i’ve missed that discusses this hole? Yeah, he’s going to strike out a bit, but wouldn’t it make sense to see how he adjusts and how the pitchers adjust? It would seem very premature to be able to form any sensible opinion on if to sell high or to hold. To me he screams hold. Its 1/5th of the way through his first MLB season.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Diamond Powered Zeppelins: oh I’m holding, big dog. Don’t worry. I’m just saying its something to watch and he may not ever hit above 260, but I’m fine with that as I’m sure most of his owners are

  6. Big League Choo says:
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    Looking back on my draft there was only one thing i’d do different, i wish i didnt draft segura, in stead of passing up Jose Fernandez in the 4th round…I have a great pitching staff, but the kid is an absolute monster. I managed to snag Bautista at pick 28, Arenado at 140….and Dee “Can Sleep with My Sister” Frickin Gordon with my last pick….Dudes been carrying my MI since day 1

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Big League Choo: yea , I missed out on Jo-for by 2 picks and it basically destroyed my life. nice work on Arenado! what a monster. I would literally kill for Gordon. WOW

    • Grant says:
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      @Big League Choo: In my 14 team keeper league, keep 3, Segura was the best available when it got to me in the draft according to Grey’s projections, so I decided to go against my gut and pick him up, MI always kills me, well it is killing me this year with Miller, and Segura. Its said when Espinosa has been a blessing picking him up since Zimmerman went down, who is also on my DL. I have some serious catching up to do.

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @Grant: i have Everth Cabrera, so theres that

  7. Ron says:
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    Need your help. Been over this a bunch but still not decided….

    Give: Pujols and Harper
    Get: Encarnacion and Gio

    1) Should I take this trade?
    2) Would it be better or worse for me if I were giving up A-Gon instead of Pujols?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Ron: ughhhhh, giving away Harper for anything of value is solid I suppose. Though why are you receiving a worse 1st basemen in return. It doenst seem like you have a huge need at first if you have Pujols and A-Gon. Does encarnacion have 3rd base eligibility in your league?

      • Ron says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Yes he does but I already have Longoria and Arenado and R. Zimmerman on the DL so 3B is covered

        My OF is Trout, Jones, Cargo and Moss.

        I was really just doing this to get solid pitching for Harper. You think Encarnacion is going to be worse than A-Gon this year? Is the deal better for me if I give A-Gon?

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Ron: Id probably rather give A-Gon than Pujols at this point for sure. I suppose I would do encarnacnion and Gio for him and a few months of harper. you right, Ron Ron, you right. do that

  8. Rob says:
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    Would you drop Wheeler for Gee or Harang? Wanting K’s but not so much ERA and WHIP damage. I Have Fister coming back as well whats his avg K’s per game?

    • Rob says:
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      @Rob: Also Simon and Koehler available.

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @Rob: no on the other 2 as well

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Rob: No, especially not Harang. He simply can’t keep it up. Gee is more doable but I’ve got to stick with Wheelers upside there

      fister was at 6.86 k’s per nine last season and I expect him to stay in that range, possibly slightly above 7.

  9. Splendid Sphincter says:
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    Trade Gio Gonzalez and Matt Harvey (DL 19th rd keeper) for Matt Holliday and Ervin Santana?

    5×5 standard mixed

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Splendid Sphincter: interesting. I think I’d do that, yes. Especially if you have a hole in the lineup

  10. Kyle says:
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    ?Gyorko is killing me in a league I punted 2nd.. I picked up Espinosa, but not sure how long he’ll last. Is Odor worth giving a shot over espi?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Kyle: , Gyorko is going to bounce back heavy. No problem with starting whoever you want over Espinosa in the meantime, but don’t trip, Kyle. If you’re feeling Odor, do that playa. Thanks for checking in.

  11. Jimbo says:
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    I prefer Shyla Jennings.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Jimbo: Ill do some research, and by research I mean get out the peanut butter, bring my dog in the room, dim the lights, light a few candles, and see how I feel

  12. Scooter G says:
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    How do you feel about I Desmond at this juncture? I have Pujols and Abreu at 1st already should I trade Hosmer for Desmond or look for a different way to improve at SS? Thanks Tehol!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Scooter G: I would definitely make that move. Ur set at 1st and desmond has more power than Hosmer. Do dat der, Scooty G

  13. Wacha Wacha says:
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    Do I trade J Abreu and Wacha for Cano and Cain? My heart says no but my head says maybe….

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Wacha Wacha: No, I would not do this. who’s your second basemen? Im very high on Wacha and Cain has become low grade dog food. you can do better

  14. Carnac says:
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    No, not Sir Domonic!! Surprised to see you buried the One True King here and didn’t wait to violently kill him at his own wedding in next week’s GoT post. (I hope I didn’t just leak any spoilers.)

    Other than that, nice post, TB. Your brand is good.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Carnac: oh, I’m sure I’ll be back on his XXL jock if he does something but if not, next week might be another Domonic Headliner. The guy kills me.

      Glad you like the posts. Thank you. Appreciate cha

  15. Matt says:
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    Any word on how Mat Latos rehab is going and when he is returning to the Majors?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Matt: no timetable on return. about to start throwing again. Its an unfortunate situation. could be a while, Matty. thanks for checking in

      • Matt says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Ugh sucks to hear. Thanks for the update Tehol, was hoping he’d return quick for my squad. Him, Paxton, Anderson are early season casualties.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Matt: yea too bad about Paxton he was looking nice for my mariners. Anderson lets me down on a yearly basis. #Tragic

          • Matt says:
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            @Tehol Beddict: Paxton best-case scenario 2-3 weeks til returning though? Or is that too optimistic?

            • Tehol Beddict says:
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              @Matt: it’s possible. I’ll research a bit more later. I’m at the hospital!

              • Matt says:
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                @Tehol Beddict: Thank you, sending my good wishes hope all is well with you!

                • Tehol Beddict says:
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                  @Matt: thanks bud. Paxton has some throwing sessions planned so Id imagine it’ll be about a month or so. If anything pops up check in next week or on twitter and i’ll fill u in

  16. Noah says:
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    As a massive Rockies fan, I’m kicking myself for missing out on Arenado. Razzball experts, would you trade Pedroia, Wacha for CJ WIlson and Arenado? Keeper league, we keep 8. I have Altuve that can play 2B as well.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Noah: CJ Wilson, Ughhhh. I wish you could get better pitcher back in that trade as I have Wacha an elite option for keeper leagues. Extremely high on him.

  17. Plumbing4 says:
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    Odor or Gregory Polanco ROS

    Odor is up but will he stay longer than Polanco this yeast and produce?

    • Plumbing4 says:
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      @Plumbing4: sorry, year not yeast

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @Plumbing4: ever been with a chick with a yeast infection? #Yikes

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Plumbing4: Im all in on Polanco. Profar is on the mend and will be back in a month or so. Odor will have to catch fire to even stay on as utility when Profar returns.

  18. Peter Parker says:
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    If you were silly enough to start wheeler in col you deserve what you got.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Peter Parker: I did, but i didn’t mean to, LOL. hows the new Spider Man? Is it cool?

      • Big League Choo says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Saw it, it was pretty damn good…new series is much more spider-man like than the cheesy tobey mcguire ones.

        • Big League Choo says:
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          @Big League Choo: Also Emma Stone is my favorite, from superbad to zombieland…redhead or blonde so hot.

          • Tehol Beddict says:
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            @Big League Choo: yea, Emma, gives me that good old fashioned feeling. I like her steez. pretty face. nice bod

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Big League Choo: Yea at first, I was a bit turned off such a quick remake but the first new one was surprisingly good. I’ll have to check this one out

          • Aubrey Plaza's Pillow says:
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            @Tehol Beddict: looks better as a red. but again, i’m almost never partial to blondes anyway. olivia wilde looked good as a blonde (Bickford Smeckler’s Cool Ideas), but there’s simply no way she isn’t like top 10 amongst women of any type.

            • Tehol Beddict says:
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              @Aubrey Plaza’s Pillow: true I’m a fan of both those ladies. Olivia Wilde is a special woman

              • Jay

                Jay says:
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  19. No Soup for Yu says:
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    Could you rank these 6 SP? Minor, Liriano, Gee, Eovaldi, Kluber, Chavez

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @No Soup for Yu:

      1. Kluber
      2. Liriano
      3. Minor
      4. Eovaldi
      5. Chavez
      6. Geeeeeeeeeee

      theres my rankings for Yu

  20. Vonte Mack says:
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    Which side would you prefer (in a vacuum) the rest of the season:

    Desmond Jennings/George Springer

    or

    Anthony Rizzo/Gregory Polanco

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Vonte Mack: depends on if you need a first baseman but I’d probably have to rizzo/polanco

  21. The Duchess says:
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    Does this mean your super huge man crush on Domonic Brown is over now?! F-I-N-A-L-L-Y With a .223 AVG, 9 R, 1 HR, 10 RBI & 3 SB you HAVE to find someone better to crush on…

    Do you know how badly I wish I HADN’T listened to this “expert” about who to take in the first round? I ended up with Harper, whom I cannot trade to anyone in my lg even when I resorted to throwing in extra-curricular activities… I’m stuck w my first round pick in a BE slot right now…while Tulo & Cargo (both near TOP of my do not draft list bc too risky/injury prone) are murdering the baseball, thank you baseball expert!! However, it does help that I was able to pickup Arenado off the wire and that he too is crushing the ball.

    Gyorko has sucked this year. I finally, against popular opinion, dropped him (having 6 injured players in 1 wk forced me to) but I’ve been watching closely and he hasn’t done anything to make me want to rush and get him back nor has Venable, or Castro all of whom I drafted… yikes what a draft. I am concerned that Latos (whose injury I thought was very minor when I drafted him) still doesn’t have a timetable to return. He will pitch in 2014?
    Springer is on the disgrace side- do you think is Polanco going to end up over there too? Or he’s worth the hype? He’s still sitting out on the wire and I still have some recyclable garbage on my tm I could use to pick him up….
    While I’m asking questions I might as well nitpick thru my team quickly (and please you by asking ALL of these questions in this comment :) What’s the deal with Panda, is he ever going to get it together? I’ve been patiently waiting sitting him on BE every week but it’s frustrating. Is Craig going to be lackluster all year? My OF is laughable right now w/wonder boy on the DL. And is Frazier worth keeping as a UT player past this wk? I sadly BENCHED Belt this wk…. and learned my lesson on Tues but he reiterated it last night as well…. so Frazier went into UT instead of Belt…
    Is Joe Smith done as LAA closer? Frieri is as erratic as they come but I don’t know if rostering Smith will be worth it if he’s sharing closing duties w/Ernie plus he has some kind of oblique thing going on? Lindstrom (who terrifies me) and Rondon (who equally terrifies me- I like my ERA/WHIP low) are both avail on the wire right now…

    Even though Tehol has completely ignored me for many days, and I’ve had to decide on who to put in my lineup 2 weeks in a row w/no assistance (I’m EXTREMELY indecisive, I don’t need someone to hold my hand) somehow/someway even with all my recyclable garbage and my Giant ERROR w BEing Belt this wk my team is on a tear… in last 2 weeks going from 12th to 8th and could be right in middle of top 5 by the end of this week. So to all of you Tehol fans out there listen to him!! when he’s being responsive & friendly, bc he’s usually right. You might want to watch his appearance on the podcast too- he’s pretty handsome… even for a comics loving gamer nerd. xxoo

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @The Duchess: wait, you offered sex for someone taking Harper off your hands? Thats hot. I never mentioned gyorko anywhere. Id grab polanco now. Just g chat me babe. I just took a valium so I’m checking out but I do appreciate this post. our relationship is blossoming before my readers eyes. Its kind of like penthouse letters. This is getting so hot. thanks for checking in babe

  22. Eric says:
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    Haha I kind of have a long trade question and I was wondering if I could pick your brain. 12 team 5×5 category yahoo league with CI, MI, and one Util Spot.

    I’m thinking of giving:
    1) Todd Frazier
    2) Ryan Zimmerman
    3) Jean Segura
    4) Homer Bailey
    5) Anibal Sanchez
    6) Shelby Miller

    for (essentially)

    1) Wainwright
    2) Josh Donaldson
    3) Kluber

    I currently have Dee Gordon as well as Profar on the DL. In terms of starters besides the 3 mentioned above I have Tehran, Sonny Gray, Doug Fister, Tajuan Walker, Eovaldi, Chavez, and Wheeler. The reason I’m doing this trade is because I’m trying to do this thing where I fill up my RP and P spots with stud middle relivers (Currently have Will Smith, Thornburg, and Clippard) because my league is crazy intense that I never seem to be able to pick up closers or even potential closers (I’m also overseas).

    Am I giving WAY too much? Is my pitching idea even going to work? Because ideally I hope that all my relievers would give me almost the numbers of one ace starter every other day with the potential to vulture wins. Thanks for your input! would appreciate it if other writers could also chime in on what they think of it. Pretty sure I’m not the first person to think of this.

    • jal179 says:
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      @Eric:

      Id do it in a heartbeat.

      Zimm is poo, I think Segura is a borderline top 100 player (many disagree with me on here), Miller is not locating well and Frazier is a hot schomato.

      Love your RP plan. Do it. But I’m just a bum going full gotch mode drinkin a beer so WTF do I know… CHEERS

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @jal179: whats Gotch mode? I like the sound of that

      • Eric says:
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        @jal179: thanks a lot! Haha I’m gonna go ahead and do it

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Eric: nice!!!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Eric: Donaldson is a monster, wainwright is elite. Kluber is close to elite in my book. Anibal and bailey are legitMiller should bounce back but I don’t care about the other guys and with dee gordon segura is meaningless at the moment. GO ahead and pull tha trigger killa

      • Eric says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Hahaha thanks, I’m gonna offer it. I think on paper it looks like he kills it though but we’ll see.

      • Eric says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: I don’t know if it changes anything but I currently use D.Gordon in my ss spot while segura is stuck in my MI spot and if he get’s replaced then either Gyorko or Profar will slide into that space.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Eric: fine with that. good replacements

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Eric: GYORKO!!!!!

  23. frankgrimes says:
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    nice read sir but it’s no mystery about Pauly shore he was an unfunny no talent prick
    where did all the hate go?
    half the fun was the blasting you’d get in the comments

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @frankgrimes: I;ve been wondering the same thing, Frank. EIther the editor is just not clearing them, or the people love me.

      • Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: they probably found it more fun among their own kind over at some espn message board with the other turd burglars.

  24. Joe says:
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    Tehol should i drop Wilson Ramos or devin mesoraco for Salvador Pérez ? Or non

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Joe: yea id prob drop ramos for him. he’s a beast

  25. The Guru

    The Guru says:
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    Zed’s dead, baby, Zed’s dead. And so is Dom Brown.

    • jal179 says:
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      @The Guru:
      GURU LIVES !!!!

      Love that guy.

      Guru, would move Prince for Rizzo? I hate fat people especially wasted 2nd rounders

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @jal179: decent trade but Id probably hold prince. oh wait, you weren’t asking me. Oh wise and powerful Guru, please answer

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @The Guru: Dom aint dead homey

  26. jal179 says:
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    I give Ian Desmond for Charlie Blackmon?

    Id snag Alcides or Villar to fill y MI while move Dee to SS and Hill to 2B.

    My OF SUCKS with Jones, Rios, Beltran, Pagan, and Joyce…

    I understand this is the ultimate sell lo buy high but Desmond in the 5 or 6 hole does not excite me and feel the regression down to Escobar or Villar aint that bad…

    Thoughts Tehol? Damn u are handsome.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @jal179: i understand it and i suppose I’m fine with though Jones Rios will turn it around for monster season no doubt in my mind. Beltran probably too. i don’t have problem with it tho if you have Gordon and villar esco. Yea man go head

      • jal179 says:
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        @Tehol Beddict:

        I’ve thrown it out there and talked to the other owner… he’s not too pumped starting Lowrie is looking for a MI uprade.

        Villar looks like a cheap version of Desmond so I wont lose sleep.

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @jal179: yea you got this. make it work

  27. Leifer maddness says:
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    so i should i drop dayan vic for springer,??? dayan has seemed to cool off a bit,

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Leifer maddness: oh yea. id be all over that

  28. mike says:
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    Need some help. On the fence big time with a trade offer. I was offered prince fielder, shields, and matt holliday for cargo and bucholz. Right now my current 1b is matt adams. OF is cargo beltran trout pagan and rajai on bench. What do you think? Standard 5×5 12 team roto.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @mike: thats a tough call Mikey. I think you have to make that trade tho. Bucholz means nothing so go for it big dog

  29. Joe says:
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    Tehol in utility who you prefer rajai davis, johnny peralta, marlon bryd or coral crawford ? In what order?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Joe: right now
      1. Byrd is hotter than wasabi
      2. rajai rajai rajai.
      3. im assuming u mean carl crawford? I think I like him better long term than peralta but maybe not.

      depends on needs. rajai if you want speed obviously. . byrd hitting the best.

  30. jal179 says:
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    My Wilin + Desmond for his Victorino + Kinsler.

    I got Ramos DL stashed still and schomatoing Montero at C and need an uptick in AVG and Runs.

    He’s starting Salty at C.

    I got C depth and wonder if Victorio is a superior upgrade over Matt Joyce to overcome the downgrade from Wilin to either Ramos or Montero.

    He’s aslo got Kipnis DLed making Kinsler expendablish.

    Tehol enlighten me

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @jal179: Jal, my dear friend, I;m not a huge fan of this fade as victorino is not really floating my boat at the moment. getting Kinsler who could end up with monster stats would be big, but Desmond should pick it up also. go check last seasons numbers for a reminder. If Victorino comes up big i have 0 problem with it. Im kind of 50/50 which does you no good but I’d go with your gut on this one, Jal. Think you will be fine either way but Kinsler side is real tempting. F it. do it

  31. Tehol's Horcrux says:
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    tell us more about the amazing dominic brown.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Tehol’s Horcrux: I shouldn’t have to tell you anything about him. the guy has as much talent as anyone in baseball. Putting him in the 6 hole has completely drained his manhood and theres nothing he can do about it right now. Its devastating, the phillies suck, and he’s depressed. You spelled his name wrong and thats a sin

  32. ShaneoMac says:
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    I thought Matt Adams would hit .280 and 30 bombs!! Not sure how much longer I can wait, dudes killing me. Is it time to dump him?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @ShaneoMac: it hurts me so bad. He should be fine tho. i just don’t see anything wrong with the guy. he’s still hitting really well, just not with anyone on base or jacks hahaha. Those will come. I’m sure of it

  33. Clint says:
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    JB seems to be the only Razzball guy still hanging in Wheeler’s corner with you & Grey very “blah” on the young man so what gives in the big difference?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Clint: well for one, we don’t meet up after yoga class for orange mocha frappachinos to talk about which players we like. 2. I still like him. Just expected more. I didn’t say to cut

  34. Kid A says:
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    Tehol!!!

    What is UP!?!?

    Can’t believe I almost missed this week’s installment of your “Useless and Uninformed” series.

    I had a chance to catch part of your little presentation with Nick on the radio show.

    BOY am I glad I didn’t miss that!

    I’ve narrowed it down to my four favorite parts:

    (in no particular order)

    - The expert usage of “like” every 10 seconds.
    - The shaky and convulsive delivery. Sidebar- Were you high again? Tell the truth.
    - The constant DuckLipping into your webcam.
    - You blowing more than half of your picks.

    See you next week!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Kid A: the picks were players I would select not who I thought teams were taking. Kid A, I grow tired of your bIitch ass internet talk. feel free to come see me when I’m in your city so i whoop the skin of ur fukin lame ass. whats uninformed about anything I’m saying? Rememeber this all started because of your insecurities over me punking u as u were on my nuts before then. Please silence yourself or keep talking but we all know u don’t want to see me, be man enough to show up to 32 in 32 in 32 and I will fukin fly down just to put hands on ur cupcake ass.

      • [will work for saves] says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: ur a joke! How do you let some dude over the internet make you so mad you wanna fly to his house in thr west indies and fight him?? Haha get some thicker skin little doggie…

        • goodfold2 says:
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          @[will work for saves]: damn this escalated slowly at first, then this huge spike.

          • Tehol Beddict says:
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            @goodfold2: i can’t take it anymore good fold. Im generally a nice guy but I don’t deal with internet shit talking. plus as I said I’m on all kinds of pills right now so I’m probably going a bit overboard but seriously i want to backhand this peon

        • Tehol Beddict says:
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          @[will work for saves]: your right , hahahah i just had surgery and I’m all hopped up on pain pills. Kid A lives in west Indies? i’ve always wanted to check it out. “Little doggie” “ur a joke” yea ok whatever dude. you can come to the party too and get handled. thanks for the advice though, lame

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