So after back to back weeks of discussing two of the more trendsetting genres in Hip-Hop and Grunge.  I have gone off the reservation and devoted the tiers and peripheral discussion to one of my favorites groups of all-time, Philly hitmakers Daryl Hall and John Oates.  In other words, I’m trying very hard to not exceed 12 comments.  Hey, it’s just like my weekday job on the soccer site!  Then again maybe you too enjoy hitting the freeway with the top down in your Sebring convertible and the cool sounds of the dynamic duo pumping through your speakers.  Good God, someone get me a peach flavored mystic.  I’m going to need to hydrate for all the cougars who just swooned after reading that description.  Not for nothing, but there is no better way to serenade a cougar then to pull up in a low power american convertible, top down, with Sara Smile on the stereo.  I be collecting spanx for days kid.  All I’m saying is watch your Mom around me, true player for real, ask my dog Smokey.  Or you could ask your mom…. This is all nonsense and besides the point.  We’re here dearly beloved to discuss the double-dipping masters of blue eyed soul, mixed in with some two start pitchers right?  Well bad news…the two start pitching options this week are sort of limited after the first 8 or so arms.  Yay Mike Fiers!  Seriously Fiers is so meta.  Because I typically want to yell FIRE! upon glancing at my ratios after each of his starts.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“Hello, this is the Liquid Paper corporate office. How may I direct your call?” “Well, I’m not sure, to be honest. I run this fantasy baseball blog and–” “You want marketing. I’ll direct your call.” “No! No, sorry, I don’t want marketing. See, I have this pitcher, Corey Kluber, and his stats are saying he’s doing one thing, but it’s all a mistake and I see a big correction coming and…” “You want shipping and orders?” “No, I don’t think I do. I’m not looking to purchase anything.” “Sir, I can’t hear you over your cackle. Is someone tickling you?” “I’m trying to get a pitcher to correct himself, and I thought corrective fluid could work. Maybe I’ll try R&D.” “Transferring you.” “This is R&D. How may I direct your call?” “I want to know how I can get Corey Kluber’s stats to reflect his ability.” “BABIP problems?” “Yes!” “Just have him strike out everyone, get out of the first inning without surrendering any runs, have Roberto Perez consult with Yan Gomes on a game plan, and trust his stuff.” “Thanks so much!” “Would you mind taking a quick survey after the call?” “Sorry, I don’t have time.” Yesterday, Kluber went 8 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, zero walks and 18 Ks. The best baseball fans are in St. Louis. At least when Kluber pitches to them! Hey, I told you to buy him about two weeks ago. Whether you did is on you. Now, please someone talk to Strasburg! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Logan Morrison performed some late night heroics yesterday as he went 2-for-5 with two RBI including a walk off home run off Dan Otero in the 11th inning to beat the A’s. LoMo now has three home runs and is batting .364 in the past week, and yes, of course he’s trending on twitter. Trending hard. His twitter feed is blowing up like a Michael Bay film and after struggling in April he’s really come alive in May. Logan’s hit four of his five dingers in May, and is slashing .385/.448/1.000 (compared to .197/.238/.250 in April) with a 1.448 OPS. Yes, more please! Small sample sizes sure are fun! Based on his career norms his .238 BABIP is certainly low, but so is the 11.9 K%, however, the 37.1 hard hit percentage looks real nice. You know I can make the stats tell you whatever I want, but the fact is LoMo is a hot little potato right now. He’s hit safely in every game he’s played this month except one, and he’s homered in four of them. Grey told you to BUY this week and he’s available in most leagues. When asked about his heroic walk off homer, Logan admitted he didn’t do it for the fame, the fortune, or even for the stats, he did it for the followers. So have a @CupOfLoMo with last night’s hero, and pick him up if you need some power at the corner.

Here’s what else happened in fantasy baseball Friday night:

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It seems loud and clear that the roof is closing on Adam Wainwright‘s season. If only he had a 3rd Achilles he could sub in! We should be able to have a schadenfreude party since I told everyone not to draft him this year, but there’s always a few people who still draft him against my wishes, so do we ignore these people and still schadenfreude or do we show pity? *thinks for a millisecond* We schadenfreude party! The schadenfreude party is being held in the superiority complex. Put up the pinata of someone’s ego that is smarter, prettier, funnier or richer and we beat it down! Put on some tunes and let’s do the Point and Laugh Dance! That’s not the Point and Laugh Dance, that’s the African Anteater Ritual. So, Wainwright’s done for 2015 and Carlos Villanueva, Tyler Lyons or Tim Cooney could step in at first, but this will likely be Marco Gonzales’s job for the majority of the year once he returns from the minor league DL with a shoulder issue. I like Gonzales for very deep leagues, especially NL-Only ones, so if you have room, I’d grab him. He’s around a 7+ K/9, low-2 BB/9 guy that could have a 3.75 ERA or under with a good WHIP. Now, you’ll have to excuse me, I’m headed back to the schadenfreude party, hungry for self-satisfaction, eager for some prigs in a blanket! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

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Jake Lamb hit the DL with a stress reaction in his foot. Now the Diamondbacks’ defense will go from Lamb to the slaughter with Yasmany Tomas taking over. Yasmany makes Sandoval look like a gazelle. Yasmany has the agility of an extra-wide trailer. Yasmany looks like the genie in Aladdin, which means the D-Backs’s 3rd base shituation was Lamb-or-Genie, which is also a northern Italian farmer’s lamb that he hung a car medallion around its neck and rides around to swap meets. I’d look at Yasmany in all leagues (yesterday, he went 2-for-3, 1 run with only one error!), because he does have power to spare — think 27-homer power — and he could surprise people with some regular playing time. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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This week’s slate of two start pitchers reminds me of fire-crotched former hottie and child star Lindsey Lohan. So let’s examine the parallels. No, they don’t have whiney coked up fathers or unstable attention whore mothers who may or may not be as equally coked up. No, they don’t post pictures to their Instagram accounts where they fail miserably at “breaking the internet”. Well, they may do all these things, but not to my knowledge. Then again, my knowledge consists of Fantasy soccer, baseball, and Fernando Tatis MS paint artwork. Oh you are unfamiliar with Tatis’s work? Click here and check her out. Seriously, I have five Tatis’ on my office walls at work. People often ask if those are blown up drawings by my four-year-old son. When I inform them that are in fact cherished works of computer generated art by a former fringe major leaguer, they typically stop extending invitations to lunch, but no matter, I like eating alone. Where were we? Oh yeah! Lindsey Lohan and two-start pitchers! So much like Lindsey Lohan’s career and looks the options start strong, but are very brief and ummmm….well, drop off dramatically. In the first two weeks we’ve been blessed with a plethora of sexy names and strong performers to double up on in our head to head and weekly leagues. This week not so moooch! (Last sentence said with bad Italian accent) I even struggle to rank anyone in the top tier. I love Jake Arrieta and you can make the case that he is matchup proof at this point but it’s two road starts. The first against a good offense and the second against an above average offense at a hitter’s park. I guess he’s sort of like Mean Girls Lindsey. She’s certainly hot and it’s an entertaining flick but A. Do you look like a creep for drooling over a teenager? and B. do you share with your bros that you were watching Mean Girls on TBS for the fourth time? (Shawshank Redemption it is not my friends.) That just means we need to dig a little deeper and appreciate each tier for what it is. Sort of like Lindsey’s wild coked out knife play phase, her lesbian phase, her doing anything for money including nude pictorials phase. We just need to avoid her methed out shell of herself phase. Those ladies and gentleman are your tiers. Good luck may your Li-Lo’s be kind.

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The Diamondbacks decided now is the time to call up Yasmany Tomas! Hold on, exclamation mark, let’s examine. !, “Do we have to? I’m a sucker for excitement.” Tomas was only hitting .190 in Triple-A. !, “Hmm, this isn’t gonna end well.” The Diamondbacks aren’t exactly setting the world on fire. !, “It’s getting better.” But they have been more than fine in the outfield, and he can’t play 3rd base. !, “Oh, that.” With a karate kick and few words, Diamondbacks GM, Dave Stewart, said Tomas would be a bench bat. !, “I’m out of here.” Stewart said he would’ve liked Tomas to stay in Reno longer, but he was already on the 40-man roster, so they called him up. Yasmany said, “Who ate my English Muffins? I wrote my name on them! Hello? Amigos?” Tomas is fine as a flyer in deep leagues in case he catches on, but it doesn’t look like he’s going to get much playing time out of the gate. Assuming he can get through said gate. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Leave it to the man living in Oregon, born and raised in Washington to take you to Electric Ladyland in the title. PNW represent *tries showing PNW with flashy gang sign…fails…breaks all fingers*. Fine, I’ll just throw up the West Coast symbol a la 2Pac and be fine with it. Grey originally pinged me with the idea of heading up a league for the NFBC back in February. When I said yes, I assumed we were talking ‘Norwegian Female Bikini Challenge’ and graciously accepted. I mean they’re right next to Sweden; what could possibly go wrong? Well, ALOT could go wrong, let me tell you. Thankfully, I had Rudy‘s recap of his 2013 team and the wherewithal and the guile to forge my own path for my own team. For those interested in only RCL style of play…well, first off that’s the link to sign up for one and second of all, make an about face. This ain’t it. No trades and no FA pickups in season. Nope, you play against 15 other teams in 5×5 roto set up and draft 50 players a team. That’s 750 players. There’s only 30 teams and they only roster 25 players at the major league level at a time. So basically, we’re drafting the entire MLB in one fell swoop. That’s special. And hard. And especially hard. But let’s not talk about bedroom things just yet. Instead, let’s review my NFBC team for the 2015 Fantasy Baseball season…

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Pardon me if I’m daffy with silly pills, but, with these top 100 starters for 2015 fantasy baseball, I’ve put out all of my 2015 fantasy baseball rankings. Hahahahaha… Breathe, Grey, breathe! Whew, almost lost it there for a second. Tomorrow will be the top 100 overall, then the top 400 overall, but that’s just putting everyone in perspective. I’m going to now soak my finger bunions in pickle juice and read a good book. Anyone read the Teri Garr autobiography? I hear it’s a real eye grabber. Oh, guess I should finish this post first. As always, my projections are included and where tiers start and stop. Anyway, here’s the top 100 starters for 2015 fantasy baseball:

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So, here’s all that’s happened since I began the Fantasy Aftermath: Top June Pitchers write up and the July write up. I worked, I tweeted, I played Daily Fantasy Football and made the Fantasy Football playoffs in seven of my eight seasonal leagues, I wrote weeks worth of Daily Fantasy Football for @Jaywrong (he’s such a slave driver), I grew a beard, and I repped Razzball for a Fantasy Baseball mock draft.  Oh and I completed Top April and Top May pitchers prior to that. This is the off-season!?! But more to the point, I don’t remember what the hell we were talking about. Fantasy pitchers from the 2014 year? That’s so 2014! PS, that’s only funny if you’re reading it in 2015. Knowing Grey he’s gonna be a jerk and post this on New Year’s Eve just to kill the humor. So let’s not waste our time being funny, let’s get to the facts. Here’s the top July pitchers from the 2014 Fantasy Baseball season…

Please, blog, may I have some more?