Razzball Nation!

DraftKings is back with another RAZZBALL EXCLUSIVE Play with Rudy [and Nick] contest going on this Friday.  Just like last week, there’s a cap of only 40 entries (2 per person), and with an entry fee of only $5 and a chance to win $20,000 it’s got more fantasy upside than Nick on the North Pole with a compass.  Wait what happens on the North Pole with a compass?  Nick, you live like a mile from there right?

The winner gets entry into DraftKings huge $100,000 MLB Spring Fling were the top winner gets that large chunk of $20 grand cheddar.  You could cover like a million Packers fans’ heads with that.  Spots 2-10 get $5 back so there’s a great shot at winning!  Since this is a RAZZBALL EXCLUSIVE contest, it’s not as difficult to win and you don’t have to hit on every guy (unlike Tehol at a Wednesday photo shoot).  Last week’s winning team rolled with big plays like Peavy, Cashner, and Rizzo (who put up a 40 burger), but got a goose egg from Brandon Laird (coulda probably afforded Betancourt!) and disappointing games from Josh Hamilton and Carlos Gonzalez.  Rudy finished 6th, so he’s still beating most of you guys, bring him down!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Roy Halladay makes every hitter look like Babe Ruth right after he burped. (Burping was the key to his success; I watched a documentary.) Roy’s gotta hit the Disgraceful List, doesn’t he? I mean, it’s in everyone’s best interest at this point. Watching him is like seeing Carol Channing before someone told her to use a mirror to apply makeup. “How’d I get this lipstick on my ears? Maybe a dab of mascara on the ol’ chin!” You should’ve heard me saying that line like Carol Channing in my head. It’s just real sloppy out there right now for Roy. If he’s not hurt, his fantasy owners may find him in a dark alley and change that. If he is hurt, stop taking one for the team, you gamer you. “I’m a gamer. I grind like I’m old school, Jodeci, going riding roughshod over fantasy ratios…Horatio…Alger, in reverse.” That’s Roy doing beat poetry. At this point, I’d bench him against most teams until he starts piecing together something less craptastic. You might, unfortunately, have the reincarnation of 2012 Lincecum. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Today is the first day of the next month in our lives without Giancarlo Stanton. If you want, I’m holding a candlelight vigil in the garbage can behind Stanton’s house. If you come, don’t make too much noise. We aren’t technically supposed to be there. The good news about his hamstring injury is when he’s limping away from us, it’ll be a lot easier to stay exactly 501 feet away. Before he’d backpedal and it was like we were doing the lambada with 501 feet between us. The bad news is I’m writing this post with tears. Hnfcsdcnnn. That was a big, stupid tear that got away from me. Short circuit my keyboard, tears. I plead with you, so I don’t have to continue. I wonder if I can seal envelopes with these tears. That would be turning lemons into lemonade, right? Ow, I just touched my eyes, and now these lemons are burning my eyes. This is the sourest injury news ever. Make the pain go away, alcohol! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Have you ever enraged a Canadian?  Well I hadn’t yet (except that one time when I was ten and heckled a hockey player, pretty sure he was Canadian) until Nick got so angry he wasn’t mentioned as part of our Razzball exclusive DraftKings contests that he charged me with a hockey stick and broken glass bottle of maple syrup.

Not only are you playing to beat Rudy in our Play with Rudy [and Nick] Contests from our friends at DraftKings, you’re also playing against podcast host Nick Capozzi (@nickcapozzi). This Friday, our awesome RAZZBALL EXCLUSIVE Ticket For The $100,000 MLB Spring Fling is back where you have a shot to win $20,000!  That’s about $20,500 CAD for our players up north hoping to knock off big Nick.  It’s only $5 to play and you can enter twice, with spots 2-10 winning $5.00.  The contest is limited to only 40 entries so you have to hurry!  We only had 20 entries last week, so there was a 50% win rate.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

According to Wikipedia, the Dozens is a game of spoken words between two contestants, common in African-American communities, where participants insult each other until one gives up. Yesterday, we got a fantasy baseball version. Felix Hernandez started in on Max Scherzer first, “Your name sounds like a character from a Michael Chabon novel!” Scherzer lobbed back, “You could throw a no-hitter and lose!” F-Her redoubled his efforts, “You need two sets of colored contacts!” Scherzer stepped back and threw, “You’re gonna be traded to the Orioles for Erik Bedard!” F-Her fired back, “Your first baseman is so fat his blood type is Ragu!” “Oh, yeah? Well, your center fielder is The Big FraGu!” F-Her threw 8 shutout innings with 12 Ks against one of the best offenses in the game; Scherzer gave up one run with 12 Ks against one of the worst. Both: Great. Winner: Last night, it was F-Her. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?