Hisanori Takahashi had a nearly identical line last night as his last start; 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks. A) I’m chalking it up to his histrionic delivery. All of it. You baffle people who haven’t seen you when you throw the ball between your legs and shake your tukis afterwards. B) Did I just say tukis? Hey, I’m Eli Whiteside! C) He could continue to baffle people for a good couple of months. D) He plays in Metco. E) I can’t believe there was a D let alone an E. F) A long long way to run. G) He gets the Padres next. H) He’s in the NL on a team that can win some games. Why not own him? Seriously, grab him now. I) Am writing this. J) Buhner. K) There’s no K, there’s never a K. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jose Reyes – 2-for-4 and a home run. Thank you, Lord.
Brandon Morrow – 5 IP, 3 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks. He’s shown a tendency to tie his owners to the WHIPping post this year, but the Ks have been real nice.
Mike Gonzalez – Had a setback in his rehab. Oh, no, did he huff glue? Oh, different rehab. Trembley said, “Mike is fine with (throwing long toss), and we think if he does that for a week or so, his arm strength will come back to where it was.” Where it was when he was sucking or where it was when he wasn’t sucking? Can we get a sucking or no sucking clarification? I think we’ll be lucky to see Mike Gonzalez save a game before the All-Star Break. Through no design of the terrific bullpen that is covering for him.
Jacoby Ellsbury – Out with soreness on his side as he underwent a CT scan. (I actually just had a CT scan on Sunday. I’m still glowing in the dark from the iodine they shot me up with.) I know this might be a bitter pill(sbury) to swallow, but I don’t think it’s going to be a great season for Ellsbury. Getting that Brian Roberts in spring training vibe. That is all.
Adrian Beltre – 4-for-5, 6 RBIs and 2 Homers. Wasn’t it just yesterday I asked where his power is? Boom goes the dynamite!
Mark Buehrle – In the 3rd inning he was ejected for arguing over a balk call, the second one called on him in the game. Hawk Harrelson said of the ump, “He wrong.”
Carlos Quentin – 0-for-4. He’s a mess. I’m done defending him. But he’s so talented! Okay, now I’m done. He could go off for a month or two or he can get injured, but right now all he’s doing is looking lost at the plate. In most shallow leagues, I think it’s time to deploy the parachute and jump ship, to mix modes of transportation. Granted, now that I’m officially moving on, CQ will begin to hit.
Bobby Jenks – 1 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners. This was a Kazaam to make Dotel say, “Damn.” I’d continue to hold Thornton after this smashterpiece.
Derek Holland – Got an inning of relief just to stay loose for his Sunday start. All’s well in Holland land (stutter much?).
Garrett Atkins – Hit his first homer of the year yesterday. Now Atkins is back to no carbs and weak grounders to short.
Trevor Cahill – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks. He has 17 Ks to 10 walks in 35 and a third innings this year. The left mouth says, “Bel…” The right mouth says, “ch.” Together, “Belch.”
Brian McCann – Left the game with a sore quad. That’s what she said! Wait, what?
Bronson Arroyo – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks vs. the Pirates. This season, he’s gotten the Pirates three times, Padres, the no-hitting Cards twice, Indians and Astros. Yet, he still has a 4.30 ERA. Though the Reds do get nice matchups in the NL Central. Actually, everyone gets nice matchups in the NL Central.
Francisco Liriano – 7 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 7 Ks. Sonavabench! Why does he keep getting the Yankees? Did they switch divisions? Where’s the peasant Royals? The I’m-not-making-any-derogatory-comments-about-the-Indians-for-fear-of-coming-off-racist Indians?
Matt Garza – 5 IP, 6 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks. Like to Control-Alt-Delete this start. Well, his ERA is still under 3 on the year. Hoping this was just a blip.
Ben Zobrist – Now has three homers in his last ten games. I don’t own him anywhere so I hope he goes into oblivion with Crystal Bowersox, but it’s still early enough in the season where he can reach all of his projections.
Roy Oswalt – 8 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks. Never underestimate someone’s motivation to look appealing to get the hell off the Astros.
Tom Gorzelanny – 5 IP, 5 ER, 10 baserunners, 5 Ks. I was just admiring his K-rate the other day and now he’s probably going to get bumped for Big Z. Too bad, so sad.
Derrek Lee – Another three hit night as he raised his average 24 points in the last three games.
Jaime Garcia – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks and a 1.14 ERA on the year. He has 24 walks to 45 Ks. That’s a sign that when his ERA corrects itself, it’s not going to be pretty.
Trevor Hoffman – Threw a scoreless 7th after throwing a scoreless 8th the other day. By June, he’s going to be starting games. In all seriousness, the Brewers want Hoffman to be their closer and he’s days away from resuming that role.
Carlos Gonzalez – Broke an 0-for-14 slump and his first homer in 10 days. Hopefully this is the start again (restart?) of something good.
Seth Smith – Hit two homers yesterday. I wonder if he would trade one of those homers for a more interesting name. Say Ubaldo?
Miguel Olivo – 3-for-4 with 2 steals. Someone probably should’ve thrown over when he was taking an 89 foot lead.
Ubaldo Jimenez – 8 scoreless innings as he moves to 9-1 with a 0.88 ERA and 0.93 WHIP. After the game, he won the Strasburg rookie card for $16,001, traded it for a Gregg Jefferies rookie card and now the Jefferies rookie card is worth $16,002.