Chris Carpenter has a bulging disc. I once had a bulging disc. I had my Low End Theory disc in my car radio and I tried to jam in my Kool Moe Dee CD… *checking my notes* Oh, Carpenter has a bulging disc in his neck. Well, he should go see Dr. Frankenstein. Carpenter says he can’t throw yet, but he’s dealt with this issue before. Cards are starting to think about a Plan B. I never liked Plan A. A 36-year-old who had a 4.47 ERA until the middle of June last year? You should totally draft him! He sounds promising! Carp, or Crap if you’re kinda dyslexic, would move down my rankings with this news, if I didn’t already have him really low in my rankings because I’m always cautious of aging starters who tend to break down. Also, I’m psychic. On a related note, you may want to bring in the trash bins on Wednesday night from three to four AM, there’s gonna be possums. Cust kayin’. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:
Sike! Before we get into today’s roundup, we announced our podcast yesterday. Today, you can subscribe to it at iTunes. This message was brought to you by Phoenix University, “We don’t look good unless you look good. Or is it well?” Anyway, here’s the roundup:
Giancarlo Stanton – It’s sure been a pain changing Mike to Giancarlo on all of my Trapper Keepers. You know what else is a pain? Giancarlo’s wrist. Worst Segue Ever, “Wow, I’ve heard some bad segues before, but that takes the cake.” Sorry, Worse Segue Ever. WSE, “Don’t apologize to me, apologize to your readers.” You know you’re kinda making the segue worse by drawing attention to it. WSE, “Hence my name.” Giancarlo was hit on the wrist by a pitch the other day, but X-rays were negative, which is oddly enough a positive. Giancarlo should take a day or two more to recoup, but should be fine going forward. If you want to send him flowers, send them to me. I’m parked outside his condo. In the bushes. What, I’m just making sure he’s safe.
Brian Fuentes – The battle for the A’s closer and the 22 saves that comes with the gig is heating up. Jerry “The Beav” Blevins is the only possible left-hander behind Fuentes. So there’s some speculation that if The Beav gets cut, then Fuentes may stay in setup. But if The Beav gets into the bullpen that will make it easier to hand the closer job to Fuentes. May I say from owning Fuentes in past years, nothing is easy about Fuentes closing. Worst Segue Ever, “Okay, that’s just another–” You know, that’s enough, WSE. WSE, “Hey, do what you have to do.” Here’s what I’ll say on the closing shituation in Oakland, I think Balfour will make a better closer (marginally), but Fuentes will get the job. Either way, in almost all leagues (except very shallow ones), I’d draft both guys and hope the one I drafted comes out with the job.
Yoenis Cespedes – Homered in his first spring game. I now have Yoenis in two leagues, and I’m getting him in more leagues if he continues to fall far down in drafts. I have Yoenis’s projections down for 65/20/80/.250/12. That’s a not-that-poor-man’s Adam Jones. I’d take that way before the 200th or so place ESPN and Yahoo have him ranked. Frequent commenter, chata, made a good call when he said Yoenis looked like Gary Sheffield when he homered. Somewhere, Sheffield is angrily wagging his trademark infringement lawsuit papers.
Jim Johnson – Buck Showalter said he hasn’t named Johnson the closer yet. Kevin Gregg’s family said, “Please, we can’t handle anymore death threats.” Matt Lindstrom is also in the O’s possible closerousel. I think Johnson ends up winning the job, but in the mean’s while I would draft all three in deep leagues, or places you need saves.
Alfonso Soriano – Hit his 4th homer of the spring. I have a mantra: Don’t Believe Spring Training Stats — DBSTS, for those that like to acronymize shizz. But, and this is a small but like what Leyland throws away every seven to ten minutes, vets tend to have good beginnings to their season then tire. Soriano’s April stats last year: 10 homers.
Eric Hosmer – Left Monday’s game after landing awkwardly on his shoulder. Doctors said he was F-I-N-E, then they did the Bell Biv Devoe dance where you kick heels with the guy across from you.
Mike Moustakas – Left the game after being hit with a pitch in his right knee. Royals are saying it’s simply a bruise and he’ll be good to go. David Glass, Royals owner and former CEO of Wal-Mart, said he would not pay for any time missed.
Zack Cozart – He’s showing no signs of his injury from last year. Have I mentioned I want Cozart in every league? Oh, well, consider this yet another notice. You’ve been noticed!
Jesus Montero – I want to throw a warning out there that there will be a lot of Jesus Montero updates this year. We’ve already drafted him in three out of four leagues. Bee tee dubya, he’s hitting .389. But spring stats mean nothing. But II, The Return of But: He’s hitting .389!
David Wright – Received an anti-inflammatory injection yesterday for discomfort that I think he’s been feeling for the last three years. I’m only half joking. I don’t want to yell fire in the theater of Razzball, but I’m starting to get worried. The Mets doctors’ track record with getting players back on the field is about the same as yours with that girl who used to live next door to you.
Kendrys Morales – He ran the bases for two straight days. Talk about going back to the base-ics! Sorry, I’ll never say that again.
Chipper Jones – Glass Chipper is hinting at retirement. His retirement plans include him reuniting with his oblique that abandoned him back in 2004.
David Robertson – Fell down some stairs the other day, but he played catch yesterday and he’s good to go. He can remove his walking boot. On a related note, Miguel Cabrera’s nickname in the field is The Walking Boot.
Fausto Carmona – Charges against him for lying about his name have been dropped. Charges against him for being a terrible pitcher are still undergoing investigation.