The Yankees are now in the fray to sign Kendrys Morales. A 30-year-old guy who seems to be five years older than he is and can’t play any position? The Yankees are interested in that? C’mon! Next thing you know, the Yankees are going to be linked with trading for Jason Giambi or coaxing Greg Luzinski out of retirement. What’s Ron Kittle up to? Why are the Yanks so interested in ex-White Sox players? Garry Templeton’s got some gams! So, I do think Kendrys will be signed in the next week-plus and now is around the time when you should consider stashing him. He can give a solid prorated season — think 17 homers, decent average and counting stats. I have no idea what kind of shape he’s going to be in or how long he’ll need to play in minor league games to get up to speed, but I’d guess if he signs within two weeks, he’ll be on the field by the third week of June, at the latest. It’s a long time to stash a guy that won’t be able to be DL’d, so keep that in mind. Or stash Greg Luzinski. The Bull’s seeing red! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Joe Nathan – 1 IP, 2 ER and the save, a day after blowing a save with zero outs recorded and two earned runs. Nathan looks so spent. By the 2nd hitter of the ninth inning yesterday, I grabbed Joba Chamberlain. By the third hitter, I grabbed Al Alburquerque — Santa K! — by the fourth hitter, I was trying to figure out if I should grab Valverde just in case he’s re-signed by the Tigers. Even after Nathan closed the game, he bowed his head and looked defeated.
Rick Porcello – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 11 baserunners (6 BBs), 4 Ks as he tied owners to the WHIPping post. His peripherals continue to tumble, now his K-rate is below 6 and his walk rate is above two. That’s like ‘bad’ Henderson Alvarez-type numbers. He gets the 1927 Blue Jays next, which as the Stream-o-Nator points out nothing good can come of it. In shallower mixed leagues, I could start to look elsewhere. He’s done nothing that you couldn’t get once a week from a streamer.
Ian Kinsler – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 1 RBI. I wish to stay mum on the good Kinsler has done this season for fear I will jinx him. Let’s move on.
Don Kelly – 2-for-4, 1 run. Rudy IM’d me yesterday “Don Kelly is unkillable.” It’s true, too (hence, why I repeat it; funny how that works). Players come and go with a lot more talent than LL Donkey, yet he continues to bounce around the field and have just a smidgen more baseball ability than you or I. He’s like the guy in your company that they can’t fire for fear of a lawsuit so they put him in the worst possible situation hoping he quits. Hey, Don Kelly is Milton from Office Space!
Nick Punto – 1-for-2, 2 RBIs and a home run. Speaking of Miltons in baseball. At least Punto can get defensive; I suppose that means he adds in the ‘Hey, that’s my stapler.’
Jesse Chavez – 6 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA is up to 2.78. Like Porcello, he also did little to warrant mention. But that doesn’t mean there’s little reason to mention Warrant. *dons denim jacket with fur collar* My cherry pie!
Travis d’Arnaud – 0-for-4 as he was activated from the DL. Kevin in ESPN’s “Get Him In Your Lineup” Department isn’t sure what to say with d’Arnaud. “Get him in your NL-Only lineup? Meh, I’m taking my 15-minute allowed walk around Bristol.”
Krispie Young – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer. Krispie, you will continue to curry favor with Your Mustacheness if you hit homers only when I play you on short schedule days. For those of you that are here because you Googled “krispie curry” Ghee, I can’t help you.
Zack Wheeler – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks. I’m happy that he finally had a solid start, I am. So, don’t take this the wrong way, but this kind of start should be his norm. I read people’s takes on him from yesterday like he just created a round beach blanket, which is my idea, don’t steal it. You never have to turn it for the sun! Wheeler’s next start is at the Cubs and the Stream-o-Nator is pretty whatever on it, and I kind of understand. I don’t think he’s a safe bet yet, though yesterday was a good first step towards that.
Cliff Lee – Still hasn’t been cleared to throw. I hate to say it, but this sounds like a shituation where he has setback after setback until he needs arm surgery. Really delaying the inevitable, unfortch.
Marlon Byrd – 1-for-3 and his 7th homer. Ah, if you only drafted Marlon Byrd instead of Domonic Brown. Sorry, too soon? How about if I said you could’ve drafted Nelson Cruz instead of Domonic Brown? Hurts too? Aw, poo. I’m sorry. Here’s what I wrote in my rankings in January, “Because (Domonic’s) right in the prime of his career and capable of ten steals, I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt, but don’t be surprised to see Brown droppable in shallower leagues by June.” And that’s me quoting me!
Salvador Perez – 1-for-4 and his 5th homer. All abuelita yak-yak aside, Perez is batting .259 and should be hitting much better. Buying a catcher is like getting a flu shot — yay, who cares! — but Perez should be much better.
Alcides Escobar – 3-for-5, 2 runs and his 15th steal. I’ve got a few more regrets as the season moves on, but I still regret dropping Alcides the first week for Emily Boneface. At the time it seemed sideways at worst, but as Boneface slumps it’s hurting more.
Edwin Encarnacion – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and two more homers. That gives him 67 homers on the year. Roger Maris’s family is jaded from that whole McGwire chase thing that Selig put them through, but we need someone from Maris’s family following Edwin around. What’s Maris’s 2nd cousin once removed up to? “Hello, is this Yitz Maris? It’s Bud Selig. The rest of your family and even some neighbors declined, but we’d really love for you to join us in Canada.”
Jose Bautista – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer. This is actually better than Mantle and Maris in ’61. Neither Bautista nor Edwin are drunk.
R.A. Dickey – 5 IP, 5 ER. Hey, the old time Yankees had a Dickey too! Billy Martin! I mean, Bill Dickey, excuse me. And that’s where the comparisons end.
Matt Cain – Hasn’t received the green light yet to start on Saturday. I wonder if it’s not just the green light is on, but Lincecum is on top of it, staring at it.
Mark Teixeira – Diagnosed with an inflamed wrist. Hard to swing when your hand hangs at a limp 90 degree angle from your arm.
Oswaldo Arcia – 3-for-5. Since the Brewers and Khris Davis didn’t play yesterday, I must, I must, I must increase my lust for Arcia. Otto Titslinger may long for the moobs of Matt Adams, but, for I, I have Arcia’s Double A’s in my sights. I wonder if he’d be open to being my pen pal. Swoon.
Josh Willingham – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 1st homer. The Other White Meat won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell, but he’s worth giving a flyer for power, if you’re struggling, since it looks like he’s finally rounding into game shape after missing close to two (stutterer!) months.
Danny Santana – 3-for-4, 1 run and his 1st steal. He has some nice speed and shortstop eligibility, but the Twins look content to start Eduardo Escobar. Worth keeping an eye in AL-Only leagues. No, your other eye. The eye that is open!
Nick Martinez – 5 2/3 IP, 4 ER. His xFIP is higher than his K-rate. Pause. Arms at side. Calm karate bow. Hands up into position. He sucks.
Leonys Martin – 2-for-3, 3 runs, now has back-to-back two-hit games. He hasn’t been spectacular this year so far, but he’s still on pace for 7 HRs, 30 SBs and wouldn’t be surprised to see him pass both of those numbers.
Jason Grilli – Clint Hurdle said Grilli is the closer again. Um, okay, but wasn’t he the closer last Friday when he returned and got a save? Someone might want to check Hurdle for Memento Man Disease.
Ubaldo Jimenez – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks vs. Brad Peacock (6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks). Someone should’ve tipped off Chris Hansen from To Catch a Predator that someone in the school library was watching Ubaldo/Peacock.
George Springer – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer for his 7th homer in the last 7 games. You know when you were a teenager and you’d tell your parents you have a surprise for them, and they’d get pissed off that you did something like dye the dog purple? That’s like the Astro fans not knowing how to react to Springer. Don’t worry, Astro fans, it’s a good surprise.
Jose Altuve – 3-for-4, 1 run and two steals. Elias Sports Bureau said the amount of steps Altuve used to steal two bases was the same amount a man of average height uses in a marathon.
Ryan Vogelsong – 6 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks. He won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy, because, well, I don’t trust him in away matchups. He’s really more of a deep league, NL-Only pitcher. The Stream-o-Nator is also rightfully iffy on his next start.
Jean Machi – 1 IP, 0 ER. He’s been no Dellin Betances, but Jesus Guzman his numbers are insane. 27 innings, 15 hits, 1 earned run (!!!), 5 wins and 2 saves. He has a 0.33 ERA and a 0.78 WHIP. He almost makes Jean sound like a masculine name.
Michael Morse – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 11th homer, hitting .290 on the year. I feel like Morse is having one of those quiet years where we get to October and I’m like Morse was the 35th best outfielder for all of fantasy and people are shocked he was the productive.
Pablo Sandoval – 1-for-3, 2 runs and his 8th homer. He’s been damn hot for two weeks too, he’s just been overshadowed by Edwin and Springer. Which is odd, cause he was the one always overshadowing people in the past.
Jaime Garcia – 7 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks. Yet, another NL-Only pitcher that is okay for certain mixed league matchups. That’s assuming he stays healthy until his next start. No garciantee there. Portmanteau for the win!
Allen Craig – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs, average up to .255. He may get his average up to .280 by this time next week. On a side note, my mom was in town about two weeks ago and we saw Craig T. Nelson drive by in a convertible and my mom was like, “Who’s that loser?” My moms called out Coach!
Dee Gordon – 1-for-4, 1 RBI and two more steals (31, 32). He’s on pace for 100 steals. Yup.
Gerrit Cole – 6.1 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks. It’s not like he’s been that bad. He just hasn’t been that good either. I kinda was hoping for good. Know what I mean? Maybe he wants to try and strike guys out now. I’d like that. Please.
Tony Cingrani – 5 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 3 Ks. Snooze. You’re supposed to be a huge upside pitcher? Wha’ happened? Ugh, I kinda hope he just goes to middle relief for Latos, save me the trouble of worrying on whether I should drop him.
Josh Collmenter – 9.0 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 5 Ks. Looks good on paper so far, assuming your paper doesn’t include K-rate, velocity, xFIP or ground ball rate. To save you all the time, he gets Coors next so even if you wanted to pick him up, it’s pointless. Look at me considerate of your time! What a mensch!
Aaron Hill – 3-for-4, 1 Run, 2 RBIs, and his 5th homer. He must’ve sensed there’s been commenters asking about dropping him recently. Oh, and for what it’s Wuertz, I wouldn’t drop him. He’s easily capable of being a top ten 2nd baseman. Maybe top 5.
Matt Shoemaker – 5.1 IP, 3 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks. Yup, he has been good, but c’mon, he had a 6.31 ERA in Triple-A this year and 4.64 last year. I can’t get a good start out of Cingrani or Cole and this guy’s pitching well? Eff me in the effhole.
David Ortiz – Scratched with calf soreness. On Ortiz, they’re more like cows.
Rubby de la Rosa – Will start on Saturday for the Red Sox in place of Buchholz. Did you know his grandfather wears a toupee and they call him Rugby? There’s a chance here for upside because he does have good stuff — maybe high-8 K-rate, but Rubby’s a bit wild and I wouldn’t go near him in mixed leagues until I see something worthwhile.
Jake Peavy – 8 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 Ks and the no decision. He deserved better. Actually, he’s making $14.5 million this year. He doesn’t deserve anything else.
Koji Uehara – 1 IP, 0 ER and the win, lowering his ERA to 0.83. Member when I said he didn’t look right six weeks ago? Yeah, we can ignore that.
Xander Bogaerts – 3-for-5, 1 run, 1 RBI. Steal a base, doode! Maybe two. Don’t be bashful.
Brock Holt – 3-for-4, 1 run, 1 RBI. Arenado who?! The guy you lost to injury that forced you to pick up this schmohawk. Thanks for clarifying, Random Italicized Voice. No problemo, G-Man. Holt’s hitting .315 on the year with no power and next to no speed, so this isn’t an endorsement; this is a pity party.
Mike Minor – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks vs. the Red Sox. I usually point out what team a pitcher faced to say either he went against a terrible offense or a great one, but I’m honestly not sure what it means to go against the Red Sox right now. I’m leaning towards terrible.
Jason Heyward – 2-for-5 and his 5th homer, and 2nd in three games. He’s now batting a whopping .243 at the top of the Braves lineup. Not quite as egregious as the guy Fredi’s batting 2nd, B.J. Upton (1-for-4, 1 run, hitting .208). I’m guessing Fredi makes out the top of his lineup card every day with a subtle nod to his critics by saying in essence, Hey, would you blow me?