Joakim Soria went from being a $12 Salad to a Donkeycorn to a Brain Freeze back to a Donkeycorn to off the list completely in 12 short months. And if this is the first post you’ve ever read at Razzball, I probably lost you by the eighth word. Later! In Soria’s wake is Broxton and Holland, who together can be called Hamsterdam. In other “Saves give me serious agita” news is Ryan Madson. He went from a donkeycorn to off the list. Donkeycorns are dropping like flies! Then there’s Drew Storen. He was touch ‘n go there for a day or two… Okay, for about a week or two, but it seems like he could be okay. Yet, he’s starting the year on the DL. Terrific. Since our last Closer Look, Beane told us Balfour got the closer job in Oakland and Chris Perez got the job back from Pestano, which has the Italian American Anti-Defamation League up in arms, but that’s the norm for them since they talk with their hands. Finally, Carlos Marmol had some nerve issues with his hand that many Razzball commenters opined was from too much internet porn surfing. Sounds like someone is empathizing. Anyway, here’s all the closers for 2012 fantasy baseball:
You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Brain Freezes lived up to their names last month. With Jenks, Hoffman, Gregg, Dotel, Lidge, Funklin Morales, Qualls, Perez, Wood and Simon all putting dry ice on your fantasy baseball team and then shattering it. No one ever said owning Brain Freezes would be easy, but does it have to be this hard? Can’t I just Ron Popeil my Jenkses and Hoffmen and let them be? No, of course, I can’t. It would be too easy. I come from the school that if a guy has a chance to earn even one save, I’ll own them. Sometimes this yields 6 saves from Alfredo Simon, other times this yields 12 earned runs in a third of an inning from Will Ohman. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Kendry Morales could miss the rest of the season after breaking his leg during the celebration of his walk-off grand slam. Too bad the Wide World of Sports isn’t still on. They could’ve covered the agony and the ecstasy all in one full swoop. This injury reminds me of the time Justin Duchscherer heard The Hokey Pokey and in celebration put his right hip out. And didn’t put his right hip back in for six to eight months later. In place of Kendry, the Angels could call up Mark Trumbo. In AL-Only leagues, he’s worth grabbing for his power potential. In 47 games, he has 11 homers, but it’s also in the PCL, so there’s your grain of salt. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Howie Kendrick – 2-for-5, 4 RBIs and two home runs. Second home run was a game winner but there was no need for pylons around yesterday’s pile-on. The celebration was kept in check by Scioscia. He said under no circumstances is anyone supposed to injury another teammate in a celebration unless that player is Mike Napoli. Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Nats will probably bring Stephen Strasburg into Washington in the bubble car with the albino John Lannan charged with throwing rose petals at his feet. This was recently overheard in the Nats bathroom sometime in the near future, “Um, John, do you think you can stop with the petals?” “Stephen, it’s my duty.” “Yeah, well, this is my doodie and I’m going to be about 20 minutes.” “Fair enough, sire!” I went over Strasburg for fantasy already. Been there, drunkenly wrote that. I’m not changing my projections from that post. A three and a half ERA seems optimistic enough. Could he do a 2.75 ERA? Sure, but I’m not counting on that. I’m already giving him what I think we can get from Greinke. So a 3.50 ERA… Let’s see, who else could bring such luster to our fantasy El Camino. In 303 and a third 2nd half innings over the last three years, Bronson Arroyo has a 3.06 ERA. Would anyone in their right mind trade Strasburg for Arroyo? Not right now. The hype is way too strong with the young Austrian. Today, I think you can sell Strasburg for someone’s kidney. I’m not sure what you’d do with three kidneys. Maybe a bookend. Think about how you felt owning Matusz, Smoak, Ike Davis, etc. Please, blog, may I have some more?
Chris Tillman will start Saturday for the Orioles. He’s yet another prospiñata for the Orioles. They’re fun to play with until they get the stuffing beat out of them by the Yanks, Sawx, Rays or Blue Ks. Before picking up Tillman, do me one favor. Ask Matusz’s owners how the experience has been owning him. Though since they’re probably your competition they may lie to you. Those bastards! Maybe you can ask Matusz yourself since he’s probably on your waivers. Can Tillman be lights out? I suppose. Is he worth a flier in 12 team leagues? Eh, if expectations are in check. You should proceed with caution. Or you can pull the ol’ “You gotta use your waiver claim, sucker” trick with Tillman. Let me explain the unfortunately named “You gotta use your waiver claim, sucker” trick. You grab Tillman off waivers, then the next day you drop him so someone (<– the sucker) uses their waiver claim to get roofied. Ah, yes. That stings. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Frank Mata – Will Ohman seems to be the leading candidate for saves, but Mata’s a dark horse for saves (that’s not racist). He was the closer in Triple-A Norfolk, which is only slightly below the Orioles in the ESPN power rankings. I don’t think the O’s will/should throw Mata right into the fire, but they did that with Alfredo Simon, so there’s that. Please, blog, may I have some more?