Randy Wells spells relief with D-R-O-P H-I-M. 3 2/3 IP, 3 ER in his previous start. 4 IP, 5 ER yesterday. If this were an SAT question, the next game’s line in this series is 4 1/3 IP and 7 ER. Four months of a 3 ERA is a good run, right? Send him a postcard in March when he’s down in Arizona. Or send him a basket of Port Wine cheese logs from Cracker Barrel. Whatever. He’ll forgive you for dropping him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Edwin Jackson – 5 IP, 5 ER. I’m Rockwell, and I’m watching you. Now punt Jackson.
Brett Tomko – Shut down for the season. Who makes a deal with the devil for only three weeks? I know Dorian Gray. You, sir, are not him.
Willie Bloomquist – 4-for-5 yesterday and he’s hitting .500 over the last week. I’d say he’s going to be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell, but he’s here. You get the gist… Or is it the ‘quist?
Alex Gordon – 1-for-4, Now batting .205. [sarcasm] Yeah, the Royals were totally wrong to hold him down in the minors for financial reasons. He’s totally producing now. [/sarcasm]
Zach Greinke – 5 IP, 0 ER, 8 Ks. Left the game with some swelling after a comebacker hit him on the elbow. Word on the streets of Steve Balboni Blvd. is Greinke will be fine for his next start.
Miguel Olivo – Another homer yesterday. Telling you right now, if you wait longer than a week. He’ll be ice cold again. He’s like Chiquita Banana’s boyfriend, he hits them in bunches.
Miguel Cabrera – Hit his 30th homer yesterday. I wonder if after the game he got an Olivo hug. (<–It’s called a hunch!)
John Danks – 8 IP, 1 ER. Danks’s win got ganked by a jenky Jenks. Say that fast 5 times. Actually, don’t. It’s a waste of time.
Brandon Morrow – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 12 baserunners as he tied his owners to the WHIPping post. He’s walking too many and we (me and you… I’m actually sitting next to you — Hey!) don’t have time for him to correct himself. He gets the Rays next, which isn’t an awful start, but it’s highly risky right now.
Wade Davis – 9 IP, 6 baserunners, 10 Ks. This start and his last start (2 2/3 IP, 8 ER) epitomizes the rookie pitcher. You like to ride the roller coaster, but sometimes you end up vomiting.
Shane Victorino – Speaking of vomiting, Victorino has food poisoning and will miss a day or two as he’s now, The Upchucking Hawaiian.
Brad Lidge – 1 IP, 1 ER and the save. This is a pretty comical set-up Manuel’s configured here. If the Phils are up by three runs, they bring in Lidge for the save. 1 or 2 runs, it’s Madson. That’s gotta be a nice confidence booster for Lidge. You suck, but I trust you enough to not be totally sucky.
Chris Coghlan – 4-for-4, 1 Run. If anyone can have a 4-for-4 with only 1 run and no steals or RBIs, it’s Coghlan. He yawnstipates me pretty badly.
Rich Harden – Will have a start skipped for ineffectiveness rather than an injury. This is an absolute first for Harden. I mean, a missed start because of an injury is his Pass Line.
Carlos Zambrano – This doesn’t have a huge effect on fantasy baseball, but I found it slightly amusing. The Cubs said they would try to trade Big Z in the offseason. He said he would use his no-trade clause. Now Carlos doesn’t necessarily strike me as someone that would be happy-happy-joy-joy if he were on another team, but I like that he doesn’t even want to try for happiness somewhere else. I pitch poorly at home (almost a full run higher in Wrigley over three years), I attack the Gatorade bucket with my fisticuffs and I look downright miserable in just about every start, but, you know what? I’m staying right here. I imagine Big Z reads a lot of Sylvia Plath.