Twenty-six years after my Lord and Savior, Reggie Jackson, retired from professional baseball to collect cars, full-length fur coats and start a business where you use cocktail franks as cocktail stirrers, I saw a young Mariner by the name of Brad Miller. To this day, when you Google “Brad Miller sleeper,” you still see archival footage of Grey’s massive excitement — that’s not what she said! I was jazzed back in 2013 because Miller had hit 20 HRs, stole 11 bases and over .300 between the majors and minors. Then 2014 and 2015 happened, Miller did nothing, and I retreated into my cubby hole of snack food that I eat out of sight from my Cougar wife. “I’m snacking on kale, baby doll!” “Grey, you sound louder than usual.” I was being amplified due to eating a nacho cheese Bugle. Finally, this year I was sure not to own Miller anywhere. So, of course, he breaks out. Yesterday, Brad Miller went 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 25th homer, 5th homer this week, while hitting .265. On our 30-day Player Rater, Miller is 5th most valuable for hitters. The top 4 –> Blackmon, Hamilton, Braun, Betts. Yeah, pretty good company, like Reggie’s cocktail frank stirrers’ company, The Dog That Stirs The Drink, Inc. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
On Saturday, Michael Conforto was demoted to the minors. Ouch. Not only did he fall far from preseason expectations, but he seemed to be breaking out in April. Coming out of April, he had 4 HRs and a .365 average. In May and June, he hit .169 and .119 and, finally, the Mets threw in the towel just as Conforto’s head was bouncing on the canvas. Shame, isn’t it? Not a shame, a product of not being able to hit. I’m sure he’ll be back at some point, but you can drop him in all but the deepest dynasty leagues. In his place came, Brandon Nimmo. Okay, let’s get them out of the way up front. The Mets are finding Nimmo in a sea of prospects. The Mets aren’t finding Drury because he’s on a different team. Is Nimmo the Mets’ outfield fixar? That’s a clown fish question, bro. Nimmo’s minor league numbers look dynamite, but that’s because he was playing in the PCL, which is like playing on the moon with an aluminum bat. He had five homers, five steals and a .331 average. That seems to be his profile more or let’s be generous, maybe 10/15/.280. Sounds downright Lagaresque. Outside of deep mixed leagues and NL-Only, I’d ignore for now. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Jonathan Papelbon hit the DL and it couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy. Though, I’m using the archaic definition of nicer. An adjective which was once described a jerk off who went to Nice, France and hurled insults. Example, A nicer man would stand on the curb as Gerard Depardieu passed on his bicycle, screaming, “You are the fattest frog I’ve ever seen and I once force fed a frog to make frog foie gras.” Filling in for Papelbon will be Shawn Kelley and Felipe Rivero. Rivero is a lefty, so his best hope for saves is a 9th inning that is lefty heavy like my Facebook feed from my Bernie Sanders-supporting friends. Of course, Dusty said he wouldn’t commit to any one replacement because Dusty’s gonna Dusty. He cited other possible candidates to close like Blake Treinen and Sammy Solis. I wonder if Dusty knows that’s not the slugger he once managed in Chicago. “Sammy Solis, you came up short with McGwire, but I need you to close out this game. By the way, go easier on the skin whitening.” That’s Dusty while juggling the toothpick in his mouth. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Noah Syndergaard steps into a giant metal milk can and submerges himself. At first, bubbles come up, then nothing. Only Houdini has ever been able to escape this, and even then Tony Curtis struggled to keep his life in order afterwards. The beautiful-despite-her-pantyhose girl locks him in. Everyone watches, and Noah just sits there, locked in. The audience shifts, then realizes this is what they want. They want Noah to stay this locked in. This locked in leads to Cy Young awards. This locked in carries teams to championships. One man stands in the audience and screams, “Grow gills and stayed locked in!” The crowd erupts. Harvey’s looked just okay, that other Mets pitcher put out the welcome Matz to opposing hitters and deGrom is battling an injury. Syndergaard? Oh, he’s so locked in. Yesterday, he went 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 12 Ks and looked like he could’ve beat the 1927 Blue Jays in Coors Field. If you own him, ‘gaard your grill and knuckle up if anyone tries to trade you for him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
If I told you this post ends our position 2016 fantasy baseball rankings, would you believe me? What if I told you it while holding your mom’s hand while calling you son, would you believe it more or less? Man, you got issues! So, yes, this is the end of our positional rankings, but I’ll be along tomorrow with a top 100 and then a top 500. That’s right, 500! Like a baller! There’s also our Steamer projections for all hitters and pitchers. All of the fantasy baseball auction values are also up for over 1500 players. There’s a ton of different formats located there too, like the 5×5 OBP rankings, 6×6 OBP rankings, 6×6 Holds and a ton more. All of my 2016 fantasy baseball rankings are there. My tiers and projections are noted in this post. Anyway, here’s the top 100 starters for 2016 fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Greetings! The time has come! This is what we’ve all been so patiently waiting for! Yaaaaaaasssss, Bruce Jenner’s sex change is upon us!!! Rejoice! It’s also a cool time of the year because MLB is starting up again. I suppose that means we should get down on some mo fantasy baseball type shizzz. Are you ready? No, I said, ARE YOUR READY!?!? Okay, sweet.
I so desperately wanted to write a preseason piece on Domonic Brown, but I was notified that he received over 500 words in my outfielders post, making it a no go this week. Can you even imagine? That would be like some moron pathetically green lighting a sequel to Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Only my Domonic column would probably go on to win awards and Blart 2 would be about as entertaining as watching Rosie O’Donnell’s love box fart for two straight hours…..WHAT?!?!?!?!? THEY’RE MAKING A PAUL BLART SEQUEL!??! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE!?!?!? My generation got Home Alone and Radio Flyer. The children of today get Paul effing Blart? Kevin James should be ashamed of himself for this. It’s embarrassing enough piggybacking the falling star that is Adam Sandler into 90% of his movie roles, but this is beyond pathetic. Hey, at least his untalented brother will get another meaningless role. Laaaaaawd, make it stop.
Enough about Blart. I’m here to talk about closers. I am Tehol Beddict, and this is Disgrace/Delight! Take Heed!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Man, name a starting pitcher and there’s a 50% chance he’s hurt!
It’s been a brutal Spring – Tommy J’s, ACLs, dead arms, demotions, sports betting on Twitter… It never ends! It feels like we’re just another few injury-plagued Springs away from having pitching machines on the mound. Would spell a devastating end to Krispie Young, that’s for sure!
So as we’ll update every Monday through the season, below is an update to my first edition of the Top 100 SP Ranks, which you can find through the magic of clickity-click. Standard in-season-esque green for risers, red for fallers, additional notes at the end, and my principle is usually to not rank pitchers in the bullpen unless it’s highly anticipated they will join the rotation in the immediate future. So Sayonara Cingrani! Sounds like an episode title of The Sopranos… Here’s my updated Top 100 SP:Please, blog, may I have some more?
This draft was so slow that I lost half my starting rotation before the draft ended. This draft was so slow that when it started Minnie Minoso was still alive. This draft was so slow when it started Tupac was still dead. I didn’t enjoy my time last year in the 15-team NFBC slow draft. I drafted Mark Trumbo, Prince Fielder, Cliff Lee, Anibal Sanchez and Patrick Corbin and my only chance was a big year from Nadir Bupkis, who gave me just that. See, there’s no waivers and the league is 50 rounds deep, so if you’re hit by injuries, you’re done. So, I was talked into doing the league one more time, but knew I had to draft starters early and often, and, of course, prior to the draft even completing I lost Zack Wheeler and Tony Cingrani. Many will disagree with me, but I’m under the firm belief that it’s a lot harder and more fun to win a league like a Razzball Commenter League, than it is to win a super-deep league. With super-deep leagues, if you’re hit by injuries, you’re done. That’s neither fun nor challenging. That’s just shizzy luck. You can say I should’ve known Wheeler and Cingrani weren’t safe, and I’d say to you that neither are any of the pitchers that are healthy all year. They just happened to stay healthy. It’s not like the guy that drafted Alex Cobb is any smarter than the guy who drafted (insert pitcher that is healthy right now that may not be healthy by the time you read this). How’s dem grapes? Sour! Anyway, here’s my 15-team, 5×5, roto, NFBC slow draft team and thoughts:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Writing for Razzball is a pretty sweet gig. The fantasy master lothario himself, Mr. Grey Albright, has provided me with a tremendous amount of creative control over the subject matter that I choose to write about. All that I’m required to do in return for this freedom is ensure that the topics that I choose to discuss are fantasy-relevant as well as consistently heap praise upon my employer (nice stache Boss!). While this arrangement is usually a blessing, it can also be a bit of a curse at times. There are so many different things to write about, so many potential angles to pursue when analyzing statistics. It can be difficult to narrow it down and focus on a specific set of search criteria. Sometimes, I know exactly how this guy feels.
Want to take me on in a Razzball Commenter League? Join my league here!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Keeper league rankings are here (the 2014 Rankings can be found here), and I am going to absolutely shock the world with my number one. This is all about zagging when others zig. You gotta get out in front of the pack with advanced statistics and clever strategory. Sometimes you have to be bold and go against the grain to get that competitive edg…what’s that? Everybody else has Mike Trout number one too? It’s common sense? Well…crap. These are my personal rankings and take into account the 2015-2019 seasons. Don’t start flipping through your calendar – that’s 5 years. It means the senior citizen players are really going have to provide some nice statistics in the first year or two to rank highly. It also means players who are in or, better yet, just entering their prime get a bump. It’s not a hybrid list, so no prospects or Cuban rookies…sorry. It’s also not set for any specific pricing or league settings so assume a standard 5×5 roto format with no penalties to keep a player. Basically it’s a ranking of what I think these players will be worth over the next 5 years as a whole. It’s that simple. Here are my top 100 keepers for 2015 and beyond…Please, blog, may I have some more?