With the trade deadline in the bag and closers moving, we have a lot to talk about. Some of it refreshing like a glass of ice cold lemonade on a summer’s day. Some of it less so like being asked to write something for Lainie Kazan, wondering who Lainie Kazan is and Googling her to find Playboy pics from the 1970′s juxtaposed with her present-day pics.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Here’s one way baseball could take cues from fantasy baseball. Yesterday, the Marlins announced that they’d be going to a closer-by-committee, which puts Steve Cishek in line for saves. If they had a fantasy baseballer (<–my mom’s term!) running their club, things would’ve been different down in South Florida.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Surprisingly, the dust has settled a few places and some of the riskier closers (Frank Francisco, Jim Johnson, Grant Balfour, Fernando Rodney (wtf?), Javy Guerra, etc.) have gotten off to good starts. That said, there’s still a dash of turmoil in Boston, Chicago, Detroit, Miami, Toronto and Washington.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Derek Jeter left yesterday’s game with a Grade 1 strain of his calf as reported by ESPN, ESPN 2, ESPN News, ESPN U., ESPN Deportes and on the ticker at the bottom of the screen while they aired Mr. 3000 on ABC. Yes, I’m just as bad for even talking about it. Hey, pot, what’s up? Kettle, here. You black? Whatever, it was a slow day yesterday in fantasy baseball — shoot, Justin Ruggiano was almost the lead. Member a few years ago when people were talking about how Jeter could get to 4,000 hits? I’d be surprised now to see him get to 3,400. Dorian Gray paint is starting to fade. You read me? Yeah, you do. My guess is Jeter will avoid the DL and make us endure more 3,000 hit talk after he rests his veal for a few days. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Russell Martin – Scratched with back stiffness. See, I’m usually scratched with back itchiness.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Anyone who’s read this site for a minute — an urbandictionary minute, which is actually a long time — knows I have love for Adam Lind. In an age when the home run is scarce — wow, that sounded like a Ken Burns voiceover — Lind has big time power. I’m a fan. Have the pin that reads, “Lind-a-want-stats!” Sorry, that’s a square pun in a round hole. Yesterday, he went 4-for-4, 2 homers in his 2nd game back from the DL. He can still get 30 homers and hits in the heart of a solid order. I wouldn’t be scared of him, he might just do his best not-this-season Dunn impression. BTW, Bautista hasn’t hit a homer in 7 games, what a loser! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Shin-Soo Choo – Says DUI is affecting play. Assuming he doesn’t have to drive relievers in from the bullpen, I say just start drinking before games again.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Matt Joyce a sell? Now I will bite my lip and try not to sob. Quiet, gentle sobs that Joyce used to assuage. Joyce and I had something together that no one else can understand. Well, maybe some of you that also own him can understand it, but the rest of you never will. We shared moments that can only be explained by watching an Ecuadorian couple that has been married for 60 years sharing a mango on a park bench. That’s what we had! Picture, if you will, a giant mustache wrapped like a shawl around Matt Joyce’s shoulders. We were that inseparable for about six weeks. I own Joyce all over the place and he’s about the only hitter I have playing over his head. Alas, playing over his head is the problem with Joyce, to DeWitt. His BABIP is absurd; he’s a .270 hitter currently hitting .360. He’s sandwiched between Votto and Miguel Cabrera on ESPN’s Player Rater. That’s crazy. I know I told everyone to grab him back in April, but he’s not this good. Humble brag! He’s never had more than 5 hits vs.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Matt Holliday heads to the DL with a quadriceps injury. C’mon, Mantle played with no knees for ten years! Have a scotch and get in the lineup! John Jay should see time while Holliday recoups. Worth owning in 12 team leagues and could make a decent sub while Holliday’s out. That’s not to say he could make a decent hoagie. Different things. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Kyle McClellan – Out for at least a couple of weeks with a hip flexor strain. Or it’s hip to be strained, if you’re a kid of the 80′s.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Vicente Padilla went to the DL with a forearm strain. Maybe it’s was straining to be a fivearm. Oofa! Who am I, Buddy Hackett? Actually, I am. No, I kid. Or do I?! No, I do, he’s dead. Unless I’m writing this post from beyond the grave! Boo! Know what I like most about Matt Guerrier? He’s not Padilla. How’s dem apples? Sour! Then we have Kenley Jansen– “Buh-buh-but, Grey! Who do we own from the Dodgers bullpen? I can’t own everyone. By the way, nice mustache. Primo!” For immediate closer action, I’d own Guerrier, Jansen, Alyssa Milano, in that order. Unless your league counts blown saves, then reverse the order. But — and unless you’re an alien, there’s always a but — I think Jansen ends the season with more saves than Guerrier. The only problem is I think he gets weaned into the job and may not be getting saves regularly at first. Frankly, it’s a committee and too many chefs make too many hors d’oeuvres and not enough entrees, or whatever that cliche is. Oh, and because any great closerousel shituation should keep fantasy owners on their toes, Guerrier pitched the 8th inning in a losing game last night. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Joe Blanton – Yesterday, he was scratched. No word if he’s still itchy.Please, blog, may I have some more?
With 4 homers for Kelly Johnson, there’s still the Kelly Ka-POW, see? With the 6 steals, he’s still running. If you extrapolate those numbers out, it’s a 20/20 season. If extrapolate is the right word. From radio, to the video, to Arsenio… Tell me! Yo, what’s the best case scenario for Johnson? Last yeario, Phife Dawg. That’s not happening this year though. This is what currently is happening. His balls batted into play are showing he’s been unlucky, so he’s pressing and his Ks have gone up and walks have gone down. If a couple balls fall in front of fielders and Johnson gets on base, his confidence will rise and he’ll start being more selective at the plate. His average will then rise and he’ll continue to hit for power and steal bases. His average isn’t likely going to get up to .280, but a 18/15 year with a .250 average is still very possible. That’s better than the current perception of him. If he’s been dropped, I’d look to grab him.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Adam Lind looks headed to the DL with back spasms. Wait until the Iron Shiek gets his hand on Lance Berkman. You know how he hates ex-members of the Killer B’s. I break your back! Make you humble! And… Well, you can watch the video yourself. It’s not safe for work, community outreach centers or, really, anywhere there’s anyone else within earshot. From that point, browse some more Iron Sheik videos. He has a surprisingly large amount of hatred for a wide array of people and expresses his hatred in the most eloquent of ways. Okay, that was a long sidebar. As for Lind, hope he gets DL’d quickly so you can grab someone else. Yeah, I kinda just wanted to talk about the Iron Sheik. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Vicente Padilla – Mattingly said Padilla could keep closing even after Broxton returns. I say, it’s early May and things will change. To misquote my new favorite song, “Padilla is the same man, same that he’s always been.” All these buckets of rain! I love that song. Okay, moving on.Please, blog, may I have some more?