You know who’s happiest about Kolten Wong being called up? The Vatican. Finally, something non-Catholic related will show up in search results when you Google ‘Cardinal + Wong + 2nd base.’ Somewhere, Dan Brown is scribbling notes for a new thriller…the Catholic church took a page out of the playbook of the Native Americans, who having foreseen the Internet in a 1973 peyote-inspired dream, worked to make sure the practice of reselling tickets was known as scalping. So now you Google ‘Indians + scalping’ and the search results are just a way to get cheap seats in Progressive Field. Wong’s call-up crowds the Cardinals infield in the weirdest of ways. Wong can’t play shortstop. It says here. There. Where I just wrote here. He can’t play 3rd. Says there. Where I wrote it. Can’t play 1st. Says here. Next to where I wrote here. He plays 2nd, Carpenter goes to 3rd and Freese goes on ice. Sorta surprised by this because the Cardinals know that seriously reduces Freese’s trade value, but he was seriously reducing his trade value by playing. But, wait, why do we care? What can Wong do right? Here’s what Prospect Scott said just two days ago, “Wong has caught a heater at the right time, hitting .333/.429/.556 with 2 homers and 2 stolen bases through his last 10. Too bad Grey can’t catch a heater in his groin.” What? Why? On the year in the minors, Wong has a line of 10 HRs, 20 steals and a .303 average. That’s close to what I’d expect of him in the majors too. He has a great eye at the plate (60 Ks, 41 BBs) and nice speed. Maybe a handful of homers and steals in the last six weeks with a good average. In keepers, he’s a must have. In redrafts, I’d grab him in all leagues for upside. I’m excited. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

WHO ARE YOU BRUCE CHEN?! I demand answers immediately. I know, yesterday was just against the Marlins, so we can write off the 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 6 Ks game. But when I put into my supercomputer (that has a mustache too) that Chen has a 1.62 ERA in 72 1/3 IP, my supercomputer walks out the door…And it doesn’t even have legs! If you woke from a season-long coma and saw Chen’s ERA, you’re liable to have a sudden case of Toxic Shock Syndrome (I might be confusing diseases here). So, can the Chen man keep wokking and rolling like he’s Martin Yan? No way in this giant-lush-covered-in-water-thanks-to-Al-Gore planet. He’s not a sub-2 ERA pitcher. He’s barely a 4-ERA pitcher. As a sabermetrician altered license plate in New Hampshire reads, Regress or Die. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

When I told you to pick up Joaquin Benoit yesterday, I was 85% sure he would close games until the Tigers traded for Papelbon, who will be known in Detroit as a Papelbonneville. Then, because Leyland reads Razzball between smokes, he named Benoit closer by not naming him the closer. He said, “I’m not naming anybody closer. I’m just saying if Benoit was available right now, I would try to close with him.” Thanks for clarifying! Managers deciding on a closer is like debating euthanasia. Valverde’s done, pull the plug! The Yelp reviews for Benoit are through the roof, but there’s a lot of five star reviews from fantasy baseballers with only one other closer. I’d grab Benoit in all leagues and hope he can hold the job and make the thought of trading for Papelbonneville absurd. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Organizational Talent Rankings via Baseball America

2012 (15) | 2011 (2) | 2010 (9) | 2009 (6) | 2008 (8) | 2007 (15)

2011 Affiliate Records

MLB: [89-73] NL East

AAA: [78-65] International League – Gwinnett

AA: [61-79] Southern League – Mississippi

A+: [60-78] Carolina League – Lynchburg

A: [60-80] South Atlantic League – Rome

R: [39-29] Appalachian League – Danville

The Run Down

The Braves have maintained a top-tier farm system over the past few years, and it’s still a quality system, but it’s only a few graduates away from looking rather depleted.  Please, blog, may I have some more?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Tyler Pastornicky was born 12/13/1989, which is crazy young, good lord.

Certainly he’s too young to have been a fifth round draft pick THREE YEARS ago by the Toronto Blue Jays. Or not, I suppose.

He made his way down to Georgia as part of the semi-big trade that exiled Yunel Escobar and his “’tude” to Canada, which isn’t a portion of the United States of America. Please, blog, may I have some more?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Atlanta Braves 2010 Minor League Review
Overall farm rankings via Baseball America (2010)
2010 (13) | 2009 (6) | 2008 (8) | 2007 (16) | 2006 (7) | 2005 (5) | 2004 (4)

Record of Major and Minor League Teams
MLB: [91 - 71] NL East
AAA: [72 - 71] International League – Gwinnett
AA: [63 - 74] Southern League – Mississippi
A+: [58 - 82] Carolina League – Myrtle Beach
A: [59 - 80] South Atlantic League – Rome
R: [34 - 34] Appalachian League – Danville
R: [27 -31] Gulf Coast League

The Run Down
The Braves graduated only one player this past year, I think you’ve heard of him – Jason Heyward. Please, blog, may I have some more?

Please, blog, may I have some more?