Roy Oswalt pulled something in his back and is presumably headed to the DL. The bad news here is he was supposedly a 2nd half pitcher in some people’s minds, though my mind wasn’t yet made up. It’s a guy’s prerogative to change his mind, or just not make it up at all. As someone who has struggled with lower back pain for most of his adult life… Oh, who am I kidding? I’m fit as a fiddle. I once dwarf bowled a 170. (Of course, he helped by kicking over that 7-10 split.) Wait, what was I saying? Oh, yeah! Oswalt. Yeah, he’s off to see a back specialist, the Astros are calling up Bud Norris, hopefully related to Chuck. Bud Norris might sound familiar to some of youse. Why? Cause I just said his name in the previous sentence. Hello, Mr. Short-Term Memory. He also may sound familiar to you because he was in last week’s Scouting the Unknown. For those too lazy to click-through, his walk rate isn’t pretty. I’d grab him in NL-Only leagues and take a flier on him in 12 team and deeper mixed leagues if you really need the help, but he may cause migraines. Best case scenario is he foolz (the kids love the Z) some hitters for about a month worth of starts and racks up the strikeouts while barely making it out of the 5th inning because of a high pitch count, see also Clay/ton Buchh/shaw. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
LaTroy Hawkins – His MRI came back negative on his back so he’s heading to the DL with shingles. Whaaat?!? Don’t you need to check off a few things before going from an MRI to shingles? It’s not a bulging disk… Okay, let’s check for shingles.
Randy Johnson – Torn rotator cuff. Just be glad I didn’t go with the title, Torn Johnson.
Clay Buchholz – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 11 baserunners and tied me to the WHIPping post. The home plate ump looked like he wouldn’t call a strike. Put Fieldin Culbreth behind home; he’ll call a strike. Just be glad Buchholz got out of the 5th. Against the A’s no less. Not a great sign. Go after a hitter. Pitch to contact. Trust your stuff. Listen to Eck, would ya?
Scott Kazmir – 7 IP, 1 ER. Sonavabench! I fully expect him to go out and get rocked in his next game when I start him. Kazmir, why do you hate me?
Eugenio Velez – Hit a homer yesterday. In other news, water’s dry.
Tommy Everidge – Was called up to replace Barton. His minor league numbers look promising, but he’s not available anywhere until ESPN, Y! or CBS put him into their systems. Though he’s not really worth a pickup yet, except in AL-Only leagues.
George Sherrill – People really seem to want him and it makes sense for the Orioles to trade him away if they can get anything. As said elsewhere by me, you don’t need a closer to finish last. The catch, and there’s always one, Baez and Johnson haven’t looked good at all recently. It may come down to *cover your children’s eyes if they’re reading this* a committee. I know! Terrible.
Kevin Correia – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 Ks, 8 baserunners. Perfectly acceptable game for a HodgePadre in an away game. Unfortunately, I refuse to start him anywhere but home…
Heath Bell – Another guy that seems like he might be on the move. And another situation that isn’t crystal clear. Mujica’s held the 8th for the majority of the season, but he’s faltered recently. Gregerson’s been fine, but he’s Luke Gregerson. Mike Adams has been terrific too. But he’s not even Luke Gregerson. I’d hold Mujica or Gregerson, in that order.
Everth Cabrera – 3-for-4, 2 steals. I loved EverCab when he first came up, then he did nothing for two weeks. So I dropped him and then he did this to me (6 steals in the last week). Yesterday in the comments, this was said by frequent commenter, Tom, “Hey remember that time you got back from church camp and destroyed all of your rebellious, edgy EverCab albums? And remember that time 3 weeks later when you stopped dating that girl from camp, and you were really pissed that you threw them out? Today is that day.”
Rafael Soriano – Has now given up runs in two of his last three games. If you take nothing else away from today’s roundup, Soriano goes through stretches where he’s terrible. You’ve been warned.
Leo Nunez – Gave up a run, Lindstrom’s due back in a week. You’ve been warned. Again.
Nyjer Morgan – Since I already pointed out my goof on EverCab, I’ll cop to this one too. I bungled Nyjer. He’s been a very decent SAGNOF source. I even tried to trade for him in one league. I think I was ignored. Hey, don’t take my Garrett Jones. It’s fine by me (please stay hot Jones, please).
Elvis Andrus – HR and steal yesterday. No lie, in one league I literally dropped him two days ago. Momma said there would be days like these…
Clete Thomas – I picked him up and he went 0-for-4. I grabbed him because he’s batting third for the Tigers. Why’s he batting third? I don’t know. Buy Leyland a pack of Marlboro Reds and maybe he’ll tell you.
Jhonny Peralta – This year he’s carrying the Silent H Torch for him and Khalil, and has three straight games with a homer as he bats over .400 in the last 7 games.
Scott Downs – 2/3 IP, 1 ER. People were yelling fire in the comments yesterday that Frasor’s due to take over, they might be right. Downs has given up runs in four of his last five games. I wouldn’t be surprised to see Downs hit the Disgraceful List.
Chien-Ming Wang – Visited Dr. Freeze and was put on ice for the season. Imagine Dr. Andrews misunderstood, “Something’s wrong with Wang,” as something was wrong with his wang. Ah, the yucks a bad Farrelly brothers movie could have with that.
Brad Lidge – 1 IP, 2 ER, Save. He’s really got the save down pat where he gives up 2 runs. It’ll be funny in the playoffs when he loses a key game and McCarver’s like, “He’s usually so reliable.” Joe Buck *interminable pause* then, “We’ll be back here tomorrow for game five.”
Dan Haren – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners. Now has two straight so-so starts by his 1st half of starts’ standards. Honestly, I was pretty happy with this so-so start. He gets the Mets in Metco next, so hopefully he can be decently so-so again.
Adam Dunn – Hit a homer out of Miller Park. Then had his blue ox run the bases.
Mark Buehrle – 6 1/3 IP, 5 ER. Back to life… Back to reality… and Johnny Vander Meer’s family is once again free to make plans.
Josh Fields – Being dropped from the roster for Mark Kotsay. Fields wants a trade from the White Sox. Maybe if you robbed a homer to seal a perfect game, you wouldn’t be getting dropped. Think about that!
Mark Kotsay – Traded to the White Sox for Brian Anderson. What’s the point of this trade? Did Kenny Williams get a look at Kotsay’s wife? This is the most irrelevant trade since Jose Lima was traded to the Kia Tigers for a bottle of kimchi.