It hasn’t been easy owning Matt Wieters this year. After a monster April (.279 / 6 HR / 15 RBI), he had an Arencibian May (.188 / 2 HR / 7 RBI). All the while, catchers on the waiver wire like A.J. Pierzynski and Ryan Doumit were hitting great. So it had to be sweet for Wieters’ owners to have their patience rewarded with a 4-for-5, 5 RBI game against the heretofore stingy Pirates. We don’t like investing a lot in a catcher, but this is one time we would have liked to have come onto your stats farm. Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Shin-Soo Choo – He choo-choo-choosed to hit 2 solo HRs against the Reds while striking out three times with a combined 4 men on base. You’d think a South Korean player would M*A*S*H a little better with men on base. He now has 20 RBIs or the same amount as teammate Jose Lopez has in over 100 less plate appearances.
Aubrey Huff – Banged his knee on the dugout rail in his rush to celebrate Matt Cain’s perfect game. It’s likely the Giants are covering up the real reason which was that he accidentally kneed Bochy in the head. BTW, the new nickname for Matt Cain and Lincecum. Cain and UnAbel.
Brandon Belt – Yesterday, Brandon Belt hit his third homer in as many games. He’s not doing this in a friendly hitting environment either. *cough* Brandon Moss *cough* Sorry, I need a green and gold suppressant. Plus, Brandon Belt has a Jewish doppelganger.
Trevor Plouffe – He’s gone and done it again, and here’s frequent commenter, Awesomus Maximus’s two-year-old with the call. Like a 70-year-old man, I don’t think he keeps it up, but you should absolutely own him while he’s plouffing all over the place.
Steve Pearce – 2-for-4, 5 RBIs with a double, a HR, and a walk. You know what’s most impressive about that stat line? The HR. Anyway, Pearce never quite got a chance in Pittsburgh as big-time acquisitions like Garrett Jones and Xavier Nady stole his playing time. He was killing it in the Yanks’ AAA when they sold him to Baltimore for some crab legs and lake trout. He’s hitting over .300 so far with the Orioles but with little power. Not really worth considering outside deep leagues.
Mark Reynolds – 4-for-5, 3 runs, 2 RBIs and his 5th homer. Both Adam Dunn (he now has 50 RBIs) and General K. Walk Homerton went yard yesterday, too. Won’t you take me to Donkeytown? I wanna go to Donkeytown! Reynolds won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy column because I think he’s owned in too many fantasy leagues, according to ESPN’s ownership “fantasy” numbers. As Razzball contributor, Feeding the Abscess, pointed out yesterday, “Mini Donkey has a career low swinging strike rate, career high line drive rate, and a career low HR/FB rate, all before yesterday’s performance.” The Cliff Notes version of that is, “Pick him up in all leagues.” I plan on starting him over Ryan Zimmerman. Next stop for Zimmerman, the waivers…You’re on notice!
Jarrod Parker – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks….@COL! The day after Tommy got kicked in the Milones (4 IP, 8 ER). I’d love to see ESPN have a ‘Sonavabench %’ to see how many people owned and sat him. Would be fine as long as the denominator was based on the 4% of non-latchkey ESPN leagues.
Brandon Moss – The #1-rated player in our TV giveaway standings went 3-for-5 with a HR (his 4th of the series), 2 doubles, and 3 RBIs. The last person to score that much in his first 3 days in Denver was Alex from The Real World (Jenn, Colie, probably Davis too).
Josh Reddick – 3-for-5, 2 runs and his 15th homer. After a ten homer month of May, this was his first homer in June. In reality, he’s probably a three to four homer per month guy, so you’re looking at close to 30 homers for this year. From a last round draft pick/waiver wire pick up, Reddick shouldn’t have you too sore.
Brian Fuentes – 2 ER in a Kazaam IP. You can’t blame him — AL pitchers aren’t used to pitching in Coors.
Colorado Humidor – Evidently, it’s on the fritz. Maybe they had it filled with cigars in case they signed Jorge Soler.
Troy Tulowitzki – Had an MRI done on his groin. As of this posting, they didn’t find anything. Chaz Bono can suggest a good doctor for that.
Daniel Hudson – 7 IP, 3 ER, 7 K @TEX. That’s now three out of our four good starts for Hudson (although the one bad one was really bad – 1 2/3, 6 ER against OAK). Worth starting in all leagues.
Brett Gardner – Out another month with an injury that was originally day-to-day. To use what I believe was our 2nd or third glossary term ever, Gardner’s pulling a Kotchman.
Luke Scott – Placed on the DL with “Hasn’t been good in a month anyway.” Hopefully, 15 days can cure what ails him. Or a good long talk with Ted Nugent over some venison jerky.
Charlie Morton – Underwent Tommy John surgery. In exchange, Tommy John will receive a lifetime supply of salt.
Erik Bedard – 3 1/3 IP, 7 ER. Oofa, the dreaded Cleveland Streamer. Could easily take a week to clean up that mess.
J.D. Martinez – 1-for-4 with a grand slam. I literally just dropped him, so I got a 4-for-39 on my team from him, then he salamis. My fantasy womb is polluted!
Krispie Young – 0-for-5 as the Diamondbacks tried to knock loose some hits by moving him to the leadoff spot. Not sure what’s more depressing, thinking about what could’ve been if he didn’t get injured or just watching him now.
Joe Blanton – 9 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks vs. the Twins. From the files of Predictions No One Cares About: Blanton will be traded to or signed by the Twins within two years. I don’t know why I think that, but Gladwell taught me to trust my first instincts. Blink, snitches!
Mike Leake – 4 1/3 IP, 3 ER and pulled from the start after 84 pitches with a 6-3 lead. What gives? In Dusty’s autobiography, he has a chapter titled, “84 Pitches is a Good Inning.”
Austin Jackson – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 7th homer to go along with his 6 steals. This is his third homer in the last week. Pretty cool, Austin, but how about keepin’ it less weird and steal some bases?
Ryan Ludwick – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer as he hits .215. Ludwick’s figured out something that we’re going to reveal for the first time right here on Razzball: One homer every ten days = Staying in Dusty’s good graces while remaining irrelevant for fantasy even in a great lineup and ballpark.
Jay Bruce – Reds scored 12 runs; Bruce went 0-for-4… Ticker tease!
Zack Cozart – 3-for-5, 5 for his last ten with a homer. He won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell, but he could’ve been. I’ll tell you that much!
Brandon Phillips – BP is taking BP on the Indian pitchers, following yesterday’s 3-for-3, HR, 3 RBI game with another 3 hit game with a HR and 4 RBI. Maybe he’s still mad at the Indians for giving him to the Reds for a bowl of sweet-ass chili over spaghetti.
Tim Collins – 2nd win in two games yesterday. Hey, enough Tim Collins, I’m drunk on cheap wins!
Eric Hosmer – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 8th homer. At least I don’t have to waste my half birthday wish on him.
David Murphy – After he hit a homer on Tuesday, I said something like, Murphy’s not exciting, but when he gets hot, he hits homers. And that’s me paraphrasing me! Yesterday, he hit another homer.
John Axford – 2/3 IP, 2 ER and his 2nd blown save in two games. He’s now given up 7 runs in the last 2 innings, across 3 appearances, and allowed runs in four of his last five appearances. His ratios: 5.55/1.68. I think he’s injured. Or at least I think the Brewers will say he’s injured. Whatever, that’s neither here nor there. Or neyether hear Knorr their, if you got some screws loose. Pick up K-Rod if you need saves. I dropped Balfour for him in one league. Guest on Montel, “Oh no, you di’int!” I did, GoM.
Aramis Ramirez – 1-for-4 with a homer. Great, so now he’s going to get injured again?
Kirk Nieuwenhuis – 2 HR, 3 RBI. Hitting just under .300 (yay!) despite averaging nearly 3 Ks per 10 ABs (no!). He’s worth starting for now (especially in deeper leagues), but expect that average to make its way towards .250. For expected batting averages, see here. Or not. Tough choices!
Johan Santana – 5 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 6 Ks. Definitely didn’t go Jo-H.A.M., which reminds me of Oliver Perez. Whatever happened to that young brother who threw around pitches like John Rocker threw around racism? Why did that remind me of Oliver Perez? Because I was thinking if Johan was Jo-H.A.M., then Ollie Perez would’ve been Yo-Duck.
Jason Bay – 1-for-4 with a slam & legs. It’s almost poetic that Jason Bay gets the worst possible slam & legs. The “almost” part comes in because that didn’t rhyme or appear in a stanza.
Ike Davis – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his third straight multiple hit game in a row. He must be using David Wright’s bat.
Jeremy Hellickson – 3 2/3 IP, 8 ER, 10 baserunners as Met hitters continued their mauling of Ray pitchers. The Mets director of statistics was seen taunting Hellickson with a “BABIP regression, bitch! How you like my balls in play!”