Apparently, it was never the elevation in Coors. It was because it was cold in Colorado. Or at least that’s what the Yanks/Tigers game looked like last night while it was played in Arctic temps (granted, a hot day in the Arctic) and snow. Other teams may get some ideas that it’s all about the cold. “Let’s get Howard, Utley, Galvis and Asche on that side of the air conditioner, and the outfield on the other side. Now go straight from the AC to the batter’s box. No, don’t stop at the on-deck circle! You’re dropping to room temp!” Yesterday, David Price gave up 8 ER on 13 baserunners in 2 1/3 IP. That reminded Yankee fans of their teams from the 1950s, or when most of the current roster was teenagers. Obviously, this is just a blip, but if you can buy Price from a panicked owner, I’d consider it, even if it did seem yesterday like Price was Rocky screaming at Mickey to cut him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

better-call-saul

You’ve got to be schlitting me, right? There’s actually a pitcher with the last name Schlitter. I was watching a Cubs spring training game last week and this guy was on the mound. It was literally a mound of schlit. I wonder… when he has an awful outing and someone asks him how he pitched, does he say “schlitty”? Another pitcher with an interesting last name is Jeff Manship. Manship! Sounds like the Carnival Cruise line that doesn’t allow any females. Or perhaps it’s the mode of transportation that Sean Doolittle will be offering to the dudes he bought tickets for to fill the seats in Oakland on LGBT Pride Night. And what about Josh Outman of the Atlanta Braves. Is he the guy that told everyone who secretly bought a ticket for the man ship? Any chance Josh Phegley is on that list? Wow, that really got outta hand fast. Did anyone throw a trident?

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If you had 75 hours into the season for when Joakim Soria would become the closer in Detroit, you win a brand new car*! *Prizes not included (there’s no car; stop being greedy, you instead get words pieced together by the Fantasy Master Lothario). The Tigers’ pen is more of a pencil and a dull one at that. Where for art thou, Willie Hernandez? My kingdom for Todd Jones! Poopie Grande by any other name is still Poopie Grande. That was Shakespeare, you ignant boo-boo! The Tigers did get better yesterday with Joe Nathan, hitting the DL with a flexor strain in his elbow. Like when you remove that hair from your lip mole, it’s addition by subtraction. For those of you that drafted Soria, well done. Hopefully, he keeps the job all year. If Barry Manilow can find love, anything’s possible. By the by, all this time I thought he put the emphasis on Dee in Mandy. Guess I was wrong. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Anthony Rendon was cleared for baseball activities, which meant he was able to spit sunflower seeds and adjust his jockstrap with no pain. Then he reported discomfort when he bent his knee. Matt Williams, singing a’la Weird Al, said, “Rendon’s Opening Day is in jeopardy…Baby…Ooh…” Honestly, I feel like I’m in a pickle wrapped in a can’t-win-shituation surrounded by a chimichanga of head scratching with a Mexican saying, “No lo se,” and me saying, “No lose? More like no win, Jose!” We’re still two weeks away from Opening Day and Rendon could be fine by the end of the first week, which means he’ll miss maybe 25 ABs, which is nothing in the big picture. Dock him 3 runs, 2 RBIs and four hits and move on. This could actually be a buying opportunity in drafts if he falls too far. But if he’s downplaying his injury as every player who has been injured does, then he could struggle, hit the DL for a month or two and have a lost season. He never had blazing speed, so I worry that he might not steal with the knee injury or at least not as much in the early part of the year. Therefore, ergo, vis-a-vis I lowered him out of my top 10 and into my top 20 where I’d be more comfortable drafting him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for fantasy baseball:

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Well, another fantasy baseball season brings another opportunity to waste a roster spot on Chase Headley, and SPOILER ALERT, I did not disappoint. And yes, if you had to know, I was also able to draft R.A. Dickey… which would bode very well for me if this were a 20-team league format. But yeah, it’s not. It’s a 12-team auction format with two catchers and seven reserve spots. But you know me when it comes to Headley and Dickey. [Insert sexual innuendo joke here.] But yeah, this should turn out well! Regardless, when an invitation for an expert league pops up in my general direction, I usually verify with Grey to check if it’s some kind of mistake. If it wasn’t, I accept the invitation in a very vigorous fashion. Vigorous, like your mother. Whatever you think of the nomenclature (I prefer to be called a “fantasy writer”, not a “fantasy expert”), it’s difficult not to try-hard in a league that has such recognizable names as Scott White, Adam Aizer, Chris Towers, and Al Melchior. And boy did I try-hard… [Instert another sexual innuendo joke here.] But was it good enough? Only time will tell. And alcohol. A heavy regiment of alcohol. (Note: It doesn’t really tell you anything, but I like alcohol. So whatever.) Here’s the team:

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Greetings Razzball nation, and welcome to another edition of The Numbers Game. Suffering through a long week at work? Looking for a break? Come along with me on a trip to a little town called Splitsville (disclaimer: not a real place). I guarantee you that we’ll have a delightful time there (satisfaction not guaranteed). At the very least, I have a lukewarm inclination that this post will help to pass the time during your afternoon trip to the can (sure, why not). I’ll take it!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Let’s be fair to the title here and say first off, we’re talking catcher and we all know how much Grey cares about catchers. I’d say he cares more about closers than he does catchers. That says a lot. But with that said, I’d dare say he’s pushed the catcher hate even a tad further with Russell Martin. Literally, he’s almost the anti-Alyssa Milano this time around with his current ranking of Russ, placing him 17th in his Top 20 Catchers For 2015 Fantasy Baseball. BTW, Milano recently had her second baby and I’m going on record here and saying she’s still MILF approved by this writer…or is it blogger? I don’t know what people who type on the internet are. All I know is this isn’t a dating site. Unless Alyssa is reading this and wants to work something out. Hey girl! But for realsies, let’s get to it. Here’s why I think shopping at R-Mart is a great, cheap way to get your catcher for the 2015 Fantasy Baseball season…

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This draft was by Yours Trudy. Never understood that, Yours Trudy. Who is this Trudy that everyone is talking about? No, no, I’m not changing the subject before even embarking on the subject simply because I’m not happy with my team. How dare you j’accuse Yours Trudy of that! So, yesterday, on the Not-the-Ides of February, Grey Albright, the Fantasy Master Lothario (don’t abbreviate it!) took part in a 12-team NL-Only draft that was commissioned by Scott White of CBS Fantasy. You know, CBS, they brought you such head-scratchers as Viva Laughlin and Travis d’Arnaud as a top 60 overall pick. In fact, I razzed one of the CBS ‘perts about his d’Arnaud love in the beginning of the draft, then the room nominated d’Arnaud and the CBS ‘pert didn’t draft him. I think I might’ve shamed too hard. *shrugs* C’est la. This league is deep so hold onto ye old hat. (If you want a shallower league, play against me and 1,000 of your closest buddies in the Razzball Commenter Leagues.) Anyway, here’s my 12-team NL-Only team and some thoughts:

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I just went over the top 10 for 2015 fantasy baseball and the top 20 for 2015 fantasy baseball. Those were exciting, fun, adjective posts! I took a Snapchat of myself reading those posts and had to delete it after one second it was so hot! Now, this post, well, it’s the top 20 catchers for 2015 fantasy baseball. Most of you know how I feel about catchers. If you draft a catcher any time before the first 100 picks, you don’t know how I feel about catchers. Let me freshen up your cocktail with a splash of insight. I don’t draft top catchers in one catcher leagues. I Reggie Roby them. Last year, Posey was the top ranked catcher at the end of year. Yet, he was only the 8th best 1st baseman. The best catcher can’t spray aerosol deodorant on the top guy for another position. The last time Buster Posey had a huge season he followed it up with a stank season that had you wishing for that aerosol deodorant. In the top five catchers last year were Posey, Santana, Mesoraco, Lucroy and Gomes. Only two guys were drafted in the top 100. No one should draft a top catcher because there are no top catchers. They’re all hot garbage with a side order of gefilte fish, or kapelka as Q-Tip calls it. Catchers are unreliable to stay healthy; the job is grueling and takes its toll on offensive stats. There’s not much difference between, say, the tenth best catcher and nothingness. Last year, Dioner Navarro was the tenth best catcher. He was on waivers the entire season. He was the tenth best catcher with 12 HRs and .274. Yo, Q, forget kapelka, Dioner Navarro makes me vomit. Finally, a reason that is new to this current crop of catchers — they’re actually deep in mediocrity. You can draft the fifth best catcher or the 12th best and they’re tomato-tomato said with a different emphasis. Because I ignore the top catchers doesn’t mean I’m starting the top 20 catcher list at number twenty-one; some of you might want to know the top catchers. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them draft d’Arnaud. In two catcher leagues, catchers are a little more valuable, but I’d still prefer to avoid them. You can see other top 20 lists for 2015 fantasy baseball under 2015 fantasy baseball rankings. Listed along with these catchers are my 2015 projections for each player and where the tiers begin and end. Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2015 fantasy baseball:

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It feels like yesterday the baseball regular season started. You wrote “I heart baseball” in permanent marker on your arm, then you met a girl who wrote “I heart guys who heart baseball” on her arm, then, during sex in August, you screamed out “I love you, Giancarlo!” and now you don’t have baseball or a girlfriend. C’mon, calendar, make like a soldier and turn to March. The only cure for the post-baseball season blues — recapping the preseason top twenty lists and being hand-fed Doritos. First up, Cool Ranch and our preseason Top 20 Catchers for 2014. It’s important to look back before we look ahead to 2015. To paraphrase the one and only B-Real, “How do you know where you’re at, if you don’t know where you’ve been? Understand where I’m coming from?” It wouldn’t be fair for me to preseason rank the players, then rank them again in the postseason based on my opinion, so these postseason top 20 lists are ranked according to our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater. It’s cold hard math, y’all! Please, for the love that all is holy, don’t ask me if this is for next year. Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2014 fantasy baseball and how they compared to where I originally ranked them:

Please, blog, may I have some more?