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On June 3rd, 2013, a young Cuban, armed with 5 tool ability and a rockin bod, landed on the Southern Coast of California. He was called upon to save a sinking ship, filled with disgracefully overpaid former all-stars including Manager Don Mattingly, who doesn’t seem to be capable or running a little league team, let alone the Los Angeles Dodgers. Hoping to find support from this beautiful Cuban specimen, they intended to immediately plug him into their leadoff spot as they intended to rise out of the cellar and eventually take over first place in the standings. It became evident from the first few hours of playing, that this stunning specimen was quite possibly their savior. The aforementioned Mattingly was going to place spark plug Nick Punto in the leadoff spot, but wisely was overruled by upper management as Don is the perfect little puppet. Did I say spark plug? I meant butt plug. Consequently, the Dodgers have won 3 out of their last 4 games and the baseball world has been taken hostage by this awe-inspring young Cuban. His name: Yasiel Puig, and he’s now batting 438 with 3 dongs and 9 ribbies, adding up to 27.5 fantasy points in 4 days. I’ve got to admit that I’m a little upset with rotoworld for breaking the news that the Dodgers were calling up Joc Pederson, so I grabbed him instead. WHOOPS! Can I sue them for pain and emotional suffering? Get Cochran on this ASAP! What?! He’s dead? When did that happen? Are there any other African American legends I can get on the case? I need that Cochran swag and unfortunately white guys just come off as douche b@gs when they act that way.

Anyway, Puig is obviously a must own as you want to ride this as long as you can. We could have a possible Mike Trout type situation on our hands here gentlemen (and ladies). Realness is pouring out of this stud’s pours and I can only dream of being a part of it. Should you sell high? Well considering I offered Nelson Cruz for him and was asked “I hope your kidding,” he might be a tough get. I suppose that could have something to do with the fact that Cruz is more than likely going to be suspended for 100 games but who knows. June 3rd will forever be remembered throughout history, as “The Bay Of Puigs.” A star is born. Two, if you’re counting me. Oh you’re not counting me? #@## you!!!!!!!!! I’m kidding (No, I’m not).

As you may or may not  know, my main focus is head to head leagues/points leagues and I’m gonna give to you raw like O.D.B. Here’s what else went down this week.

Matt Moore – NEGATIVE 17 1/2 points, huh Matty? I beat an elderly woman senseless after your meltdown pushed me over the edge. Ok, I didn’t do that, but God, did I ever want to. My fitness model senses were giving me all the signs that Moore was due for a mental breakdown of Paris Jackson proportions (too soon?), yet I couldn’t resist starting him as I’m sure 95 percent of you did as well. Oh you didn’t? You think you’re better than me!? Sorry, I’m a little high strung after my Miami Heat gave away the home opener to the Spurs. Kudos to you if you benched him. His next start is another tough one, against Baltimore. I say he bounce-ba-bounces back, ya’ll.

Julio Teheran – If you listened to the podcast last week like proper razzballians, you would have heard me start the show off with a bang and gotten some good adds for the coming weeks. Teheran is a guy I’ve been enamored with for weeks and was only owned in about 40 percent of leagues. Well, I’m pretty sure he will be close to 100 percent owned by Sunday so hurry up and buy! His stuff looked more un-hittable than Rosie O’Donnell at 10 am on a Wednesday, and I am on my knees right now praying young Julio isn’t replaced in the rotation by Beachy. Oh, what a travesty that would be, as Teheran just dropped 34.5 fantasy points on Wednesday. What a travesty indeed.

Evan Gattis - Did you know Gattis is the 3rd ranked catcher in fantasy baseball right now? Egads, ya’ll! Everytime he gets cold, I expect him to fade into obscurity like Christian Slater, but he bounces back every single time (very much unlike Christian Slater). Atlanta simply has to use a rotation with their outfield, especially considering how Heyward and the Upton bros are all struggling mightily. Seriously, how can they sit El Oso Blanco? It’s downright criminal. So is the fact that I’m not gracing the cover of “Mankini Weekly,” but I’m not crying about it. I am, actually.

Samuel Deduno – Two very nice starts in a row. After the first one, Uno had my curiosity. After the second, he has my attention. Keep on eye on this Dominican as he led the Texas league in strikeouts in 2007, so the potential is there. What’s the Texas league you ask? Shizz, I don’t know man. All I know is I like this guy and Uno is a wicked nickname.

Gordon Beckham- If you’re desperate for a 2 bagger, as I’m sure many of you are, grab Becks. The guy can hit a little bit and even stole a couple bags Wednesday night. I mentioned Beckham on the podcast as well. Having the ability to do radio work and the kind of body of a Greek God is a true blessing from the Elder Gods and I never take it for granted. Jim Rome says the same thing but we know he’s lying to himself. His wife told me he showers in a bathing suit.

Bartolo Colon - Just how much HGH and deer antler paste has been injected into Colon’s buttocks? There’s just no reasonable explanation for the type of performances BC has been putting on as of late and I want answers. Speaking of Colon’s buttocks, I haven’t seen an ass that big since I accidentally walked in on Anna Nicole-Smith getting drilled by her lawyer Howard Stern when I was auditioning for a role on her reality show. RIP. I can’t believe I’m saying this but Colon is definitely someone who should be owned right now. This dough boy is 7-2 with a 3.142 ERA and dropped 22 points in his last start. Send him a box of jelly donuts to show your gratification.

Brandon League - Whoever made the decision to resign League to a contract worth up to 33.5 million dollars should have their testicles clipped with a weed wacker. The man is one of the top 10 worst closers in baseball and they have a top 5 level closer working the 8th innings? Hmmmm. Kenley Jansen deserves the job and has more than proved he is capable. Every time League gets close to losing it, he somehow rebounds and gets a couple in a row. This causes me to break things and scream at the top of my lungs like a a rich teenage girl. I haven’t been this angry with another man since the head guy at Playgirl told me I’d never make it in their magazine. I suppose Jansen needs to be rostered since I know, deep in my heart, that League is going to lose the closer job. It’s just so painful rostering an 8th inning guy for I don’t respect it, unless you’re in a league where you get points for holds of course.. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE LET KENLEY CLOSE!

Ryan Doumit- R2D2 has been raking lately. Just an observation.

Cole Hamels - Hamels bizzounced back in a major way Wednesday with 29.5 fantasy points but is still a good buy low candidate. I’m sure Phillies’ upper management is wondering if it’s a coincidence that he started blowing balls right after he got paid in a major way. Still, I say he figures it out and the Phils make a push for the playoffs behind the mighty “Sir Domonic” Brown.

J.J. Hardy - I haven’t seen someone play with such abundant rapaciousness since I witnessed the whole Cash Money Crew descend upon the strippers at the Queen of Diamonds in Miami back in 99. Hardy is hot like lava and should be owned in all formats. He was a late round pick this year but has 30 homer potential, and right now he’s feasting.

Josh Hamilton - I haven’t seen someone go into a slump like this since Chris Farley. Oh wait, he died. Ok, I lied, I’ve never seen anyone go into a slump like this. I don’t have any answers for you but I’d still try and buy low on him. Speaking of Farley, not even death stopped him from getting this gem released nationwide. Speaking of Almost Heroes, I could have just as easily have used Matthew Perry for the joke as he might as well be dead also.

My friends, it’s been a pleasure as always. I hope you enjoyed me on the podcast this week and hopefully I will be on more often in the future. I will be unless Capozzi wants to wake up to dead squirrel heads in his bed and his soda water machine missing. As per usual your questions and comments will be responded to in a timely fashion. Don’t hesitate to follow me on twitter at TeholBeddict47 and feel free to DM me naked pics of women of all ages. I’ll be back.

From Around The Web

  1. Ed says:
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    Wow. Puig must really be quite the specimen with those “3 dongs.”

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Ed: yep hes like a creature straight out of Beowulf

  2. Dave says:
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    Gerrit Cole just got called up. Oh so yummy…

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Dave: wish he was striking people ouy but yea could be exciting

  3. uncdrew says:
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    Puig will cool off.

    Funny how no one will trade him. I wish I had him so I could trade him.

    • Shawn of the mostly living says:
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      @uncdrew: I got offered Sandoval for him yesterday, and Marte for him today. I passed on both. One guy asked if I would trade him for Machado, I said yes, but he backed out I guess. My point is; I’ll trade him, but I want a lot, because he COULD be amazing the rest of the year (Mike Trout) and we haven’t even seen his speed yet

      • uncdrew says:
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        @Shawn of the mostly living:

        What you say makes perfect sense. I’m not trading him for a bag of Doritos and a Golden Girls DVD. But some people aren’t trading him for proven top-20 players.

        I get it. Nothing is more fun to ride than a hot, young, waiver wire pick-up. Well… boogie boards and mopeds are fun to ride.

        • Tehol Beddict

          Tehol Beddict says:
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          @uncdrew: yea no one wants to give him up right now, though If I owned him and could get proven star i would def pull the trigger.

    • FrankGrimes says:
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      @uncdrew: I wish Puig would have drown rowing over to the Estados Unidos

      • Tehol Beddict

        Tehol Beddict says:
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        @FrankGrimes: Frank thats just downright mean. What did the Puigster ever do to you? hopefully not dominate you in head to head this week…….

        • FrankGrimes says:
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          @Tehol Beddict: yup he is dammit. looking ahead would you chance streaming Nolasco and his two starts next week he’s been pitching decent as of late. I just dumped Straily for cole too. cole could possibly get second start vs LA you risking that weekly start?

          • Tehol Beddict

            Tehol Beddict says:
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            @FrankGrimes: RIcky has been dealin and I’ve always been a fan. yes, i would stream him. and cole too if on 2 week start week no doubt about it Frank

            • FrankGrimes says:
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              @Tehol Beddict: thanks bro love your special take on H2H. I’d like to give that f#ck Puig some shit pudding.

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @uncdrew: the owner of him in razzball writers league has scoffed at my attempts to trade for him. he’s gone as far as changing his team name with Puig somehow involved as I can’t recall it off the top of my head. Can this guy be real?

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @uncdrew: Me too.

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @uncdrew: me too bro. me too

  4. Shawn of the mostly living says:
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    Whats your thoughts on the Gerrit Cole call-up? Should I drop Cingrani and grab him?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Shawn of the mostly living: ive never liked coles mental makeup and dont know if he has it in him to be a star and he hasnt been striking people out very much but with that being said I think he has better chance of being long term answer thos season as cingrani will get sent dowm again when cueto comes back but who knows how serious cuetos injury is. Its a coim flip but id probably go cole

      • Shawn of the mostly living says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: That’s what I was thinking too, coin flip. If Cingrani was going to stay, I would keep him. Damn, would someone please throw a banana peel at Cueto, Mario kart style

  5. Shake N Bacon says:
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    Miami Heat fan Tehol? Say it ain’t so…

    What the eff is wrong with J-Upton right now?

    Would you rather have Gordon Beckham over Nick Franklin?

    And I completely agree with you about El Oso Blanco. He’s needs to be in the lineup every day

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Shake N Bacon: Don’t hold it against me Bacon. I’ve always hated the Spurs. At least Upton has been trying to steal more as of late to try and make up for his flaccid hitting. I assume he gets it back turned around.

      Id probably ride with Franklin right now as he’s been doing some nice things but Beckham might end up with the better season. Franklin has never before really displayed power so that might be a false representation of who he really is

      Hopefully gattis is in the lineup more often.

      • Shake N Bacon says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Yeah the Spurs are old and boring. I was hoping anyone but the Lakers and Spurs would’ve made it out of the West.

        Oh I can’t really complain about Upton. He has been running a little. Got caught last night. It’s just odd that someone with as short and compact of a swing as him is so late on these fastballs down the middle of the plate.

        Thanks for the advice on franklin. I’m gonna roll with him for now. The 2b/SS pool is pretty rough.

        • Tehol Beddict

          Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Shake N Bacon: it sure is man. thanks for stopping by

  6. Mr. Fister Furbush says:
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    Are you stashing peavy? I could pick up aj Burnett or UNO for him. Also on the waiver is Lackey, Arenado, Gausman and Gerrit Cole. Your thoughts?

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Mikeeee: @Mr. Fister Furbush: Id gamble on Cole and hope to sell high after a good first start or 2. the other guys should still be there if he fails

  7. Mikeeee says:
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    Was just offered Puig for Stanton which side would you prefer?

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Mikeeee: oh man. id probably have to hold stanton but it will hurt if Puig is mike trout Jr.

  8. Tehol Beddict

    Tehol Beddict says:
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    Id gamble on Cole real quick and see if he can catch fire then either sell high or ride him.

  9. Carlos says:
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    drop cole for cashner?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Carlos: no. I wouldnt. Thouhh I do lile cashner the potential for cole is greater

  10. AB says:
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    Would you trade any of Cruz, Rios, or Puig for Greinke?

    12-team 5×5 H2H where we start 3 OF and 1 UT; I have Adam Jones, Kemp (DL), those 3, and Hamilton along with Teix on bench behind Goldy.
    SPs: Wainwright, Harvey, Scherzer, Minor, Garza, Wacha, Wheeler, Milone
    Thanks!

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @AB: Well first off all id try and trade cruz just since there is a possible suspension but it may never happen. Even if no suspension he would be the one I’d trade for Greinke and yes i’d do it.

  11. uncdrew says:
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    Hmm… Cole is a tough one. Always great to add a first-timer who goes all Shelby Miller on you. But getting that 2 IP, 7 ER start is the fear.

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @uncdrew: i feel you Unc. he gets Giants at home in his first start. they don’t exactly pump fear into my heart but they are a veteran lineup and they could get to him. Sitting him and watching first start is probably the way to go

  12. Cam_13 says:
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    From reading scouting reports and based on couch observation Puig should be a sell high guy IMHO…he’s a new shiny toy but he is still A REALLY RAW TOOL BOX?…still like him but I see him crashing hard after a hot start getting sent down then being a fucking stud 2 years from now…huge upside but he has taken some ugly swings on breaking stuff and is miles behind Trout, Harper and Machado in terms of polish and baseball IQ…good keeper but ROS I don’t see him being any more valuable than a solid 3rd outfielder…

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Cam_13: beautiful analysis cam bam. Im komd of on board with u on this. What ki.d of couch do u have

      • Cam_13 says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: Gray sectional…it’s magnificent

  13. Justin says:
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    Hey, I’m in a bit of a predicament- I picked up Mitch Moreland Monday before rosters locked for the week; he gave me some points then I found out he was placed on the 15 day DL; now with Giancarlo Stanton expected to come off the DL for Monday would you still add someone or keep Stanton not active on the DL/bench. I was looking at adding Puig since Crawford & kemp will still be on the DL next (Crawford longer since he was placed on Monday)

    What would you do in this situation?

    My other offense players are; Carlos Santana, Paul Goldschmindt , Ben Zobrist , David wright, Ian Desmond, mike Napoli, Jason Heyward , Alex rios, Dominic brown , Nate mcclouth , David Ortiz , Moreland ; bench Stanton , Matt kemp, Adam Dunn, Ike Davis.

    Thanks.

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Justin: grab puig drop moreland. Leave stanton

  14. Tehol Beddict says:
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    I wpukd grab puig. Feel free to drop ike bit def morleand and leave stanton and see what happens. Im shocked puig is still available.

    • Justin says:
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      @Tehol Beddict: @Tehol Beddict:

      I wanted to pick him up Monday but by the time I was going to add him rosters were locked, yes I’m shocked nobody added him earlier in the week . It’s an 8 team h2h (like fantasy football) league & I’ve noticed people haven’t really been adding / dropping players except a league mate dropped michael morse then dropped Daniel Murphy for Matt carpenter, I was actually suprised the owner in my league who has Carl Crawford didnt snag Puig , lol oh well

      • Tehol Beddict

        Tehol Beddict says:
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        @Justin: yea perfect. good for you J-bone

  15. D Rich says:
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    Don Mattingly is a moron. I’m sure he would trade Puig for Nick Punto if he didn’t already have him. Looking to the future would you rather keep Hanley or Domonic Brown? different positions I know but i need an answer!!

    • Justin says:
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      @D Rich:

      I know I’m no expert ,but I like Dom Brown over Hanley

      • Tehol Beddict says:
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        @Justin: ur an expert in my book buddy

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Justin: @D Rich: browm bro. Our dream has fimally come to fruition. Enjoy it. Hanley is low grade dog food. Compared to sir dominic

  16. Dump truck says:
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    I was made aware of you from a friend at work. This is absolutely priceless. u have a new fan Beddict!

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Dump truck: thanks mr dump er mr truck. U made my day. I think now ill hit the strip club

  17. ZJenna says:
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    At a loss for words! Absolutely hellarious! Suggestions for the Mariner’s pitching staff after giving away 6 runs in one inning last night and losing in a record breaking 17 inning game with a game tying grand salami the night before? I can’t do this anymore! Lol

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @ZJenna: I now too am at a loss of words for the way you humble me here and now…… OK I’m back. the Mariners are a joke and I refuse to attend their games. thank you for reading

  18. J-Lef says:
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    puig for machado?

    • Tehol Beddict says:
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      @J-Lef: id take Machado no question

  19. Frank White says:
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    Yo I was in the middle of trading MCCutchen for Puig but everybody in Razzball thought i’m a nutcase… I know there right buy I have so much faith in Puig that I don’t think Cutch will go near his numbers all year. Plus I need the HR’s… What u think my Brotha Tehol???

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Frank White: “I done smoked with the best of em shot at the rest of em
      Was about a hundred or more, maybe less of em.’ yooooo Frank you need to chill on that deal buddy. Cutch is a must own. Who else do you have thats tradable?

  20. Mikey says:
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    Deduno, Kluber or Kazmir ROS. Looking to add SP depth.

    Thanks.

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Mikey: UNO, no question.

  21. Is mattingly betting against himself like Pete rose? after not putting the good reliever in the other night to close out the game, I think he should be banned from baseball. Thank you

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @jim Jensen: If Mattingly was half the man Pete Rose was he’d be the greatest manager of all time. He’s a moron. your welcome

  22. Marcus says:
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    Longoria too much to give up for Braun and Aramis Ramirez?

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Marcus: yes, considering braun might get suspended otherwise id say good trade for you. If you don’t think he’ll get suspended go ahead and pull the trigger. i have no clue whats gonna happen. i kind of doubt they will be able to suspend them immediately

  23. Scott says:
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    Should I offer Dom Brown for Puig in a keeper league?

  24. Mikey says:
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    Tehol –

    UNO, no question, really? I was thinking Kluber – great K rate, decent ERA, etc. My league counts W, L, K’s, ERA, QS. Just curious, why is Deduno such an overwhelming choice?

    Thanks.

    • Mikey says:
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      @Mikey:

      Deduno’s K rate is awful and he walks too many.

      • Tehol Beddict

        Tehol Beddict says:
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        @Mikey: how dare you doubt the one they call UNO. klubes will start getting shelled but be my guest and grab him instead.

  25. Mikey says:
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    Tehol –
    I’ve got another one for you…. I’m currently in the playoff picture and need SP’s. NL only Keeper League/ Weekly scoring period: Start 16 each week [C, 1B, 2B, SS, 3B 3 OF’s + 2 DH’s, 3SP, 2RP, 1SP/RP.

    Pitching counting stats are W, L, K’s, ERA, QS. Batting counting stats are Avg, TB’s, SB, CS, RBI, Runs.

    Here’s my roster:
    Molina/ Grandal
    Goldy/ LaRoche
    Dietrich/ Utley
    A. Ramirez, Polanco
    Segura/ Dietrich
    Stanton/Heyward/Revere/Pagan/Valdespin/Jay/Aoki/ G. Jones

    Cahill/Haren/Liriano/Wood/McCarthy/Estrada/E. Jackson
    Soriano/Rosenthal/Henderson/Storen

    Other owner wants Goldy and willing to give up any combination of A-Gone, H. Bailey, M. Cain, Belt. I was thinking his first three for Goldy + I’d give him Jackson and Valdespin, as the roster limit is 28 players.

    Do I pull the trigger? Nothing on the weekly FA wire in recent weeks and I’m not optimistic something will appear.

    Thanks much,

    Mikey

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Mikey: yes i would pull the trigger on that for sure. ur pitching situation looks rough. thank god for liriano

  26. Dave the Barber says:
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    I was just offered Hamilton for AGonz … I don’t want to do it but I would hate myself if Hamilton hit 20 HRs next week and I turned it down. I feel like Hamilton might have fell off the wagon out there in LA and that is why he’s hot garbage. I’m leaning towards holding but I thought I would come here to get a second opinion.

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Dave the Barber: who would you play at first base?? I need details David. I’m hamiltons biggest fan, for we both share a passion for hookers and blow. He has to get hot. he just has to. Again, I need to know the drop off of your first basemen and who u have in outfield

  27. Dave the Barber says:
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    My OF is sick. I have Dom, Dread P, Adam Jones, and Bruce. I have Mayberry on my bench and I already have Goldy. So either Rendon or Mayberry would fill my 1b/3b slot. Bruce would go into my Util slot. So my lineup would be:

    C:Castro
    1b: Goldy
    2b: Walker
    ss: Franklin
    3b: Panda
    MI: Didi G
    1b/3b: Rendon/Mayberry
    OF: Brown
    OF: Jones
    OF: McCutchen
    OF: Bruce
    Util: Hamilton


    My reservation is that Gonzo is just so consistent and boring that he’s like the glue to my team. I tried to offer the guy Rendon and Dickey but he looks like he wants the consistent production from AGonz the same way I want to keep it. Plus I don’t need another OF right now and I just waiting for Rendon to get 2b eligibility from ESPN so I can determine whether to unload Walker or not.

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Dave the Barber: well the name mayberry does nothing for me but rendon could be ok. i would probably hold a-gone honestly. im betting he gets hot

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Dave the Barber: but i wouldnt be mad at you for it. Im obsessed with hamilton so i dont know if id be able to restrain. i just offered matt moore and another piece for hamilton and was struck down with no hesistation

      • Dave the Barber says:
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        @Tehol Beddict: I wouldn’t trade Hamilton for Moore either, his overall body of work tells me he’s about to regress to the mean. I would only trade him for someone consistent like AGonz or Cliff Lee. Thanks for the advice man, I’m gonna hold.

        • Dave the Barber says:
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          @Dave the Barber: Oh and I have Mayberry because I’m in a 14 team league, he was productive last week, I’m a Phils fan, and I had to put Asdrubal on the DL. I think I may drop him for Ike Davis though.

        • Tehol Beddict

          Tehol Beddict says:
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          @Dave the Barber: it was moore and another decent piece but yea got ya. i mean hamilton is batting 220 and not showing much sign of improving

          • Dave the Barber says:
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            @Tehol Beddict: Annnnnnd there is that Matt Moore regression I was predicting…

            • Tehol Beddict says:
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              @Dave the Barber: how did I know you would be back on here to remind me hahaha. man that was terrible. 2 in a row yikes. next start against royals. he better handle that. i cant even trade this guy now

  28. Bingo Long says:
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    If you had to choose 3 to keep in a H2H points league, which three do you keep:

    Robinson Cano
    Adam Jones
    Jean Segura
    Yasiel Puig

    • Bingo Long says:
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      @Bingo Long: @Bingo Long: forgot i’ve also got to consider Dom Brown

    • Tehol Beddict

      Tehol Beddict says:
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      @Bingo Long: Cano, segura, Brown. but that could change to Puig for one of the last 2 depending how the next couple months go

Comments are closed.