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We’ve already recapped all the 2008 fantasy baseball rankings. Yo, I recapped yo’ ass! Now, a look at the rookies. Rookie nookie: 1. the desire to pickup a rookie for their upside over a reliable, but unexciting veteran. 2. Putting a chess piece where it doesn’t belong. We’re going to focus on the first definition for this post. Rookie nookie is like sex with a new partner. It’s all unknown and exciting. There’s no preconceived notions about who’s going to be on top and who’s going to refuse to bring Marshmallow Fluff into the bedroom. When you pickup these rookies, they can be anything. Mike Aviles can hit .400, Evan Longoria can hit 50 home runs, Jacoby Ellsbury can steal 100 bases. For just a moment, it’s Christmas morning, you’re eight-years-old and inside these wrapped boxes could be a 40/120/.370 hitter. Now that I’ve put my clothes on backwards and Kriss Krossed about six different metaphors, I want to say I’m a pretty big believer in rookie hitters. Usually their price tag brings very little downside and, when you’re dealing with 5th OFs, CIs or MIs, you really want to take gambles. Anyway, here’s the top 20 rookie hitters of 2008:

20. J.R. Towles – I told everyone in the preseason to avoid this schmohawk like the plague. Honestly, I didn’t even think he’d be this bad. Final Numbers:  10/4/16/.137

19.  Carlos Gonzalez – Bleech.  Final Numbers:   31/4/26/.242/4

18.  Daric Burton – See Carlos Gonzalez or 1/18 of an inch above.  Final Numbers:  59/9/47/.226/2

17.  Brandon Wood – I keep liking this guy, eventually he’s going to have to play, right? I mean, how many subpar brothers (Erick and Maicer) of already subpar players (Willy and Cesar) can one team play? Final Numbers:  12/5/13/.200/4

16.  Taylor Teagarden – There was about a two week period there were Teagarden hit a home run in every game he played. Unfortunately, the Rangers feel the need to have four Major League-ready catchers. Grey to the Rangers, “Choose one catcher and trade away the rest. You’re welcome.” Final Numbers:  10/6/17/.319

15.  Pablo Sandoval – This is a bit Jayson Stark of me to point out, but in over four hundred less at-bats than Bengie Molina, Sandoval had only 22 less runs scored. And Molina had a good year by his standards! <– Sorry for the exclamation point, but I felt it was necessary. Final Numbers:  24/3/24/.345

14.  Chris Dickerson – Dickerson’s on my short list of guys I’m watching in 2009 Spring Training. To clarify, that is not a height-challenged list. Final Numbers:  20/6/15/.304/5

13.  Chase Headley – Rudy and I were talking (we talk, ya’ll!) and I think we might make Razzball an anti-Padres hitter site. This is still in the discussion stage. Final Numbers:  34/9/38/.269/4

12. Ian Stewart – With 2nd base eligibility, you coud’ve done worse. Like any schmohawk that was playing 2nd for the Padres. Final Numbers:  33/10/41/.259/1

11.  David Murphy – Does he yawnstipate me because his name is so boring or because of his numbers?  Prolly a bit of both. (BTW, in case you haven’t noticed, I’ve fully adopted turning probably into prolly. I haven’t embraced anything this freely since Z. Cavariccis in the late ’80s.) Final Numbers:  64/15/74/.275/7

10.  Kosuke Fukudome – Didn’t like the latest import from the Far East in the preseason and that panned out. Final Numbers:  79/10/58/.257/12

9.  Denard Span – He replaced Carlos Gomez at the top of the order and showed a disciplined eye. Who is Denard Span, Alex? Final Numbers:  70/6/47/.294/18

8. Jay Bruce – When Jay Bruce was called up there was a large group of people on Razzball that thought they saw the messiah. Unfortunately, when Bruce went to walk on water, the Ks sunk him. He’s still only 21 and there’s no reason think he won’t be great. Final Numbers:  63/21/52/.254/4

7.  Mike Aviles – This year, the peasant Royals had a few gems. Aviles was one. Final Numbers:   68/10/51/.325/8

6.  Chris Davis – His average this year will be exploited in a full year’s worth of play, but he was fine in 2008. Final Numbers:  51/17/55/.285/1

5.  Joey Votto – Was the Barbara Hersey to Jay Bruce’s Bette Midler. Please, like you’ve never seen Beaches. Final Numbers:  69/24/84/.297/7

4.  Alexei Ramirez – Premenopausal Alfonso Soriano showed flashes of power rather than hot flashes. Final Numbers:  65/21/77/13/.290

3.  Jacoby Ellsbury – I almost placed Ellsbury number four and Alexei Ramirez here at number three, but 50 steals make a big difference and 9 home runs aren’t exactly Juan Pierrey. And, yes, Juan Pierrey is an adjective. Look it up! Final Numbers:  98/9/47/.280/50

2.  Geovany Soto – Usually everything the Cubs fans root for turns to crizz-ap, but not this time. Final Numbers:  66/23/86/.285

1.  Evan Longoria – The Rays didn’t Scrooge us out of Longoria as I feared in March and Longoria didn’t Alex Gordon us out of a good rookie year. Final Numbers:  67/27/85/.272/7

From Around The Web

  1. Shogun says:
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    Don’t worry about the Z. Cavariccis, Grey. I’m still waiting for the return of Zubaz.

  2. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Re: TV shows. We do have our own, but like everywhere else there’s a lot of reality stuff.
    Flight of the Conchords was conceived here but produced in the US.
    I’ll try and dig out some links tomorrow and post ‘em to see if you recognise anything.
    BTW, you and I are obviously extremely interesting, but good to have some more baseball content to consume!

  3. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Shogun: You’re rocking Filas, aren’t you?

    @Steve: Awesome, I look forward to the links. Try and do them one at a time or else they will be caught by the spam filter and then I’ll have to fish them out. Or is it phish? Hmm…

  4. BSA says:
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    OH MY GOD – Boston radio is talking about Khalil Greene for Coco +. I am still seeing those 0fers in my nightmares.

  5. Shogun says:
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    @Grey: Nah, LA Gear, and the bright colors of my Ocean Pacific t-shirt are blinding if you look directly into them!

  6. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BSA: Khalil Greene has a .304 career OBP in almost 2400 career MLB at-bats. I can’t imagine Epstein would have anything to do with him. Punt that rumor.

    @Shogun: Only Hypercolor T-shirts match LA Gear’s intensity. You just took a fashion test and faux pas’d it.

  7. Shogun says:
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    @Grey: I’ve got a lot to learn from your SoCal fashion sensibilities.

  8. Steve says:
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    @Grey: This is proving harder than I thought. This is old, but may ring a bell:

    http://www.realitytvmagazine.com/blog/2005/08/06/fox-reality-picks-up-new-zealand-reality-tv-shows/

    The only other shows I can think of are Shortland Street and Outrageous Fortune, which I doubt you’ve heard of.

    Production-wise, a bunch of stuff gets made here with lots of local actors and crew – Hercules and Xena are probably the two best-known examples.

    Movie-wise you probably already know that Lord of the Rings was directed by a New Zealander, shot here with all the special effects done here too.

    The Last Samurai was shot here too.

  9. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Shogun: To paraphrase Casey Kasem, keep your Crocs on the ground and keep reaching for the stars.

    @Steve: I know Sesame Street… I even know Coronation Street… I do not know of your Shortland Street.

  10. Shogun says:
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    @Grey: Ha!

  11. Steve says:
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    @Grey: No loss. It’s a pretty lame medical soap, but it has been running since ’92 so you’ve gotta give it credit for that.

    We’re probably better known for the movies that get made here. Lots of different types of locations (snowy mountains, beaches, dense bush, urban all in a relatively small country), good light and apparently it’s cheaper to do stuff here.

  12. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: Dense bush? For filming 70s porn?

  13. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Yeah – featuring guys with moustaches.

    Oh wait. That would be me.

    Sort of.

  14. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: We should have a Razzball fan sign page. You know what those are right?

  15. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Signs that fans hold up at games?

    BTW – my favourite book sho[p is holding Kavalier and Clay for me…

  16. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: Yeah… Or signs that people hold in weird places. Like you would have a kangaroo hold it. I wonder if we can get people in Arctic to do this? It would be cool to get signs at different baseball stadiums too. Hmm… I need to put someone in charge of this.

    Excellent on K and C. You will love that book.

  17. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Sounds cool.

    No kangaroos in New Zealand, though ;-)

    About a 3-hour plane ride away in Australia.

  18. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: BTW, not sure if you’re watching CNN (the whole world cares about this election, right?), but Wolf Blitzer just talked to a hologram — was possibly Princess Leia. “Wolf Blitzer, you’re my only hope…”

  19. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Yeah – have CNN on the big screen where I’m working.

    We have ana election this weekend and i think a lot of NZers are more interested in the US election than our own one!

    Those touchscreens are actually pretty awesome. Haven’t seen anything like that before. And that woman who’s crunching the numbers with that little bald guy with the glasses (whose name escapes me) is kinda hot.

  20. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Her name is Soledad O’Brien.

  21. Grey

    Grey says:
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    How long until I can hologram Halle Berry into my living room?

  22. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Only on the condition that she didn’t open her mouth.

    To speak.

  23. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @Steve: Who does the average NZ’er want to win?

  24. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Obama, I’d say.

  25. Grey

    Grey says:
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    I want more holograms!

  26. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: The fate of the world revolves around this election, and I’m watching Up In Smoke.

  27. Steve says:
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    @BigFatHippo: @Grey: That may yet prove to be prophetic.

  28. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: Well, it is a great movie. “You keep on knocking, but you can’t come in…”

  29. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Steve: Ha, never thought of it like that.

    @Grey: Spending the night burning my roommates movies. So far got Old School, Knocked Up, Lady Killers, Jay and Silent Bob.

  30. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: I think you’re watching the best one, though I’m not sure how well it’ll hold up.

  31. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: Lone Star State of Mind is next, you seen it?

    I LOLd, and I never LOL.

  32. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: I never heard of it, but I looked it up and saw Joshua Jackson’s in it, so that’s a bonafide laugh riot.

  33. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: He’s great but DJ Qualls makes the movie, hidden classic. Never heard of it till I moved here but you gotta watch it.

  34. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: I’m gettign the sense that you’ve seen it more than once. Am I right? Is this a Hippo “Dinner and a movie” movie?

  35. Steve says:
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    @Grey: @BigFatHippo: New Zealand calls it for Obama.

  36. Grey

    Grey says:
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    Thank you, Steve, our Overseas Correspondent.

  37. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Not exactly going out on a limb there.

  38. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: Absolutely, it’s my gift to you. Hippo’s classic that nobody else has seen. Just trust me, if you have a funny bone at all, you won’t be dissapointed.

    And dinners on you, if I send it won’t get there till Saturday and prolly be cold by then.

  39. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: Steve is Razzball’s Wolf Blitzer.

  40. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: Well, he’s no Greta Van Susteren.

  41. Steve says:
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    @Grey: Ha! That’s a pretty decent team they have there on CNN, though.

  42. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: I doubt he has the legs to pull that off. From what I hear he’s not exactly hirsute though. So maybe??

    How’s that stache comin in Steve?

  43. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: I think a mustache on Greta would be an improvement. Just me!

  44. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: Kinda gettin used to the bearded ladies in the bootheel. Hirsute Hot Topic sexy bitches. With guns.

    There’s no hope for me now, I’m eatin the cyanide pill, save yourself!

  45. Steve says:
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    @BigFatHippo: Slowly. I could maybe post links to pictorial updates if it would help.

  46. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: “Hirsute Hot Topic sexy bitches. With guns.” I’m sure we can find you a website.

  47. BigFatHippo says:
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    @Grey: No website needed, I’m surrounded by em. All I gotta do is head to Wal Mart, or go to work.

    @Steve: Post it, I dare ya. Just don’t show your legs.

  48. Steve says:
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    @Grey: @BigFatHippo: Y’all have a new Pres. How does it feel?

  49. Grey

    Grey says:
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    @BigFatHippo: Hehe

    @Steve: As for as I’m concerned, they both seemed like reasonable men. There was no lose in this scenario, no matter who won. Now we’re in an Obama-nation! Hmm… Hopefully they don’t use that line.

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