The Braves should totally give Derrek Lee the number 01 and paint him orange. Too bad Waylon Jennings isn’t around anymore to announce him when he comes up to bat. Lee-haw! The Cubs received back Tyrelle Harris, who I believe is a male model, Robinson Lopez, who dispenses candy from his neck, and Jeffrey Lorick, who owns the Marlins. Derrek Lee has hit 4 homers in his last four games and his numbers should only continue to trend upwards as we head into the home stretch. I could see him getting to 24 homers on the year; he’s at 16. Do the math! The real LUZR in this is Troy Glaus, who the Braves put on the DL with a severe case of We-Don’t-Want-To-Play-You-Anymore-itis. It’s curable, but you usually need a new team. Kelly Johnson had a similar malady when he played for the Braves. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Xavier Nady – 1-for-3 as he played 1st base yesterday, but Micah Hoffpauir was recalled. Hip-hip-Hoffpauir! Not really. I wouldn’t pick him up in any league until I saw him start hitting.
Clayton Richard – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks as he gave the Cubs a little “How’s your father?” If only I owned only Padres pitchers on all of my teams. I love you, Hodgepadres. Please friend me on Facebook!
B.J. Upton – 2-for-4 with 2 steals and a homer. As frequent commenter, Brad, pointed out when he quoted my top 20 outfielder rankings, “B.J. Upton’s definitely shown he can’t be relied on for 20 homers, but you can count on him for 40 steals and 10 homers.” And that’s me quoting Brad quoting me! Right now, B.J.’s at 66/11/43/.240/35, and has been more valuable than broseph, Justin.
Evan Longoria – 3-for-4 with two doubles and a homer. A la your 4th grade teacher, “Nice of you to join us, Mr. Longoria.”
Juan Pierre – 4-for-5, 2 steals. When you put ‘Juan Pierre’ into Google, it says ‘Did you mean SAGNOF?’
Gavin Floyd – In his last 12 innings, he’s given up 13 runs. Not good, but both were against the Twins and he gets the O’s next. I’d give him one more shot in most leagues.
David Wright – Left yesterday’s game feeling queasy. Or QUEASY! if you’re George Jefferson.
J.P. Arencibia – The Jays optioned him back to the minors. John Buck is such a prospblock.
Taylor Teagarden – 2-for-4 with his 4th homer in his last 8 games. Those 8 games, unfortunately, date back 3 weeks. The other day I grabbed Teagarden in a 2 catcher league, but he needs more consistent playing time for most leagues.
Matt Tuiasosopo – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer in two games. For deity sakes, this guy needs a nickname if he’s going to keep hitting. I wouldn’t touch him yet in mixed leagues, but in AL-Only leagues I’d grab him.
Joe Blanton – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks. Solid start from the inconsistent Blanton, which is thankfully different than incontinent. He gets the Astros in his next start, that’s a decent gamble.
Jimmy Rollins – 3-for-5, with a homer and two steals. Wait, I know this impersonation… Um… 2007 Rollins, right? Nice!
Matt Cain – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, but 5 unearned runs for the momentarily gut-wrenching ticker shock.
Aroldis Chapman – Reds committed to calling up Chapman on September 1st. Makes sense, but doesn’t add much to his value since he’ll be out of the bullpen. Definitely grab him in keepers though.
Joe Mauer – 4-for-5 and his 8th homer. Still hasn’t hit more than 3 homers in any month, but is hitting .472 in August.
Curtis Granderson – He was days away from appearing in Friday’s Sell as a guy to drop, but now he’s hit his 3rd homer in five games. Maybe this time he can keep his hot streak going longer than a week.
Matt Kemp – I pimped out my merkin for this guy and then Torre benches him again? Okay, this is gotta stop, or Kemp needs to be playing in 7 PM EST games so I don’t have guys on my bench that are actually playing.
Alberto Callaspo – Had the slam & legs while hitting third yesterday and is batting over .400 in the last week. He doesn’t give much except hits, but there ya go.
Jay Bruce – 4-for-5 with his 12th homer. He’s now officially as valuable this year as Corey Patterson. As I’ve said before about Pablo Sandoval and my female neighbor, “What a bust!”
Edinson Volquez – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER. Way too inconsistent at this point to be relied on anywhere.
Mike Napoli – Hit his 20th homer. Now bench him, you Sciosciapath.
Michael Wuertz – 1/3 IP, 3 ER. That huertz. Bailey’s set to begin a rehab assignment on Friday and should be back soon thereafter, barring any setbacks.
Miguel Cabrera – 2-for-3 with 2 homers. Sticking with the variations on the name Michael theme, is Miggy drafted number three next year? Two? One? Talk amongst yourselves.
Ryan Doumit – 1-for-4 with a homer. First homer in over a month, but could be the start of something going forward.
Brad Hawpe – As Hawpe leaves the Rockies’ clubhouse for the last time, Bob Apodaca will be playing the world’s smallest harp, which is still 2 feet tall, but that’s small for a harp. When Hawpe reaches the parking lot, he’ll turn back and hear noisemakers. As the last line of my top 80 outfielder rankings says, “Get rid of Hawpe!” I’ve been asking for the Rockies to release Hawpe for almost two years now. Finally, we get our sweet, sweet outfield of upside.
Carlos Gonzalez – Was so excited about the Hawpe news, he ran into a wall. The Rockies remind me of the Rangers. Wonderful upside, difficulty staying healthy. Hopefully he’s CarGone only a day or two.
Coco Crisp – 3-for-3 with the slam & legs. Coco’s been loco. Seriously, grab him in your leagues before someone else does. This blurb was paid for by the committee to get Coco Crisp on your team.
Lorenzo Cain – 2-for-3 with his 2nd steal as he bets near .400 in his first 13 games in the majors. If you need cheap speed in a deep league, look no further.
Randy Wolf – 8 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks. After the game, Wolf announced he was Team Jacob. So predictable.
Trevor Hoffman – Got a save. Brewers announced on their next homestand all fans would be able to enjoy “Free Whatever Crap We Have Lying Around That Commemorates Hoffman Getting 600 Saves” night. They’re following the Angels’ lead from a few years back when they had a huge success with “Tim Salmon’s Going To Play One More Stupid Game So Come To The Ballpark” night.