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After drudging through an Andy Dufresne-type tunnel for the top 20 catchers for 2016 fantasy baseball, I find myself with a group that actually really hurt or helped your team depending on how you drafted.  If you went wrong with your 1st baseman, it could kill your season.  Hey, Prince Fielder, no hard feelings from me.  We are totally fine since I knew not to draft you.  If you went right, you might’ve won your league.  Last year, I said offense was making a comeback.  This year, I say, you prophetic son of a B, darn tootin’ offense is making a comeback.  How’d you get so handsome and wise, though not wise enough to answer a question posed by yourself?  Lots of guys on this list not only did well, but did better than their preseason projections.  Offense is in full swoon, like Our Commissioner Manfred is swooning with the guy who wrapped the baseballs a little bit tighter this year.  To recap, this final ranking is from our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater with my comments.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 1st basemen for 2016 fantasy baseball and how they compared to where I originally ranked them:

1. Paul Goldschmidt – As commenter Randy Bobandy said the other day, “32 steals is a ludicrous amount of steals for a 1st baseman.”  Ludicrous is the perfect word for it.  It really is ludicrous.  It would just be ‘simply crazy’ last year, but this year, with all the homers that were hit, Au Shizz was Au SAGNOF.  You’ll take the steals, and be happy about it, but you don’t want your 1st baseman stealing 32 bases, unless it comes with 40 homers, which it obviously didn’t come with, and don’t end a sentence with with.  Doh!  Preseason Rank #1, 2016 Projections:  101/30/115/.297/14, Final Numbers:  106/24/95/.297/32

2. Edwin Encarnacion – Here was your standard 1st baseman’s numbers — big power, huge RBIs, little to no steals.  Too bad Edwin’s old as dog balls and I didn’t trust him at all.  For further reading on that subject, Jose Butt-tista’s year.  Preseason Rank #5, 2016 Projections:  84/33/97/.260/3, Final Numbers: 99/42/127/.263/2

3. Joey Votto – I wish I had written down what Votto was doing in the 1st half so I could compare that to where he is now.  *intern whispers in my ear*  I know his 1st half stats — 48/14/42/.252/6 — are recorded on the interwebs.  I meant where Votto was in the 1st basemen rankings at the half.  I wanna say he was around that of 20th overall for 1st basemen.  You hit .408 in the 2nd half and it’ll move you up some.  Preseason Rank #7, 2016 Projections:  87/25/75/.307/6, Final Numbers: 101/29/97/.326/8

4. Wil Myers – Almost the exact opposite of Votto as far as halfs go.  Halves?  That looks weird.  Should be na1t.  You know, the word half cut in half.  I fixed you, English language!  I will say one thing about, um, Wil.  I checked a few sources to make sure he really went 28/28 and it wasn’t just a typo on the 1st player page I checked.  Nope, he really did go 28/28.  First basemen giving steals is a’ight, but stick to why we drafted you, a’ight?  Preseason Rank #16, 2016 Projections:  81/18/68/.247/9, Final Numbers: 99/28/94/.259/28

5. Miguel Cabrera – I wonder if Miggy had an affair with Taye Diggs this past preseason, ’cause Miggy got his groove back!  It wouldn’t surprise you to learn black ladies love me.  Preseason Rank #3, 2016 Projections:  101/25/104/.318/1, Final Numbers: 92/38/108/.316

6. Daniel Murphy –  Too bad he went from being butt-hurt about homosexuals to being actually butt-hurt in his butt at the end of the season, because it likely cost me a league.  In that CBS NL-Only league where I was winning by as much as 20 points as late as August, I lost it by a half point to Jonah Keri of CBS on the last day of the season.  Wasn’t only due to Murphy, but he had a lot to do with it, since I was within .002 of three other teams, including Keri.  Isn’t it fascinating to hear about how someone else loses their league?  Ah, snazzy anecdotes.  Preseason Rank #24, 2016 Projections:  83/14/59/.285/4, Final Numbers: 88/25/104/.347/5

7. Freddie Freeman – I told you to avoid Freeman in the preseason, and I looked like a genius up until the All-Star break, even if I can’t spell genius without a spellchecker, but then Freeman had a huge 2nd half.  No sweat, I also told you to avoid A-Gon, Posey and Fielder.  *blows on knuckles, rubs knuckles on shirt, sees I had tomato sauce on knuckles that’s now on shirt*  Stupid knuckles!  “What’s the problem?”  Not you, Frankie Knuckles, and why are you in my head?  Preseason Rank #10, 2016 Projections:  74/24/87/.293/4, Final Numbers: 102/34/91/.302/6

8. Mark Trumbo –  I’m making a conscious decision to keep this about this year rather than next year, so conscious, in fact, I have Cougs standing next me waving smelling salts under my nose.  With that said (yup, about to ignore all of that),  Trumbo’s preseason projections of 28 HRs look about right for next year too, i.e., I don’t believe his breakout is here to stay.  “Here lies a man who didn’t believe Nelson Cruz was a 40-homer hitter for three years because Cruz didn’t start hitting that many until his 30s.”  That’s someone eulogizing me.  I’d kinda prefer they focused on my positive attributes.  Preseason Rank #18, 2016 Projections:  72/28/86/.265/1, Final Numbers: 94/47/108/.256/2

9. Anthony Rizzo –  I go over this more in Abreu’s blurb — hey, no skipping ahead! — but even if Rizzo didn’t perform up to his preseason projections, it’s still far from a failure — farure? — because in the big picture Rizzo still did more or less what you needed from him — power, counting stats and average.  Preseason Rank #2, 2016 Projections:  103/36/114/.291/12, Final Numbers: 94/32/109/.292/3

10. Hanley Ramirez –  Not only did I get Hanley’s projections way wrong — like not even close — but I compounded that error by assuming he was donezo around mid-August, right before he went and had one of the bigger final six weeks.  So, I’m dumb, what else is Foltynewicz?  Preseason Unranked for 1st Basemen, 2016 Projections:  65/17/72/.277/7, Final Numbers: 81/30/111/.286/9

11. Albert Pujols –  To paraphrase January Grey, why is Pujols ranked so low at ESPN and Yahoo, he’s still a virtual lock for 30 HRs and solid counting stats, isn’t he?  And that’s me paraphrasing me!  I took advantage of Pujols being ranked low this past preseason and grabbed him in some leagues — in the 10th round in one league, if you hadn’t heard!  Or maybe it was in the 9th round, it seems to get later every time I mention it, anyhoo! — and loved what I got from my Pujols — no corn, thank you!  However, even I’d like to know if there was some funny business with his RBI total.  How in the effin’ eff did he get 119 RBIs?  Favorable scoring?  Preseason Rank #8, 2016 Projections:  82/30/93/.257/4, Final Numbers: 71/31/119/.268/4

12. Mike Napoli –  I missed on a few guys in this top 20 — mostly Trumbo, Hanley and Freeman — which makes sense.  I mean, I missed on them, but I can understand how they did well.  I understand they are capable of what they did.  Whereas, with Napoli, not only did I miss, I don’t even know where this year came from.  Was he just an under-publicized Zombino?  Was too much press given to his mother’s nipples and we all missed out on Napoli?  Were his mother’s nipples a patsy like Lee Harvey Oswald used to distract us?  I got questions, y’all!  Preseason Rank #38, 2016 Projections:  45/19/58/.220/3, Final Numbers: 92/34/101/.239/5

13. Carlos Santana –  My projections don’t look too far off:  73/28/89/.254/4.  Only thing, those were my projections for him for 2015.  Saberhagenmetrics are no joke.  Preseason Rank #20, 2016 Projections: 70/24/87/.235/6, Final Numbers: 89/34/87/.259/5

14. Eric Hosmer –  If you would’ve told me in the preseason I’d get 25 HRs, 104 RBIs and a .266 average from Hosmer, I would’ve been all bowdy-bout-it.  That was before I knew 1,765 players would get 20 HRs this year.  Preseason Rank #13, 2016 Projections:  86/20/94/.303/8, Final Numbers: 80/25/104/.266/5

15. Chris Carter –  All brays to the Urban Donkey for finally reaching his 40+ homer potential.  If he gets 549 ABs again next year, hard to see him not repeating, but Hayzeus Cristo it took him playing a shizzton of games (160) to get there.  Feels like he just had the best possible scenario for everything.  Solid stadium and a lineup that lacked any reasonable alternative at 1st base.  “Hey, that’s rude,” said Garin Cecchini.  Seconding that was Will Middlebrooks.  Preseason Rank #32, 2016 Projections:  54/31/78/.206/1, Final Numbers: 84/41/94/.222/3

16. Buster Posey – Already went over him in the top 20 catchers for 2016 fantasy baseball.

17. Chris Davis –  Was he batting in front of Pujols?  How did he have so many more runs than RBIs?  Oh, wait, I know, *uck Showalter used a career .318 OBP as a leadoff hitter.  Preseason Rank #6, 2016 Projections:  84/37/101/.252/3, Final Numbers: 99/38/84/.221/1

18. Jose Abreu –  I could talk about how terrible Abreu was for the first four months of the season, and by saying I could talk about it, I have.  What I prefer to talk about is how safe hitters are compared to pitchers.  Yes, Abreu barely made the top 20 1st basemen when he started the year at #4 overall, but he still made it.  Think about the mess that was Matt Harvey, David Price, Gerrit Cole, Strasburg, Archer, Keuchel, Greinke, F-Her and Tyson Ross.  That’s just starters from the top 20 that failed to various levels.  In the top 20 1st basemen that failed:  Matt Adams, Byung-Ho Park and Prince Fielder.  Moral of the story?  Stay away from fat players.  Preseason Rank #4, 2016 Projections:  93/29/105/.296/1, Final Numbers: 67/25/100/.293

19. Brad Miller –  Here’s what I said in the preseason, “Last year, Brad Miller hit 20 homers and stole 11 bases while hitting over .300.  Right now, you’re thinking how is this guy even a sleeper?  He should be a top five guy at shortstop.  I know what you’re thinking because I’m sitting in your head.  My bad!  There’s one little problem with that 20 homers, 11 steals, .300+ average stat line.  That’s adding together his minor and major league numbers.  That’s wrong.  Or as they say in North Korea, that’s un-Jongy.”  And that’s me quoting me!  Unfortch, that was in the preseason of 2014.  I’m like that Twilight Zone camera that can predict the future, but you just don’t know when in the future it’s predicting.  Preseason Unranked for 1st Basemen, 2016 Projections:  48/13/52/.246/12, Final Numbers: 73/31/81/.243/6

20. Adrian Gonzalez –  It feels like every year I predict the end of A-Gon and every year he underperforms even what I’m predicting but has one or two good weeks — sometimes only one or two games — and makes his overall season look much more desirable.  Now watch next year he has a Napoli-type resurgence.  Hopefully we get to see his mom’s boobies too. Preseason Rank #9, 2016 Projections:  79/26/92/.270, Final Numbers: 69/18/90/.285