We fill out the 2012 fantasy baseball rankings with the last few hitters, the top 5 utility players for 2012 fantasy baseball. Tomorrow we take this mother to one hundred! Not one hundred utility men. The top 100 overall. Then we take this to 300! Again, not 300 utility men. Okay, these players are only eligible at DH aka Utility. Frankly, I don’t think you should draft any of these designated hitters. They don’t allow enough flexibility. For example, what if you had Vladimir Guerrero clogging up your Utility spot last year and you really wanted to pick up Desmond Jennings? You would’ve been wretched, retching on all fours to borrow from The Decemberists. These guys have no position eligibility for fantasy baseball. As with past rankings posts, this top 5 for 2012 will be broken up into tiers, and their 2012 projections will be included. Anyway, here’s the top 5 utility players for 2012 fantasy baseball (they suck, enjoy!):
1. Billy Butler – This is the first tier. This tier goes from here until here. I call this tier, “Look at dem cans!” (Butler had 11 games at 1st base so he might have eligibility for you there.) To see Butler’s 2012 projections go to the top 20 1st basemen for 2012 fantasy baseball.
2. David Ortiz – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until here. I call this tier, “And now you’re hamstrung.” By the tier name I mean this, Ortiz seems like the only Utility-only player that anyone considers drafting. People draft Butler, but as a 1st baseman. So when people draft Ortiz, they really are only getting a Utility-only player. With no hope of getting a 1st baseman from games played during the season. Now they have no flexibility. If you have a guy in your Utility spot all year, you’re hamstrung. BTW, isn’t it interesting how the word utility means something useful, but for fantasy it’s not? I swear that sounded interesting in my head before I typed it. Anyhoo! 2012 Projections: 75/27/90/.270
3. Johnny Damon – (Has 16 games in the outfield, so he might have eligibility there.) This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until the end of the post. I call this tier, “You are a damn fool if you draft one of these guys.” Actually, I can see a scenario where drafting one these guys makes sense. You join a ten team league with you and nine other teams that are just you using different aliases. I’d then draft Damon for one of the other teams that you’re sandbagging. When you beat the nine alias sandbagging teams, the girls will be throwing themselves at your feet. 2012 Projections: 50/12/40/.265/12
4. Vladimir Guerrero – It’s definitely not the age of the DH, huh? Somewhere Ron Blomberg is rolling over in his grave. Assuming he’s dead. If he’s not, looking at the current DHs will kill him. I hope you’re happy, Vlad! 2012 Projections: 35/15/45/.270
5. Hideki Matsui – “Does he have outfield eligibility? Does he have a current major league team that is going to play him?” That could also be this tier’s name. 2012 Projections: crap/that/smells/nasty
My dinner with Andre is over as Andre Ethier has called it kaput on his season. It wasn’t from a lack of trying, I’ll tell ya that. “Hey, I just want to say how much it means to me to try to help this team win even though I shouldn’t be playing. This is my job, and I take my job very seriously, even if means I may never walk again because I’m playing when I shouldn’t be. I will not sit, no matter what! Unless someone asks me to sit because they realize I shouldn’t be playing.” Andre encapsulates today’s athlete perfectly. Team first, as long the player is okay putting team first. For whatever reason, I wouldn’t be surprised to see Ethier overdrafted again next year. People just can’t get enough of his 20 homer, no steal fantasy value. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Dee Gordon – 4-for-5 with his 17th steal. He’ll be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell. Seems like a no-brainer, which is my specialty.
Juan Rivera – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs. He now has 32 RBIs in 45 games with the Dodgers. Note to self: Use Juan Rivera at a later date to show how arbitrary RBIs are.
Chad Billingsley – 2 1/3 IP, 4 ER. If he was a dangling Chad on your team, punch him out.
Vladimir Guerrero – 3-for-5 with his 12th homer. After the game, he had vodka with coffee liqueur while arguing with Mark Reynolds about who was the best cosmonaut.
Chris Davis – 3-for-4. This comes after an 0-for-10 stretch with 7 Ks. He reminds me a bit of me at this bar the other night. There was a point when I actually said the line, “What’s your man got to do with me?” They don’t call me the Fantasy Master Lothario — or FML — for nothing.
Eric Chavez – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs. When Chavez goes up to bat, the song that plays is “I Suck, Sucker,” which I wrote and sang for him.
Craig Schwinden – 5 IP, 5 ER. In the first row at Metco was Kim Basinger, she’s a total Babraham Lincoln… Schwinden!
Jason Bay – 2-for-4 with a grand slam in the first game of the doubleheader; 1-for-2 with a steal in the 2nd. He now has three homers in the last week. This will help the Mets, who are preparing a video of his week’s exploits with Joe Esposito’s You’re the Best playing in the background, which they will ship around to perspective trade partners in the offseason.
Mike Minor – 5 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks and the conshellation prize. Damn, really could used a 6 IP, 0 ER start from him, and, as always, this is all about me.
Julio Teheran – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks. He’s gonna be good, but this was no indication of that. The Mets and Braves both looked like they just got done playing a previous game, which they did.
Brent Morel – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and 2 homers. You fancy mushroom!
Brent Lillibridge – Sticking with the Brent theme, Lillibridge was hit by a pitch that broke his hand. He should’ve aqueduct’d.
Ian Kennedy – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 11 Ks, improving his record to 19-4. Joe Kennedy would’ve been proud, then bought him an election.
Paul Goldschmidt – 2-for-4 with his 7th homer. He’s still struggling to maintain a decent average with all the Ks, but he has two homers in the last week.
Rickie Weeks – The Brewers activated Weeks from the 15-day DL that he was on for over a month. 15-day DL, “You exploit my generosity!”
Andrew Miller – 5 IP, 5 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks. I wonder who’s gonna be bumped from the Sawx rotation for the playoffs. I mean, I have an idea. Be weird if it’s Miller after Francona earlier in the year said, “Obviously, [Miller] is a huge part of our organization, and it’s going to stay that way. He’s not going anywhere.” Maybe he’ll say he was putting air quotes around his statement.
Colby Rasmus – Took live batting practice and should be good to go by early next week. I’ve marked my I Couldn’t Care Less calendar. We now wait.
Edwin Encarnacion – 2-for-4 with a homer. I got a letter recently from one of our incarcerated readers, it went like this, “I don’t think you’ve given enough attention to Encarnacion. He’s hitting the cover off the ball just as well as anyone else in the major leagues or the penal circuit. By the way, you puta? Yours, Boo-Boo.”
J.P. Arencibia – Hit his 22nd homer yesterday. A catcher with power and a low average? Oh, he’s definitely gonna be on multiple teams of mine next year. That’s right, I’m thinking about my 2012 draft already. Sleep on me, that pillow is where your head’ll lie. Permanently, snitch, it’s beddy-bye, Eminem.
Ricky Romero – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks. Could I make R.R. Cool Jay (see resemblance to the rapper (actor?)) a starter on some of my mixed teams in 2012? I’m contemplating it. AL East be damned!
Chris Narveson – 5 2/3 IP, 6 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks. He was good in this game, until he wasn’t. Snap in the inverted W formation!
Cole Hamels – 9 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 2 Ks. Season ERA is 2.60 and WHIP is 0.95. Phillies are gonna be tough to beat in the playoffs. Cust kayin’.
Chase Utley – Will sit out this weekend with what is being deemed a mild concussion. I got one thing to relay about mild concussions… Justin Morneau called and said, “How come I’m wearing my mittens on my feet?”
Let’s change the way we eat, let’s change the way we live and let’s change the Twins closer. Joe Nathan is now the closer with two saves this weekend. As I kinda said last week, Matt Capps was pitching so bad, he picked up Joe Nathan in his fantasy league. And that’s me paraphrasing me! Since Joe Nathan and Ron Gardenhire met on match.com many years ago, their relationship has blossomed from heated affair to full blown love. They’re even Facebook official. Assuming Nathan doesn’t cough up five leads in the matter of a week, he should have the closer job for the rest of the season. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Scott Baker – Placed on the DL with a muscle strain in his elbow, but is only supposed to miss one more start. Mr. Baker also sounds like a Clue character. Speaking of which, Clue has been updated, which makes me feel old. There’s no more conservatory or lead pipe. Now it’s shizz like, “Colonel Mustard in the spa with the trophy.” I guess a lead pipe was too scary sounding. So murdering someone with a common object like a trophy isn’t scary? Also, Colonel Mustard in a spa? He’s a decorated officer! Clue, that’s a fail with a hashtag.
Ryan Braun – Has no get up and go because he had da calf on ice. Could be back on Monday.
John Axford – K-Rod waived his option so the Brewers could use him in any capacity, which is north of tenacity. So the Brewers chose to use K-Rod to setup Axford this weekend. “I beat up my father-in-law over much less.” Right now, you have to hold both K-Rod and Axford, but it looks like Axford is the first choice.
Jose Reyes – Supposed to return on Tuesday. I’ll believe it when I see it. “Grey, you have no faith in medicine.” That’s Jack White reading Razzball.
Jason Isringhausen – The Mets said it would be a closer by committee. Is anything done better by committee besides jerk seasoning, which is flavor by committee? Mets also said Isringhausen would get first crack, but I still believe that’s to raise his trade value.
Blake Beavan – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks. Has a pretty hideous K-rate, i.e., Blake not so lively. Also, Bedard’s either going to take his rotation spot or he’s going to pitch in Fenway next.
Mike Carp – Was recalled on Sunday. No relation to Mike Trout. Carp hit 21 homers in 65 games in the PCL, which is like hitting with an aluminum bat on the moon. He also doesn’t have guaranteed playing time. Obviously he’s worth a flyer right now in AL-Only leagues.
Matt Harrison – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks. Harrison now has an ERA of 2.91, my sweet lord. I wouldn’t pick him up because of his walks and lack of Ks, but he proves the theory that the best spot starter is the pitcher facing the Mariners in Safeco (followed closely by the Padres in Petco).
Shaun Marcum – 5 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks and the win in Coors. Kind of start I really don’t mind being sonavabenched on. Marcum also left with a stiff neck, but he just got a Viagra stuck in his throat and should be fine for his next start.
Kyle Kendrick – 7 IP, 1 ER, 9 baserunners, 0 Ks. I wouldn’t pick him up with your team.
Ryan Madson – 2/3 IP, 1 ER. Madson always seems to struggle when it’s being reported that he could lose his job in the near future. Stop watching Lifetime movies in the bullpen and cowboy up!
Chase Utley – 0-for-4 with his 9th steal, but only has 4 homers on the year. To fix his knee, did the doctors attach his arms to hips and put his legs on his shoulders?
Josh Beckett – 8 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 0 walks and 6 Ks vs. Jeff Niemann (8 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, 2 walks, 10 Ks). Lower the mound! Beckett’s obviously an ace this year. As for Neimann, I don’t trust him because of his usually pedestrian K-rate, but this was obviously a great start against a tough team, which followed his great start vs. the Yankees. He gets the Royals and A’s next.
Alex Presley – 3-for-6, 3 RBIs and his 4th steal. Jose Tabata who?! Um, the guy that’s going to return and take Presley’s spot. Yeah, I’m not sure how this is gonna shake out yet, but that doesn’t mean you can’t grab Presley in the mean’s while.
Brett Gardner – 3-for-4, 3 runs and 2 steals. Since May 1st, he’s hitting .318 with 22 steals. Cust kayin’.
Phil Hughes – 6 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks. Hasn’t gone more than 90 pitches in any start this year. Cashman must be fine-tuning Joba Rules. Guess it’s better than Pavano Rules, which was hit Pavano over the head with a blunt object and bury him in the Pine Barrens.
Travis Snider – 2-for-4 and a steal. Hitting over .400 in the last week with three steals in the last 4 games. Russell Martin says, “You’re welcome.”
Zack Cozart – 2-for-4, hitting .400 since his call up and yesterday he homered. See, the Reds didn’t even need to go to the free clinic to rid themselves of their bad case of the Renteria’s.
Homer Bailey – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks and Bailey didn’t get hurt. It’s an early Christmas miracle!
Felipe Paulino – 7 Ip, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks. That’s eight baserunners and eight Ks, not infinity. Though it may as well be for Paulino.
Grady Sizemore – Day-to-day with a knee contusion. His career trajectory is the exact opposite of everyone else who has ever taken nude photos of themselves.
Matt Wieters – 2-for-4 with a homer off Frank Herrmann. When I saw Herrmann’s last name, it made me think of one of those spray painted, graffiti shirts you and your significant other got when you were fifteen. I wonder if his wife has an Indians jersey with the last name, Hisgirl.
Nick Punto – His elbow is forcing him out for the year. Sounds like his elbow probably owns Punto in fantasy.
Chase Headley – Might need an MRI on Monday for his calf. BTW, what do you call Padre hitters that you only own in deep leagues? Deep Friars.
Danny Espinosa – 3-for-5 with his 17th homer and just missed his 18th. Anyone that has doubts about him hasn’t seen him swing the bat. On a side note, Davey Johnson came out to argue the just miss was a home run and he looks like one of those computer-aged photos of what JFK would look like now. One small step for the Nats, I suppose.
Tom Gorzelanny – Variety reported he was ankled from his start.
Jair Jurrjens – 5 IP, 6 ER as the Fangraphs Database laughed maniacally.
Mike Stanton – Hit two home runs on Saturday to bring his season total to 20. I say he hits 40+ homers next year, assuming the Mayans are wrong and there is a next year. “Why are we buying a new calender?” That’s a young Mayan talking to his elder in December.
Emilio Bonifacio – 2-for-4, 2 runs. Emily Boneface has the highest OBP for a leadoff hitter, has stolen 6 bases in the last week, has a 16-game hitting streak and calculated pi to 2.7 trillion decimal places.
Hanley Ramirez – 2-for-4 with a satisfying slam & legs. Hitting .383 in July with 4 homers and 2 steals. Jack McKeon just knows how to talk to the kids!
Javier Vazquez – 7 IP, 3 ER, 4 baserunners (no walks), 10 Ks. That’s as impressive as I’ve seen Vazquez this year. If he’s available in any leagues, I’d get on board for his next start vs. the Padres.
Vladimir Guerrero – To the DL with a small fracture in his hand after being hit by a pitch. Orioles knew there was something wrong when Vlad saw a pitch and didn’t swing the bat.
David Aardsma – Went for Tommy John surgery. In related news, Tommy John is collecting nickels for all the times he’s mentioned. “Who needs the Hall of Fame? I got nickels, snitches!”
Peter Bourjos – To the DL, but Trout looks pretty overmatched so far. Might want to look elsewhere. In keepers, you obviously ignore early results.
Jeff Keppinger – 3-for-5 and Blanco Polanco now has homers in back-to-back games. He’s like jarred salsa; he’s not very hot, but he’ll still give you indigestion.
Matt Downs – Out while his wife, Leah, has a child. Yes, her name is Leah Downs. I’d say!
Gio Gonzalez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks. He’s always brilliant at home. BTW, realizing that every good pitching park ends in co — Petco, Safeco, Metco — Oakland’s stadium now goes by O.co, which I’m not even sure how to pronounce. How about, “What the eff.co?” Senior exec, “Corporate’s coming down hard on us to rebrand ourselves.” Junior exec, “How about a name that no one can pronounce?” Senior exec, “I’m gonna tell our boss that just so you’re fired, Stevens!” Later that day, Boss, “A name we can’t pronounce? That’s crazy enough to work!”
Apparently, A-Rod’s got a bucket list (get creative with letter replacements for b) that he wrote when he was 15 years old. Madonna, check. Cameron Diaz, check. Christie Brinkley, check. “I wonder if Phoebe Cates will come to my pool party.” To spice things up, he puts on Betamax copies of Skinemax movies. “Oh, Emmanuelle…” Who needs Derek Jeter’s rejects when you can have Mickey Rourke’s? So with the media circus surrounding Jeter’s 3000 hit, Rudy and I both couldn’t make it out to The House They Built Next To The House Ruth Built, but we were able to send Keith Morrison of Dateline. “Hello, I’m Keith Morrison of Dateline. It’s in this small, bucolic town, the South Bronx, that Alex Rodriguez calls home. Everything seemed right in the world this weekend. The famed Yankee captain, Derek Jeter, did what no other Yankee had done before, but quietly in the corner of the clubhouse something was brewing below the surface — A-Rod’s knee and his love of cougars.” A-Rod is going to miss the next 6 weeks or so with knee surgery. If you’re wondering if your team will be all right without his power, look at his stats for the last month. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
CC Sabathia – 9 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 9 Ks while A-Rod made eyes at his mom.
Paul Maholm – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks. Now has a season ERA of 2.96. Has helped me remove some of the odor from dropping Anibal the first week of the season.
Pedro Alvarez – It’s a cruel twist of fate when you draft someone, they suck, get injured and then sadly you leave them on your DL for two months hoping they’ll turn their season around when they return only to be demoted. Unfortunately, the cruelness won’t end there because I’ll probably draft him again next year. Alvarez, please use an alternate route than Ian Stewart.
Jake Peavy – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER. There’s guys like Luebke on your waivers and you continue to roll out Peavy. That there is why you’re losing. Sorry, it’s Tough Love Time with Grey Albright. Our next guest will be the guy who still has Pedro Alvarez on his team. Wait, that’s me. No, tables, don’t turn!
Adam Dunn – Hit a homer on Friday and that’s it all weekend. They should put him in the Home Run Derby so we can see our first strikeout.
Jordan Zimmermann – 6 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks. Didn’t say I didn’t like him when I said to sell him on Friday. Don’t put words in mouth, you know I don’t like that. Now eat your vegetables.
Carlos Gonzalez – Headed for an MRI on Monday. Wait, that’s today? Unless you’re in New Zealand — weirdos! If it’s bad news about the CarGo MRI, I give you permission to cry if A) You own him. B) You’re a Rockies fan. C) There’s no C.
Jhoulys Chacin – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks. Here’s what I said after his last start, “Hopefully he’ll start to turn things around again. Just putting that out into the universe. It’s the secret.” It works! Now if I could win the lottery… Wink-wink, Universe. Are you listening? BTW, speaking of having more money than you know what to do with, I was watching Real Sports the other day and they had a segment on Saadi Gaddafi. He threw his money around to get on a professional soccer team and, even though he was worse than a high school player, no one said anything because he could have them killed. Then he hired the shamed Olympic gold medalist, Ben Johnson, to teach him how to run. I won’t give away the whole thing, but seek it out. It’s brilliant.
Mark Trumbo – 4 homers in the last five games to bring his season tally to 17. I actually find it more surprising that the Sciosciapath hasn’t decided to randomly bench him for Jeff Mathis or Maicer Izturis.
Eric Thames -3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 4th home run. Nice of Bautista to let him carry the home run conch shell for one day.
Brett Cecil – 6 IP, 0 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks. I will now pick him up in every league and potentially bench him for his next start, depending on the matchup. It’s all about the dangling modifier. That’s what she said!
Wandy Rodriguez – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER. The Wandwagon has come off the tracks three of the last four starts. He’s around a 3.50 ERA pitcher and his season ERA sits at 3.52. So I guess he’ll now shave off that .02, and that’s my two cents.
Emilio Bonifacio – 3-for-3 with 3 steals. Now has 5 steals in his last 3 games. Emily Boneface isn’t just an awkwardly translated name, it’s a steals machine. BTW, I wonder if Josh’s brother, Gosh Johnson, ever did any scenes with Emily Boneface.
Chase Utley – 2-for-4 with 2 steals. Now has 8 steals and 4 homers. Didn’t he have knee problems? So now he’s a speedster with little power? I’m more confused by what he’s doing this season than Charlie Manuel watching Jeopardy.
Raul Ibanez – 2-for-5, 6 RBIs and his 2nd homer this weekend. Giraffe’s gestation period is shorter than it took Ibanez to get hot, but he’s there now. Actually, I looked at Ibanez in one league last week and wish I grabbed him, but I got William Shatner finger and I….just…couldn’t….pick…him…up.
Dontrelle Willis – 6 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners (4 BBs), 4 Ks. You’re only looking at him because he was good like five years ago.
Francisco Cordero – Who was the one who went into the bathroom and forget to flush? *Cordero blushes.* Dusty would be one of the slower managers to react to a faltering closer, but CoCo is doing everything in his power to make him flinch. You can handcuff with Aroldis, who should be owned anyway.
Mark Reynolds – Should be fine after being hit on the hand by a Weiland pitch. Supposedly, Weiland was mad Reynolds compared him to Eddie Vedder.
Vladimir Guerrero – Will also be fine after being hit by a pitch. In the bullpen, Kevin Gregg hulk-smashed a gagged-and-bound Johnny Pesky.
Nate Schierholtz – 4-for-4 on Sunday, hitting near .400 over the last week. With a last name that is German for pantyhose, you’d think he’d generate more excitement for me. He just doesn’t give huge power or speed.
Javy Guerra – Got two saves this weekend. Looks like he’s officially won the job of Dodgers closer, which is like beating conjoined twins in a race to put on pants.
Ted Lilly – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks. He’s been like the NL Liriano and Scherzer, so it pains me to point out Lilly was solid after the break last year (3.17 ERA).
Andre Ethier – 2 homers. Now on pace for 17 homers. No wonder Kemp pulls all the ladies.
David Wright – Supposed to start a rehab assignment on Wednesday. Mets said he should be back sometime in July. They failed to mention what year.
We fill out the 2011 fantasy baseball rankings with the last few hitters, the top 10 utility players for 2011 fantasy baseball. These players are only eligible at DH aka Utility. Frankly, I don’t think you should draft any of these designated hitters. They don’t allow enough flexibility. For example, what if you had Travis Hafner clogging up your Utility spot last year and you really wanted to pick up Jose Bautista? You would’ve been wretched, retching on all fours to borrow from The Decemberists. These guys have no position eligibility for fantasy baseball. As with past rankings posts, this top 10 for 2011 will be broken up into tiers, and their 2011 projections will be included. Anyway, here’s the top 10 utility players for 2011 fantasy baseball:
1. Adam Lind – This is the first tier. Lind is the only one in this tier. I call this tier, “Lind will bounce back, check his eligibility in your league.” Went over Lind’s projections in the top 20 1st basemen for 2011 fantasy baseball. (Note: Has 11 games at 1st base and 16 games in the outfield.)
2. Vladimir Guerrero – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Ortiz. I call this tier, “These guys will tempt you to draft them. Don’t. Okay, draft Vlad if he has outfield eligibility in your league.” Went over Vlad’s projections in the top 40 outfielders for 2011 fantasy baseball. (Note: He only has 19 games in the outfield.)
3. David Ortiz – Big Popup’s HR/FB% went from 17.2% in 2007 to 14.8% in 2008 to 13.4% in 2009 to 19.0% in 2010, which was actually near his career norm. So that means at 34 years old, Ortiz stopped the career slide and reverted back to his old ways or it means he had one last good year and will go back to the career slide this year. I’m guessing on the latter. 2011 Projections: 80/27/100/.255
4. Luke Scott – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until Matsui. I call this tier, “Don’t draft these guys under any circumstances.” I don’t mind picking Scott off of waivers when he’s on one of his hot streaks. If you draft him and keep him on your team, you probably autodrafted. You’re also not reading this so I can say whatever I want. I was the one who used your Seven Samurai Criterion Collection DVD as a coaster. That’s for not even knowing Kurosawa until the Barenaked Ladies mentioned him in one of their songs. Scott’s projections are in the top 80 outfielders for 2011 fantasy baseball. (Note: Scott has 19 games at 1st base and 14 games in the outfield.)
5. Hideki Matsui – I worry about you and your fantasy baseball team if you even consider drafting Matsui. If he’s on the board and you’re considering drafting him, go for an upside pick. 2011 Projections: 50/18/70/.270 (Note: Matsui has 18 games in the outfield.)
6. Jim Thome – This is a new tier. This tier goes from here until the end of the list. I call this tier, “Now would be a good time for the AL to revert back to the pitcher hitting.” People convince themselves Thome is a good bet on draft day. “Hey, he hits 25 homers! That’s better than a flyer on some guy who I’m not even sure is getting playing time.” That’s you. And that’s incorrect logic. If, say, Reid Brignac is not getting playing time when you draft and Thome is, you’re still better with Brignac because when it’s the day before the season starts and Brignac is suddenly the starter, guess whose value shoots up? Thome’s value never goes anywhere. Ever. It’s like this, do you buy a penny stock of Atari hoping they regain their past glory even though they haven’t done anything new in 20 years and their factory is three Chinese men passing around a porn magazine or do you buy a penny stock of a hot shot new company that may or may not burst onto scene? Go with the hot shot. 2011 Projections: 50/22/60/.255
7. Jack Cust – Another Atari. Cust kayin’. 2011 Projections: 60/20/70/.235
8. Travis Hafner – More like ColecoVision. 2011 Projections: 45/15/55/.265
9. Dan Johnson – I could see telling people to pick Johnson off waivers during the season, but unless he has 1st base eligibility in your league (14 games) and your league is an AL-Only league, there’s no reason to draft him. 2011 Projections: 60/15/70/.245
10. Jake Fox – I almost put Nick Johnson here, but I was afraid if I ranked Johnson, he would read it, get excited and throw out his back. As for Jake, I still have the “Unathletic like a Fox!” t-shirts. As soon as he hits, they hit the market. 2011 Projections: 30/10/40/.245
