Ah Flexibility. It’s like when you were a kid, (or still are a kid) and you have to do that v-sit reach test. You stretch and stretch and in your mind you are awesome, but in reality there is some Romanian chick in your class name Nadia who can eat spaghetti-o’s one at a time with her naval and makes everyone look horrible. This, my friends, is all about the fake baseball flexibility, the laid back one where you pick Cheetos’s one by one out of your belly button, and that to me is grandiose. First lint and now artificially flavored cheese snacks — the world will never cease to amaze me, next thing you know we will put a man on the moon. So last week I gave a preemptive strike into the flexibility thing covering RP that will or may be starting come regular season and are only eligible at RP. Now I am covering some guys that will have both RP and SP, it’s like a fluffer and porn star all rolled into one. So with out the frills and more annoying hullabaloo here are some cats that have dual eligibility. Keep in mind that everyone plays with different settings, so I am only giving guys with 5 starts/5 relief appearances or more to be considered.Please, blog, may I have some more?
That title is lifted from Jimmy Dickens’ A Tale of Three Cities, the younger brother’s blatant ripoff of the classic novel. For what Jimmy Dickens lacked in originality, he made up with his ability to avoid cholera and scurvy. His brother, Charles, used to say it was because Jimmy was the rat spreading the dreaded disease.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday, Alex Cobb threw a 4-hit, 2-walk shutout with 8 Ks vs. the A’s. Cy Cobb? Nah, probably not. Last night though, pretty. Let’s look it how The Tampa Bay Peach got where he is. Earlier this year, The Tampa Bay Peach hit that sweet spot, deciduously ready and he dropped to the ground, rolled about sixteen feet into the River Styx as “Come Sail Away” was playing in the background.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Went over our NL-Only team already that was also hosted by Scott White of CBS. To refresh your memory, it was the post that you didn’t read and skipped to the comments to ask questions. No, not that one. The other one… Yeah, that one! If I had my druthers, and if I were using the word druthers correctly, I’d do an NL-Only league instead of an AL-Only league. You think NL-Only was shallow? NL-Only makes AL-Only look downright vapid, by comparison. To give you an idea, the best starter available on waivers right now is Vicente Padilla. That would be great if Ugly were a category. The best 3rd baseman available is Jayson Nix. I’m not sure if his mom, Jayne, would even draft him. The top five best shortstops had 5 homers combined last year. Democratically, divvying them up one each. If you lose a player, you’re basically done. With that said, I wrote this post right after I drafted the team and now we’re in first place (it’s still early; I know). Anyway, here’s our 2012 fantasy baseball team with thoughts on different draft picks:
For sake of clarity: 12 teams, AL-Only, Roto, 5 x 5 — C, C, 1B, 2B, 3B, SS, CI, MI, OF, OF, OF, OF, OF, Util, BN, BN, BN — P, P, P, P, P, P, P, P, P, BN, BN, BN, BN, DL, DL
C – Jose Molina $3
C – Chris Iannetta $9
1B – Justin Morneau $7
2B – Alexi Casilla $9
3B – Evan Longoria $33
SS – Alexei Ramirez $21
MI – Brendan Ryan $7
CI – Mark Reynolds $19
OF – Nick Swisher $20
OF – Michael Brantley $13
OF – Eric Thames $8
OF – Nick Markakis $19
OF – Yoenis Cespedes $7 (guessing on $ amount, he wasn’t in CBS when we drafted)
U – Alberto Callaspo $4
Bench – Ryan Kalish $0 (free round)
Bench – Jarrod Dyson $0 (free round)
Bench – Jermaine Mitchell $0 (free round)
P – Justin Masterson $13
P – Brad Peacock $4
P – Aaron Crow $3
P – David Robertson $5
P – Jim Johnson $12
P – Ivan Nova $8
P – Chris Sale $12
P – Jake Peavy $8
P – Brian Fuentes $6
Bench – Kevin Gregg $0 (free round)
Bench – Matt Lindstrom $0 (free round)
Bench – Tyson Ross $0 (free round)
Bench – Dylan Axelford $0 (free round)
ACCORDING TO EVERYONE, OUR PITCHING’S TERRIBLE
By everyone, I mean Rudy and myself too. Our pitching staff has one ace… If the league only used Cleveland Indian players. Yeah, not so good. If Peavy surprises and Sale does what I think he’s capable of, then the staff won’t be the worst in the league. Maybe only 11th worst. Our saving grace is our hitting isn’t terrible… Only slightly bad. (BTW, to give you an idea of how early it is in the season. We’re in first place because of this pitching staff… HA!)
ACCORDING TO EVERYONE, OUR HITTING IS SLIGHTLY BAD
I don’t mind our outfield. Though I think it says a lot when Nick Swisher is your most expensive outfielder. I think, in fact, it says, “What the hell were you doing?” Our 2nd highest get on the whole team was Alexei Ramirez. Huh? That’s egregious with a side of vomit. We need about ten players to play over their head and then some luck on top of that.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Vicente Padilla went to the DL with a forearm strain. Maybe it’s was straining to be a fivearm. Oofa! Who am I, Buddy Hackett? Actually, I am. No, I kid. Or do I?! No, I do, he’s dead. Unless I’m writing this post from beyond the grave! Boo! Know what I like most about Matt Guerrier? He’s not Padilla. How’s dem apples? Sour! Then we have Kenley Jansen– “Buh-buh-but, Grey! Who do we own from the Dodgers bullpen? I can’t own everyone. By the way, nice mustache. Primo!” For immediate closer action, I’d own Guerrier, Jansen, Alyssa Milano, in that order. Unless your league counts blown saves, then reverse the order. But — and unless you’re an alien, there’s always a but — I think Jansen ends the season with more saves than Guerrier. The only problem is I think he gets weaned into the job and may not be getting saves regularly at first. Frankly, it’s a committee and too many chefs make too many hors d’oeuvres and not enough entrees, or whatever that cliche is. Oh, and because any great closerousel shituation should keep fantasy owners on their toes, Guerrier pitched the 8th inning in a losing game last night. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Joe Blanton – Yesterday, he was scratched. No word if he’s still itchy.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Justin Verlander threw a no-hitter on Saturday, said the guy who doesn’t write a roundup on Sunday which makes Monday’s lead-in a little dated. BTW, I hear The Godfather is a good movie, you should check it out! And invest in Microsoft! Verlander seems to get little respect as a number one starter, but if I owned him, you’d have to pry him from my cold, dead, well-manicured fingers. Gives you 200 Ks, a mid-3 ERA and a killer smile. Smiles are totally underrated. You can’t put a price on those…Unless you’re a dentist. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Austin Jackson – 7 for his last 13. I’m not a fan in the big picture, but the small picture says if he’s going to start hitting, there’s no reason to turn your nose up at him unless the smell of a hot hitter repulses you.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Another week has come and gone my friends, well, I’m assuming we are friends. Hopefully fake baseball is still enjoyable to you, even if your team is in the crapper. It’s not too late, in fact it’s still way early. Trust in the pitcher is the biggest thing that makes a start a must start.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Justin Smoak has back-to-back days with home runs and back-to-back-to-back games with a home run. Say that fast 117 times! Where there’s Smoak, there’s fire! See what I did there?! Did you see?! Yeah, of course you did, it was pretty obvious. Smoak seems to be the hot schmotato of the moment. (Hot schmotato hasn’t made its official way yet into the glossary. Just taking it out for a test drive, seeing how it feels. It does have that new Razzball glossary word smell.) If you’re currently rocking a corner infidel that doesn’t excite you or your nipples, grab Smoak. Kid’s got talent and might just be coming into his own. The lost Smoak monster is found! (BTW, he was a preseason sleeper. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, bassoon.) Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Erik Bedard – 7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 3 Ks. When he’s healthy, he’s usually pretty a’ight, so, sure, I’d grab him. As Fonzie’s horse would say, what the hey!Please, blog, may I have some more?
The man who looks like the man from Man Vs. Food’s father, Lance Berkman, is on a ginormous Kaiser roll. Speaking of pastry, it’s not a coincidence that Lance Berkman’s initials are LB. When he got to St. Louis, he asked the cabbie where the second arch is and why isn’t it painted gold. If you think you have 2010 Konerko, you might. But you also might have the 2011 Berkman, which isn’t nearly the player the 2006 Berkman was. For Berkman, this is either a great month or it’s the beginning of a great year. When dealing with a player on the downside of his career, I invariably go with the former, if the former is the first one where I think it’s just a great month. At least when he was on the Astros, they could just play him at 1B so he didn’t injure himself in the OF. It’ll take an apocalyptic event for that to happen in St.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Someone defrost Ted Williams’ head, Jed Lowrie is hitting .516. If Mickey Rooney were playing the part of Dice-K, he’d say Jed is so Lovrie. That’s if we can pull Rooney away from pooping in your neighbor’s chimney. Right now, Lowrie is seasoning up fantasy steaks something delicious, but can this continue? No, of course not. Can he hit .280 with 10 homers? Sure. Can he get to 15 homers? Is the moon made of green cheese?Please, blog, may I have some more?