The save vulture is a scavenger bird. They see weakness in others’ misfortune. A closer goes down or struggles and the save vulture swoops in and gnaws on the closer’s handcuff. Peck, Brandon League, peck. The save vultures are indigenous to rural and metropolitan areas, especially if a trade is in progress. Goodbye, Rauch. Hello, Drew Storen, Tyler Clippard and Sean Burnett. Save vultures have trouble reproducing because they’re usually overweight guys who would prefer to listen to sports news than what the girl they’re dating is talking about. “How does my manicure look?” “Very pretty, Joel Hanrahan.” “Did you just call me, Joel Hanrahan?” “No.” Kevin Gregg, Kerry Wood, Joakim Soria any of them can be traded in the next 24 hours. If you need saves, there won’t be many saves coming into the league after the trade deadline. If you need closers, now is the time to swoop, save vultures. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Tyler Colvin – I told you to pick him up on June 18th. Since then, 19/9/20/.250/1. Yeah, that’s better than Werth, Vlad, Torii, Grandy, Alfonso and a ton of other guys.
Chris Denorfia – By the time you read this he might already be cold and not worth owning. There’s a difference between someone like Colvin and Denorfia. Denorfia is a random outfielder who just happens to be hot, Colvin’s actually decent.
Andres Torres – Why do you make me talk about the same guy for three weeks and then by the time you pick him up he’s no longer good? This is a trust exercise. Fall back into my arms. I promise to keep my mustache to myself.
Brett Wallace – Here’s what I said this morning, “Getting passed around…” “…like a trollop…” “Berkman” “is” “different cities.” My Zagat quote skills are strong! Here’s my Brett Wallace fantasy without the clunky quotes.
Jon Jay – His minor league numbers look like he’s unstartable against lefties (.180 vs. the same side, .404 vs. righties), but he’s actually relieved Rasmus vs. southpaws because he’s hitting the scrammy-handed at a .474 clip. But, as I tell the ladies, beware the small sample size. Jon Jay should get exploited the more he sees the ‘ones who need special scissors.’ That makes Jay a platoon guy without an injury. Grab him now since he’s hitting everything and La Russa seems to like him, but don’t be surprised if it’s short-lived.
Travis Snider – Time to get randy on Travis. He’s due to finally return from his sore right wrist. Usually I’d be worried about a wrist injury, but Snider pulled a Kotchman and has been recuperating since May 15th. His wrist better be, uh, better by now. Plus, who couldn’t love a guy who resembles this guy?
Travis Wood – Sticking with the Travis theme… There is no wrong, there is no right… The circle has one side, side, side… Wait, wrong Travis theme. So how much can Wood chuck if Wood could maintain his BABIP? A bunch, but it seems unlikely. Wood gets the Pirates next and he’s pitched well enough where you can take a flyer on him.
Scott Olsen – Yesterday’s game picked up right where he left off as a respectable number five fantasy starter. He gets the Diamondhacks next, that’s a ‘Yes’ with a dollop of ‘Please.’
Brett Myers – With a line of 3.10/1.22/113 on the year, you should’ve really grabbed him four months ago, but it’s not too late.
Michael Wuertz – Bailey’s not getting traded, but he’s also not getting healthy.
Danny Valencia – Grab him if you’re hurting for a corner infidel, but his Kevin Maas-shaped candle might’ve already burned out.
Will Rhymes – SAGNOF!
Ryan Raburn – Green Raburn asks, “Magglio Ordonez is so hurt he _____________” However you fill in that blank, Raburn has pop and should see playing time.
Edison Volquez – Don’t be the person that says in the comments, “You can’t sell Volquez! He’s not worth anything!” As I said in the beginning of the year, the Sell isn’t always literal. It also means to drop him. In non-keepers, you let someone else see if Volquez can figure it out.
Troy Glaus – Playing first base has helped him stay in the lineup. Unfortunately, you probably wish he were hurt for the last two months.
Dan Uggla – July was his biggest month since May of 2008. It was his first month since then that he had an average over .300. He currently sits at 22 homers. Maybe he has another good week, but he’s never kept up the rate he’s currently on and I don’t think he suddenly will. I wouldn’t trade him for your nana’s Jell-O mold collection, but I’d listen to offers.