Fantasy Baseball Advice

The peasant Royals decided to send their big bargaining chip for three chips and a chip to be named later.  This comes just days after Dayton Moore said Zack Greinke wasn’t happy and the Royals were going to trade him.  This is like Ted Hughes saying Sylvia Plath wasn’t happy so he was going to cheat on her.  (That was for our three girl readers and the guys who took Feminist Literature to try to get laid.  “I’m going to take Feminist Literature because it’s going to be just me and a bunch of chicks!”  Three months later, “The class is just me and chicks that hate me.”)  In 126 1/3 IP in interleague play, Greinke had a record of 10-6/4.42/1.24/112.  That includes some young years when Greinke was manhandled by depression like CT manhandled Johnny Bananas in The Gulag, it includes NL teams in AL parks and it includes some relief work.  I think he’ll be better on the Brewers.  He’s a better pitcher now.  I wouldn’t necessarily expect another automatic Cy Young year.  Let’s face it, that was a year for the ages for Greinke.  He will have a better offense and he won’t have to carry the entire starting pitching staff, which I imagine could be a drag if you don’t have the mental stamina.  After last year, Greinke was wavering between a fantasy #1 and #2.  Now there’s some shine back on him.  I’d expect a 3.50 to 3.75 ERA with a solid WHIP and Ks.  I’d have no qualms about drafting him as my first fantasy starter.  Anyway, here’s some more moves and what they mean for fantasy baseball:

Alcides Escobar – Traded to the Royals.  Doesn’t really change his value, he just needs to run.  Alcides was actually going to get a sleeper post today before this trade went down.  Now he’s getting a sleeper post tomorrow.  Stay tuned!  Or don’t!  These are your choices.

Lorenzo Cain – Who sounds like he’d be an old school rapper was traded to the Royals.  He has 20+ steal speed and some light pop.  Best case scenario, he puts up a Victorino-like season.  Worst case scenario, he’s unownable and while you’re dropping him to waivers you throw out your back and end up in traction.  I imagine in most leagues, he’ll be drafted as a “cool pick” then dropped before the first week ends.  In AL-Only leagues, he’s a great endgame sleeper pick.

Yuniesky Betancourt – The Brewers also received Betancourt.  He’ll be a terrible option in mixed leagues.  His 16 homers last year was taking the ceiling off his ceiling and making a new ceiling with duct tape.  In OBP leagues, he’s even worse.

Orlando Hudson – There’s about five fantasy owners in the world that still believe they should draft Hudson.  He met with their loved ones to figure out a way so even those five won’t draft him.  They came up with the plan for him to play with the Padres.

Bobby Jenks – Went to the Red Sox.  Pretty incredible that some teams don’t have one closer and the Red Sox now have three.  It’s league parity, ya’ll!

Tsuyoshi Nishioka – The Twins signed the 26-year-old Nishioka.  The guy who hit .346 last year and the first player in the Pacific League to get 200 hits since Ichiro.  He also hit 11 homers and stole 22 bases.  Before last year though, he hit .260 with 14 homers and 26 steals.  You’d take that at middle infield and like it.  Only problem is sometimes things get lost in translation.  Kaz Matsui hit .332 with 36 homers and 33 steals when he was 26-years-old in Japan.  We all know how well he turned out in the States.  So will Nishioka be great in his first year or will he look like he’s fresh off the bloat?  Your guess is as good as mine.  I’d draft him late if he’s still there and hope for a decent average and some steals.  I wouldn’t count on any power.

Xavier Nady – Signed with the Diamondbacks.  I’m just hoping Brandon Allen gets a shot to play.  Or am I hoping Juan Miranda gets a shot?  Luckily, Xavier Nady probably won’t make it out of Spring Training healthy.

Josh Willingham – Heads to the A’s.  This won’t be the first Hammer in Oakland.  Only this one doesn’t wear pants seventeen sizes too big.  If you jumped out of a DeLorean and told me Willingham would play 160 games in 2011, I’d tell everyone to draft him.  Unfortunately, that seems like a pipe dream.  He’ll be ownable for stretches of the upcoming season but he’ll also be sitting at the top of your waiver wire for extended period of times while you try to justify picking him up.

Bill Hall – Signed with the Astros.  Tell me you wouldn’t want to play in a fantasy league with Ed Wade.

Can’t decide if Roger Bernadina sounds like a park bench real estate agent or a telemarketer.  Hey, this is Roger Bernadina– Hey, Roger, I’m in the middle of dinner.  I’ll be quick.  I just want to inform you that I’m hitting and stealing bases. Okay, is that it? There’s also this great timeshare in Santa Fe that I’d love for you to check out. Bernadina has been a top 20 fantasy producer for the last two weeks and top 15 for the last week.  He has 25 steal speed (over a full year), so he can help you in that department even if the power tails off.  The power is the odd thing here.  He’s never shown this kind of power in the minors, but, at 26-years-old, maybe his power is just developing.  It’s all neither here nor there at this point in the season.  He’s hitting and should be owned.  BTW, for the 3 people who got the title of this post, Eric Ripert thinks Bernadina’s a little fishy but you can’t be picky when it comes to 20/20 OFs.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Aroldis Chapman – Rumors suggest he throws 105 MPH.  If I drove my high school car, a Hyundai, 105 MPH, it would’ve exploded.  So if Aroldis could throw a Hyundai, he could make it explode.  Eat some of that pretzel logic!  Oh, and own Aroldis in keepers.  He’ll be great until his arm falls off and then goes back to Cuba for their superior health care in Sicko II.

Carlos Carrasco – I’m actually a fan of Carrasco, but in September I have bigger fish to fry than starting an Indians pitcher who could blow up in my face.  In AL-Only leagues, I’d start him reluctantly.

Jordan Zimmermann – His first start was the worst case scenario, his next start was the best case scenario.  He’ll probably end up somewhere in the middle like Malcolm and Monie Love.

Freddie Freeman – Went over him in my September call-ups post.  I wouldn’t bother with him in any redraft leagues unless Derrek Lee comes down with a bad case of ‘can’t play anymore.’

Xavier Nady – Not sure why the Cubs aren’t at least giving Hoffpauir a chance, but trying to understand the moves some major league teams make is like trying to understand a David Lynch film.  Nady’s currently hitting and starting.

Koji Uehara – SAGNOF!

Matt Lindstrom – I’d own Lyon too, so this isn’t an either or scenario.  It’s a play it by ear scenario, something Van Gogh wasn’t so good at.

Jhonny Peralta – When I looked up Peralta’s current stats, I noticed something.  He’s earning $4.85 million this year.  I understand paying millions of dollars to big name stars.  Or at least I can understand the argument behind it.  They fill the stands with fans.  They sell jerseys, they make the club money, yadda³.  When was the last time you ever heard anyone say, “I really want to go see Jhonny Peralta play?”  I propose fans have a say in contract negotiations or arbitration.  Every time a player is up for a new contract, the fans get 50% of the say in how much they should be paid.  Imagine how differently a player would play if they had to win the fans’ love.  You think they would hustle?  Not throw balls at fans a’la Nyjer Morgan?  Play even when they’re a little dinged up?  Could players artificially inflate their salaries by kissing up to the fans?  Sure, but what’s wrong with a little kissing up?  Sycophant me!  Anyway, without the shortstop eligibility, Peralta would be as necessary as that Silent H in his name, but he’s currently hitting.

Desmond Jennings – I just went over my Desmond Jennings fantasy.  In keepers, pursue aggressively.

Drew Stubbs – Stealing bases, though by the time you read this he may be back in one of his patented 0-for-45 slumps.  His BBQ is still to die for.

Brad Hawpe – Don’t cha just love Hawpe?!  No?  Yeah, I don’t either.  If you’re desperate for power, hire A-Rod’s cousin to track down all the players on your team and trip into them with a syringe.  If that doesn’t work, grab Hawpe, but keep in mind he won’t start vs. lefties.

Michael Morse – The Pride of Ft. Lauderdale (unless you count all of their homegrown actors — Ft. Lauderdale aka “I Hardly Know Her Dale.”) has found a place for himself in the every day lineup and he’s hitting for power.  I don’t think it lasts, but get in while the gettin’s good.

SELL

Alfredo Simon/Mike Gonzalez – Koji’s the closer, so unless you’re in dire need of saves, I’d lose these two schmohawks.

Adam Jones – This year he’s looked about as good as Jordan’s Hitler mustache and now he’s hurt.

Jason Kubel – Not sure what eggs you have in your outfield basket, but this egg’s got salmonella.  And now he has a wrist issue. (BTW, I’m waiting for someone to name their daughter Salmonella.  You know it’s coming.)

Ian Stewart – I wanted more from Mini-Mini Donkey, but I’ll continue to argue he wasn’t bad for a 2nd baseman.  Now, he’s hurt and there’s no reason to wait around for him to return.  I’m pouring out some MGD for MMD.

The Braves should totally give Derrek Lee the number 01 and paint him orange.  Too bad Waylon Jennings isn’t around anymore to announce him when he comes up to bat.  Lee-haw!  The Cubs received back Tyrelle Harris, who I believe is a male model, Robinson Lopez, who dispenses candy from his neck, and Jeffrey Lorick, who owns the Marlins.  Derrek Lee has hit 4 homers in his last four games and his numbers should only continue to trend upwards as we head into the home stretch.  I could see him getting to 24 homers on the year; he’s at 16.  Do the math!  The real LUZR in this is Troy Glaus, who the Braves put on the DL with a severe case of We-Don’t-Want-To-Play-You-Anymore-itis.  It’s curable, but you usually need a new team.  Kelly Johnson had a similar malady when he played for the Braves.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Xavier Nady – 1-for-3 as he played 1st base yesterday, but Micah Hoffpauir was recalled.  Hip-hip-Hoffpauir!  Not really.  I wouldn’t pick him up in any league until I saw him start hitting.

Clayton Richard – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks as he gave the Cubs a little “How’s your father?”  If only I owned only Padres pitchers on all of my teams.  I love you, Hodgepadres.  Please friend me on Facebook!

B.J. Upton – 2-for-4 with 2 steals and a homer.  As frequent commenter, Brad, pointed out when he quoted my top 20 outfielder rankings, “B.J. Upton’s definitely shown he can’t be relied on for 20 homers, but you can count on him for 40 steals and 10 homers.”  And that’s me quoting Brad quoting me!  Right now, B.J.’s at 66/11/43/.240/35, and has been more valuable than broseph, Justin.

Evan Longoria – 3-for-4 with two doubles and a homer.  A la your 4th grade teacher, “Nice of you to join us, Mr. Longoria.”

Juan Pierre – 4-for-5, 2 steals.  When you put ‘Juan Pierre’ into Google, it says ‘Did you mean SAGNOF?’

Gavin Floyd – In his last 12 innings, he’s given up 13 runs.  Not good, but both were against the Twins and he gets the O’s next.  I’d give him one more shot in most leagues.

David Wright – Left yesterday’s game feeling queasy.  Or QUEASY! if you’re George Jefferson.

J.P. Arencibia – The Jays optioned him back to the minors.  John Buck is such a prospblock.

Taylor Teagarden – 2-for-4 with his 4th homer in his last 8 games.  Those 8 games, unfortunately, date back 3 weeks.  The other day I grabbed Teagarden in a 2 catcher league, but he needs more consistent playing time for most leagues.

Matt Tuiasosopo – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer in two games.  For deity sakes, this guy needs a nickname if he’s going to keep hitting.  I wouldn’t touch him yet in mixed leagues, but in AL-Only leagues I’d grab him.

Joe Blanton – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Solid start from the inconsistent Blanton, which is thankfully different than incontinent.  He gets the Astros in his next start, that’s a decent gamble.

Jimmy Rollins – 3-for-5, with a homer and two steals.  Wait, I know this impersonation… Um… 2007 Rollins, right?  Nice!

Matt Cain – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks, but 5 unearned runs for the momentarily gut-wrenching ticker shock.

Aroldis Chapman – Reds committed to calling up Chapman on September 1st.  Makes sense, but doesn’t add much to his value since he’ll be out of the bullpen.  Definitely grab him in keepers though.

Joe Mauer – 4-for-5 and his 8th homer.  Still hasn’t hit more than 3 homers in any month, but is hitting .472 in August.

Curtis Granderson – He was days away from appearing in Friday’s Sell as a guy to drop, but now he’s hit his 3rd homer in five games.  Maybe this time he can keep his hot streak going longer than a week.

Matt Kemp – I pimped out my merkin for this guy and then Torre benches him again?  Okay, this is gotta stop, or Kemp needs to be playing in 7 PM EST games so I don’t have guys on my bench that are actually playing.

Alberto Callaspo – Had the slam & legs while hitting third yesterday and is batting over .400 in the last week.  He doesn’t give much except hits, but there ya go.

Jay Bruce – 4-for-5 with his 12th homer.  He’s now officially as valuable this year as Corey Patterson.  As I’ve said before about Pablo Sandoval and my female neighbor, “What a bust!”

Edinson Volquez – 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER.  Way too inconsistent at this point to be relied on anywhere.

Mike Napoli – Hit his 20th homer.  Now bench him, you Sciosciapath.

Michael Wuertz – 1/3 IP, 3 ER.  That huertz.  Bailey’s set to begin a rehab assignment on Friday and should be back soon thereafter, barring any setbacks.

Miguel Cabrera – 2-for-3 with 2 homers.  Sticking with the variations on the name Michael theme, is Miggy drafted number three next year?  Two?  One?  Talk amongst yourselves.

Ryan Doumit – 1-for-4 with a homer.  First homer in over a month, but could be the start of something going forward.

Brad Hawpe – As Hawpe leaves the Rockies’ clubhouse for the last time, Bob Apodaca will be playing the world’s smallest harp, which is still 2 feet tall, but that’s small for a harp.  When Hawpe reaches the parking lot, he’ll turn back and hear noisemakers.  As the last line of my top 80 outfielder rankings says, “Get rid of Hawpe!”  I’ve been asking for the Rockies to release Hawpe for almost two years now.  Finally, we get our sweet, sweet outfield of upside.

Carlos Gonzalez – Was so excited about the Hawpe news, he ran into a wall.  The Rockies remind me of the Rangers.  Wonderful upside, difficulty staying healthy.  Hopefully he’s CarGone only a day or two.

Coco Crisp – 3-for-3 with the slam & legs.  Coco’s been loco.  Seriously, grab him in your leagues before someone else does.  This blurb was paid for by the committee to get Coco Crisp on your team.

Lorenzo Cain – 2-for-3 with his 2nd steal as he bets near .400 in his first 13 games in the majors.  If you need cheap speed in a deep league, look no further.

Randy Wolf – 8 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks.  After the game, Wolf announced he was Team Jacob.  So predictable.

Trevor Hoffman – Got a save.  Brewers announced on their next homestand all fans would be able to enjoy “Free Whatever Crap We Have Lying Around That Commemorates Hoffman Getting 600 Saves” night.  They’re following the Angels’ lead from a few years back when they had a huge success with “Tim Salmon’s Going To Play One More Stupid Game So Come To The Ballpark” night.

Brian Fuentes hurt himself lifting weights.  Can’t he just take HGH like every other freakin’ major leaguer.  Hayzeus Cristo, my closer luck has been terrible so far this year.  The closerousel has made me really nauseous.  Forget SAGNOF, more like CRYNOF, which acronyms to nothing but has “cry” in it.  Fernando Rodney is the immediate pickup, but, if your leagues are like mine, he’s gone already.  I grabbed Kevin Jepsen where I could for the chance that he might sneak in and grab a save or two.  Fuentes says he’ll be back as soon as his DL stint is up, but, if Rodney runs with the job, don’t be surprise to see Scioscia call shenanigans.  SABCS — Scioscia Always Be Calling Shenanigans.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Kevin Gregg – Officially takes over the closer role.  Gregg will probably drop a turd nugget in his next game and lose the job back to Frasor. I don’t think this has settled itself yet, but Gregg’s the guy to own.  I’d hold Frasor if you have the room.

Jimmy Rollins – It’s official.  Rollins heads to the DL and you’re SOL.  Rollins expects to miss two to four weeks.  Today, kids, we are going to learn how to find the mean of 2 and 4.  I’ll say Rollins will return in three weeks.

Shane Victorino – 4-for-5, 5 RBIs and a HR yesterday as he bats leadoff in place of Rollins.  As Jim Cramer would say, “Actually, I don’t know what he’d say because I’ve never watched him, but probably something about Victorino’s stock going up.”

Miguel Montero – Good news!  Well, kinda.  He’ll only be out 4-6 weeks.  Just think, when he returns then you can decide if you want him or Carlos Santana.

Kelly Johnson – Left the game with back stiffness.  He’s day-to-day or day 2 day if you’re texting.

Troy Glaus – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and a HR.  No reason why he can’t hit 25 to 30 homers if he stays healthy.  Sure, that “if” is a 500 pound goiter, but still.

Jason Heyward – 1-for-4, 2 Ks.  He has 12 Ks through 30 ABs.  Mark Reynolds has 10 Ks.  Adam Dunn has 7 Ks.  Cust kayin’.

Mike Gonzalez – Heads off to the Disgraceful List with Can’t Throw Effectivelyitis.  Think it’s our first case of the Disgraceful List this year.  Congrats, Gonzalez, you sucked so bad they had to pretend you were injured!  I wouldn’t drop Gonzalez, just stash him.  The season’s still young, Johnson’s no Rollie Fingers, Gonzalez can be effective when he’s going right, yadda².  Oh, and make sure you own Jim Johnson, i.e. the guy who sounds like he should be a cult leader.

Magglio Ordonez – Hit his third homer yesterday as he bats .368.  His health and/or this hitting won’t last.  Own him while it does.

Rick Porcello – 6 IP, 3 ER, 10 baserunners, 2 Ks.  I own him in my Fantasy Razzball league, ya know, the league where you try and get the worst stats.  That should tell you what I think of Porcello.

Gio Gonzalez – 4 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 BBs vs. Mariners.  And that’s his downside.  Can’t go deep into games because he’s wild and his team won’t give him much run support.

Jose Guillen – 3-for-4, HR yesterday.  Incredibly, this week he’s hit a homer off every AL pitcher.

C.J. Wilson – Missed his start due to food poisoning.  Ron Washington was overheard in the clubhouse screaming, “That’s not sugar!”

Julio Borbon – 2-for-4 and a steal as his owners popped a Borboner.

Nelson Cruz – Hit his major league leading sixth homer yesterday.  I see your Jose Guillen and Vernon Wells and I raise you a Nelson Cruz.

Colby Lewis – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 BBs, 10 Ks.  Yes, I love strikeout pitchers.  Here’s the issue.  A) Texas gets hot in the summer and it becomes Coors without the humidor, though it is humid.  Ironic?  I don’t know, ask a Brit; they’re smart.  B) He was honing his shizz in Japan.  Have you seen some of the dudes who have had success in Japan?  No offense, Sadaharu Oh.  C) He walks people.  A better hitting team will kill him.  D) There is no D.  There wasn’t even supposed to be a C.

Justin Masterson – 6 IP, 2 ER, 9 Ks.  He induces ground balls and gets strikeouts.  What else do you need?  He’s owned in only 2% of ESPN leagues.  It’s still too early even at ESPN for 98% of their leagues to be abandoned.  Come on, people.

Jonathan Sanchez – 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 11 Ks.  If I were famous, I could’ve sold a video of me watching this game to TMZ.

Eli Whiteside – 2-for-3, 3 RBIs and a HR yesterday.  The Hasidic Masher with the huzzah!

Mark Teixeira – 0-for-4 as his average drops to .096.  Here’s what the Staples guy had to say, “Wow, that’s a low average!”

Javier Vazquez – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER, as he’s now 0-2 with a 9.82 ERA.  Luckily, he gets the A’s next and they have 8 DHs that can’t hit.

Joel Pineiro – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks vs. the Yanks.  A’la De Niro in the Spider scene, “What’s the world coming to?!”

Homer Bailey – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 12 baserunners.  Every time a bell rang a Marlin got a hit.  Fairly well, Bailey.

Chris Volstad – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks.  He had an ERA of 2.67 last April and he was ownable until the end of May.  I’m not a huge fan because of his pedestrian K-rate, but there ya go.

Jorge Cantu – Hit his third homer yesterday.  Jorge Cantu co-starred in the best of hitters of April post.

Burke Badenhop – The guy with the fake sounding, 50′s matinee idol name got the save yesterday.  Was because Nunez pitched three days in a row.  No reason to go gaga for the Badenhop.

Brandon Morrow – 4 IP, 7 ER.  As frequent commenter, Mr. Baseball sorta said yesterday, “(Morrow) can’t start – can’t close – can’t do the set up role – There’s always long relief.”

Jeff Francoeur – Frenchy hit a home run yesterday or as I call them, freedom flies.

Chris Iannetta – 3-for-5 with a walk-off homer.  I go over what I think about switching catchers in the Geovany Soto blurb further down the page.  You scroll and come back.  Maybe you wait for it.  Your choice.

Ty Wigginton – Hit 2 homers on Monday then went 2-for-4 yesterday.  He’s been playing 2nd base in place of Roberts.  Might not have the 2nd base eligibility yet in your league, but AL-Only leagues should pay attention.

Nolan Reimold – 0-for-4, hitting .130.  Playing.  Not well.  I moved on last week when Pee-ay stole time from him.  I see little reason to go back.

Dustin Pedroia – 2-for-5 as he hit his 4th homer.  BTW, you know who’s going to be overrated in 2011?  Yup.

John Lackey – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER 2 Ks.  Since I’m not above gloating about the picks from the preseason that look good so far, I will say I probably sold Lackey a little short.  He can be effective verging on yawnstipating.  My bigger issue is his injury concernness.  Yeah, that’s a word.  Eat it, Roget’s!

Kevin Slowey – 5 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 4 BBs, 5 Ks.  Was a tough matchup and the weather was terrible.  I’m ignoring this burp.

Ross Ohlendorf – Will likely miss his Saturday start with a bad back.  He’ll be home watching the straight-to-video classic, Dorf On The Couch.

Charlie Morton – 6 IP, 6 ER, 3 HRs, 3 Ks.  You may have some K potential, sir, but you ain’t worth your salt!

Jeff Clement – Sat in favor of Bobby Crosby.  Ah, just when you thought you had your catching shituation figured out.

Brad Penny – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 4 Ks.  A hush fell over the crowd as Dave Duncan reached into his magician’s hat and pulled out Sandy Koufax.

John Danks – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Has now put together back-to-back solid starts.  Right now, he’s way above his career K-rate and below his walk rate.  Sorry to buzzkill his owners, but I think Danks comes crashing back to earth sooner vs. later.

Carlos Quentin – 2-for-5, 6 RBIs and a HR yesterday.  Yeah, it was a real nice night for my preseason favorites.

Randy Wells – The knock on Wells has always been his lack of strikeouts.  Never stopped him before though.  So today he throws six and a third innings and gives up four earned while striking out seven.  Wells to sabermetricians, “No one puts Randy in a corner!”

Geovany Soto – 1-for-2, HR yesterday.  I know everyone loves to abandon five months of preseason prep work after a week and two days, but Soto was a fantasy sleeper this year.  To reiterate something I’ve said before, “Here’s the deal with punting catcher.  They’re like scabs.  Just leave them alone!  Soto will have 17 HRs by the end of September.  You don’t have to keep picking at him.”  And that’s me paraphrasing me!

Carlos Marmol – Got his third save in 4 1/3 innings and 9 Ks.  Could he be the first Donkeycorn this year to become a $12 Salad? (New person to Razzball talking to themselves, “What on earth is this madman talking about?  I’m going back to ESPN.”)

Ryan Theriot – 4-for-5, 2 RBIs, 2 steals.  Has a five game hitting streak going.  For those keeping score, I’m going until Sunday before giving up on Desmond in most mixed leagues, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t own Theriot over him in certain leagues.  Theriot has plus speed, minus power, which equals SAGNOF!

Xavier Nady – 1-for-3, as Derrek Lee sucks his thumb.  Oh, wait, I read that news wrong.  He’s just nursing a sore thumb.  NL-Only leaguers take notice of Nady.

Alcides Escobar – 3-for-4, as he bats .286.  Still has a goose egg in the steal department, but they will come and in a big way.

Corey Hart – Everyone’s favorite first week pin cushion has a 4 game hitting streak and hit in the two hole yesterday as Gomez rightfully moved down the order.

B.J. Upton – 2 HRs yesterday.  Only thing better than a B.J. going deep once–  Aw, man, there goes our three girl readers.

Carlos Pena – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs as he hit his third homer yesterday.  He had top billing in that best hitters of April post.

David Price – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 Ks.  With Sanchez, Alcides and Soto, Price also had a preseason sleeper post.  Ooh…Grey gets a gold star!  Maybe I can knit a yarn mustache and pin it to my lip! Geez, random italicized voice, you don’t say anything for over a week then you lash out.  Sorry, my H2H team sucks.

I’m beginning to think with Billy Beane that the emperor’s wearing no clothes.  Moneyball is still a great book, Joe Morgan is still a moron and Chad Bradford is still an underhander.  Those things are true.  But the A’s were 4th in the Majors last year in steals — what happened to steals cost outs?  Not to mention, Beane’s team hasn’t been competitive in three seasons.  Was Moneyball just a symptom of the era?  Was it simply fortuitous that Beane’s coronation came during the era of the three run homer?  Was Moneyball a by-product of steroids?  Would Moneyball be written today?  Hard to imagine Michael Lewis sitting down with a GM of a sub-.500 club and polishing his pedestal, right?  And none of this has to do with fantasy baseball or Ben Sheets.  (I wrote the preceding the other day, then right before I posted this I saw Sky Andrecheck wrote an SI piece in the similar ballpark.  Literally.)

If Sheets can stay healthy, he’s liable to return more than his ADP.  That “if” is ginormous.  That “if” sits next to you on a plane and you can’t put down the armrest.  You show up at a party of 500 Tongans and that “if” is the second biggest thing in the room after the buffet table.  You hook up with that “if” at a bar and people will think you’re beer goggling.  Okay, I think I made my point.  The other issue with Sheets is his falling K-rate.  Back in 2005, if Sheets was healthy, he was a Cy Young-type performer.  Regularly posting 200+ Ks and next to no walks. (Sounds a bit like Nolasco now.)  But lately Sheets hasn’t come near these numbers when healthy.  In 2007, he started 24 games and had a K-rate of 6.75.  That would’ve put him on par with Jason Hammel last year.  He also gained a walk per nine on his walk rate.  In 2008, Sheets had a 7.17 K/9.  Better, but that would’ve had him on par with Zito.  The days of the 9+ K/9 and sub-3 ERA are over.  He’s only a number 3 fantasy starter if he can start 30 games.  It’s okay, but not worth the ulcer when considering his health.  Anyway, here’s some more deals and signings since the last time we checked in and what they mean for fantasy baseball:

Octavio Dotel – Signed on to be the Pirates closer.  Bummer.  Was hoping to see Joel Hanrahanananan and Brendan Donnelly battle it out.  Would’ve been like a match between Steve Lombardi and Salvatore Bellomo.  I will own Dotel on multiple teams.  He’s a K machine (regularly 10+ K/9) and he has no competition even if he falters. With The Dread Pirate, Robot Jones and Dotel, I’m going to be watching a lot of Pirate games this year.  Pray for me.

Xavier Nady – Signed with the Cubs. What a long strange trip it’s been for Nady. Goes from Tommy John surgery to being a fourth outfielder that can’t catch a break to putting up a career year to having his second Tommy John surgery and returning to fourth outfielder duty.  Nady will need Soriano to hop onto the DL to have any real value.

Miguel Tejada – Signs with the Orioles.  In the top 20 shortstops for 2010 fantasy baseball, I gave Tejada projections of 70/15/85/.295/4.  In Houston, he hit second and fifth, helping balance his Runs and RBIs.  Now he’ll probably bat primarily fifth.  So if you want to argue Tejada’s Runs will decrease slightly and his RBIs will go up a tick, go for it.  But remember you’re arguing about an average at best, 35 year old shortstop.

Jon Garland – Signs with the Padres, or as I like to call them, The Team With Five Number Five Starters.  Garland can be a solid HodgePadre during the season.  But it’s hard to draft a HodgePadre, especially one with no Ks.  First long road trip and you wanna drop him.  I would slot him in as my 5th starter in NL-Only leagues.

Rick Ankiel – Signs with the peasant Royals.  For s’s and g’s, I went to look at Baseball-Reference’s most comparable players to Ankiel. Came back with Pedro Feliz.  Sounds about right.  Both are good for 20 homers and a .250 average.  Feliz at least has position eligibility going for him in fantasy baseball.  Ankiel’s a good story (minus that HGH story), but he’s not worth much outside of AL-Only leagues.

Randy Winn – Signed with the Yanks.  This signing for fantasy baseball has all the makings of a headache for yours truly.  No one wants to own Winn, but now that he’s on the Yanks he’ll be at the top of waiver wires all year, so I’m going to field six months of “Hey, Grey, Winn’s available, should I pick him up?”  On the bright side for schadenfreude purposes, this is a bigger headache for Brett Gardner.  As Nelson would say, “Ha-HA!”

Jim Thome – Signs with the Twins.  It’s his 3rd AL Central team.  Dayton Moore must be pissed he spent all his milk money on Podsednik and Ankiel.  Twin fans have been waiting for another Harmon Killebrew for 30 years.  In Thome, they found one, albeit closer to Killebrew today vs. during his career.  Thome could hit 30 homers with a full season of DH ABs, but the Twins have Mauer, Kubel and Cuddyer that could also take some ABs away.  I’d conservatively project Thome for 60/22/75/.240.