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It’s that time again… Drop your drawers and do two laps around your office!  Not your underwear, I meant drop the two desk drawers you were holding and celebrate.  Oh, well, you’ll find another job in this economic climate; no problem!  Now before we get into the top 10 for 2013 fantasy baseball (though I imagine every single one of you has skipped this intro paragraph), I’m gonna lay some ground rules.  No talking.  Damn, I’m copying this from my University of Phoenix syllabus and it’s not translating as I had hoped.  Okay, here’s our fantasy baseball podcast.  Here’s where you follow us on Twitter.  Here’s where you follow us on Facebook.  Here’s our fantasy baseball player rater.  Here’s our fantasy baseball team name generator.  Here is all of our 2013 fantasy baseball rankings.  Here’s the position eligibility chart for 2013 fantasy baseball.  And here is a picture of my son.  What a punim!  You may not get all of those links in such a handy, easy-to-use format ever again this year, so make proper note.  Now my expositional half insists I breakdown some generalizations about these 2013 fantasy baseball rankings.  The 2013 fantasy baseball rankings will be an ever-evolving mass like the blob.  This fantasy baseball top 10 for 2013 list is as of right now and could potentially change with a big injury or Miguel Cabrera breaking a tooth on his maple bat as he tries to extract hops.  So while it is the 2013 fantasy baseball gospel, take it with a tablet of salt.  Tomorrow we will cover the rest of the top twenty for 2013 fantasy baseball, then we will go around the horn with a top 20 list for every position.  Then for pitchers and outfielders, I’ll turn the dial to 100.  Listed next to each player are my 2013 projections.  Did I consult with whoever else does projections?  It would be ignorant not to, but in the end they are my projections.  Players need 10 games at a position to get included in the positional rankings.  Finally, as with each list in the 2013 fantasy baseball rankings, I will be mentioning where I see tiers start and stop.  I look at tiers like this, if Miguel Cabrera and Ryan Braun are in the same tier, it doesn’t matter if one guy is ranked 1st and one guy is ranked 2nd, they’re both very close. It comes down to personal preference.  I would prefer the guy at number one better than the guy at two, but you do you, I’ll do me and let’s hope we don’t go blind.  Anyway, here’s the top 10 for 2013 fantasy baseball:

1. Miguel Cabrera – To those that don’t know (and none of you do), I recently moved.  Only about five minutes from where I used to be, so we’ll be sure to stay in touch!  So, in my new place, I’ve decided to decorate.  I’m going to hire a bunch of different artists to do portraits of me.  It will be up to them how they want to portray me.  If they simply want to focus on my mustache, then that’s their call.  I hope one asks to do a nude portrait of me with nothing but a serpent covering up my naughty bits.  I tell you this now, because I have nothing to say for Swiggy.  He was just the first Triple Crown winner since Yaz in 1967.   He’s awesome.  You don’t know this already?  This is the first tier.  This tier goes from here until Mike Trout.  I call this tier, “Miggy’s going to a picnic and he’s bringing the best for fantasy baseball.”  2013 projections: 110/39/124/.327/3

2. Ryan Braun – The top guy is someone who has struggled with alcohol, the second is a guy who was nearly suspended for drugs and the fourth guy made you feel like you were high.  It’s just like the golden days of baseball when Babe Ruth and Fatty Arbuckle were unscrewing their Coke bottles with vaginas and Ty Cobb was smoking opium with Eleanor Roosevelt and her lesbian friends.  (This is all according to J. Edgar Hoover’s secret files, so your “truth mileage” may vary.)  I could see Braun number one and Miggy number two, but I went with them this way because of position eligibility and I get worried that any year now Braun is going to revert to being a 15-steal guy rather than a 30-steal guy.  2013 projections: 105/34/116/.319/22

3. Andrew McCutchen – And just like that, my first curveball!  Due to this ranking, I plan on owning McCutchen in every league.  Unlike Braun and Miggy, The Dread Pirate is actually entering his prime.  Sure, his runs and RBIs might be a tad wonky due to the Pirates.  Clint Barmes can only do so much!  Or maybe that sentence meant to read, Clint Barmes can only do nothing.  Neverthehoo!  McCutchen has the speed to steal more than 20 bags, but he does need to figure out how to use said speed — his caught stealing percentage isn’t terrific.  I looked at our Player Rater from last year and I tried to figure out one guy that could be better this year after a top ten year in twenty after twelve.  McCutchen was the only one I saw.  The only trick will be him keeping his average above .290.  2013 Projections:  102/30/107/.295/27

4. Mike Trout – I’ve read a lot about how Trout just had a rookie year that we may never see again from a rookie.  Ain’t that right, boo?  True.  Something people are not saying is that we may never see another year like that from Trout.  His highest homer output in any pro season before was in Double-A when he hit 11 homers.  Granted, it was only in 91 games, but still.  Before he was called up, he only had one homer in Triple-A last year in 20 games.  His May, when he hit 5 homers and had a 15.6% HR/FB, looks doable.  His June with 3 homers and a 12.5% HR/FB is easy for him.  Like Trout shooting his kinfolk in a barrel.  His July with 10 homers and a 31.3% HR/FB is silly.  If he hits 41% fly balls all year as he did in July, he’s not going to hit 60 homers on the year.  What he will do is hit 25 homers and .270 or lower.  In 40 games in 2011 when he hit 40% fly balls, he hit .220.  He has top echelon speed.  He needs to hit line drives and ground balls with the occasional home run.  The 49 steals don’t look like a fluke.  He’s the fastest white boy I’ve seen since Jason Mewes stopped doing crank.  A 20-ish homer, 50-ish steal season is still very valuable.  2013 Projections:  108/19/102/.326/48

5. Robinson Cano – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here until Votto.  I call this tier, “This tier might not leave you in titters, but no one says titters who was born after 1912 so it doesn’t matter.” After drafting Cano (and other players in this tier), you may not find yourself lighting a cigarette and talking about how you never saw fireworks in the shape of watermelons before.  This tier is my attempt to add some stability into the top ten.  Some fantasy baseball ‘perts may try and add some “excitement” into their top ten with Buster Posey or Adrian Beltre.  These same ‘perts probably had Jacoby Ellsbury in their top ten last year.  Excitement is great if it’s not going to cost you your fantasy season.  If Cano has a bad season, he gets 28 homers, 100 runs, and 110 RBIs.  If Cano has a good season, he gets 32 homers, 110 runs and 120 RBIs.  Since 2nd base is hella shallow, as the kids would say in 2002, I’ll take reliable 30-ish homer power from Cano fifth.  2013 Projections:  105/30/110/.310/4

6. Albert Pujols – You’re not going to get a more miserable month from Pujols than what you got last April.  In his first 92 ABs of the season, he had zero homers, 4 RBIs and a .217 average.  And he still finished in the top 25 overall with 30 homers, 105 RBIs and a .285 average.  So, if he hits .250 with 3 homers in April, we don’t even blink twice about drafting Pujols.  BTW, if you can blink your Pujols even once, seek medical attention.  2013 Projections:  103/32/112/.297/7

7. Prince Fielder – His even/odd homer years continued in 2012.  In even years, his homers have been 28, 34, 32, 30.  In odd years:  50, 46, 38.  Unless your Garfield desk calender is in Jewish years, and you’re like, “Yo, happy 5773, Schlomo” it’s pretty clear we’re about to have a huge year from Prince.  Now, even if this fairly anecdotal reasoning doesn’t hold up, Prince is still good for 30 homers and nice counting stats.  2013 Projections:  94/39/117/.291/1

8. Joey Votto – Votto could be in a sub-section of this tier, if making a sub-section of make-believe tiers on a fantasy baseball blog didn’t scream someone needs a new hobby.  Sure, Votto didn’t have a huge 2012, but that was due to an injury.  Will he have a problem moving forward in 2013?  Maybe, but that’s why God invented running backwards.  Votto did admit that his knee was an issue for him down the stretch when he didn’t hit a homer in his last five weeks after he returned.  He’s 29 years old and should be fine with the offseason rest.  Even if he can’t power balls out at a 30+ homer pace, he’s a virtual lock for 100 runs, 100 RBIs, and a .320 average in a full season of at-bats.  I’ll take 25 homers with that.  2013 Projections:  104/25/110/.320/5

9. Giancarlo Stanton – This is a new tier.  This tier goes from here into the top 20 for 2013 fantasy baseball.  I call this tier, “I really like these guys.  Question marks be damned.”  Member how I said at the beginning of the last tier that you should go with safe even if it means less than exciting?  Well, Giancarlo and Upton may be exciting, but they’re also safer than you think.  I’ll explain.  Early on in 2012, here’s a few of things said on this blog in the comments.  “Grey, you really think Ryan Braun can produce without Prince Fielder in the lineup?  BTW, is your avatar actual size?”  I said, yes and yes.  Also heard last year, “I’m not touching McCutchen because of that lineup.  I’d much rather Giancarlo or Hanley.  Their lineup is stacked.  Now, do you apply John Frieda Extra-Sheen Mustache Conditioner before or after you shower?”  Here’s the thing, and thing is pretty big.  That’s what she said!  Huh?  The thing is, you don’t know what is going to happen with runs and RBIs beyond a clean-up hitter should get around 100-something RBIs and 90-something runs.  Maybe Juan Pierre will decide to steal 2nd 70 times and Giancarlo will knock in 120 RBIs.  Maybe Giancarlo will hit 45 solo homers and only score 52 runs all year.  Maybe they take down the center field sculpture of unicorn vomit, realize that was actually blocking a jetstream and Stanton hits 70 homers.  Maybe the dude who wrote up the Mayan calender in 12,000 B.C. had sloppy handwriting and meant 2013 for the apocalypse.  Forget maybes.  Stanton will hit 40+ homers, steal 7 bases and hit .275.  Let the counting stats figure themselves out.  2013 Projections:  92/45/110/.277/7

10. Justin Upton – Last year, he had the worst season you can imagine for him.  Unless your imagination also includes dwarfs.  That season was still 107/17/67/.280/18.  That was with a career low HR/FB%, which was coupled by a thumb injury that he needed fluid drained from in April.  He played through the injury, but not until August did it really start to feel better.  How do I know this?  He hit nine homers in August and September combined.  In the four months combined before that, he hit 8 homers.  In September alone, he hit 6 homers and .301.  Further, he was playing with a pad around his thumb for the majority of last season.  His thumb felt good enough in August to remove the pad.  When he removed the pad, he hit eight homers in his final 36 games.  Don’t make me say it again.  Okay, one more time.  He hit 8 homers in 36 games when his thumb finally was healed.  If you wanna draft for 2012, then draft Edwin Encarnacion.  If you wanna draft for 2013, draft Justin Upton.  Albright out.  Update: Albright back in.  After the above was written, Upton moved to be closer to his big brother in Atlanta.  This is like a Mitch Albom book.  B.J.’s schnauzer will now get a rare disease and the mutual love of the dog will bring the two Uptons together, which will be captured on a limited edition Topps baseball card.  The card will be in black and white and Gale Sayers will begin signing the card before motivational speeches.  Nothing changes from what I said pre-trade about Upton.  Chase Field is slightly better; his lineup will be better; Turner Field isn’t a bad park to hit in; the sight of his brother’s dirty underwears in his locker like when they were kids will motivate him.  It’s a nice story of brothers, the numbers won’t change much and I still like Upton a lot.  2013 Projections:  100/28/104/.284/19