Fantasy Baseball Advice

In the second installment of the grading process, it’s helpful to look at those sleepers I, Albert Lang, just nearly missed on – basically guys who were a push. These are players who were almost successful sleepers picks but walked too many, gave up too many HRs or just swung and missed a ton.

Dan Uggla – This is the most miraculous push in the history of the world. After Uggla’s horrendous start to the season, he rebounded to bat .234 but with 35 HRs.

Jimmy Rollins – Consensus had Rollins as a top 5 option. Rollins is 6th at the position. However a bigger pre-draft split was where he should fall overall. I thought Rollins could push 15-20 HRs and 25-30 SBs, but rest on the low end of each. He had 14 HRs and 28 SBs. We also saw his average stay below .275. If you drafted Rollins in the top 50, you are probably somewhat disappointed.

Colby Rasmus – Rasmus was a tricky player to write about all year. I liked him, but the hype was a little ridiculous. While I would rather have Nick Swisher, I thought Rasmus was capable of hitting .260 with 20-25 HRs and 15 SBs. Petty squabbles in St. Louis and poor health have Rasmus at 14 HRs, five steals and a .235 average. I was clearly wrong on my projection.

Jason Bartlett – I thought Bartlett could get back to batting .275 (didn’t happen: .251), but I also thought he was a good bet to reach 20 – 30 SBs (he has 23). It’s a wash, but with how bad the SS position has been, he’s been a useful figure in 2011.

Nick Swisher – God it is disgusting how dirty good Brian Cashman is – he absolutely stole Swisher from Kenny Williams. Still, the entire fantasy community also seems to sleep on Swish, as he was the 33^rd consensus OF. Well, he is the 31^st OF, so they were closer in terms of ranking.

Gio Gonzalez – I had Gonzalez as the 42^nd best SP, consensus put him around 49, and he will end up about 46^th overall. So maybe I overvalued him…or maybe not.  I predicted a 4.00 ERA and 1.35 WHIP with 200 Ks. Right now, he has bested my ERA prediction (3.41 ERA) and come very close to meeting my WHIP prediction (1.37 WHIP). He has 177 Ks, so he’ll likely fall a tad short of 200.

Will Venable – While, technically, I had Venable ranked higher than most people, I still warned against the hype I saw building. Specifically, I said that his ceiling of a .320 OBP and the amount of balls he swings at out of the zone wouldn’t get him anywhere near the 30 steals he approached last season. Well, he currently sits at 26 – whoops. I did add in the caveat that we could see some weird things with the Padres this year, i.e., that in the absence of any real offense, their players would be running silly and that could artificially buoy Venable’s SB number. So, I was sort of correct in my Venable assessment.

Mark Reynolds – It’s so weird to be wrong about a known commodity. I had Reynolds buried on the draft board (22^nd 3b), whereas consensus had him a bit higher. I believed he was a .240 hitter with 35 HRs and 10 SBs. He has actually batted worse (.222) and has 36 HRs and just 6 SBs, but has come in as the 6^th best 3b for the year. What a dreadful position.

Edwin Jackson – Partly because he was born in Germany, partly because I believed in the Chicago White Sox pitching coaches, I thought Jackson would have a nice year. I expected an ERA in the 4.25-4.50 range with 170 Ks. He has fallen short of the Ks (he has just 146) but his ERA has been a nice surprise (3.85). Sure the WHIP is miserable, but he wasn’t that bad of a pitcher.

Chris Iannetta – I had Iannetta as a sleeper for the millionth year in a row, expecting a .250 hitter with 15 HRs (with upside as well). Well, Iannetta has batted just .236 this year but does have 13 HRs. He hasn’t helped at all down the stretch though and has really sputtered out. It would be nice if he batted anything other than eighth, but you have to play the cards you’re dealt.

They tore down the Lebron ‘Witness’ billboards in Cleveland.  If only they waited a year, they could’ve changed them to Kipnis.  And pasted it in Kipnis’s face.  And, um, covered up Lebron’s body, replaced the basketball with a baseball….okay, scratch all that.  Who’s to even say this Kipnis kid is great enough for a billboard and a one-way ticket to Miami in 2019?  Let’s see what we know about Jason Kipnis.  In Triple-A this year, he had 12 homers, 12 steals in 89 games, a near .900 OPS and his last name sounds like something you’d find at the Passover Seder.  Almost every fantasy baseballer (<–my Mom’s term!) loved Chisenhall more than Kipnis.  I did too.  So far in the majors, the Chisen in the Hall has 2 homers, hitting .235.  That’s big to the whoop.  I only point this out because Kipnis is no sure thing.  He’s young, i.e. raw, i.e. except after C.  The one advantage he has to Chisenhall is he has more speed.  Bats can get lost in the travel from Triple-A, but you ain’t losing your speed, assuming we’re not talking about mules.  Because Kipnis has good position eligibility, he’s worth a flyer across most mixed leagues that use a middle infidel for the upside.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Orlando Hudson – Ran into a fence and needed to be helped off the field.  Orlando Hudson was like vintage Michael Jackson.  Off the Wall!

Cameron Maybin – 4-for-4, 2 steals and batting third for the Friars.  Now has 7 steals in the last 6 games.  It’s like he’s driving a DeLorean with Ron LeFlore in the go-go 80′s when everyone was on coke.  None of this Red Bull crap!  At this point, you have to own Maybin across all leagues until he cools off.  Also, I’d say he’s going to be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell but he’s here now.  No more Maybin for you!

Will Venable – 2-for-5 with his 18th steal.  Now has a homer and 3 steals in the last three games.  As a commenter was kind enough to point out the other day, Venable is a beast in road games.

Kyle Blanks – Anthony Rizzo was sent back down and the pushing-three-hundred-pounds Blanks was recalled.  Now all three Padre fans can go to the park and be like, “Why is there a Nate Colbert statue on first base?  Oh, that’s Kyle Blanks!”  Randy Jones BBQ stand in right field better up their meat order.  That’s not a solar eclipse, that’s Kyle Blanks letting out his afro.  Hey, Orlando, Kyle Blanks doesn’t run into walls.  He runs through them.  Blanks, “Who likes Kool-Aid?”  Okay, I’m a big fan of Blanks.  If you need power, he’s about as good as they come.  He was averaging around one home run every fifth game in the minor leagues this year and can do close to the same in the majors, even in Petco.  His average may not sniff .250, so it’s an all or nothing proposition.  Kinda like the difference between being in front or behind him at a buffet.

Javier Vazquez – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER vs. the 1927 Padres.  Vazquez takes your trust and defecates on it.

Emilio Bonifacio – Has now hit in 20 straight games and has 19 steals.  That’s nothing.  His brother Charlie just snorted 5 lines and had sex with 2 hookers.

Carlos Gonzalez – Left the game with pain in his wrist.  His fantasy owners should be pist.  That’s injury problems for an Orlando and two CarGo’s in two days.  I would not feel good about my luggage if I was on a Disney Cruise right now.  Sounds like Carlos Gonzalez is headed to the DL.

Dexter Fowler – 1-for-4 with his 5th steal.  Job just became more secure with the recurrence of CarGo’s wrist issue.  Hopefully Dexter proves to be more than a serial average killer.

Tommy Hanson – 6 IP, 6 ER for the conshellation prize, which was more than Jhoulys Chacin could say with his 4 2/3 IP, 5 ER, 11 baserunners (7 walks) and 4 Ks.  Now the 2nd straight poor start for both starters.  Hanson gets the somehow-in-first-even-though-they-don’t-have-a-1st-baseman Pirates next and Chacin gets the Dodgers in Maybe We Should Sell The Naming Rights To Dodgers Stadium, How Does Dreamworks Stadium Sound?  Two decent matchups, though Chacin faces Kershaw.

Ichiro Suzuki – 3-for-4 to up his average to .265.  Is .265 the new .320?  Adam Dunn and Dan Uggla raise their hand.  Anyone else?  I think there should be a new rule that anyone who doesn’t hit over .310, 50 HRs or steal 60 bases can’t have their first name on the back of their jersey.  I suppose, to Ich his own.

Franklin Gutierrez – The Big FraGu stole two bases yesterday, but his average is .183.   After having stomach issues earlier in the year, he hasn’t been a regular on the field or on the pot.

Miguel Olivo – 1-for-4 with his 13th homer.  I don’t want to belabor this for fear of an aneurysm, but Olivo never hits one home run and disappears.  He hits four home runs in twelve games then disappears.  I provide the information, what you do with it is your choice.

Jake Westbrook – 8 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Westbrook had everything going against him.  He was an unemployed single parent that could barely take care of his kids.  Then he got a job at a law office and single-handedly brought down a California power company.  Wait, those aren’t my notes, that’s the back cover of the Erin Brockovich DVD.  Westbrook isn’t someone I’d pick up with your team.

Ricky Romero – 7 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 9 baserunners, 9 Ks.  RR Cool Jay (see resemblance to the rapper (or is it just actor nowadays?)) has been hit hard in his last few starts (13 ER in 16 2/3 IP), but with the Ks he keeps doing it and doing it and doing it well.

C.J. Wilson – 8 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Has that weird Dempster thing going for him.  Mediocre reliever reinvents himself as a great starter.  Somebody make Kevin Gregg a starter!

Jered Weaver – 7 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Season ERA is now 1.81.  According to Elias, only five pitchers in modern baseball have had a sub-2 ERA after 20 starts.  Elias also said, “Our batting average with women who like baseball and math is under the Mendoza line.”

Grady Sizemore – To the DL with a bad knee and a sports hernia.  That’s what happens when you try to do a hilarious ‘knee to the balls’ blooper all by yourself.

Stephen Drew to postpone all ballroom dancing classes for six to nine months with a fractured ankle.  His wife Nancy isn’t gonna be happy.  More time for mystery solving!  If you haven’t seen the video of Stephen Drew, I’d wait for it on the big screen in Faces of Death:  The Drew Edition, which will also feature J.D. throwing out his back, knee, shoulder, back again and ‘pulling up short.’  We probably won’t see Stephen again this year, so it’s fine to drop him.  In his place, Cody Ransom, Quad-A/futility infielder.  He has 25 homers in Triple-A this year, and 9 homers in about ten years of on again/off again major league service.  You can probably do better.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Wilson Betemit – Castaway Wilson got volleyed to the Tigers yesterday.  Betemit has never received any modicum of respect in his major league career, if I’m using the word modicum correctly.  For the longest time, the Royals would drop the boom with prospect after prospect and Betemit would be MOS — ‘Mit Out Starting job — but now Betemit will take over 3rd base.  Brandon Inge must feel Blind Sided by this.  Maybe he should call Sandra Bullock or Big Mike to campaign for him.  Every bone in your body tells you you shouldn’t own Betemit, but why are you listening to bones?  Is that some voodoo shizz?  If you’re struggling with your corner infidel in deep mixed leagues, Betemit could provide some pop and average.  Of course, don’t drop anyone too worthwhile for him.  Still no respect!

Casper Wells – This was what Leyland said when he sent Wells down, “It’s a crying shame.  He doesn’t deserve to go down.  This one hurts because the kid has done a hell of a job.”  Apparently, the only thing harder than giving up Casper is giving up tobacco.  If only there was a Casper Wells patch!

Duane Below – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 2 Ks.  He’s a pretty mediocre AL-Only option with a bleh K-rate in the minors.  Plus, Duane Below sounds like a What’s Happening episode where Raj and Rerun lost their friend’s hair pick.  Hey HEY….sob….hey.

Carlos Gomez – Broke his collar bone and will be out for a while.  Maybe Lastings Milledge can work “poppin’ collars like Carlos Gomez” into a song.

Dan Haren – 4 1/3 IP, 7 ER.  I thought we had a deal that someone was going to sneak into Haren’s room and turn the calender back to June?

Clayton Kershaw – 8 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 12 Ks.  He looked better than Lincecum, in both a straight and gay way.

Javy Guerra – Has six straight saves, an ERA of 2.18 and a perma-smile like the Joker.

Andre Ethier – Has 9 homers, zero steals and a .299 average.  Johnny Damon would be embarrassed by that line.

Dustin Ackley – 2-for-4 with his 4th homer in 26 games since he’s been called up.  He’s almost surely going to be overrated next year.  Damn you, half empty glass.

Chris Narveson – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Next, he gets the Cubs, then the Astros twice.  That’s a yes, please and thank you.

Jason Vargas – 3 IP, 5 ER.  How very JV of him.  Two straight bad starts, two reasons he should no longer be on your team.

Adam Dunn – Out with knee problems.  Ironically, this year his fantasy owners were forced to take a knee.

John Danks – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Solid start in his return from the Disabled List.  Or as Ozzie calls it, the Puta List.

Brad Lidge – Due back from rehab on Friday.  I’d make sure he comes with return postage for when he gets hurt again.  He won’t be the closer immediately, but the Phils merry-go-round closerousel could pick up in August.

Antonio Bastardo – Charlie Manuel hinted that Bastardo could remain the closer.  I hope Madson enjoyed screwing Charlie Manuel’s daughter (I imagine she looks like Cletus from The Simpsons with boobs) because for some reason he’s in the dog house again.  Or maybe Manuel was saying Madson would be the closer, but calling him a bastardo.

Vance Worley – 8 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks.  He’d be cooler if his name was Van Swirley.  Last time Worley pitched well, I said he shouldn’t be pitching this well, but you should pick him up until he stops pitching this well.  Well, well, well…

Jimmy Rollins – 3-for-5, 4 runs, 3 RBIs and 2 homers.  The Cubs were mowed down by Philly — back again! — with a little east coast swing by the J, the I, the M, the M, the Y, y’all!

Michael Martinez – 2-for-5 with 2 steals.  Probably won’t hit over .240 but he has some speed and is playing while Polanco receives an epidural.  Betcha Polanco wishes he chose natural childbirth.

Ryan Dempster – 3 IP, 6 ER as Dempster goes back to the dumpster.

Edwin Encarnacion – 3-for-5, 4 runs, a home run and two steals.  Encarnacion goes through stretches where he gets crazy hot.  Right now, hitting near .450 in the last week with three steals and a homer and 17 for his last 40.  He’s a hot schmotato, ya’ll.

Travis Snider – 2-for-4, 5 RBIs and a home run.  Really shouldn’t be on waivers in any leagues at this point.

Jayson Werth – 3-for-5, and his 11th home run.  According to RCL updater, VinWins, Duffy’s Irish Pub in Washington, D.C. is matching beer prices to Jayson Werth’s average.  3 hits yesterday raised the price to $2.18.  For where I live (Los Angeles), a bar could match Ruth’s lifetime slugging percentage and be a good deal.

Lonnie Chisenhall – 2-for-4 and a home run.  Or as someone on Sportscenter probably said, Lonnie went gonnie.

Freddy Garcia – 6 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks.  When I see Garcia’s season ERA at 3.21, I get as incredulous as De Niro when Spider talks back to Pesci.

Eduardo Nunez – 1-for-3 with 2 steals.  Now has 13 steals on the year (and 13 errors and 13 strikeouts and 13 times he’s name dropped Jeter to try and get laid).

Joe Nathan – 1 IP, 1 ER.  Still recorded the save, but it’s worth noting he gave up a run.  And noted.

Johnny Cueto – 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Now has a season ERA of 1.98 as he went against Jeff Karstens (7 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners, 1 K) and his 2.28 ERA.  To think we paid 20-something dollars for Gallardo in March… Cust frustrated.

Chase D’Arnaud – Now has 7 errors in 21 games played.  More like Chase D’Ball.

Jacoby Ellsbury – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs with his 14th and 15th home runs.  Member when I said in April Ellsbury and Gardner were the same player?  I kill myself sometimes.  Literally, I’m sticking my head in the oven.

Ricky Nolasco – 1 1/3 IP, 9 ER vs. the Padres.  San Diego bats haven’t been used this much since Cinco de Mayo.  Not sure if candy came out of Nolasco.

Will Venable – 2-for-4 with his 3rd homer as every hitter on the Padres got into the action.  San Diego’s offense yesterday was like Ralphie beating up Farkus.  Months of futility boiling up into an uncontrollable rage.  I just picture Jason Bartlett kicking and screaming, “Fickin’, shmikin…”

Corey Hart with 3 homers, 7 RBIs and a pair of sunglasses.  Never surrender, Corey Hart!  In short, you should grab him if he’s on waivers (80% owned in Yahoo).  In shorter, grab him.  In shortest, grab.  He’s streaky like Bret Boone’s hair in the 90′s and this is obviously the start of a good one.  If he’s not on waivers and someone else owns him, you bid him adieu, assuming you’re French.  (I know how much the French are into fantasy baseball.)  Just as I felt in the beginning of the year, I don’t think Hart comes anywhere near his 2010 stats.  Très bummer!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Stephen Strasburg – Threw off the mound for the first time.  His fan club, the House of Strasburg, has time to launder their early-1900s, Austrian officer uniforms as their ordainment of St. Rasburg will probably have to wait until next year.

Drew Storen – 2/3 IP, 3 ER.  Kazaam!

Howie Kendrick – Sat out for his 4th straight day with moans over his hammy.  Sounds like he’s headed to the DL.  Will update you as soon as I read about it somewhere else.

Mitchell Boggs – Sent to the minors.  La Russa said, “I just cut 15% of Razzball’s Cardinal bullpen questions.  You’re welcome, Grey.  Now adopt a kitten.”

Nelson Cruz – 1-for-4 with a homer yesterday.  He’s baaaaack!  Which, for him, is better than “Oh, no, his baaaaack!”

Josh Hamilton – 2-for-4 with his first homer of the season in his return from the DL.  Not to be the bee in your bonnet (say that fast 117 times!), but the Yin and Yang nature of the Rangers injuries means Kinsler will probably be hurt within a week now.

Alexi Ogando – 9 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Murray Chass called and said, “How’s that for a regression to his xFIP?”

Joe Blanton – Will get a second opinion on his elbow.  Come on, there’s gotta be one Phillie fan out there that is crazy enough to go Dr. Rosenrosen on Blanton and pretend to be his doctor to shut him down for the year.  Here’s your lines, “You’ve got a serious case of tennis elbow.”  “But I don’t play tennis.”  “I don’t blame you with that elbow.”

Chase Utley – 0-for-5 in his return as the Phils scored 10 runs.  Ticker tease!  Or is that ticker season?

Edinson Volquez – Sent to the minors.  My ERA and WHIP sends its regards in the form of an extended middle finger.

Sam LeCure – Supposedly, he’ll take Volquez’s rotation spot when it comes up again on Friday.  LeCure was walking around the clubhouse singing, “I don’t care if Monday’s blue, Tuesday’s gray and Wednesday too…”

Bronson Arroyo – 2 2/3 IP, 9 ER.  Almost as bad as his guitar playing.

Jay Bruce – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs, hitting .282 with 12 homers.  We haven’t had a “Grey is a prescient S.O.B.” in a few, so here ya go.  Two weeks into the season, people wanted to drop Bruce because of his season-starting slump.  Then a giant Gallagher hammer knocked me over the melon and I wrote the Bruce Buy post.  (Oh, and Pedro Alvarez was a sell there, when he still had some modicum of value.)

Adam LaRoche – To the DL with a torn LaBrum.  Take that, capitalization Gods!  “YOU WILL FEEL OUR WRATH.”  Uh-oh.

Tsuyoshi Nishioka – Will begin rehab this week.  Oh, joy, I get to spell his name regularly again.  If you’re hurting at MI (and, really, who isn’t?), I’d stash Nishioka now.  He should return in about a week and a half.

Jim Thome – Hit two homers in the same game that Jack Cust hit a home run.  With these guys going deep in the same game, it seems like this game should’ve been shown in black and white.

Matt Capps -  1 2/3 IP, 1 ER.  The only thing worse than Capps recently has been Nathan.  On a real baseball note, the Twins have been dreadful.  Feels like the first time in a while they’re out of it this early.  Oh, and the Indians have the best record in baseball.  Zoinks!

Will Venable – Sent down by the Padres for underperformance.  That’s hard to do with their offense.  That’s like flunking out of the University of Phoenix.  San Diego should move their AAA team to Tijuana.  Then when you say, “He got sent down from San Diego,” it’s actually the truth.

Bartolo Colon – 6 IP, 6 ER.  Sadly, I’m sure he took out a lot of innocent bystanders when he crashed back to earth.

Carlos Villanueva – 5 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 5 Ks.  I used to like Villanueva when he was on the Brewers.  Decent K-rate, but he’s getting crazy lucky right now on the Blue Jays.  Wouldn’t touch him outside of deep AL-Only leagues.  BTW, his last name goes well with the tune, La Isla Bonita.  Maybe Lady Gaga will write a song about him.

Jose Bautista – 1-for-3 with his 19th home run.  In other news, I don’t know if water is wet or dry because Bautista has changed everything I know about the world.

Kenley Jansen – 2/3 IP, 3 ER and the blown save.  Jansen was called on to close the game last night, and that’s where the good news ends.  I’d continue to hold Guerrier for now if you’re desperate for saves.  Yes, I’m praying I don’t have the audacity to pick up Mike MacDougal.  (BTW, Audacity is on the map just above capacity.)

Asdrubal Cabrera – 3-for-4 with his 10th home run and 7th steal.  You know there’s gonna be a baby boy this summer in Cleveland named Asdrubal.  Then they can hang out with their five-year-old brother, Pronk.

Justin Masterson – 7 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks vs. the Red Sox.  Sonavabench!  If you had the nads (which isn’t related to Denard) to start him, you earned his stats.

Clay Buchholz – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Earth to Grey, he’s not sucking like you said he would.  I know, Earth.

Dustin Pedroia – Fell hard going around 2nd base, but reports are saying he should be fine.  If heart and grit were legs and arms, Pedroia would be an octopus and never would’ve fell.

Phil Coke – Left yesterday’s start with an ankle injury, and Furbush replaced him.  First there was Coke, then there was Furbush.  All that was missing was an Asian guy throwing firecrackers and you’d have Boogie Nights.

Jake Peavy is due back in less than a week unless he has a setback.  That ‘unless’ eats deep fried butter with a side of blooming onion, needs a crane to go to the bathroom and a mop to clean its inner thighs.  I’ll admit Peavy makes me smize, as Tyra would say.  I smized more when he was in Petco, but he’s pitched well in his rehab.  Does he deserve another chance?  Sure, why not?  What, he kicked your puppy’s nads?  Now if anyone tells you what you can expect of him this year other than three more DL stints, they’re lying, those no good liars.  You take the flyer on him if he’s on your waivers just hoping he stays healthy and produces.  The rest is icing.  …Actually, I’m using the rest is icing cliche wrong.  If he stays healthy and produces, that is the icing.  Can you tell I wrote this when I was hungry?  Mmm…Deep fried butter.  Anyway, here’s some players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Vicente Padilla – I feel like one small point that’s getting lost in all of this Padilla talk is that he sucks.

Hong-Chih Kuo – It’s so frustrating when you own a guy that should step into the closer role and he’s currently sucking.  Well, that’s interesting for you to read.  Moving on…

Eduardo Sanchez – I think Tony La Russa is building a case to get out of some kind of contractual obligation.  A’la, “Yes, my client, Tony La Russa agreed to endorse Sbarro, but as he’s shown from his managing of the Cards bullpen, he doesn’t know what he’s doing from minute to minute.”

Fernando Salas – I see your closer committee and I raise you a closer clusterf**k.

Mark Melancon – I just read about him somewhere.  Oh, I know.  Scroll down to this morning’s post.  It’ll help exercise your typee muscles.

Aneury Rodriguez – Because of Gallardo, Liriano and a host of other schmohawks, I’m actively looking at Aneury in more leagues than I’d like to admit.

Bud Norris – Don’t make me say something pithy, just pick him up already.

Brett Wallace – His face looks like he’s trying to gleek, but he is a current hot schmotato.

Matt LaPorta – Here’s a peek behind the curtain at Razzball HQ.  I start the Buy/Sell on Monday and as the week goes on I add and remove players.  LaPorta has been in three Buys on Monday and hasn’t made it to Friday staying hot.  Not a great sign, but he is kinda hot now so do what you do.

Ian Stewart – It took over a year, but I think the fantasy community has finally given up on Stewart.  So what better time for him to finally break out?!  Yeah, that’s wishful thinking.  If you lost one of the twenty-five 3rd basemen that are out injured or just suck (Pedro Alvarez, “I understand you are talking about me.  I apologize sincerely.  Now I wish to eat a piece of cake and strikeout.”), grab the one, the only Mini Mini Donkey.

Allen Craig – Out of curiosity, I went back and looked at what Pujols did his first month in the major leagues to see why La Russa ever even played him.  Sure enough, Pujols hit .370 with 8 homers in April of 2001.  Allen Craig, that is what you’re up against.  Good luck!

Scott Sizemore – On the other hand, if you were to suit up your dachshund in a Tigers uniform, Leyland would probably bat him in the top of the order.

Clint Barmes – I picked him up in one league for the short schedule day yesterday and think I might run him out there for a few while Beckham (or Bartlett or Alcides or Nishioka) gets his act together.

Ben Revere – SAGNOF!

Matt Joyce – Still on fire from his last appearance in a Buy/Sell.  But a word of warning, he’s nearing 50% owned in ESPN leagues, which means he’s about to bomb.

Angel Pagan – Not a huge fan, but he should get better and be owned in more leagues than he currently is.

Peter Bourjos – Sure taking a long time for people to pick this guy up.  Don’t make me send his cousin Per Djoos after you.

Jason Bourgeois – Could probably steal 800 bases this year if he played every day.  Okay, plus or minus 750.

Will Venable – More steals yadda³.  Apropos of nothing, Max Venable, Will’s pop-pop, had a 12-year major league career and he has about as much on his Wikipedia page as I do.  Someone fill out my man’s stub.

SELL

Alexi Ogando – Just went over how his xFIP is farting in his ERA’s general direction.  Hint:  It was yesterday’s afternoon post.

Placido Polanco – Probably will hit .400 just to spite me, but if you can trade him for a Brain Freeze or even a low-end Donkeycorn, I would, and I don’t usually trade for closers.  BTW, I’d love to be sitting over the shoulder of someone who stumbles on this website for the first time.  Donkeycorn?  Brain Freeze?  Hot schmotato?  How are there 250 comments on every post at this site?  Is this a cult?  Razzball?  How about Razz-what-the-eff-is-this-mustachioed-man-talking-about?

Russell Martin – I admit that I don’t think you can trade him for much, but I’d try.  He was a hot April, not a hot beginning of a great season.  Plus, The Great Gazoo is back.

Ben Zobrist – He’s the number one rated 2nd baseman according to ESPN’s Player Rater as of right now…Unfortunately, half of his stats came from one day.  Remember it wasn’t that long ago that you were thinking about dropping him because as of April 22nd, he had a .183 average with 3 homers and 2 steals.  Then the last week of April, he tripled just about all his stats.  I wouldn’t trade him for Micah Hoffpauir’s fake ID, but I’d explore options.