Now that I’m married Jimmy Carter’s line, “I’ve looked on a lot of women with lust. I’ve committed adultery in my heart many times.” Really stands out to me. I don’t necessarily want to think about Jimmy Carter in lust, or even contemplating lust. The thing he doesn’t say is if he wasn’t married, he’d be lusting too. Men are men, and Jimmy Carter is no different. Jimmy Carter is one tightly wound ball of lust, and probably hooked Clinton up with Lewinsky. Jimmy Carter is a pimp! If Jimmy Carter was president in the 2000’s, he probably would’ve had Outkast to the White House and would’ve been like, “What’s colder than our relations with the Middle East? Ice cold!” In that similar vein, I lust after rookie pitchers. They are so dang sexy prior to actually pitching in the major leagues. Jimmy Nelson is just another. I like him a lot, and glad to see Marco Estrada was replaced by him. From Nelson, could see a 9+ K/9 and a middling walk rate. Due to the walk rate, that has ballooned at times, he could be absolute death — like games of 5 IP, 6 ER death. He could also run over the NL with games of 6 IP, 8 Ks. I’d grab him in all leagues for the upside, but be wary of the downside. As Jimmy Carter also once said, “You can do what you have to do, and sometimes you can do it even better than you think you can. Speaking of can, that’s where I like to stick my peanuts. I said PEANUTS!” Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’m staring out on a prairie in the middle of Palm Springs. Okay, it’s not a prairie. It’s more of a dirt field with a bingo card blowing through it. But let’s pretend it’s a prairie. Why am I standing in a prairie that’s not really a prairie? Because all great baseball moments happen this way. Just one man and rows of corn. Except those aren’t rows of corns, but walkers lined up against the window of a Starbucks. But let’s pretend they are cornfields! I’m pulling off my cap (not wearing a cap; don’t want to mess my hair), staring directly into the sky (wearing sunglasses) and screaming at the Fantasy Baseball Overlord, “Why do you have to make the rest of us suffer for the childhood you never had?!” Okay, I need to move on before the OPP (Old People Police) come after me. We should’ve known a rather pedestrian 7 IP, 4 ER from Masahiro Tanaka was a sign that he was hurt. We should’ve known! Or an even worse 6 2/3 IP, 5 ER start the next time out. We should’ve known! Alas, we didn’t know. So, Tanaka’s going for a variety of tests, and hopefully it’s nothing, but any time there’s something wrong with a pitcher’s elbow it’s something. Are we sure he didn’t inflame his elbow using Hideki’s porn collection? Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
While you’re taking time from your family to read this on this beautiful Fourth of July, I just want to say a few quick thank yous. *intern whispers in my ear* I’m told Thanksgiving is the time for that thanking people crap and the 4th of July is for hot dogs, red, white and blue Jell-o shots and almost losing a finger when a fuse goes off prematurely — that’s what she said! Huh? You know what’s more apple pie (appley-er?) than the 4th of July? A guy that was once lost in the abyss of self-despair and Fruit Loops making good– Wait that’s the intro for Celebrity Fit Club. Okay, better than apple pie is a guy that looks like a stick figure and pitches like Adrian Adonis (in his heyday, obviously), and going into Coors and taming the mountain better than the Red Viper. Zack Greinke threw 8 IP, 1 ER, 11 baserunners and 8 Ks, lowering his ERA to 2.66. His peripherals aren’t much worse either — 9.6 K/9, 1.8 BB/9 and a 2.72 xFIP. He’s pretty much a top five pitcher. So, on today, when we celebrate flashes of color in the sky and a bunch of drunk white guys signing parchment 238 years ago, let’s raise our fruity, rum-filled concoction and toast Greinke. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Just as George wants to be draped in velvet, I want to be draped in Kazmir. Speaking of fabric names, when are we going to get a pitcher with a name like Velvet? Velour? Tweed? Like the very expensive, warm, comfortable fabric, Scott Kazmir ain’t coming to you cheap today, $8,400 to be exact. This is no bargain basket blue light special. This is spending your money and getting your money’s worth. My new Kazmir toga will be the envy of the community. Looking good Jack, that Kazmir looks perfect on you. Thanks DraftKings regulars. Being that today is off day Thursday you have limited options. Speaking of off days, I was watching the 1980’s b-movie classic Mischief the other night during a bout of insomnia. Besides waiting to see Kelly Preston’s boobs and seeing some sweet rides it was just passing time. In the main characters pursuit to lose his virginity he fumbles and stumbles his way to the goal line. Oops! Sorry, that was a football reference my baseball friends. On his way to hitting a home run I was reminded of how this year has gone for many of us. FRUSTRATING!!! If this was twitter the trending would be #TommyJohn and #DL. It’s like I’m trapped in a theater after buying a ticket for Goodfellas and they show us Corky Romano. Hey this isn’t the gangster flick I paid for? Raise your hand if you feel we are in a bizarro season? In all this crazy though we have a stud that has a 2.05 ERA (1.45 at home) facing a team that is ranked 21st on the year in team batting according to Fangraphs. Do we need anything else? He’s been a steal all year and even went undrafted in some 12 team leagues. Sky, our resident deep league writer, has a huge crush on him and keeps a picture of him in his wallet.
Just like last week I encourage everyone to try DraftKings at least once. Nah, let’s shoot for a half dozen times. We have been doing some play with the DK writers league with really good turnouts. If you would like to play with us just post your DraftKings user name in the comments and I will make sure Ralph, our resident organizer, gets you added to the list and we’ll send you invites for when we play. It’s been a blast playing with everyone so far and the more players we get the more fun we’ll have. Here is what else I have for you today:Please, blog, may I have some more?
For all of today’s news and lineup notes, all with a Canadian/Arizonian accent (if that’s such a thing, I’m assuming it is unless they already deported it) here’s Nick the
Podcast Radio Host with today’s HotSheet!
To be fair, Johnny Cueto is good, but that’s not the name of the song. Pitching a complete game, three hit shut-out with eight strikeouts is quite an impressive start, until you realize it was against the Padres. You gave up three hits against them? What is this? Kevin Correia hour? Even though those nine innings struck me as quite pedestrian, his last 63.0 IP have been quite impressive. And seeing as how he’s one of the eighteen pitchers who has survived so far without a tendon exploding, he could be well on his way for a Cy Young caliber year. And while the red flags are few and far between, I would be remiss not to mention them. First, his LOB% is insane at 99.5%. Yes, he’s really great at holding runners, but the league average is 72.8% and his career average 76.6%. Second, his BB% is unchanged, but his K/9 is 9.71, compared to a career number of 7.19, and there’s really no reason why. The velocity has remained the same. There’s been an uptick of two-seamers with less sliders and change-ups… but if it was sequencing, we’d need a bigger sample. If it’s a case of getting called third strikes at a higher rate, that would demand regression. And, of course, there’s always injury-risk. But in the year of the Tommy John, I’ll feel relieved if someone’s arm doesn’t literally just fall off during a game this season. But hey, pitchers have career years. And when good pitchers have career years, well, ahem, they have career years? Uhh… I was in trouble like six words in…
Here’s what else I saw on Thursday (besides yo momma):Please, blog, may I have some more?
For the most part, I fancy myself a Bo Jackson (pre-MNF injury disaster) of the fantasy game, but at times, I can have my Drew Henson moments. I know I’m not alone here, and this past weekend was tough for those of the same ilk to keep their baseball blinders in place. The NFL Draft certainly was a distraction, and the deep dives into BVP, splits, and all other mind-numbing stats turned into shallow dives at the crappy motel pool that usually result in paralysis. As a result, my bankroll hasn’t moved much in the last three days (especially in the preferred, upwards direction), but what can I say? I love watching grown men cry into their phones and am always in awe (for lack of better terms) of the real-life Count Chocula, Mel Kiper, and his obsession with hand and arm size. But alas, all picks are in, and it’s time to turn my full attention back to the pixie dust version of America’s pastime – and you should join me – especially on DraftKings.
I am just a small cog in the machine that is Razzball, so keep it here for plenty of great DFS content all season, and check out the recently unveiled DFSBot to gain an extra edge on the competition; it still has that new
car bot smell. Mmmmm … bot.
So you’re down to the last few nickels of your first buy-in this year. You’re pinching pennies—drinking Olympia and thinning out your Cup O Noodles with Ramen. You know you need to do research to come up today, but you can’t justify using that much electricity. Don’t fret, mah people. I got your winning lineup right hurrr. I know. I shouldn’t have. I’ve been invoking Peyton Manning all week. DraftKings don’t slang hot pies, but they do love to hook you up for no apparent reason like Papa John’s. So we’ve teamed up to give you the freshest players in the freshest daily fantasy site out there. But wait, there’s more! Our boys at DraftKings are giving you a chance to get ghetto rich with $2 bucks giving you the chance to cash out $400k in the Sweet Spot.
We’re gonna sweeten the deal a little further today. Once you’ve signed up via Razzball for DraftKings, hit this link, and you can come try to take down Da Schlurricane. I’m opening up a contest for you to see how I do work. I never said I was smart – giving you the opportunity to expose me as a fraud. I’m so brash I even invited Tehol into the mix. The writing may be pro bono but my fantasy contests gotta make some cheddah. I’m betting him 2 tix to Mariners/A’s that I’ll Beddict his ass. You only get to play me for bragging rights and dolla bills ya’ll! But I’m sure you’re studs at bragging. And if you follow my instructions, you’ll have some bills.
Today’s a good day to take advantage of a lot of matchups. I’m gonna give you my lineup today. Go enter a contest or two with it and then invoke the Steam-O-Nator and Hittertron to come take me out. After all, Rudy’s mind is much more elevated than mine. We’re talking catwalk vs. gutter ya’ll.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Raise your hand if you got burned by Justin Masterson‘s last two starts. If you detect a touch of Old Spice deodorant and bitterness that’s because I’ve got both of my arms straight up in the air on this one. Bet you’re wondering how I can still type. That’s a trade secret Sky taught me. I haven’t been this mad at an Indian since I caught my neighbor Joe Charboneau peeing on my rose bushes. Don’t think I can’t see you Super Joe! As our fearless leader, George W. Bush used to say, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me…you can’t get fooled again.”
That’s why this week I’m learning my lesson and going for the ace instead of trying to get cute with pitching values. Which leads me to this week’s pick, Max Scherzer, whose nice match-up against the Padres and all-around goodness make him a great start today. He’s perched atop the Stream-o-Nator at a $25 value, and while he’ll cost you $11,900 to roster, he’s worth every penny.
As always, the Hitter-Tron and the Stream-O-Nator are your best friends in this DraftKings venture. Their cold, emotionless robot minds are perfect for gambling. Signing up for DraftKings is easy…just click here. There’s also a great contest happening now called the Sweet Spot. Good luck and let’s look at some of the other picks for today…Please, blog, may I have some more?
[Sky’s Note: I’m not wearing any pants. Wait, that’s not the note I came to give you. And how could I carry said note without pockets anyways? Whatevs, our friends over at DraftKings wanted you to know about this little thing called the Sweet Spot. The prize pool is $400,000. That’s the kind of pool Scrooge McDuck would swim in and who wouldn’t want to swim like Unca Scooge? The coolest part about that link? First time depositors get a free $2 ticket. Wanna know what you can spend that $2 ticket on? A Satellite ticket to get in on this thang. So if you’ve been sitting on the sidelines while we at the Razz were having fun, now would be a good time to get in the game. We now give you back your regularly scheduled bloggy-type thing.]
Cheers, my Razzballin’ droogs. Why am I sipping a fine Islay at this time of day you may be asking? Firstly, it’s the only scotch I buy (I didn’t say drink) and secondly I can afford it after doubling my bankroll in just one week of play on DraftKings. If you’re not playing, you’re letting cash get scooped up by the likes of me. Thanks, today I’ll buy a genuine alligator skin turban with my winnings. Now if you are a regular DFS player feel free to skip ahead to your humble-but-nontheless-handsome Guru’s picks of the day – they are money. If you have never played daily fantasy sports please allow me to pull on your coat about something here: Get your fanny perpendicular in the game now! I know the fantasy season can be a long haul in the RCLs. It’s a marathon not a sprint blah blah blah. However, with DraftKings every day is a new season, every game, every pitch, every at-bat is of upmost importance and there’s cold hard cash to be won. Quite simply it’s a lot of fun, damn addictive and I got a monkey that likes to party on my back – hi Tehol. And whether you know it or not, sweet innocent Razzballers, you have a distinct advantage on the competition – us. The best way to get in the money quickly is to have the best info available. If you wander into the shark infested waters of DFS without relevant data, predictive stats or a clue you will be chum. Using the Stream-o-Nator, Hitter-tron and our info on Vegas odds and weather forecasts (especially this time of year) gives you a leg up on the competition. Let the Thomas Magnum lookalike drop too much on Miguel Cabrera because he loves the Tigers. We’re going to jam Jose Abreu because we like money and Cuban sandwiches. So, give DraftKings a shot today, join a 50/50 league for a buck and watch your bankroll grow. Just remember us and send a drink our way when we get thirsty. We’re always thirsty. Cheers.
With all that out of the way (I kinda felt like Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society there – Carpe Diem!) let me step down from my atop my desk and get down to business. Here’s our picks for Wednesday’s 4/09 contests on DraftKings for 2014 Fantasy Baseball…Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ryan Braun hit his first two home runs off Kyle Kendrick — you know, that Kendrick sure sticks out for a sore thumb — and then Braun emancipated a third ball off Lincoln. Three homers a mere two days after saying he was not able to swing normally is quite the 180. It’s like when Mickey Rourke is one of the best actors — in movies like Diner and Angel Heart — only to have a string of flops, terrible plastic surgery and then he reemerges in The Wrestler. Or Travolta’s career is in the toilet after Saturday Night Fever, dealing with whispers about his bedroom predilections and then he does Pulp Fiction. Doing The McConaughey while McConaughey was still ruining his career. A few years later, Mickey Rourke has another string of flops and his face still scares small children; Travolta does Battlefield Earth and now whispers about his religion have joined the other whispers. (Be forewarned, McConaughey.) So, will Braun now reemerge as the top hitter in the game and hold his Pulp Fiction/Wrestler renaissance or will his thumb continue to haunt him while he commits to Wild Hogs II: Where The Wild Hogs Are? All I know is he was complaining about his thumb a full nine months after he first hurt it, so it doesn’t seem likely to disappear that fast. His value may be even higher now, but I’d still be concerned. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:Please, blog, may I have some more?