*It should be noted that use of the Razzball Glossary is highly suggested in order to make any sense of the Title Heading of this article. It is likely that the development of Razzball’s own unique symbolic system may well create the long-term effect of the formation of a Greygambelian cult, but that is outside the parameters of this article.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Vin Mazzaro
Carlos Marmol regained the ninth inning duties Friday night as he was called upon to get the save against Boston. Manager Dale Sveum explained he needed more stability and consistency from the tail end of the bullpen. You can’t argue Marmol hasn’t consistently given poor Cubs fans multiple heart attacks (they’re from Chicago so they naturally have multiple attacks). Carlos didn’t waste any time getting back to his old ways; with a 3-0 lead he loaded the bases, walking a batter and giving up a hit.
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Paul Goldschmidt homered yesterday for the 2nd time in two games and third in his last four games. He’s also hitting around .400 in the last week. Goldschmidt may have had some Growing Pains, but don’t call him Tracey. Neil Young and I have been searchin’ for a heart of Goldschmidt, and finally AuShizz is translating from German into actual stats. Go for the Goldschmidt! Now I ain’t saying Paul’s a Goldschmidtta. There’s Goldschmidt in dar hills! John Jacob Jingleheimer Goldschmidt, his name is on my waivers too! Okay, breathe, Grey, you got puns… Breathe! Remove the cigarette and put on the oxygen mask — stat! Goldschmidt probably won’t hit above .250, but he can hit another 20 homers and have solid counting stats. If an impatient owner dropped him early on when he was AuMess, I’d grab him.
Please, blog, may I have some more?David Wright has a stress fracture in his lower back. It’s the new Mets, same as the old Mess! I find it hard to believe this is still The Curse of the Shirtless Bernazard, but who else is evil eyeing them? George Foster? (BTW, If George Foster ever evil eyed you for longer than 5 seconds, you’d turn to stone. Fact!) The Mets are downplaying Wright’s injury, but what else is new with the Mets? Let’s look at their truthiness in some recent reports: In 2009, “Reyes will be out for a few days.” In reality, he’s only fully recovered two years later. In 2009, “Beltran will be out for three to five days.” In reality, he missed two seasons. “K-Rod and his stepfather, an up and coming videographer, were remaking the “Beat It” video.” In reality, K-Rod blew Kabuki white powder into his stepfather’s face and hit him over the head with a metal chair. So the Mets are saying Wright might miss only a week and a half to two weeks. Um, okay. Even if he returns quickly, a stress fracture in his lower back isn’t going to hurt his power? Yeah, that’s rhetorical. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jose Reyes – 2-for-5, 2 steals. Now has 16 steals on the year. How do you motivate overpaid athletes? With the allure of being vastly overpaid.
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A cavalcade of stars trampling through your computer like a Colt 45 commercial. Not really, but if they all did… awesome. I would be the first person — make that the second — to die from high fiving. The first, if you must know — was that kid who slept with the hot teacher in high school.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Andrew McCutchen has a mild sprain of the AC joint. Sucks this is happening in the hottest part of the summer. If something happened to my AC right now, I’d be so— The smart part of my brain buried under ten years of pot smoking and alcohol abuse whispers, “The AC joint has nothing to do with air conditioning.” “Shut up, Smart Part Of My Brain. If that’s even your real name.” With this AC issue, he runs the risk of overheating– Smart Part Of My Brain, “No, seriously. Google it.” *Googling, reading WebMD, asking Smart Part Of My Brain to translate* Oh, forget it, by the time I did all of that, the Pirates are already saying it’s a day-to-day issue. He should be out there Monday or some time soon thereafter. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Paul Maholm – 9 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 1 K as he threw his 2nd career shutout. If you know when his first career shutout was, there’s a good chance you’re Paul Maholm.
Please, blog, may I have some more?This is the conundrum of fantasy baseball that leads us to the battle for the final rotation spot. These guys either have one of two options: drive around on a bus with the Savannah Sand Gnats, or float for awhile (swimming is an entirely different sport).
Please, blog, may I have some more?Was talking to some friends the other day and one of them thought Ichiro Suzuki was the best all around player he had ever seen. No, he wasn’t Asian or wearing a Buhner jersey. He made his case — defense, cannon arm, can hit any pitch to any field, speed, etc. I countered Rickey Henderson was better. Then somehow it dissolved into how did Bud Selig let steroids ruin baseball. But when he said Ichiro, it wasn’t a slam dunk, “We’re only on our second pitcher of Molson. How are you already drunk?” It was a point to consider. I guess in fantasy baseball sometimes we forget about how great players were or are and only concern ourselves with the numbers. Ah… Nostalgia, I remember you! Well, the numbers say Ichiro is currently ranked 56th for Runs for all outfielders. Behind some stalwarts as Fukudome, Teahen and Skip Schumaker. He’s currently ranked 100th in RBIs just behind Joe Thurston. Hey, he’s got speed though, right? He has 12 steals. The same as Vernon Wells. Ichiro is terrific for average, but that’s only getting you so far. He’s extremely valuable for average. If you need a boost there, then by all means trade for him. But if you’re fine on average or hurting elsewhere, I’d look to trade away Ichiro. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
Chad Gaudin – NL West starter? Oh, Grey must own him.
Please, blog, may I have some more?Josh Hamilton hits the DL and could be out for two months. I’m not one to say I told you so, but… Man did I call this one! Schadenfreude, snitches! Sorry, I had to get that off my chest. Really, no one could’ve saw this coming….
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