Apparently, A-Rod’s got a bucket list (get creative with letter replacements for b) that he wrote when he was 15 years old. Madonna, check. Cameron Diaz, check. Christie Brinkley, check. “I wonder if Phoebe Cates will come to my pool party.” To spice things up, he puts on Betamax copies of Skinemax movies. “Oh, Emmanuelle…” Who needs Derek Jeter’s rejects when you can have Mickey Rourke’s?Please, blog, may I have some more?
We fill out the 2011 fantasy baseball rankings with the last few hitters, the top 10 utility players for 2011 fantasy baseball. These players are only eligible at DH aka Utility. Frankly, I don’t think you should draft any of these designated hitters. They don’t allow enough flexibility. For example, what if you had Travis Hafner clogging up your Utility spot last year and you really wanted to pick up Jose Bautista? You would’ve been wretched, retching on all fours to borrow from The Decemberists. These guys have no position eligibility for fantasy baseball. As with past rankings posts, this top 10 for 2011 will be broken up into tiers, and their 2011 projections will be included. Anyway, here’s the top 10 utility players for 2011 fantasy baseball:
1.Please, blog, may I have some more?
After the top 20 outfielders for 2011 fantasy baseball, guess what we have here? The top something-something’s? Cute, random italicized voice. We have the top 40 outfielders for 2011 fantasy baseball. That’s right, Wonderful just gave birth to Awesome. Wanna hear something even awesomier? I’m going to turn this to 60 then 80. Hopefully I don’t blow my amp. The hardest part about writing these 2011 fantasy baseball rankings posts is writing this opening. Trying to make the clerical stuff sound less clerical, ya know? Actually, when I point it out, it gets more clerical. As with other rankings, where I see tiers beginning and ending are mentioned along with my projections. Anyway, here’s the top 40 outfielders for 2011 fantasy baseball:
21.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Went over the catchers, 1st basemen, 2nd basemen and shortstops and top 20 3rd basemen for 2010. Guess what’s next! No, not pitchers. Read the title, man. With the top 20 outfielders, a pattern emerges. Steroids can be tested for, but Red Bull can’t. There were only 6 outfielders to hit 30 homers and 2 of them were probably used at a corner infidel spot instead of the outfield. There were 14 outfielders who stole 30 bases. This speed renaissance is teaching Ron LeFlore how to smile again. Since outfield is a deep position, I’m going to turn this one to 40. Anyway, here’s the top 20 outfielders for 2010 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:
1.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Okay, I’m officially in love. ‘Grey hearts Jeremy Hellickson‘ is going all over the Trapper Keeper. I’m going to put a paper bag on my Science book and decorate it with Hellickson pictures I find off the internet. Then if someone says something, I’m going to punch them in their big, fat mouth. Then while in detention, I’m going to write a song for Jeremy Hellickson and I’m going to get my friends band, The Quadratics, to perform the song at the Sadie Hawkins Dance. That’s what I’m going to do. His line yesterday 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks in only 86 pitches. His line last time nearly as good. His line tomorrow? The moon! Though he’s not pitching tomorrow, but, if he were, he’d have the moon. I’d grab Hellickson in all leagues. He has a nice K-rate and solid control. A terrific combo. Could he go out next time and roofie you? There’s always that chance, but his next start is the Rangers at home and they’re not exactly road scholars. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Dan Johnson – 0-for-1, 4 BBs. He has 3 hits and 11 walks since his call up last week. He has a .176 average and a .483 OBP. He’s the one true outcome hitter.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Cuban legend goes that Aroldis Chapman once threw a fastball so hard that it caused Fidel Castro to say, “I haven’t seen something so beautiful since a young Charo.” Knowing that Fidel is a huge Charo fan, that’s not mild praise. (Fidel co-wrote Charo’s unauthorized biography, “My Cuchi-Cuchi” with Kitty Kelly.) The problem with our Cuban friend, Aroldis, and it’s a pretty major problem, there’s no spot for him in the rotation and he’s been pitching strictly as a reliever for a month or so. He’s on his way to the majors and I’m foaming at the mouth to own him in keepers and leagues next year. He can be a top 25 starter next year. Alas, for this year, you’re looking at a long man out of the bullpen. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Brian Duensing – Okay, I’ve mentioned him now to the point where it’s going to start to seem like I really3 like him. His K/9 was terrible in the minors and not much better in the majors. He has been able to keep his ratios all tidy-like and he gets the Indians next. I’ll buy that for a dollar! (Not much more though.)
Daniel Hudson – Is it Dan or Daniel? Can we get a ruling on that? I’m more bullish in NL-Only leagues on Hudson, but he has the stuff to make a difference in mixed leagues.Please, blog, may I have some more?
By the dawn’s early light, why are you unhealthy again, Jose Reyes?! Tough week for MIs. Rollins must be contagious. It’s the Middle Infieluenza Outbreak of Twenty-Ten. This is like in 1918 when Skeeter McGillicuddy sneezed and the Brooklyn Robins entire team was in the hospital for two weeks with the Robins forcing a team of jailbirds and hooligans onto the field in the heart of the pennant race. Or maybe that was a movie pitch I overheard in a Hollywood Starbucks. Neverthehoo! Right now, Reyes doesn’t sound too bad with only a stiff back and not an issue with his oblique, the mystery ailment that sidelines players and no one has any idea where in the body it is. Reyes said he could’ve even played last night. Excellent, now keep him away from any Met doctors that treated Beltran’s day-to-day thing last year that knocked him out for over a year. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jimmy Rollins – 0-for-4 as he hits third for the 2nd straight game. Yeah, it didn’t work for Reyes either. Rollins is now batting .270 after returning from the DL with a .341 average. Granted, that was only through 11 games, but they’re my small sample sizes and I’ll put them wherever I want.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Virginia is renaming a city for Stephen Strasburg. An old Yankee reliever is renaming himself Myke Stanton so he shows up again in Google. It’s a brand new day, Sting. You stink POO-holes, however you spell your name. Hanley, don’t wanna run out a pop-up? Have a good life! Change came, nephew. The mollywhopping, pony stick carrying, Mike Stanton is in town. No homers though. Sad trombone. 3-for-5 and a rope to right in his fourth at-bat. He looked fast down the line and absolutely gigantic. Like Frank Thomas big. Maybe it was the 3-D glasses I was wearing. Rudy and I were speaking about Stanton. We agreed. He could hit 15-20 homers and .280. Or he could hit .220. It’s rookie nookie, you gotta decide if it’s worth the blisters. Now for Big Baby Jesus, Stephen Strasburg. He had his last tune up tonight against minor league hitters… Oh, wait, that was the Pirates. My bad. Strasburg was introduced, “Last name: Ever. First name: Greatest.” For a nifty trick, in the 2nd inning he threw a 98 MPH fastball and also caught it. He looked flat-out dominating at times. Towards the end of the game, he really started heating up — maybe he put his arm in the microwave for 15 seconds on both sides — and he looked unhittable. He did after all strikeout 14 hitters. And he homered three times. Once off himself. At other times, he looked like a rookie making mistakes. I mean, he did give up a homer to Delwyn “I Don’t Even Know How To Spell My First Name” Young. I think there’s going to be a bunch of 6 inning, 2-3 earned run, 8-10 K games and some wins. Fantastic, for sure. He could win the Rookie of the Year over Heyward. But you didn’t just back into owning 1999 Pedro. Not yet at least. Maybe next year. Yesterday, one of our three girl readers got Sabathia, Dunn and Ervin for Strasburg. That’s tremendous value for Big Baby Jesus. I’d explore how hyped he is in your league too. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Cameron Maybin – Will sit in favor of Stanton. That’s so Maybin! Oh, wait. No, it’s not. In NL-Only keeper leagues, I would hold onto Maybin. Elsewhere… Well, if you worried your team can’t continue without Maybin, you have bigger fish to fry. Marlin pun! Kinda!Please, blog, may I have some more?
In a year where umpires like Joe West and Bill Hohn are doing all they can to show they are far from perfect, Jim Joyce went one step further by having his imperfection blow someone else’s perfection. It’s like that O.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Chris Tillman will start Saturday for the Orioles. He’s yet another prospiñata for the Orioles. They’re fun to play with until they get the stuffing beat out of them by the Yanks, Sawx, Rays or Blue Ks. Before picking up Tillman, do me one favor. Ask Matusz’s owners how the experience has been owning him. Though since they’re probably your competition they may lie to you. Those bastards! Maybe you can ask Matusz yourself since he’s probably on your waivers. Can Tillman be lights out? I suppose. Is he worth a flier in 12 team leagues? Eh, if expectations are in check. You should proceed with caution. Or you can pull the ol’ “You gotta use your waiver claim, sucker” trick with Tillman. Let me explain the unfortunately named “You gotta use your waiver claim, sucker” trick. You grab Tillman off waivers, then the next day you drop him so someone (<– the sucker) uses their waiver claim to get roofied. Ah, yes. That stings. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Frank Mata – Will Ohman seems to be the leading candidate for saves, but Mata’s a dark horse for saves (that’s not racist). He was the closer in Triple-A Norfolk, which is only slightly below the Orioles in the ESPN power rankings. I don’t think the O’s will/should throw Mata right into the fire, but they did that with Alfredo Simon, so there’s that.Please, blog, may I have some more?