Zach Greinke

The Guru

Jam it or Cram it: The Battered and the Broken

| 2013 Fantasy Baseball | 74 Comments

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Former St. Louis Cardinals pitcher Joaquin Andujar once said, “You can sum up in one word the game of baseball: ‘You never know.’”

Well said Joaquin, well said.

You never know how the season will go and what stars will emerge and what stars will fade to black (someone please cue up Metallica here. I’m tired of boy bands). That’s part of the fun and frustration of fantasy sports. But even if you drafted well, with all your players off to a hot start and you are filled to the brim with confidence and trash talk, you just never know when you are going to hear that one word the game of baseball truly despises: The disabled list. *tips cap to Professor Andujar*

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Say Heyward, Kid

| 2010 Fantasy Baseball Draft | 203 Comments

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On his way to The Stadium That Jane Fonda Didn’t Receive In The Divorce Settlement, Jason Heyward ordered his chariot driver to the side of the road so he could wrestle a wildebeest.  Suicide mission or pregame ritual?  Doesn’t matter.  With nary a scuff to his gladiator sandals, he escaped unharmed.  With the wildebeest head shipped off to PETA, Heyward arrived at the game, went 2-for-5 and hit a home run.  No doubt, he is the greatest player since RBI Baseball’s Darrell Evans.  After the game, Heyward said, “What game?  I was commissioned by Al Gore to form cloud cover.”  Consider Heyward a 80/20/80/.280/10 guy.  If someone offers you better than that, take it.  If you’re in a league where someone gives you a top 50 player for him, you’re in a sucker league.  And you better beat those suckers.  Remember, Jordan Schafer hit a home run on Opening Day last year.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Nate McLouth – Hitting eighth.  He did hit .010 in the preseason, but I think Cox comes around on him.  Could be a nice buy low situation.  Then again, I’m not a huge fan of McLousy, so I need to stop touting him.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Top 20 Starters for 2010 Fantasy Baseball

| 2010 Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 64 Comments

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Finished up the hitters for the 2010 fantasy baseball rankings and now we’re turning our eye patch to the top 20 starters for 2010 fantasy baseball.  Ain’t life grand?  I supposed, but pimpin’ still ain’t easy, despite strides made by Three 6 Mafia and Big Daddy Kane.  Before we get into the top 20 starters, I want to point out one thing about my projections.  Wins and losses are total shots in the dark.  Did I take into consideration how well their respective teams would do?  Really doe.  Still doesn’t matter.  As with other rankings, where I see tiers starting and ending is mentioned and my projections.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 starters for 2010 fantasy baseball:

1.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

The Wells Has Run Dry

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 44 Comments

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Randy Wells spells relief with D-R-O-P H-I-M.  3 2/3 IP, 3 ER in his previous start.  4 IP, 5 ER yesterday.  If this were an SAT question, the next game’s line in this series is 4 1/3 IP and 7 ER.  Four months of a 3 ERA is a good run, right?  Send him a postcard in March when he’s down in Arizona.  Or send him a basket of Port Wine cheese logs from Cracker Barrel.  Whatever.  He’ll forgive you for dropping him.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Edwin Jackson – 5 IP, 5 ER.  I’m Rockwell, and I’m watching you.  Now punt Jackson.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Kneecap ‘N Crunch

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 58 Comments

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Chad Qualls is probably done for the season.  The closer shituation isn’t going to be pretty in Arizona, unfortunately.  We’re looking at a closerousel.  I’d list the candidates in this order:  Juan Gutierrez, Clay Zavada, Esmerling Vasquez, Daniel Schlereth and Blaine Boyer.  Reading those names again, I vomited into a trash bin and the ghost of Hoyt Wilhelm materialized and said in a British accent, “Be careful, Grey.  Gutierrez is iffy at best and Zavada can’t see past his mustache when he pitches from the stretch.”  Because times are lean for saves in a few of my leagues, I’ll cop to grabbing the first two guys.  Careful about going with any of them if you don’t need saves.  But really, who doesn’t need saves?  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Krispie Young – In America, everyone gets a 2nd chance — John Travolta, Michael Vick and the police officer from The Village People.  Maybe people get 2nd chances in Kathmandu.  I don’t know.  I’ve never heard anyone say, “Everyone gets a 2nd chance in Kathmandu.”  Krispie returns to the majors and should be play nearly every day.  What can we expect?  Nothing.  How’s that optimism?  But what can he do?  Well, he’s been hot in his recent Triple-A stint and he had a decent 2nd half last year.  Absolute ceiling of expectations would be 4 homers and 4 steals in September.  It’s not going to save your team, but it could help.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Speed Stubbstitute

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 57 Comments

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Drew Stubbs will replace Willy T.  (<–Sounds like characters from a blaxploitation film.  And neither are African-American.  Weird!)  Stubbs might get the shaft vs. righties but he can be baadasssss for speed.  Drew Stubbs was selected a few picks before Travis Snider in the first round of the 2006 draft.  Not for his power… No, he won’t have much of that.  Not for his Ks either, but he may have a lot of those.  In Triple-A, he had 104 Ks in 107 games.  In.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Double Stuff Orioles

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 80 Comments

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Chris Tillman‘s line yesterday was nothing to sneeze at — 6 IP, 5 ER, 10 baserunners — more like gag.  Sometimes it takes one to get roofied before you fully understand what rookie pitchers can do to you.  I point the rookie pitchers out.  They have upside — hey, look at Happ, he’s been good — but I haven’t owned one since Hochevar.  I love rookie hitters though.  As mentioned before, rookie hitters go 0-for-20, you drop them — no harm, no foul.  You get a Tillman start and you end up walking like you were just jumping hurdles.  So that brings me to, Brian Matusz.  He’s been dazzling in Double-A.  As with most young pitchers, he’ll probably be limited on his pitch count/innings, so I wouldn’t expect more than 8-10 starts.  Then throw in the fact that he’ll have tough matchups and you should proceed with caution, but worth a flier in 12 team leagues?  Sure, if expectations are in check.  Or you can do like I did when I pulled the ol’ “You gotta use your waiver claim, sucker” trick with Matusz.  Let me explain the unfortunately named “You gotta use your waiver claim, sucker” trick.  I rushed out and grabbed Matusz off waivers, then the next day I dropped him so someone (<– the sucker) uses their waiver claim to get roofied.  Ah, yes.  That stings.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Zach Greinke – 5 IP, 6 ER, 9 Ks, 13 baserunners.  For the first time in a long time, I’m actually interested in who will win the AL Cy Young.  Sorry, just being a normal baseball fan there.  Won’t let it happen again.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Ladies and Gentlemen, Your Toronto Lue Ays

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 176 Comments

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Much like a newly married female, the Blue Jays have dropped BJ from the active roster.  Imagine this scenario.  You walk into your fro-yo distribution job, say what’s up to your TCBY manager who’s twelve years younger than you, open up the jimmies container and proceed to flip them, one at a time, at your manager’s head.  Timothy asks you politely to stop.  You politely give him a wedgie.  Naturally, he fires you.  Then you collect your salary for the next year.  Man, the life of a terrible baseball player may be better than the life of a marginal one who has to play every day.  B.J.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Kelvim’s at Absolute Zero

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 95 Comments

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Kelvim Escobar was sent to the bullpen.  His value goes from potentially good to potentially nothing.  Scioscia said Escobar will be pitching out of the bullpen for the rest of the season.  Scioscia also said Brandon Wood would start at shortstop two years ago and said Arredondo, the guy now in the minors, would be the closer and he said Rex Hudler’s got the best herb, when he wants to get wiggy with Figgy.  Escobar will probably start games again in a month or two.  But even if that is the case, he’s about as good to you now as those X-ray glasses you bought out of the back of a comic book when you were twelve.  Matt Palmer gets a boost in value, which is to say he actually has value now.

Please, blog, may I have some more?